Do you really have to apologize or are actions good enough?

[Anonymous]

My brother has been dating with his now fiance for 4 years. They just got engaged in Feb. In their 1st year (when they were boyfriend and girlfriend), I've done things to break them up, made her cried a couple times and once set her up (paying my friend's cousin to pretend to be the lover so he can supposedly ''catch her cheating''). That was me before. That isn't me anymore.

I was wondering if good gestures and actions are enough? Everyone in the family gave their blessing and congratulations speech. My speech was a briefly blessing and wishing them the best. I was honest about that but yeah I can tell she felt uncomfortable, thinking I'm up to something again.

I've tried inviting her over to the movies with my friends or giving her gifts but she never accepts it. That's my way of starting over. I'm a very proud person and really don't like yielding. I've never in my life ask anyone for forgiveness and frankly don't like apologizing. I struggle with just saying those two simple words. So are actions over time better?

Updates

+1 y

I really don't like saying sorry (even when I know I'm in the wrong and the guilt is killing me) nor asking for forgiveness. This is a struggle for me. I have a hard time with that.

It would be great if she could see I've changed and that we can one day start all over, maybe be friends one day.

[OlderAndWiser]

If your pride is more important than trying to mend fences with your future sister-in-law, then your actions have clearly stated what you believe is most important. Trust is EXTREMELY difficult to rebuild once it is lost and your actions clearly caused your future sister-in-law to lose trust in you. Now, you don't want to apologize. If I was her, I wouldn't trust you, either.

[Asker]

I'm too embarrassed and full with too much guilt/shame that I'm struggling to apologize. What if she doesn't accept it at that moment. I heard she isn't into holding grudges but doesn't forgive right away either.
I didn't apologize when giving out my blessing speech because there were people. I don't apologize in front of others either. I've always struggling with apologizing even in my younger years; it's always been my weakness (my parents and brother know that if I act too nice... that's my way of saying sorry).

[OlderAndWiser]

This is an impediment which you need to overcome. In relationships, it is VERY important to be able to say "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry."