Friend ghosted me when I asked her out. Again, we were friends and she flat out never answered. Cut off all contact. I'm hurt. Does she even feel bad?

[Oshow750]

I had a college class with this girl and we studied together a lot. I felt I had built a good enough base and hadn't landed in the friendzone quite yet, so I thought I'd take it to the next step. After winter break, I loaned her a textbook for a different class and we had a nice convo. She was super friendly and was enthusiastic when I said her and the other girl we studied with should catch up.

But I really wanted to do something one-on-one, so a week later, I texted her inviting her to a movie (but not open ended, a specific film and time). It was pretty casual, & she really could have taken it with or without a romantic spin. She ignored it. People miss texts, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Later that month, I decided to just go ahead with the group invite to take the pressure off a bit. She ignored that too. So I texted her, asking what the deal was but in a very humorous, casual way. SILENCE.

Two months later, I ran into her on campus. I asked her if her number changed. I honestly thought this was a possibility. She was SUPER NERVOUS to see me & claimed she never got my texts. She was stressing about her final exam so I just went with, not wanting to get into it then. We actually had a nice conversation.

Of course I didn't actually believe her. Later that day I emailed her basically saying I didn't really buy anything she said but that I understood how rejecting someone can be hard. I told her I wished her the best but asked that next time she just be honest with someone because her silence truly did hurt me. Oh and I asked if she could mail me my book back because I actually do need it this summer.

So now it's been two weeks. She ignored that email and it's looking like I'll never get my book back.

I've been VERY hurt by this, so how does the ghoster feel? Does she feel bad even days later, have regret, or just feel like a terrible person?
Or could she really not give a shit about me and just go along with her day?

Thanks for any input!

[Dim1213]

Ouch I'm sorry that happens it is all ways painful to lose a freind because you tried to ask her out and she just cuts you off without saying anything. I have had that happen 2 times and almost a 3rd time sadly. PM me if you really want to chat about it or to just vent about it. I'll listen cause I wish that I had someone to talk with back then about it.

It is so stupid, so many women now a days for some reason believe that ignoring a guy who likes them will make him go away. So if asked out they will ignore it and hope the guy takes the hint. No guy ever does but they hope they can just give a hint by doing and saying nothing. If that does not work they take the lose and block out the freind. Some girls say they feel betrayed when asked about by a guy they see as a freind. Why I'm not sure but some do.
Instead of talking it out and saying that they are not interested they just shamefully give in to being scared and block or ghost the guy. Losing the freind in the prossess but it is easier that working to keep the friendship and less embarrassing and less effort for them. Simply she is being a coward and doing what she emotionally feels is easiest without thinking about you. If she was considering your feelings she would try to talk a bit. Simply she feels less pain and you feel all of the pain. All she feels is a bit bad that she got hurt from a guy freind and she did what she did. Sadly she won't feel any guilt at all.- My female freind talked to my exfreinds who felt no remorse about it. They just said that I should have taken the hint when they did not respond to my flirting with them. Which is weird cause them blushing and looking embarrassed I thought was a positive sign go figure.

[Oshow750]

Thank you so much for your thought out response. I'm very sorry this has happened to you as well. It's so weird that she may not feel guilty about it because I could never live with myself if I treated someone like that. Had she said she wasn't interested or even said "Thank you! But I'm busy!" I would have taken the hint. The silence just made me think her number had changed and then when she lied to my face about it in person, I felt really hurt. You could tell she had basically rehearsed what she would say. She even deleted my texts from her message thread to "show" that she never got anything. I probably should have called her out on her BS right then but I didn't want her to do bad on her final and it was SO AWKWARD. I bombed my test two hours later because of it. Go figure.

[Dim1213]

yeah it sucks and she should be ashamed of her Behavior. Especially since she did not actually reject you. She just mysteriously hinted and then lied about things. Sorry about your final mate. For me the worst thing was that my ex-freinds rationalized everything that they did. Even down to being able to rehearse a lie and use it. They never felt guilty about it. Even my female freind who talked to them was appalled by the girls lack of guilt.

[Dim1213]

Thanks for mho

[CheckPlease]

Well simply put she is not mature enough to talk and say that she is not interested and not worthy of your respect or time. I wish you well and I'm sorry about your text book.

[abas591]

she is really not given a shit about you, if she is not into you, take your book and leave her, it's best for you

[Oshow750]

Thanks. But how am I supposed to get my book back? She won't respond to anything.

It kind of sucks because it's like $100 and I guess when I gave it to her, I assumed I'd get it back because I thought we were at the very least friends and would stay in touch.

Also... isn't that a little weird? I'm not hurt that she's not into me but it's the silence. How could she not feel bad? I couldn't fathom treating someone like this.

[Anonymous]

You have to realize that she is not interested in you, that is why she keeps avoiding you whenever you bring it up. She might feel bad about that, however, you have to realize that you are not entitled to date her if she is not attracted to you! Damn you people!

[Oshow750]

I feel like you didn't read any of the details my question. OF COURSE I'm not entitled to date her if she's not attracted to me. You say she avoids me when I "bring it up" What do you think I'm bringing up? I saw her once and asked if her # changed. I emailed her to get my textbook back. It's the ghosting that's awful and it's not like I'm some complete stranger. Are you telling me that if one of your guy friends invited you to a movie, you would just sever all contact with him and then lie when you ran into him? That's so cowardly and so insensitive to the guy. Girls act like guys are robots with no ability to be hurt. It's just not true. If you've done this to someone, you should be ashamed. Damn your answer!

[Opinion Owner]

I did read the WHOLE thing.

Just because that girl does that kind of stuff, it doesn't mean all the girls do that.
You are being terribly unreasonable and you do not have an excuse since you are not a teenager.

Also, I am pretty sure that many guys would also ghost on women they are not attracted to/they consider ugly. So save that crap

[Oshow750]

You list your age as 25-29, so you aren't a teenager either. it's amazing you believe this is how adults should behave. And guys 100% do it too and it is equally wrong. by the way, you said I generalized girls and then you immediately generalized guys. I just made an account here, and now I know why these forums can sometimes be insufferable. Hopefully you'll mature and realize that severing all contact with a person you actually know because they simply asked if you'd like to see a movie and then refusing to return their book is petulant.