Will my ex boyfriend ever regret all the pain he has caused me?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I dated my ex boyfriend for almost two years and we really did love each other. Part of me still does. He broke up with me a few months ago and it was really hard for me to let go so I stuck around and still talked to him and hung out even though, looking back, he was treating me like crap. I was letting it happen by sticking around and not standing up for myself but I was in a very weak place and didn't know how to handle what was going on. Some really bad things happened recently where it became painfully obvious that he was only interested in stringing me along "for the future" and was walking all over me after a particular situation happened. Now that everything is a lot clearer, and I now see what is going on I have decided to remove myself completely from his life. Its really hard to do-is it the best thing? Do you think he will ever look back and decide he regretted what happened? We had discussed marriage and he even talked about "in a few years" while we were together. He wanted me to still be his girlfriend but let him sleep with other girls, but I said no. Guess he is just more interested in lots of sex. He has caused me so much pain and I am just wondering if in time he will realize it? Doesn't have to be now or soon, but in the future? do people feel guilty about this stuff later in life? like, when he actually does want to look for something serious?

Thanks!

[onemoreplease]

First of all, good for you for recognizing that you deserve better and it's not okay to feel like crap all the time. I'm sure it was extremely difficult- many, many, many people would not have been able to do so- but you did it, and it was definitely the right thing.

Will he feel bad and regret hurting you? If he is a decent human being with a conscience, yes, he probably will. Eventually. But, It takes time and maturity for people to be able to look back and see themselves subjectively or as other people saw them then.

Further, he will probably eventually see all that is admirable about you- such as standing up for yourself when it was the hardest thing in the world to do. The twist, of course, is that if and when he realizes all that, you will probably be so over it that you won't even care how he thinks of you or if he feels bad or not. That is much, much more likely to happen than him waking up tomorrow and begging for forgiveness. It's understandable that you want him to feel guilt and pain, and if it makes you feel better then rest assured he will get his fair share.

[Asker]

I love what you said because you knew exactly where I was coming from. This is the nicest thing a stranger has said to me in a while. It has been really hard, and I really hope that in the long run I am doing the right thing. Thanks.

[ManAmongBoys]

The good ones do. But it takes time. I know I regret the way I treated many of my girlfriends, but that regret developed over time as I matured and my head and heart settled down. On girl I really hurt 15 years ago and I started talking again last year. We're friends again now and my wife and I see her every month or so.

I finally tracked her down after all that time because I really needed to appologize to her. I did, she forgave me, and we both realized how stupid we were when we were younger and are glad to be through that phase of our lives.

[Asker]

What made you feel regret about it all of a sudden?

[ManAmongBoys]

It wasn't all of a sudden. It was a process of maturing over about 10 years followed by 5 years of trying to say I'm sorry. I grew up, it what changed. I learned more about life. I learned a d realized I wasn't as all-knowing as I had thought. Being hurt myself taught me empathy. I decided to treat people as persons, not playthings. I realized that apologizing was the way to set myself free. In short, I became an adult.

[flammabledude]

The problem with going serious with someone is you see everything around you that your missing out on. Perhaps when your young.. a relationship isn't the best thing.