There is honestly not much you can do to help her other than supporting her. Her perspective on herself needs to be changed by herself. It is a change that she has to make and work for it. If it is an attention-seeking behavior to try and get complements, stop arguing with her when she says she's ugly and it will eventually end. If it sounds like she honestly thinks this way it could be symptoms of depression resulting from various forms of self-loathing and external factors. If that is the case, I suggest reminding her every day that she is a beautiful person inside and out. Even if it seems cheesy and corny, show often that you love how she looks because of who she is and what she means to you. Complement her smile, the light in her eyes as she laughs, the sound of her voice when she talks to you etc. Girls love compliments with depth. The next time you are in the position that you have to convince her that she is pretty, tell her that you don't like hearing that about the person you like. Tell her that you find her pretty for _____ reasons and that you want to support her but don't know how. Tell her that you think she is a fantastic person to be around but you don't know how to reach her anymore and you don't want the person you like to think so little of themselves. Watch out for her becoming distant from you and others. Please watch out for her avoiding things she used to do, things she used to wear, things she used to eat, places she used to go, etc because she isn't pretty/ good-looking/ confident enough to do that "thing" anymore. I hope that she isn't depressed and if she is, that she gets the help she needs. For her to say these things about herself over such a long time frame is a red flag.
Stop forcing it on her. I understand where she's coming from. She's sensitive and we don't care to be loved for our physical beauty. There are more pressing matters in the world like world hunger, abuse, etc, and all you people look at is looks. She's not like other girls and that what should make her unique, special and beautiful. Not because of looks. If she doesn't like the way she looks, then again, she has to decide what she wants. Not based on what everybody tells her. If it's bothering you so much then decide if this relationship is for you. She always had problems. And once you take on that with a person they drain your energy and sadly becomes toxic. And right now she is toxic. And you being with her for 2 years and no change is showing something is seriously wrong.
Sounds like she needs to discover some self love with some TLC. she's insecure and since you’re her boyfriend she's not going to believe you because she thinks you HAVE to say that because you’re her boyfriend. She either needs:
1) therapy - to dig to the roots to help her process through it
2) a gym or active hobby - activeness adds energy and endorphins to make her happy plus she’ll be more secure in her healthy body
3) positive enviornment - her family, job, mean girl from school may have put her down growing up.
- genuine compliments from other people (not you, your opinion doesn’t matter at this point)
4) girl time - she needs to be around her supportive friends when she's down like that
5) a reason to dress up - every girl always feel pretty when they get to dress up more than they normally do.
It’s self esteem, I have this issue too! People tell me I look great! And I’m gorgeous (usually elders, I don't know why lol) and I’m like thank you so much! I never say “no I don’t, you’re lying!” To people when they compliment me, so, none of them even know I have a self esteem issue. But I do! I think I’m ugly, sometimes even with makeup on! The only way you can help is doing what ur doing, it’s mostly about how she feels about herself! As much as it might make you sad to see her like that! :(
You could try reverse phsycology. If your going out to dinner and woman comes out all nice she's expecting a complenent. Just say: "Ok were all ready to go. Let's head out to dinner." If you notice little things she does to look nice, don't say anything. This will make her realize just how much you notice her and she likes to look nice. Her true feelings will HOPEFULLY come out that she wishes you would notice how nice she looks. Its not the nicest thing but HOPEFULLY it'll work.
Even if this doesn't work, you can explain to her what you wdre teying to do was not to hurt her feelings but the stregnthen her confidence.
If you do this, she'll HOPEFULLY realize that your opinion matters to her and it'll open a new door intp your relationship.
Pheobe did this on "Friends." She told Rachel she wasn't pregnant to see how she really felt even though she was indeed pregnant.
Unfortunately, her self esteem is very low and this is something she'll have to work on, herself. You can help, but unfortunately only so much.
I can be really hard on myself about my appearance at times and used to be awful to myself about it. I always thought everyone was lying to me when they complimented my appearance and just trying to be nice or make me feel better. It was really something I had to work on on my own, and it started with developing overall confidence and learning to be much nicer to myself. It's a very long process and it's hard. I wish I could explain better.
It’s not something you can fix. She’ll have to work on her self-confidence in order for those changes to happen on the inside. I understand your determination to help her see that she’s amazing and beautiful - I do the same thing with one of my best friends, who has many moments of self-doubt and often thinks she isn’t pretty enough or fit enough - but at a certain point, your words will go in one ear and out the other.
Does she have sisters and/or close friends who she can turn to for advice? They’re more likely to empathize with her and offer solutions (making healthier lifestyle choices, going to therapy, etc.) rather than telling her over and over that she is beautiful.
She sounds like me. I get told by men that I’m gorgeous and pretty but when I look n a mirror I think I look ugly and wonder why guys tell me I’m pretty. I don’t think it’s a self esteem issue, I think it’s because I have facial and physical features that are not appealing to me personally but don’t matter as much to others. That’s my opinion.
Chill it's not that she's insecure or have low self esteem. I've seen many drop dead gorgeous girls saying that they don't look good, constantly asking if all is set. See beauty is a subjective term. When I say-"I met this beautiful girl" everyone will get a image in their head of a girl. This is what is ideal beauty for you. What I find gorgeous, maybe is just average to you. Your girlfriend's idea of beauty is different. What she finds beautiful is not how she looks. But that's okay. She will be fine. She needs to learn that she too is beautiful. Keep complimenting her whenever she gets ready.
Maybe it’s because she is in denial. She probably thinks how could she get someone like you. She may also be insecure and thinks eve eh one is lying to her since people do lie about people’s appearance.
Traumatized, possibly bullied pearson or her parents were toxic while she was growing up. Be understanding and supportive.
Sounds like she needs to see a therapist about her issues concerning her looks.
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