I have been married (divorce now) and i experience that first hand but i also heard that complain from other men.
When we first meet we both make a effort to be on our best side you, shower and dress. It's particularly through for women and sometime they go a bit too far with sexy clothing, makeup, hair and everything else.
But the minute you live together thing change. My wive (at the time) woke up and left home after me. She shower, get her hair done, makeup, put on sexy dress and nice shoe.at workThe minute she step back home, remove all the sexy clothe, tie up her nice curly hair and put on the ugliest outfit she could find, you know the one with the food stain...at homeWhy women dress for other and not for their men?
Why do women dress up for others and not for their men?
Because you're not igniting her sexual attraction for you in a meaningful way. I've been with girls who I was with for years and they would still dress up for me. Wearing skirts/dresses around me, when that's not really their style just because they know I like it. It sounds a little shitty, but it really does come down to getting your woman in an emotional state where she wants to please you. If she's not in that state that is 100% on you, because you're not igniting that in her. She's not just going to feel that way because you're together or because you have a dick.
My mom still dresses up for my dad and they've been together for multiple decades. My best female friend Emily will still dress up for her husband Mike and they've been together for several years. He brings that out of her. It's kind of like when a guy is telling a girl she should smile, rather than simply doing something because he wanted to make her smile. That's the difference. Do shit to make her feel good. Make sure she always feels good when you're around and suddenly she'll do more for the sole purpose of pleasing you... like dressing up.
I'm not saying that in a way to castigate you. But it really does come down to how you decide to be as a man. Any girl will dress up for a guy if he gets her in that mood. You just have to make the decision of how you're going to be as a man.
Total BS. Not his responsibility to “ignite” her passion. She’s just strait selfish and self-centered and doesn’t care about their relationship. No one ignites my desire to go to work and provide, but I do it
The problem I see here is that you chose to suffer in silence until you probably couldn't take it anymore. If something bothers you in a relationship, you should voice your concerns. It is your right, and you deserve to have your feelings and opinions considered/worked out (just as it is your partner's right to voice concerns and have their feelings considered/worked out). Communication is important in a healthy relationship.
I believe that partners should try to look good for each other, since this is the person that's supposed to matter more than anyone else in their lives. I'm not saying you both need to look like you're going on a date when you're at home, but a little effort should still be made (by both of you). I doubt all the people here giving you crap about your feelings would like it if their partner neglected hygiene at home, or did other unacceptable stuff and then used the "I'm just comfortable around you" excuse and expected it to automatically be okay.
That is exactly my point, look good to each other. After a while my ex was saying that i did not look at her the way i used to... Later in the relation she start to look elsewhere blaming me to not look at her or care for her like i used to... it took me some time to truly analyze how come i end up to divorce, the most beautiful women i ever meet in my live.
Ugh. I can’t stand when people complain about this bullshit. That’s why I make sure that if I’m dating or if I’m in a relationship, I make sure they get used to me not looking good. Either they are for it or they aren’t. Very simple. Gets fantastic results. You people need to be more honest about how you present yourself day to day because then you get in a long term relationship and this weird shit happens. Its simply called being comfortable. Why would anyone want to continuously go out of there way to impress someone they already know everything about and vise versa? And it’s not a behavior exclusive to women. We go out in the world and put in a good presentation because that’s how you maintain and acquire more opportunities to get ahead in life. Unfortunately our society is set up that way. But when it’s time to be in the comfort of your home, you should be allowed not be on your A-Game without backlash whether you’ve got a significant other or not.
How did you dress when you first met him. Did you dress real comfortable when you first met him? Don’t sell a misrepresentation of yourself. Be who you were when you frat met him and then you won’t have that problem.
Well, it really depends. She's going out and wants to look her best, that's completely normal. However, almost everyone when they get home, they want to be comfy as much as possible. Do you expect her to wear a nice dress, have her hair done, makeup done and wear heels around the house? Like no lol Now, if you both go out and she doesn't dress nicely while you both go out, then yes, that might be an issue.
But that's just how it is. People dress nicely when they go out but dress comfy when they are home. I'm sure you do the same thing. Also, you should find her sexy and beautiful no matter what she is wearing :)
What did you present to him when you all first started out dating. Why should he expect anything less. If that was nit who you were then don’t be that way when you first meet someone.
Because before marriage you would see her on dates and hangouts. After marriage you also get to see her chilling at home with her comfortable clothes and not care about her looks. We all do that. Even my own boyfriend has seen me in my best outfits when we saw each other on dates. Once once we marry and start living together that he would also see me in pajamas at home. That's normal.
She's been the same person. You just got to see a side that you didn't see earlier. There's nothing to complain about it. If you married her, then I believe you like the way she looks in her natural form anyway, so why complain? I'm pretty sure you also don't stay suited up wearing your favorite perfume at home and you also dress up appropriately for your upcoming events.
Hang on. 1, jeremy, please learn to proof read. Half of this made no sense. 2. You lived together, but you expected her to always dress as if for a fancy date? Were you always wearing suits or are you a simple hypocrite? 3. Your partner should mean more to you than eye candy, and if you truly cared for her, you'd both want her to be comfortable in your shared home and wouldn't mind what she wore to achieve that.
1- Sorry for my bad English, I'm french speaking and English is my second language. 2- i don't wear suit and tie for work and my ex did not wear unconformable clothing, but she rapidly change the minute she step in the house. When i dressed nice i keep my nice outfit for the evening... so i can be nice looking for her. 3- like it or not, look is a big part of men desire. My problem was that she was a "eye candy" for other men and me i had to see her is her "comfortable" outfit.
Again, if you ACTUALLY cared about her you'd have been happy she felt she could change i to her comfortable wear. Sorry you can't grasp that. Sorry that you only care that she's dressed to the nines for you 24/7. Maybe get a barbie doll next time.
Jeremy is just jealous. I can understand and even go as far as agree somewhat, but only if she's always making a point to look her best when she goes out on her own but anytime she's with him she doesn't try and show any effort. Now before I get bombarded. In my marriage I would make date nights at least once a month and usually twice a month. We would both dress to impress each other and go dancing. Where we felt like we were the only ones there. No matter how crowded or what was going on. I would get her flowers, candy, and sometimes jewelry just because I wanted her to know she was special. In the first 5 or so years she would every now and then take the kids to my sisters and get dolled up for a night out she planed, or suprize me with some sexy panties and a fun night at home. These are the things that help keep your marriage alive, and of course you can't expect it every night but if it never happens it's gonna make for a blah marriage. Now I don't believe that this is what Jeremy is talking about. So Jeremy I'd have to agree with these women. You seem to not respect your wife or see her as an equal. It seems like you want her for your purpose and maybe if you didn't treat her like she was obligated maybe she would want to remind you every now and then just how sexy she is. For me with my wife it didn't matter what she had on because I was always trying to take it off her anyways not because she was mine for my pleasure but because I just couldn't not kiss her every chance I got and touch every time she passed by. You have to work at a relationship not just sit and expect things. She's human and needs to feel appreciated and respected the same as you
@broken_heart_at_48 I think Jeremy is coming from a different perspective. The one thing I noticed in my two weeks in Paris is how well the French dress just to be in public. On the Metro, or "bus", people looked splendid, as if they were going out. Since it was the middle of the day, it was unlikely they were heading for a date. If his wife is American, this might be an issue. Europeans in general dress more stylishly no matter what they're doing. If he's being stylish, I think she could mirror what he's doing, as it's clearly important to him and shows effort...
I'm married and I see the same behavior. She has tons of ear rings (with new ones showing up after any trip away)... never seen her wear them. Same with make up, as with dressing up at all.
Fortunately she treats her work with the same lackluster (military cook). But those times she's going out or she's away from me, it sure seems she's trying to impress. And it has equaled the kind of bullshit that ended her being allowed to go out like she did before.
With that said, I think it's when they are starting to take us for granted... they just might seek out undue attention and stop even taking a shower for whom they claim to love so much.
Maybe females run into the shit... I don't know. I just hear about this change most often about her changing her effort more than him.
Main thing is you have to show your woman love, attention, intimacy... without coming off as a needy insecure partner. Hard having a relationship isn’t it? You give too much, she will trample your heart. You give too little, she starts to take the word demeaning to a whole new other level, dressing up like a hobo.
When you're at home, you want to be comfortable. That's comfortable for her.
Also, who wears dressy outfits while cleaning and cooking? That's an easy way to ruin outfits. Also, it does not mean that she is dressing to impress others: she might like to dress because SHE wants to.
I am like that. I prefer to dress up when I'm out but am in a long t-shirt and panties at home.
I'd say it's the sign of trust and comfort. I'm judging by myself - but yeah, when I'm going out I always dress up, put on a face of makeup, act clever and cute. But when I'm with my SO - I don't feel like pretending. I want to be accepted and coddled as a human being, not as a sexual object. I sincerely doubt You personally always wear a three piece suit around your house, why would you think it's fair to ask your partner of the same?
Why is making some effort at home "sexual object"? Would you be expecting in return to make you feel sexy? Surely he shouldn't make you feel like a sexual object? It is such things men have stopped putting effort in return.
@Oram52 tbh neither men put any effort at home nor I require them to. home is home. it's where you relax and chill. there should be no stress of the making good impression variety
So you don't want him to make you feel special? Be romantic? If you don't make any "impression" in relationships it doesn't last long or certainly not a good one. Women usually the ones complaining about this.
One should take pride in their appearance nonetheless. Putting effort is NOT being sexual object that's just feminist pseudo-intellectualism.
As women stopped putting effort in guys also followed suite and stopped putting less effort in return. Why can't one be comfy and still be stylish and look good? I'm a guy even I put effort in.
These are the same women who complain men don't put an effort yet putting some effort themselves is a chore.
That's why I date high maintenance girls at least they put effort in their appearance. I would NEVER date someone frumpy. Its 12 and yet she's still lying on the sofa with her hair all over the place with ugly PJs. No thanks.
@kim45456 Suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for whatever reason you seem triggered? I put effort in my own appearance, my girlfriend does the same. I don't want somebody who looks like a model, for me my girlfriend is gorgeous though. But merely a girl who puts effort, that's majority of guys.
With that attitude no guy is interested in putting effort with you anyway.
Majority of guys dont even go to gym while a typical girl has to shave her WHOLE body -not only some parts- , has to wear make up, decide every fucking morning what to wear while you guys wear always the same, she has to style her hair and nails and so on and this all cost much money too. Wearing three pirces of clothes, brushing hair and other hygienic care is not putting effort into appearance.
@kim45456 I work out, put effort in clothes, style my hair. That's how I get high maintenance girls who put effort in appearance.
Both genders require different things. Men have to confident, charming, be able to flirt, pay for dates, have a good job, be romantic, be seductive.
Women prioritize emotional men physical. Its physical effort from women that propels men to put emotional effort. Girls want guys to make them feel sexy then you have DRESS sexy.
Its girls who complain about guys not making an effort. The effort you put in effort you will get in return. You don't want to put effort in that's fine, but you also have to be comfortable with scraps you get.
@kim45456 all any man is asking is do what you did to attract him. Don’t be fake up front and then show your real self when the relationship gets to the committed stage. How would you like it if your man wines and dined you, writhe you letters, showered you with flowers and then stopped doing that and refused to do that and stated treating you like crap. Then the biggest thing is y’all get mad when your man look at other women who keep themselves up
@kim45456 she doesn’t have to shave or wear makeup, they are choices,, But he has to get haircuts, shave etc. both sexes have responsibilities. Why does she get to worry only about her feelings and then it’s his fault she feels that way? How can it be his fault when u didn’t even pay attention to what he wanted?
You act as if all women only dress up for others and not the person they are with. You also act as if your ex wife should have been dressed up at home just to please you. People like to be comfortable at home especially if they are not expecting anyone over or have any where to be. When a woman goes out she does not always have to all dolled up. She can have on a nice pair of jeans, sneakers, t-shirt and no makeup. Not all women wear makeup offten if at all. My girlfriend only wears make on special occasions like date night. I find her to be beautiful without makeup on. Why do you think a woman should always wear makeup, a dress or skirt and heels when she leaves the house? That would be like a guy always wearing a suit and dress shoes and a tie when he leaves the house. If you expect them to be dressed to the nines then so should you.
She doesn't need to dress up when she is in the house, because she shouldn't need to impress you. That is where she is supposed to feel comfortable and relax, not constantly make herself look presentable. If you love her, then you should understand that.
However, if she ignores you or doesn't want your affection, that could mean she doesn't care about you.
But she should dress up for date nights or nice dinners at home, or anything considered romantic.
Its about effort not always getting attention. Effort you put in effort you get in return. See how long relationship lasts without it. Few days seeing your girlfriend with messy hair and ugly PJs see how quickly you change your mind.
Women continue to want emotional effort - seduction, romance etc. Men desire visual/physical effort. Effort you put in effort you get in return.
I’ll sometimes change into pajamas once I get home, just because I’m not planning on going out again for the rest of the day. So the day is over. Pajamas are more comfortable than what I wear out and about. I imagine it’s the same concept for other people. Why dress up just to stay in your own house?
Because it's often favorable to feel comfortable and it probably means she just feels comfortable enough around you to not do so much. Also, it doesn't make much sense to put in all that work just to be around the house. Just my opinion though.
Why being comfortable and not looking good have to be separate things? Why can't one be comfortable and still look pretty? Should he also get comfortable and stop putting in "work". That's exactly what happens women stop putting in which is followed by men putting in less effort in return.
@Oram52 because maybe she hopes you find her pretty enough just naturally? or she feels comfortable or secure enough around you to feel/dress comfortable as well?
So will she be also comfortable when he feels comfortable that she'd feel comfortable him not having to put effort in return? Being lazy is not being comfortable. She can be comfortable and not make better choices? Instead ugly PJs she can't make better choice? Instead her hair all over she can't take 5 min? Should she stop shaving her legs so he can appreciate her naturally.
There is being pretty naturally and there is not giving a shit. So she shouldn't feel comfortable to put some effort in for her partner? Should he also feel comfortable not having to tell her how sexy she is?
You want him to make you feel sexy but not put in any effort being sexy? You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Pretty clear to me your argument is just accept us as we are that's it. That's fine that's fair but it goes both ways. That's MY point. It doesn't get simple as effort you put in effort you get in return.
Strawman. This doesn't apply to all women any more than it applies to all men that you don't understand the word 'no.' So, when you ask "why do women" stop for a moment, and think, "do I mean ALL women, or do I mean the handful of women in my life I've met and second hand info from guys who are around me"
Actually its quite common than you think, especially few years into relationship. Guys complaining about it. Even though it doesn't universally doesn't apply to all women it doesn't mean its not common, rather quite common.
So I’m always dressed properly even if I’m stepping out to go to the park. This is just something I’m very particular about. But, I also like to throw on a big comfy sweater when I’m home. I would think your wife would make an effort at least when you go out together?
It's one thing to be casual around the house. But I'd expect that your wife might dress up for sex with you, or to go out to a movie or dinner or shopping. I see people in Wal Mart, for heaven's sake, ALL dressed to the nines... Super white tennis, perfect shirt/polo, pressed jeans, jacket. Like they're out on a date... or looking for one... If your wife never dresses up for you, something's off.
Probably because you aren't giving her a reason to get dressed up. Perhaps you aren't organising things to do with her outside of home so she feels she has no reason not to dress casually. And perhaps you never appreciate the effort she put in when she got dressed up nicely. Women need constant appreciation or they get insecure and eventually find someone else that cares and they stop putting in effort for you.
Dude, All day in her work clothes, heels and make up and she wants to relax I guess you kept your dress shirt, tie , polished shoes and slacks on until you went to bed to be nice a sexy for her...
Buy her comfy PJs from VS not FuckMe PJs just nice looking comforatable pjs .
They aren't here to look like eye candy for you, they are here to be your life partner..
Women have to dress up for work, they can’t wear pajamas at work, men dress up for work if they are a doctor or a lawyer, they wear suits. Women work hard at work when they are at home, they want to be comfortable. Why women have to dress up & men don’t have to, that is NOT FAIR, if women have to dress up, men have to dress up too.
when she was around you she was comfortable. there for she wanted to dress in a more comfortable manner.
as time goes by couples (mostly married ones) tend to get more comfortable with each other. so they often try less and less to impress one an other.
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I dress up when I go out but end up in my Comfy clothes when I get home. My partner and I are comfortable. I do dress up for him and make an effort at home and out for him too tho. I can tell you tho, that 90% of women dont stay "sexy" all the time, it doesn't matter who they are with. So if you think that funding someone else will fix the problem it won't. Why not suggest buying her some sexy comfy clothes for home? Ones she can be comfortable in.
There should be more effort at home yes but you should also accept that your partner knows you love her and she should feel comfortable at home. Sit down and have a talk with her. Be kind and patient.
Women aren’t near as desperate as men. Women don’t have to dress for men for men to like them. Men are so desperate already they just like women as is that’s how pathetic most men are nowadays sad huh. Guys put ugly women on pedestals until men quit doing that women can just sit there
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