I feel like I'm an obnoxious know-it-all (when in fact I may talk out of my ass sometimes). How do I stop this tendency, work on my social skills etc?

[Anonymous]

ie Hermione Granger in the first HP movies, down to the frizzy hair.

I want to be more "normal", less self-absorbed and more of a people's person. But I feel like I'm intellectually arrogant and don't bother with social trends or behavior. I feel like an outcast.

I really want to be like the other fun, easy-going, personable girls. Any advice on where to get started, articles etc?

[OrdinaryDaniel]

1. Speak Less, Listen More

This is the golden rule of social success.

People don’t really care about you… This might sound harsh, but it’s true.

People care, first and foremost, about themselves. This is simply human nature.

If you want to unlock the hidden social genius that is inside of you, then you need to accept this fact and use it to your advantage.

In any social situation, your goal should always be to do about 20% of the talking and 80% of the listening.

2. Learn How to Tell a Joke

People love to laugh.

If you can learn how to make them laugh you will instantly boost your social value and increase your likeability.

The best way that I’ve found to improve your sense of humor and tell better jokes is to watch hours and hours of stand-up comedy.

3. Enthusiasm Always Wins

In any social situation, the most enthusiastic person always wins.

Enthusiasm is contagious.

When someone is excited and brings high levels of energy to the table, even the most mundane task can become an absolute joy.

Enthusiasm always wins.

4. Smile

A smile goes a long way.

Scientists have found that people who smile more are more attractive, healthier, and more likely to have strong social connections.

So smile more.

5. Hold Eye Contact (But Don’t Be Creepy)

Eye contact is an important part of social success, but it’s easy to overdo it.

I recommend that you hold eye contact for 4–5 seconds before slowly breaking it away and then re-engaging a few seconds later.

Whenever you are holding eye contact it can be easier to look at a person’s mouth, nose, or forehead since they can’t actually tell the difference.

6. Speak Your Truth

One of the sexiest things that you can do in any social situation is to speak your truth.

This doesn’t mean that you have a hall pass to simply be a jerk and berate people.

It simply means that you can and should express your feelings in an appropriate way.

7. Give Genuine Compliments

For whatever reason, our society seems to have lost the ability to give a genuine compliment.

Men are scared that if they compliment a woman they will seem creepy or if they compliment another man they will seem “Gay” (not that this should be considered an insult but that’s just how society is).

But this is all bull crap!

When you genuinely compliment someone, they will appreciate it.

If they don’t…

Well, they probably weren’t worth having in your social circle in the first place.

8. Present Yourself Well

While I wish I could tell you that looks don’t matter.

…I’d be lying to you.

How you present yourself to the world MATTERS.

People make split-second judgments based on your appearance and, even though this might not be fair, it’s the reality that we live in.

[Michael49]

Brene Brown has some really helpful podcasts on self improvement. Had (still have) the same problem gotten way better reminding myself there is a reason god gave us two ears and only one mouth. I was so bad my friends said the name Mike stood for Mostly I Know Everything

[SoWhatHuh]

Once you get into that mode, being agreeable to everyone, you can't go back to being yourself and it's mentally tiring... Wouldn't recommend

[Yourfriend2021]

Try to stop talking about anything, voicing your opinions, and just keep quiet, for starters.

[Asker]

I’m mostly quiet, but when i do voice my opinions, it’s very intellectually snobby. People roll their eyes.

[Yourfriend2021]

Just don't voice your opinions then, if that helps.