Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?

Question

Honestly they are all taken the ones I want. Plus I feel desperate like I have beg for a man’s attention.
P. S. why do you men lurk in the background. Then you tell us years later. Wtf time has past we could’ve been developed something. if you like someone tell them. If she act foolish next.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s not that we don’t want to-it’s just giving masculinity which can be a turn off for men when you have too much of it. If you have high masculine energy asking the man out in the first place is strike one and from then on the countdown begins until he has completely lost interest in you. Have you ever dated a guy who has to check his reflection every 30 minutes to make sure he looks good? It’s giving feminine energy. Now imagine he does that, and then later on he asks you to pump the gas, and then afterwards he asks you to help him lift some heavy stuff, then later on he offers to pay you to clean his garage, and so on. It’s not so much that anything in itself is bad, but if you deal with a guy with too much feminine energy you wouldn’t even take him seriously anymore-he would get friendzoned fast and you can’t even TRY to force feelings that he can’t mKe you feel by just being so feminine. And it’s vice versa with men. Highly masculine energy is just going to make him not take you seriously and your already getting off to a bad start if you ask him out and then further present yourself to have what he feels are “masculine” qualities. Maybe a little never hurt🤷‍♀️ But not too much. Be smart

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

I've asked guys out before, or rather, proactively given them my number/social media if they are interested in connecting later.

Most guys will take your number and follow up, but few will see you as their dream girl. Most guys need to be 'in the right place' financially/career wise to consider taking a relationship seriously, and if he wasn't already noticing you, there's a chance that he thinks he can do better (looks wise).

When a guy is ready to date seriously, he is usually much more selective than someone 'exploring their options,' hence why it's typically favorable to let him show interest first (because when he has options, he's making it a point to prioritize you).

coolbreeze · Answer

I think a lot of women don't ask out men because they are either taken and women have more options then men and they can be more pickier especially on dating websites.. a lot of girls like attention and they like to be wined and dined.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Women are stupid for not realizing how much power they actually have. They look at men that they don't have and want them basically because they're taken.

Society has really fucked up people's self confidence.

You are not ugly for trying to start the conversation with the guy, women have been doing it for a very, very long time. Guys starting the conversation was a cliche that was created in movies and plays to show an extreme overabundance of confidence.

Most people don't have that much confidence so for most guys going up to the girl first is more like a lack of shame than an overabundance of confidence. Just because they think that's what they're supposed to do.

My advice, if you want to do something, go do it. Anything that's worth having, you gotta get out there and stick your neck out and risk embarrassing yourself or wasting your time. That's the risk you take for anything that matters. This is part of the reason relationships matter. Don't let people devalue relationships.

MCheetah · Answer

"Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?"

Laziness, cowardice, and entitlement.

"Plus I feel desperate like I have beg for a man’s attention."

Gee, thanks for making all of us men feel even more like sh*t. Guess the other men might as well stop trying, at this point. (I myself already have.) If it matters, no men will think of it as "desperate." Only you think that, as an excuse to not do it.

"Why do you men lurk in the background? If she act foolish, then next."

We live in a #MeToo, Cancel Culture society where innocent men get f*cked over every singe day; especially if they happen to be Caucasian. That's why some men don't even bother anymore. Thank that piece of sh*t, attention whore Alyssa Milano.

"Hey guys; have you ever thought that if a woman asks out a guy, then it's almost like she’s confirming that she’s ugly. Like no man will come up to her."

No. That sounds absolutely ridiculous and stupid. It's like women change whether they want "gender equality" or all the perks of traditionalism more than they change their hair. ... Or underwear.

TheBootyChest · Answer

Its a tough question here.

I don't think all the men are taken, just the ones you know.

You are don't desperate just because you are the one asking out a guy. It can mean that you are confident and you are taking the initiative to ask for what you want.

I think we "lurk" because if we tell you that we like you then you will avoid us and then we still lose out on being around you. And we would rather still be around you even if you don't like us back.

Your update:
I don't EVER feel like if a lady asks me out it's because she is ugly. If I get asked out then it's because she really wants to get to know me. And I wouldn't turn that down.

HighlyVolatile · Answer

I don't know if this is true of all guys but I'd kind of be clueless about what to do if a girl asked me out. All my practice dating came from asking women out, deciding where we go, and having a sort of host/lead position over the early courtship and dating process.

What was very common though even though I never got asked out was for women to flirt and write their phone numbers down and slip them to us. Then that still allows us to ask them out even though they sort of made the first move. That still passes the ball to us to take over and lead the rest.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I'm not saying shit until I know she likes me. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who isn't my type.
I like the type of girl who is affectionately pushy and clingy and knows what she wants.
I've tried to be the persuer, and I fucking HATE it, it feels awkward and like I'm not being myself.

Anonymous · Answer

A lot of women seem to have lost the skillset of signalling interest without being forward. A lot of other women will signal interest only to draw men in and shoot them down to satisfy their own egos. A lot of other women constantly complain about men approaching them and say they just want to be left alone. We don't 'lurk in the background', we gauge the situation carefully. No show of interest? Don't approach. Does she smile and flirt with men only to shoot them down? Don't approach. Does she say she wants to be left alone? Leave her alone. Most of us aren't the predatory creeps women make us out to be, and don't want people thinking that of us.

Anonymous · Answer

I asked them out many times! Im so honest and I told them "we are just going out as a friends... Don't think i want something romantic with you"... And they rejected me. I don't feel bad but I try to don't do it frequently... Im not ugly... So, i don't know what was wrong

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

I have NO idea! I absolutely would. I don’t think there is anything wrong with approaching the guy, or asking him out. But for me, I get asked out at least once, and usually twice a day since I’ve been here at college. Even on the few times where I’ve approached the guy… HE’s still asked me out. But if you like a guy, ask him out! Screw convention, that might be the man of your dreams, father of your children. Why loose out on that because he is too shy, or he’s afraid of rejection? Guys put up with a lot of crap when dating, and they receive a lot of rejection in the process. So ask a guy out, (just remember, if you do… don’t expect him to pay, after all he’s YOUR guest, you asked him there.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I wouldn’t say no if a girl asked me out.

“All the men are taken the ones I want”
I have a decent sized group of male friends, a few married but a good number of single & divorced guys that make very good money, own their own homes or condos, do fun things on the weekends and objectively are good looking, fit and take care of themselves.
There are plenty of guys out there, they just aren’t on dating apps where you have to swipe right on literally 10,000 profiles just to get a couple of conversations.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I never ask a man out in terms of “Hey wanna go out?” But i certainly let them know im interested and i ask them if they want to get to know eachother better or if they ever wanna get a cup of coffee or something. You have to stay cool, calm, collected and somewhat confident and not be desperate. Like you said, the majority we’d go for are already taken so we gotta go for the next best thing. Also, i used to be guilty of what you mentioned above. In HS, i used to wait til i no longer liked a guy before i told him i liked him. But once i hit 18+ I was way less shy and became a go getter.

cth96190 · Answer

Men do not approach because women, as a collective, have made it too dangerous to approach them.
Sexual harassment complaints, the extrajudicial Title IX lunacy and Feminist paranoid delusions have made it too dangerous to be in the same room as a female.
In Britain, the way that an anti-catcalling law was worded made it possible for a man to be sent to prison and put on the sex offender register if he spoke to a female.

Most women are also unapproachable and will rip the head off any man who is foolish enough to try.
Going on a date is insanely dangerous, because of the risk of a false rape allegation. A man should never be alone with a female.
Women, you have made yourselves so hostile and legally dangerous that many men have walked away and chosen the Hub over the risk of trying to deal with you.

KolonKby · Answer

Man, I'd love to get asked out. I wouldn't see it as someone who is desparate but rather someone who sees someone they like, and who is daring enough to put themselves out there.

I've asked plenty of people out irl, and similar to your situation they were all taken 😅 it's gotten to the point where I don't really bother asking peeps out irl anymore as unfortunate as that is.

I now just try to stick to dating apps where it's easy to tell if someone is in a relationship or not, though I haven't had much luck there either lol

hahahmm · Answer

Getting casual sex isn't hard so I'll guess you're really wondering about possible serious relationships. If you want a man to take you seriously then start listening to what men say about what they consider "girlfriend material" and "wife material". Also realize that most women are jealous of other women so listening to your girlfriend's advice when you're starting or in a relationship is almost always going to be a bad idea.

"P. S. why do you men lurk in the background. Then you tell us years later." -- 99% chance you weren't interested in what that guy had to offer back then but now you re-write history in your mind. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. If you can't get any guy to ask you out then look in the mirror. You're doing something wrong.

Oh, and if you want a high quality guy you'd be foolish to act like the majority of women since the majority of them aren't with a high quality man. Good Luck.

globetrotter22 · Answer

Most women give “signals” their interested but they do this assuming guys think the same way they do. We don’t. Either that some are TOO direct which can be a turn off too. This is your emotions are either making you too timid or too aggressive.

The best you can do is calmly ask a guy if he would like to hang out sometime. He will get the idea.

P. S. Chances are the taken guys you like would be less attractive to you if they weren’t taken despite nothing else being different about them. You ladies really need to STOP assuming a guy is somehow much better since he had a girlfriend. Guys don’t think this way about taken women.

Blonde401 · Answer

I ask guys out though... like the guy I met a few weeks ago - or even my ex. Sometimes I get sick of waiting for guys to make the first move or even that they might not make a move because of stupid reasons. If that makes me desperate (which I doubt honestly as I’ve only asked out like 2 guys in the last 9 years) then oh well 🤷‍♀️

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Well it all depends on your approach. Instead of running up to them and instantly saying I want to be with you. Say hi how are you. Flirt a little show Attraction through your body language obviously look for a ring I don't go after married or taken men I'm second to no one. Give a little small talk see where they are at bif he seems interested, say would you like to go for coffee sometime and give them your number. Then it's in their hands. That's always worked for me

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

I've definitely done it but I can also understand why some wouldn't want to/ are scared to. Men are intimidating and especially ones who you find attractive. I'm sure it's the same for some men, getting that confidence to go up to someone and then be rejected is a huge slap in the self confidence.

SlothySlob · Answer

If you know that you ought to start asking guys out, then you know the amount of courage one needs to overcome the fear of rejection from someone you are interested in. But you are right, the west has been breeding a generation of overprotected cowards.

cookiecrusher · Answer

What the hell are you even talking about?😅

Why men lurk, while you yourself lurk.
That guys would think of you ugly or desperate etc

No, no and no

I get approached a lot.
Most women just try feel what kind of a guy i am, just talk and chill a bit, before asking for contacts/dates etc. A soft approach. A good "low risk" way for most women to use.

Smaller percentage will just walk up and "demand" contacts. The hard approach. That can be a bit off putting as it is a less feminine way, is totally fine if there isn't much time for chatting.

Overall, there is nothing negative or unattractive if a woman shows interest in a guy. Most guys wouldn't turn a woman down in a non-respectful way either.

You don't always have to initate with everything, show him your interest and get you two on speaking terms and let it be a natural interactions from there on.

_lost_soul_ · Answer

@Justneedtokno That's a good question... why don't women ask out men? Or why don't more women ask out men? Guys lurk the shadows for various reasons. The biggest reason probably being nervousness. There's a lot of pressure on men to ask women out. Plus a lot of women respond so negatively when a man asks them out... especially if they are not attracted to the guy. Nobody wants to be the subject of ridicual.

Bel88 · Answer

Because we don't feel like asking them out, we can't be bothered. It's too hard. What if I'm rejected? That would be devastating, I'd NEVER recover.

HighValue · Answer

3 reasons.

1. Women don't want to pay for the date and if she asks the guy out she can't use the excuse, "Whoever asks the other out should pay."

2. Women are coddled so much in society they often can't handle not getting what they want and in effect, often can't handle rejection well. They ask one person out, get rejected, and then give up for a lifetime.

3. They wrongly think that a woman asking out a guy makes her look cheap/slutty/easy.

jasco · Answer

Honestly most men don't mind being ask out but usually just like for men the ones we want either don't like us or are in a relationship so yea. That's pretty much what men do, beg for attention because we know that a lot of girls ( the attractive ones anyway or the ones who just look like easy sex targets ) get a lot of dms from guys. So were basically left with the only option of trying out hardest to court you by making extreme jesters or something. As for why men don't ask you out? Shyness, scared of being rejected, low self esteem/confidence, feels like you wouldn't like him anyway. We tell you years later because were in a better place mentally and physically at that time.

AskInGirl94 · Answer

I asked one guy out when I was in middle school
he said “ I like your sister.”

So I said “oh ok cool.”
I was so busy giggling at the fact that he rejected me and that I actually had the balls to do it. (I walked acrossed the street on red.) a car almost hit me.

2nd time
my 1st real boyfriend was in the summer before freshman year In high school
(My mom helped by walking with me and giving him my number)
(He was one of our lawn guys. )

3rd time was junior year of high school I asked a guy to come to a rotc dance with me on a note. While we were in class…
No response for about 3 days
I wrote him another note
“Are you coming with me or not?”
He said he had a girlfriend (which later I found out he did.)

I have no problem asking a guy out and being rejected or accepted.

xJayleenx · Answer

For me I initiated talking to my boyfriend and we’ve been together for almost two years. I also initiated the hang out lol. He also asked me to be his girlfriend after I asked him what are we? But he initiated the first kiss and the first I love you though

Anonymous · Answer

I feel it makes me look desperate and I dont want to get rejected lol. I have asked a guy out when I was 18 but later on he wasn't interested in me. I just felt its not my part to do and if a guy really is interested in me he can ask me and I will let him know by flirting and giving him signs

SecretGardenBlood65 · Answer

you live in the wrong country. In Turkey, the moment you smile at a man outside your circle, they come running. Especially if you have big breasts and big hips, they give all their property in exchange for one night's sleep.

lightbulb27 · Answer

you are assuming we are men when in likely reality we are wounded children. if you get perspective right, then you are more free to engage us, be in less fear of rejection and realize it isn't all about you and maybe you can start something that grows.

Most young men need development, harbor wounds, fears, doubts, abuses, shame, traumas... just like everyone. you have to work through all that stuff to get to them. The healthier or aggressive ones are already taken.

good luck...

Кураж · Answer

Because when a woman approaches a man and succeeds, she inevitably comes to the realization that the man was into her all along and simply didn't have the balls to make a move on her.

Which is an instant "ew.." in the mind of the average woman.
The average woman doesn't want a man like that, she doesn't want to be the more confident one in the relationship, the bigger catch.
She wants to be the one who gets caught, simple as that.

Juxtapose · Answer

If I pursue it ends up feeling like I am the one that is not desirable and I have to push and fight just to get a date. It feels a lot better to get asked out and you women get asked out so much you can afford to initiate once in awhile!

And asking guys out should not make you feel ugly. Do you know how many guys feel intimidated and just never walk up to you?

designer1 · Answer

Sometimes we do but no one is gonna ask out anyone if they aren’t comfortable enough with them

Anonymous · Answer

It's not desperate, it's showing you actually like the man. Men accepted they are never their wive's first choice. The hot rich guy from college is now taken by a virgin of his choice so they have to settle for whoever is desperate enough to pay for them

The bad thing about this is many guys are used to being rejected by hundreds of women they asked out. So they will say yes to any women who asks them out so they can finally get laid for free and won't find another chance. Then he will tell her she is the only one for him, the same thing that hot guy from college said to her just to get laid

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Because a man will go after what he wants. You chasing him only shows he wasn't interested in you.

Anonymous · Answer

women only like about 15% of the male population  so 80% of the women are competing for a really small group of men  GOOD LUCK WITH THAT LOL

Evan64 · Answer

I wish this would become the norm. Tbh I doubt my current relationship would've happened if she hadn't asked me out. I honestly wasn't looking too hard and was just seeing where things went but then she kinda just popped the question of whether or not we could be official and it was really flattering to me. (Then again, I also have a more submissive personality when it comes to relationships so a woman taking charge is always gonna be attractive to me lol)

Mangospacho · Answer

It’s fine. We’re not mind readers and don’t always pick up on subtle hints. Also, it doesn’t necessarily set the tone for the dates going forward that she will be in charge of everything in the relationship and that he will be her slave. If anything, it just signals that she’s interested if he’s interested.

Pohjolan · Answer

"Hey guys have you ever thought that if a woman ask out a guy Then it almost like she’s confirming that she’s ugly. Like no man will come up to her"

Well that's just silly.
Everyone sees anyway whether you are ugly or not.
Well unless you are wearing a burka.

Asking men out won't make you less pretty and not asking men out won't make you more pretty.

Lovesims3plumbob · Answer

Did sent a letter to ask out one of my crush in high school but got rejected. the other guys that were jerks. some where cheaters. i saw my cheater ex boyfriend in same youth that i used to go and tried to hit on me on social media. i told him I not instersted and do not like you anymore. also did blocked the ex boyfriend. tried to message guys on one dating sites that is for disabled. i only got in contracted with one guy through and got his whatapps and phonenumber.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

In my experience, the only women that asked me out are the extremely beautiful women that just want to fuck. Like they literally will say it.

Go after who you want because you will meet more Mr. Wrongs vs Mr. Rights. You live in a small town or something?

chulo1992 · Answer

I would love it if women asked me out (only they were cute and above). But I do understand what you mean about ugly because I remember being at a social event and two women came up to me (at different times) trying to get their flirt on. One woman looked like Marilyn Manson and the other one looked like Flavor Flav. I left the event after that because I couldn't take much more abuse

Guanfei · Answer

Girls don't ask out because they can't handle rejection. A man refusing their advances is an insult to most of them, and they'll attack him verbally, if not physically, if he dares refuse.
One is already too much, but imagine if they'd face as much rejection as the average guy does.

Paul09 · Answer

Well how many times sone of us got rejected we just get less motivated to do so. And yes women are fully grown adults, they can do the asking too. Must be easy looking pretty and just waiting or someone to ask you. And then there is competiton also. If you were in the man's side, you'd freak out.

Dubadu4ever · Answer

As a girl, I think its been my dream. I dreamed of a man asking me out. I wanted to feel that butterfly too, you know?

MzAsh · Answer

I have asked out men before. But it’s always been better to attract him to asking me out.

2Wheels · Answer

If I like a guy I ask him out. Why wait for him to ask?

krin_m · Answer

I have been asked out by women and I have always appreciated that she initiated it. In some cases (as with when a man initiates it) I accepted the invitation, in some cases I politely and civilly declined.
I think if a man thinks that she is asking you out because no one else is approaching her, she should not bother with such a shallow man.

Nxtawm · Answer

I’ve never been interested enough to ask a guy out.

CherryK · Answer

I dont because im traditional in some parts of love

ConfussedAF · Answer

In my case I don’t ask out not because I’m a woman I don’t cause I’m really shy and normally doubt my judgement for this kind of things. For eg if I think a guy likes me back i will still denied it and look for many evidences to the point that is very obvious

Flower7 · Answer

I don’t because in my experience, they react badly to it.

bowenw · Answer

I've been asked out by women and none were ugly. We're all human and fear rejection. Asking someone out takes nerve.

sheikalana · Answer

I'm old fashioned and honestly I never had issues with getting male attention I usually attracted what I want without doing much. But with my current partner I was the one who approached him first but he was the one who asked me out first.

NathanDavis · Answer

but, they do ask me out... and most of the times, we do go out none of them has begged though... and I do not think I would like that one bit

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

Because I dont want to and never want to. All the women that want to do that should enjoy themselves, just like how some of us enjoy not asking men out.

msc545 · Answer

I think a big reason that women don't ask men out is because they feel like if they ask men out they would then be obligated to pay for the date and no woman wants to pay for a date.

Anonymous · Answer

Referring to the PS: When a guy looks at an attractive girl and choose not to approach, 9/10 it's one of two things."There's no way in hell a girl as attractive as her isn't already taken so why bother?" or "I bet tons of other guys ask her out all the time, why bother being yet another schmuck she's just going to swat away?".

Update: Not at all, I think she found a guy she really likes and doesn't want to beat around the bush. What's wrong with that?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Why do we "lurk in the background"? Because it's preferable to keep one's mouth shut and keep one's dignity.

magiusX26 · Answer

has it ever occured to you that wonen not asking guys out is like confirming we are ugly so no woman will want/have us?

Priv9696 · Answer

Society paints women to be “desperate” if we show interest in a guy. So dumb

Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?

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Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?

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