Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?

[Justneedtokno]

Honestly they are all taken the ones I want. Plus I feel desperate like I have beg for a man’s attention.
P. S. why do you men lurk in the background. Then you tell us years later. Wtf time has past we could’ve been developed something. if you like someone tell them. If she act foolish next.

Updates

+1 y

Hey guys have you ever thought that if a woman ask out a guy Then it almost like she’s confirming that she’s ugly. Like no man will come up to her

[Anonymous]

It’s not that we don’t want to-it’s just giving masculinity which can be a turn off for men when you have too much of it. If you have high masculine energy asking the man out in the first place is strike one and from then on the countdown begins until he has completely lost interest in you. Have you ever dated a guy who has to check his reflection every 30 minutes to make sure he looks good? It’s giving feminine energy. Now imagine he does that, and then later on he asks you to pump the gas, and then afterwards he asks you to help him lift some heavy stuff, then later on he offers to pay you to clean his garage, and so on. It’s not so much that anything in itself is bad, but if you deal with a guy with too much feminine energy you wouldn’t even take him seriously anymore-he would get friendzoned fast and you can’t even TRY to force feelings that he can’t mKe you feel by just being so feminine. And it’s vice versa with men. Highly masculine energy is just going to make him not take you seriously and your already getting off to a bad start if you ask him out and then further present yourself to have what he feels are “masculine” qualities. Maybe a little never hurt🤷‍♀️ But not too much. Be smart

[2021biguy]

This seems like nonsense, let a guy know you like him or forget about him. Guys are sick of reading minds and getting rejected too.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I've asked guys out before, or rather, proactively given them my number/social media if they are interested in connecting later.

Most guys will take your number and follow up, but few will see you as their dream girl. Most guys need to be 'in the right place' financially/career wise to consider taking a relationship seriously, and if he wasn't already noticing you, there's a chance that he thinks he can do better (looks wise).

When a guy is ready to date seriously, he is usually much more selective than someone 'exploring their options,' hence why it's typically favorable to let him show interest first (because when he has options, he's making it a point to prioritize you).

[cookiecrusher]

Guys aren't that complicated or methodical.

When initiating chances are higher to meet guys who just aren't that into you but interested enaugh to go out with you for few dates.

[coolbreeze]

I think a lot of women don't ask out men because they are either taken and women have more options then men and they can be more pickier especially on dating websites.. a lot of girls like attention and they like to be wined and dined.

[Justneedtokno]

I definitely don’t think it’s because we have more options honestly. Women out populate whatever men. So there’s really not a Lotta options

[coolbreeze]

I think that is true. But I also think it depends on the area. Some areas have more men and women etc. While other areas is slim pickings.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Women are stupid for not realizing how much power they actually have. They look at men that they don't have and want them basically because they're taken.

Society has really fucked up people's self confidence.

You are not ugly for trying to start the conversation with the guy, women have been doing it for a very, very long time. Guys starting the conversation was a cliche that was created in movies and plays to show an extreme overabundance of confidence.

Most people don't have that much confidence so for most guys going up to the girl first is more like a lack of shame than an overabundance of confidence. Just because they think that's what they're supposed to do.

My advice, if you want to do something, go do it. Anything that's worth having, you gotta get out there and stick your neck out and risk embarrassing yourself or wasting your time. That's the risk you take for anything that matters. This is part of the reason relationships matter. Don't let people devalue relationships.

[chulo1992]

VERY WELL SAID!!!

[MCheetah]

"Ok, ladies why don’t we ask out men?"

Laziness, cowardice, and entitlement.

"Plus I feel desperate like I have beg for a man’s attention."

Gee, thanks for making all of us men feel even more like sh*t. Guess the other men might as well stop trying, at this point. (I myself already have.) If it matters, no men will think of it as "desperate." Only you think that, as an excuse to not do it.

"Why do you men lurk in the background? If she act foolish, then next."

We live in a #MeToo, Cancel Culture society where innocent men get f*cked over every singe day; especially if they happen to be Caucasian. That's why some men don't even bother anymore. Thank that piece of sh*t, attention whore Alyssa Milano.

"Hey guys; have you ever thought that if a woman asks out a guy, then it's almost like she’s confirming that she’s ugly. Like no man will come up to her."

No. That sounds absolutely ridiculous and stupid. It's like women change whether they want "gender equality" or all the perks of traditionalism more than they change their hair. ... Or underwear.

[TheBootyChest]

Its a tough question here.

I don't think all the men are taken, just the ones you know.

You are don't desperate just because you are the one asking out a guy. It can mean that you are confident and you are taking the initiative to ask for what you want.

I think we "lurk" because if we tell you that we like you then you will avoid us and then we still lose out on being around you. And we would rather still be around you even if you don't like us back.

Your update:
I don't EVER feel like if a lady asks me out it's because she is ugly. If I get asked out then it's because she really wants to get to know me. And I wouldn't turn that down.

[HighlyVolatile]

I don't know if this is true of all guys but I'd kind of be clueless about what to do if a girl asked me out. All my practice dating came from asking women out, deciding where we go, and having a sort of host/lead position over the early courtship and dating process.

What was very common though even though I never got asked out was for women to flirt and write their phone numbers down and slip them to us. Then that still allows us to ask them out even though they sort of made the first move. That still passes the ball to us to take over and lead the rest.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women seem to have lost the skillset of signalling interest without being forward. A lot of other women will signal interest only to draw men in and shoot them down to satisfy their own egos. A lot of other women constantly complain about men approaching them and say they just want to be left alone. We don't 'lurk in the background', we gauge the situation carefully. No show of interest? Don't approach. Does she smile and flirt with men only to shoot them down? Don't approach. Does she say she wants to be left alone? Leave her alone. Most of us aren't the predatory creeps women make us out to be, and don't want people thinking that of us.

[uglyuglyuglyugly]

exactly

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not saying shit until I know she likes me. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who isn't my type.
I like the type of girl who is affectionately pushy and clingy and knows what she wants.
I've tried to be the persuer, and I fucking HATE it, it feels awkward and like I'm not being myself.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also I get bored if I have to chase and just give up about 5 minutes in. It's too much work.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think the reason it feels so awkward is because I'm straight but also reciprosexual, so If I'm not seeing a huge push by her to be with me, I lose interest.

[Justneedtokno]

I understand. So if a lady like you and still ask you out (not your type) you would say…

[Justneedtokno]

That doesn’t seem like a type

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'd tell her she's not my type.

Also, in regards to your update, no, if a girl asks me out, it has no bearing on whether or not she's attractive or ugly, nor does it make me think she has self esteem problems.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I would think though, that someone who is frequently viewed as ugly, is far less likely to ask someone out. So I'd say if anything, the reverse is true.

[Anonymous]

I asked them out many times! Im so honest and I told them "we are just going out as a friends... Don't think i want something romantic with you"... And they rejected me. I don't feel bad but I try to don't do it frequently... Im not ugly... So, i don't know what was wrong

[Justneedtokno]

Happens all the time there’s nothing wrong with you

[Djaay]

Justneedtokno... Interesting user name. Why are u lying to anon? When someone says "We are just friends" and " Dont think i want anything romantic with you " that there is about as uninteresting as it gets. REJECT.

[Opinion Owner]

@Djaay they don't accept to go out with me...
I don't know why

[Djaay]

Questuonn arisses "whos they"

[Justneedtokno]

@Djaay but she stated to them that we’re just friends and it’s a nice date that’s it. So it won’t be so scary to a guy she wants a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

And they finish rejected me

[Djaay]

She just wants a relationship... there a better way to express that you know. All she needs to do is say "im searching for a relationship " How hard is that? What she's quoting to a guy is she's just there to talk to...

[Justneedtokno]

@Djaay But she saying she doesn’t she’s just looking to hang out

[Djaay]

Then i would "REJECT ". Not at all interested in hanging and for exactly what would we be haning out for? No way...

[Justneedtokno]

@Djaay Because guys feel threatened when you try to put too much into it at least the guys I’m around wanting a relationship in this generation is weird to do

[Djaay]

Probably right about where your at. Thats why i dont live where you do or in America either.

[Justneedtokno]

@Djaay Even so a lot of people in the generation I’m in don’t feel this way I don’t think it matters where are you are

[Djaay]

Sure it does... dicferent culture. I know a lot of younger generation here and theyre mostly just fine.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Djaay does have a really good point. They probably don't go out with you because they don't see the point in doing so, since you said you don't have any interest in romance.

[CrazyGirl2]

I have NO idea! I absolutely would. I don’t think there is anything wrong with approaching the guy, or asking him out. But for me, I get asked out at least once, and usually twice a day since I’ve been here at college. Even on the few times where I’ve approached the guy… HE’s still asked me out. But if you like a guy, ask him out! Screw convention, that might be the man of your dreams, father of your children. Why loose out on that because he is too shy, or he’s afraid of rejection? Guys put up with a lot of crap when dating, and they receive a lot of rejection in the process. So ask a guy out, (just remember, if you do… don’t expect him to pay, after all he’s YOUR guest, you asked him there.

[Levin]

Twice a day. Tis a lot. How many do you accept?

[CrazyGirl2]

@Levin Hardly any. I just politely thank them, tell them that I’m truly flattered (because I am) and just let them know that I’m seeing someone right now. Now if I’m not currently dating anyone, and something about him really attracts me I’ll accept, but I’ll say something like “okay, that sounds really nice, but only if you don’t object to me paying for my own food or drinks.

[Levin]

Cool. Despite what you say, I also think you'd be more amenable should it be an English fellow asking.

[CrazyGirl2]

@Levin My father is English (as in born and raised in West Cheshire). While yes, you would be absolutely correct with possibly 99% of other American girls, the various English accents have no “fairytale romantic” effect on me. Half of my blood relatives life in England. I lived there for 6yrs It’s as normal for me to hear an English accent as it is to call my dad and say hello. So, not exactly.

[Levin]

I know. I remember you saying :) Just winding you up...

[Levin]

99% does sound like a good strong figure though... 👍

[CrazyGirl2]

@Levin No, it’s perfectly okay, your not even “winding me up”. I have no emotional of intellectual interest in British accents, they literally mean nothing. Again, it’s as normal for me to hear a British accent from a man as it is to call my dad. I hardly even notice British accents, it’s like people like the southern accent, but to a southern girl, she would likely not even notice a guy’s southern accent, because it’s just the accent that everyone she knows has.

[DarkWinterNights]

I wouldn’t say no if a girl asked me out.


“All the men are taken the ones I want”
I have a decent sized group of male friends, a few married but a good number of single & divorced guys that make very good money, own their own homes or condos, do fun things on the weekends and objectively are good looking, fit and take care of themselves.
There are plenty of guys out there, they just aren’t on dating apps where you have to swipe right on literally 10,000 profiles just to get a couple of conversations.

[Justneedtokno]

Well I don’t really believe in the whole dating app thing I’m still traditional modern twist. I on my own shit. I think it’s just not in my area. Nor do I put myself out there enough to try

[Justneedtokno]

Not to try but to be seen I guess

[DarkWinterNights]

Fair point. I honestly think dating apps have dehumanized the whole experience. If you look at some of the stats it starts to sound like you’re playing the lottery. I tend to be the same way with “putting myself out there”. Short of going to bars, clubs and parties, what does that even mean?

[uglyuglyuglyugly]

Why are they divorced though

[DizzyDesii]

I never ask a man out in terms of “Hey wanna go out?” But i certainly let them know im interested and i ask them if they want to get to know eachother better or if they ever wanna get a cup of coffee or something. You have to stay cool, calm, collected and somewhat confident and not be desperate. Like you said, the majority we’d go for are already taken so we gotta go for the next best thing. Also, i used to be guilty of what you mentioned above. In HS, i used to wait til i no longer liked a guy before i told him i liked him. But once i hit 18+ I was way less shy and became a go getter.

[pizzalovershouse]

What if they dont like coffee what else would you say pizza my treat or hamburgers on me

[DizzyDesii]

@pizzalovershouse i dont even like coffee. I just want to sit and get to know eachother. I dont have an appetite in dates

[pizzalovershouse]

Ok so then tea or hot coco

[DizzyDesii]

@pizzalovershouse i likely won't eat anything. I’ll sip some water. I dont want my teeth or anything ruined while talking to him

[JohnQue74]

Coffee shops offer more than coffee. Also could go to ice cream parlor, restaurant for dessert or appetizer, etc

[DizzyDesii]

@JohnQue74 yea i dont like ice cream. I've probably eaten dessert times in life. I only like dessert if its on top of the guys body. I just prefer a date with talking and activities. I can eat at home

[cth96190]

Men do not approach because women, as a collective, have made it too dangerous to approach them.
Sexual harassment complaints, the extrajudicial Title IX lunacy and Feminist paranoid delusions have made it too dangerous to be in the same room as a female.
In Britain, the way that an anti-catcalling law was worded made it possible for a man to be sent to prison and put on the sex offender register if he spoke to a female.

Most women are also unapproachable and will rip the head off any man who is foolish enough to try.
Going on a date is insanely dangerous, because of the risk of a false rape allegation. A man should never be alone with a female.
Women, you have made yourselves so hostile and legally dangerous that many men have walked away and chosen the Hub over the risk of trying to deal with you.

[KolonKby]

Man, I'd love to get asked out. I wouldn't see it as someone who is desparate but rather someone who sees someone they like, and who is daring enough to put themselves out there.

I've asked plenty of people out irl, and similar to your situation they were all taken 😅 it's gotten to the point where I don't really bother asking peeps out irl anymore as unfortunate as that is.

I now just try to stick to dating apps where it's easy to tell if someone is in a relationship or not, though I haven't had much luck there either lol

[hahahmm]

Getting casual sex isn't hard so I'll guess you're really wondering about possible serious relationships. If you want a man to take you seriously then start listening to what men say about what they consider "girlfriend material" and "wife material". Also realize that most women are jealous of other women so listening to your girlfriend's advice when you're starting or in a relationship is almost always going to be a bad idea.

"P. S. why do you men lurk in the background. Then you tell us years later." -- 99% chance you weren't interested in what that guy had to offer back then but now you re-write history in your mind. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. If you can't get any guy to ask you out then look in the mirror. You're doing something wrong.

Oh, and if you want a high quality guy you'd be foolish to act like the majority of women since the majority of them aren't with a high quality man. Good Luck.

[globetrotter22]

Most women give “signals” their interested but they do this assuming guys think the same way they do. We don’t. Either that some are TOO direct which can be a turn off too. This is your emotions are either making you too timid or too aggressive.

The best you can do is calmly ask a guy if he would like to hang out sometime. He will get the idea.

P. S. Chances are the taken guys you like would be less attractive to you if they weren’t taken despite nothing else being different about them. You ladies really need to STOP assuming a guy is somehow much better since he had a girlfriend. Guys don’t think this way about taken women.

[Justneedtokno]

To your PS we’re not taking a guy out of his relationship. That is suicide to think that I guys gonna leave a girl for them.

[globetrotter22]

That PS is about female psychology. Take two guys who are identical with everything (looks, smarts, confidence, social stature, etc). One is taken and the other is not. 95% of women would see the taken guy as much attractive. I know from personal experience. When I was in a relationship it was insane by how much more positive attention I got from women.

This mentality is counter productive for a whole multitude of reasons. Taken girl wasted her time and mental energy being fixated on something she can’t have meanwhile ignoring potential good opportunities with decent single men. Taken men get tempted and even they are faithful they can start longing to be single again given all the opportunities they see. Last but least this just another sick challenge single guys have to face. Women unfairly assuming he is single for a reason.

I know as men we have gender quirks we need to work (usually acting inappropriate sexually). But this is something women really need to work on. Stop wishing for something you can’t have. Everybody loses with that mindset.

[Blonde401]

I ask guys out though... like the guy I met a few weeks ago - or even my ex. Sometimes I get sick of waiting for guys to make the first move or even that they might not make a move because of stupid reasons. If that makes me desperate (which I doubt honestly as I’ve only asked out like 2 guys in the last 9 years) then oh well 🤷‍♀️

[Tiptoetamm]

Well it all depends on your approach. Instead of running up to them and instantly saying I want to be with you. Say hi how are you. Flirt a little show Attraction through your body language obviously look for a ring I don't go after married or taken men I'm second to no one. Give a little small talk see where they are at bif he seems interested, say would you like to go for coffee sometime and give them your number. Then it's in their hands. That's always worked for me

[Tiptoetamm]

No it doesn't mean your ugly. Men are very shy when it comes to women and talk themselves out of doing it. Thinking they won't be interested in be them. Not all men but some are very shy about women

[SlothySlob]

If you know that you ought to start asking guys out, then you know the amount of courage one needs to overcome the fear of rejection from someone you are interested in. But you are right, the west has been breeding a generation of overprotected cowards.

[cookiecrusher]

What the hell are you even talking about?😅

Why men lurk, while you yourself lurk.
That guys would think of you ugly or desperate etc

No, no and no

I get approached a lot.
Most women just try feel what kind of a guy i am, just talk and chill a bit, before asking for contacts/dates etc. A soft approach. A good "low risk" way for most women to use.

Smaller percentage will just walk up and "demand" contacts. The hard approach. That can be a bit off putting as it is a less feminine way, is totally fine if there isn't much time for chatting.

Overall, there is nothing negative or unattractive if a woman shows interest in a guy. Most guys wouldn't turn a woman down in a non-respectful way either.

You don't always have to initate with everything, show him your interest and get you two on speaking terms and let it be a natural interactions from there on.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I've definitely done it but I can also understand why some wouldn't want to/ are scared to. Men are intimidating and especially ones who you find attractive. I'm sure it's the same for some men, getting that confidence to go up to someone and then be rejected is a huge slap in the self confidence.