Do you think it is a problem if one person has an issue with alcohol and the other doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I do not drink excessively, but on occasion I enjoy a few drinks. This woman I talk to is pretty strongly against alcohol. I am not going to stop drinking for the rest of my life. I think it is nice in moderation...

[SteveSmith1985]

No, I think she can't expect you to not drink just because she doesn't. EXCEPT for one caveat. If this girl is "in recovery" (as in she used to be an alcoholic, got help, and has been sober for 'X' amount of time), then her expectation is reasonable.

The problem is, if you're not willing to quit drinking (I... do absolutely understand where you're coming from), and she IS in recovery. You two just can't date. The reason she wouldn't want her partner drinking would be to ensure SHE doesn't fuck up her recovery. It would be irresponsible to continue seeing her, while continuing to drink IF THIS IS HER SITUATION.

On the other hand, if she just has strong moral beliefs, or has seen someone she cares about taken-down by drinking... then... yes, I think it's not unreasonable for her to compromise. If you're not a heavy drinker, she should be able to see that, in time, and hopefully won't have as much of a problem with it.

Good luck 🙂

[Asker]

Reason is religious objection

[SteveSmith1985]

Then I think it's reasonable she compromise. But, my guess is, that you are likely to find other incompatabilities with someone who is religious to that extent. If you don't share her religious beliefs, or you do, but feel differently about this... My view is: She can't tell you how to be. She can choose to not accept you, if she just can't accept this difference, but... her demanding that you stop drinking makes about as much sense as you demanding that she start drinking. If she can't accept someone who see some things differently... it's probably not going to work out between you two on other issues as well.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how that sits with you. Like it’s one thing if she doesn’t agree with drinking but doesn’t mind if you do on occasion, and a nothing thing to judge or berate you for having one here and there.