Why do people insist men & women can't just be friends?

[Anonymous]

Seriously it's one of the stupidest things I've heard. I mean how do you explain work colleagues that are friends because they've worked together for years. Or men & women who grew up together as childhood friends. You gotta be stupid not to realize that friendships like these are platonic. I mean I've a male friend I've known since 3 and he's a brother in everything but blood.

Or are people who say men and women can't just be friends more promiscuous, than the rest of society and lack the ethical and moral abilities to understand it's more than possible to just be friends.

[RavVid]

Men and women can certainly be just friends. Having said that there is a sex dynamic just simply because of a mutual gender preference.

I've had a female friend and I think at few points we both contemplated a non platonic relationship but it never happened on both sides at the same time. So it never transitioned from platonic friendship to a non platonic relationship. And a female friendship can become so important that you have no wish to rock that boat.

I have also noticed that a female friend can become what I would describe as an ersatz girlfriend and vice versa. You give and receive what you'd expect from a romantic partner. Except you aren't fucking.

For example at times my girlfriend's single girlfriends have started to treat me as their boyfriend excepting sex. Obviously sex in those circumstances is not an option. That is fairly natural. There is an element of sexual attraction both ways but it is suppressed on both sides because due to the circumstances.

While I agree that men and women can be friends I don't think gender is not part of the friendship even if sex isn't.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I always give the same argument... friendship amongst anyone (same for same-sexed friends) needs a common interest... otherwise, especially between the sexes, if you see no common interest, it's easy to guess why they're all of a sudden spending more and more time together. I think that's what a lot of us have just seen play out sooooo often.

Like we have the stereotypes of the beta orbiter male slinking around a female waiting for her to fight with her boyfriend/husband just so he'll get a chance AKA the emotional tampons that pretend to care all about the problems and just relates to everything... we have those stereotypes for reasons... I mean I see one of those dudes on this site once or twice a week talking about how they're in so much love and she just wants to be with what he'll commonly call an "asshole."

Common interests on the other hand could be something like a shared childhood, a shared hobby, a craft, or even work. None of that being part of the picture though... and you can guess what my first guess of what's really going on is going to be. If they start talking about their relationship stuff with each other, I only guess harder in that direction.

So I'm saying you're sort of right, but at the same time... a lot of the time it is based around the sexual interest/attention exchange between the sexes. Like as an outsider and you're watching the interaction and they literally share nothing in common... the dude makes fart jokes, but he's over there listening to her talk about her menstrual issues like he actually relates... I'm probably going to call it before it eventually happens. I've seen it happen a lot and I'll tell you what, her friends will see it, her boyfriend/husband starts to notice it... the other dudes notice it and make comments on it... and then eventually they're caught in the office doing the nasty.

[spartan55]

This is spot on.

[TenderFantasy]

It's not stupid. People have internal drives (maybe sex drives, especially when young and vulnerable). People GO through things in life. Maybe a BREAK UP or something traumatic in their life. They go to the "friend" for COMFORT and then next thing you know, you're waking up next to them in their bed! Don't tell me that that's NEVER happened to women including yourself!

Anyway, I feel this can work IF (and that's a big IF), one person in the friendship is NOT sexually or physically attracted to the other person, is GAY, is married, in a relationship. But if SINGLE and VULNERABLE, those are bad signs that it's NOT a good idea.

Work friends are just that. Friends from work. Maybe you are lucky in a sense that the males there just keep it work related and casual, but out of work is a different story.

Also, you don't have to get mad (or people SHOULDN'T get mad) with this. There are REASONS for this happening in life usually. ... But if the two people involved are STRONG enough not to let their hormones get in the way or their emotions, or HIDDEN FEELINGS, then by all means. However, whenever, I tested this thing, this arriangement, it ended up, either ME catching feelings but it wasn't reciprocated or vice versa and I HAD to end the "friendship" before one of us got hurt any further. It's hard as also some people never HAD the friendships from Kindergarten that you have had. And I believe some people that DO have that, they end up marrying each other down the line sometimes!

But yeah, if you (and the other person) as I've said, can do it, then more power to you! Makes the world LESS judgmental and less dramatic.

[Stickykuza]

It's more like I wanna fck and be done with it and become friends again but I can control my sexual drive. So yeah, I'm a pretty good guy friend.😂
And sometimes I'm straight up not attracted to my female friend's.

[TenderFantasy]

You know, I want to add to my answer after reading all the other answers here. I think it also depends on how you guys met. If it's on a "dating site", there's NO WAY, that it can go from a romantic date to just being friends. Trust me on this!

[red324]

@Stickykuza In my experience if they aren't attracted to me they don't want anything else from me including just hanging out as friends. Not sure why though

[Stickykuza]

@red324 that's wwird

[TenderFantasy]

@red324 Hey that's my experience too but just with the opposite sex!

[red324]

It's a lonely world

[Stickykuza]

Then I might be pretty attractive to have a lot of female friend's.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Say again for the people in the back, anon!

I am so damn sick of this topic: specifically the men ridiculing women with guy friends saying said guys have a hidden motive, or it's not possible. If that's the case, I guess all my guy friends, including the married ones, must like me. Yeah, let's go with that /sarcasm

It is very possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, assuming both people aren't attracted to each other, have things in common (ie: hobbies, interests, work), and enjoy each others company. I have several guys and we hang out, play video games together, or text regularly. No sexual feelings, no hidden agenda, just people having fun together.

I truly feel bad for people that can't see past such nonsense.

[Guy13]

Men and Women can be “Bestie” or the Like if they do not want to be in a Marriage trajectory relationship.

Here’s what we all know. We are friends because something about that other person attracted us to them. In this relationship Bestie, rather than spouse, gets the emotional connection from shared conversation and frustrations.

THIS should be the Spouse’s gain, however, she gets troubling and insecurity driven distance.

In the workplace, we call this woman “work wife” or “work hoe”.

[JamesDiaz11]

First, that's a blatantly loaded question. Summary: "are people stupid, or at they just more promiscuous."

Second, because we know other men, and men normally aren't that interested in friendships with women. We can't talk about deep things together, you have no clue the male-experience to empathize with us, and there will be sexual tension if we're even a bit attracted to you. So, in most cases we can't be just friends.

Does this mean that we aren't cool with female colleagues, or are friendly with our girlfriends sister? No, because we are, but in 95% of times a "friendship" between a guy and a girl is just a girl who is maintaining an orbit of guys who give her attention (because they like her, or at least want to sleep with her), while the guys hold out hope that she'll throw him a bone.

[Aerissa_Jade]

It seems to me that it is mostly men who think this, because they have romantic or lust feelings for you and it is hard to be friends for them.

I have more male friends than female friends, and sure many of them probably think in the back of their minds, I wish... but they either (or both of us) don't want to risk the friendship or they really aren't thinking that.

[menina]

I know right? I believe that people who say that assume that everyone is straight and everyone wants to be in a relationship and/or get married. That's not always the case. Men and women can be friends and nothing more. My best friend in high school was a guy and we never had feelings for each other.

[DaisyM23]

they're probably just talking from experience where friends catch feelings, or it's just a trend nowadays to say guys aren't capable of staying friends with a girl etc - it's like your sexuality will always come in between you but then it should be the same with gay men who can't be friends with guys, lesbians with girls and bi people with ANYONE lol

[Pegases]

They certainly can be, if the man is not attracted to the woman. The most common issue I see with this dynamic, is when a woman knows a man is sexually attracted to her, but will still seek to keep him around for friendship, which does nothing but torment the man since he has to suppress his physical attraction for her. No man wants to be just friends with a woman that makes his dxck hard.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Or are people who say men and women can't just be friends more promiscuous, than the rest of society and lack the ethical and moral abilities to understand it's more than possible to just be friends."

This ^

It's actually more likely to be platonic, because people are picky.

[Anonymous]

I think it is because if one of then end up liking the other, it changes the dynamic if it gets awkward. Such that the one liking might have acted and felt differently; there must be at least one thing that is off in comparison to just pure friendship. The best example i can give is, the one liking might have thoughts of not wanting to seem clingy or overly eager, and that can effect.


Even if you once dont see ur friend romantically, things can turn around because you never know.

[AydenHazor]

I agree with you! Most of my best friends are women and we are just friends. With a couple the topic of possibly dating had come up and we've decided together to just stay friends, but most of them there's never been any talk of dating, other than explaining to people that we're not.

[kellytheman]

I just think since there is opposite gender there always a sexual tension as they become more open and vulnerable with each other not to mention other variables like alcohol and temptation. I try not to be alone with another girl when I am in a relationship because either her or possibly me when be some sexual tension or temptation even though we didn't mean to have it.

[HaveNoName]

You are thinkikg from a woman's mind. You are also thinking from the mind of those gullible women who fall to the "oh she is like a. sister" trick.

If there is ANY iota of attraction in the guy's mind, he will jump on the 1st opportunity to get physical with you.

[HaveNoName]

I believe you are so fucking ugly that even an ape would not want to screw you let alone a childhood friend.

[redskulldangerzone64]

• If you understand basics of the psychology you can understand everyone’s minds wired differently so to say that men and women can’t be friends don’t fully understand how the physiological mind is wired sure men and women have their brains wired differently but it all goes back to how the psychological mind is connected men and women can be friends but i have spoken and don’t attack me I’m just trying to help.

[Anemone978]

They defo can unless one of them likes the other. I had lots of guy friends who were not remotely into me in a sexual way. But those were guys I knew since I was a kid and we were like family at that point.

[melanieeeB]

I think it's cause they aren't capable to just truly be friends with someone or always had bad experiences until now... you can be friends, if both sides really and truly don't have any intentions or interests in being more

[Hassan_8]

It relates to how beautiful she is

if she’s really beautiful he probably can’t be friend with her without thinking about love or desire

but if he doesn’t find her that much attractive then he can be her friend forever

[es20490446e]

I have a bunch of girl friends which I don't have any interest in having sex with.

Why? Because we simply don't have that kind of relationship.

I just need one hole, not every hole in this planet.

[Anonymous]

Only those, who have their only brain in their genitals if not their rectum say that men and women can't be friends. They don't know any real world examples and they won't bother finding any because their head is stuck deep enough in their own rectums.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it can get annoying. I used to have a debate about this with my boyfriend, and we eventually agreed to disagree. He doesn't believe men and women can be just friends and it bothers me because it means a lot of things, one of them being the fact that he only sexualizes women and is incapable of seeing them in any other form. We’re in a tough spot right now though and probably about to break up. Id say this would be one of the things i dont like about him.

[Opinion Owner]

Its good to finally see someone else i can agree with about this lol

[OfMiceandMen]

I have two girls who have been my close friends for 10+ years and I never had anything happen. The one is married and the other single, they are just good close friends that I can count on.

[boggboss]

Because people are stupid and it tends that 1 in thr friendship is only friends out of a sexual attraction waiting for a chance

[Asker]

ROFL

Sure if you want to be fired or believe in incest

[boggboss]

Wait what?

[boggboss]

U understand many people at work fuck right and as to u talking about incest thats not friends at that point thats family

[boggboss]

I met my fiancée at work and know of 2 people that are fucking but not together