Why do some women feel attracted to the scary men?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’ve been wondering about this for a while now. I’ve noticed that from my past experiences as well as today I feel the most attracted to the men who look a bit intimidating,

it doesn’t mean they have to be bad guys, they can be the sweetest people in person but I like when they have this intimidating look, dominant and careless gaze, even hostile.

I rarely entrust people, I even slept with knife at some point in my life but when I met my ex, I felt like I didn’t have to sleep with knife anymore, I didn’t have to worry about anything, I could cross the street with the closed eyes when he was next to me. And that was amazing, because I had trust issues and never trusted people. It felt like I finally felt free when I leaned on someone to trust them.

Before meeting him I always acted like a “tough” girl, tomboyish even, but when I met him I could just finally relax and be myself, at my most feminine and weakest and it was such a great feeling, a feeling of freedom to not be scared to be who you truly are, because you have someone who can be all the tough things. When I look at the pictures of me standing next to him, it’s like another person looking at me, my confident look was no longer needed and I looked like I was at my most feminine.

Now after break up I still have to pull up this tough and confident look, because I am all by myself now and it’s my own responsibility to get rid of the creeps, unwanted attention or just protect my heart from being hurt.

But always when I am outside I tend to be attracted to men who have this kind of physique and the similar eyes - very cold, even scary and I feel the most attracted to them. I’ve noticed they tend to be quite attracted to me as well. I don’t know why do we feel this mutual attraction? And why do I feel weak in my knees when I find a man intimidating haha

Updates

1 y

Mostly I am interested about its evolutionary reasons.

There must be a reason.

[lightbulb27]

I find that "wounds control", and so maybe a deep wound for you is fear and being belittled. By wound I mean... emotional programming... something at was emotionally powerful or repeatitive enough. It's really... familiarity in the sub conscious mind.

That may be part of it... doesn't have to be in your life, patterns can be passed on generationally (I suspect, not sure that's science fact, but Bible indicates).

As well..."trust"... formed at an early age 0-2 can be screwed up... you can end up "not trusting", but end up trusting the wrong people. That is an element of a trust wound, which to me would mean some sense of "lack of self worth".

Look in society and you'll see people that "serve" powerful evil people as the others have power over them, they are controlled by... fear? those whom ran nazi death camps as example. People did things and felt ok doing it. They are controlled by the wounds imposed, or chosen.

The more sensitive a person is, the more one might be easily influenced by others, thus "hurt" and controlled by negative emotion. Eventhough is "scary" or bad, might feel good since it's powerful. Maybe scary people seem powerful and that makes you feel secure to be on their side. An element to that is you aren't grounded in "God is love". You are under the power of the world, the adversary. Jesus of Nazareth dealt the final blow to this flaw, but you have to believe it to get it.

consider what you will, my suspicions...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have a very masculine father and a brother, however, my dad is a man who liked fighting in his youth and was good at it. So, my mom was always scared that when he would go out dad would get in a trouble, so to make sure he would be in trouble he always told me “He why not go out with your dad, I am scared about him going out alone”.

I knew for a fact that dad was strong but so many worries of my mom made me think that maybe it was me who was the protector, maybe it’s me who was even stronger than a dad because mom was obviously thinking I could protect my dad. That’s what I thought. I made it my habit to always follow my dad around. He found it cute and fun, for me though, it changed into a mission. I would sometimes quietly get scissors and go out with him even without him knowing, just in case he needed my protection.

This way I was never relaxed, I was always for the lookout of danger, and ready to strike a knife to anyone who dared to come close us.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My dad was scared of nothing, the less he was scared the more scared I was though, because I felt like it was my responsibility to protect him.

I never showed it, I acted as if I just enjoyed walking by his side.

He found it amusing and sweet that his daughter liked spending time with hum.

Only later in life he realized he made a mistake, I was 18, burglers came home and my dad went out to scare them away, I was studying when I heard mom shouting my dad’s name, I thought something happened to him, I took out the biggest kitchen knife and run after burglers. It was darkness. In the darkness someone caught my hand so strong it almost bled, it was my dad, seems like burglers already were running away and i was just a few meters away from them with my huge knife, if not my dad I would think they harmed him and I would probably do something horrible.

I was tired of that though. I was tired of protecting everyone from a young age.

I feel like it was my mom’s mistake, my dad never needed protection, he was very strong, exceptionally strong man.

I must have felt safe, but I was raised thinking it was my responsibility to protect and it was so so tiresome.

At this point I just want to have someone who I deem to be so strong that I can step down and just close my eyes and relax.

[lightbulb27]

It sounds like you did the digging work and understand why. Attraction is sub conscious and you are effectively... doing what you were trained to do. Whatever is emotionally engaging and repeated is what is ingrained as "right", familiar... and that's what will give you those "feelings".
So you will have to do some therapy on your inner child to reprogram, release the power of any oaths you made. You can practice by engagin people whom are not scary, engaging people whom are maybe hurt, or meek. and the person you choose... you may not have "feelings" for, but build a love for them.
if you readup on the sub conscious mind, you'll see what you are dealing with and find techniques to change.

That's what it is... prayer, meditation, repetition, getting the old stuff out and re-imaging it. Your brain will re-wire if it is challenged and you have an unfading vision for what you want.

This is the human condition... maybe even dog, cat, dolphin, etc.. we're all programed. When we find we don't like that programming, it no longer works for us, then change is required.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, I always realized my patterns and tried to dig and get to know myself better. I know myself, I know where things come from.

You hit the spot on, I was kind of trained to be this way, that’s what I’ve thought, I sometimes feel like I was trained to be very protective, it ended up with me being ruthless when it’s about protecting my family.

However, it’s exhausting. If only you knew how amazing and peaceful it felt to just close my eyes and entrust my ex fiance, it was domething I’ve never done as before meeting him it was always me protecting everyone and that’s not who I truly was, deep down I was just a scared little girl, putting up the face of a tough girl, who I never was. I would much rather live a life of a princess because I was always very sweet, empathetic, gentle and kind, being this violent protector on the lookout of danger has never been my true personality, I guess with every strong man I get a feeling that they would be able to make me feel peaceful and I wouldn’t have to be the protector with them. For this I am only attracted to the strongest if them, cause my dad and brother are quite strong themselves but that was at some point not enough for me to feel safe, to the contrary my mom trained me to protect them.

[lightbulb27]

you are touching on the roots... everything has emotional power, in this case sounds like fear. It may be helpful to explore what created this scenario in your parents. Why was your father so protective. Plenty strong men don't go around behaving like that... he was extreme.

Conquering emotions requires an adult mind to reprocess what the child experienced and reframe it into the emotions you want, your vision, releasing the old power that no longer serves you.

There's a reason Faith in Christ, etc. etc.. has benefit, and this is one. If you look at these stories emotionally, Christ dealt with the "fall of mankind"... an emotional fall from love to separation from God... shame, fear, malice, envy greed, spite, lust, jelousy, etc.. So in essence, by faith, you can function from your higher self... drawing from the "good root" of Christ, instead of the fragmented ones from the world which often revolve around "fear".
Granted... there is a real physical world we have to deal with and accept, and so there is a balance... we can't be "nice" to devils, we have to be spiritually powerful, mature, and sometimes lethal.
Putting a new frame around this, being at peace (various religions try to address this) inside, etc... these are all tools to get you to a better viewpoint, so you aren't controlled by the old programming... that had some flawed or unintended consequences to those roots.
Meditate, pray, repeat what you want, etc.. all good...
You are in a battle now with your 800lb gorilla programmed mind... like all of us.
Note: the path to progress... is often... suffering! So come up with some ways to suffer and challenge yourself, so you will grow.

[Lliam]

You pretty much answered your own question as to why you are attracted to "scary" men. They are the epitome of masculinity - not "bad boys" or preening movie stars or moguls. And you stated it very eloquently.

Lots of women are. I mean, how many women swoon over guys like Jason Momoa?

Just because a guy is intimidating doesn't mean that he is a danger to you. In fact, they can be very protective and make women feel safe. Plus, a lot of women get a thrill having sex with a big, strong man who is gentle but can pick them up and do fun things to them.

Lots of those guys are big teddy bears who are extremely loyal but can be fierce if necessary.

It makes sense from an evolutionary point of view. Number one is sexual dimorphism. Men are generally bigger and stronger than women. Women are attracted to that because, again, men are protectors. Men are attracted to women with nicely proportioned boobs and hips because those traits indicate an ability to bear healthy children and nourish them.

Women are vulnerable when they are pregnant and when they are nursing. They typically do a lot of the child rearing. The men hunted, built things, and provided for their family, as well as keeping them safe from predators (including raiders).

I think those things are built into our DNA, although society has evolved and there is less need to hunt and fend off predators. Nevertheless, a big, capable man makes a woman feel safe and secure. And she swoons at his masculinity.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks for a full and a very interesting answer.

Yep, lots of women are attracted but not all of them get together with those kind of guys.

For me though, it’s a priority that I should feel this way when I am with my future partner.

Female friends of mine even like a but feminine looking guys, they do have a crush on masculine guys but they tend to date the leas masculine ones.

In my case, if he is not the very best example of masculinity I might not even be attracted, nothing else can make me more attracted, even if he has really nice looks or even if he has all the money in the world. I am just not interested.

I find that weird, because there are thousands of women crushing on these guys and then marrying different types of guys.

In my case, I think I would rather not marry at all, then to marry someone who can’t make me feel the way I described in my post.

[Lliam]

The thing is, the guys you describe are a small percentage of males. And some big guys are ass holes. It's hard to find a "scary" nice guy and I imagine the competition for them among women is fierce.

They may also be too scary looking or intimidating for a lot of women.

I have cousins back east who are farmers. These guy can plow the north 40 and toss all the hay bales into the loft before breakfast. They are total family men. Their kids can do the same thing, as well as riding bulls and being football and baseball stars. And they are the most mentally wholesome people you ever met. They have honor and integrity. They don't bully, brag, or posture. But you can tell by looking at them that you would not want to get into a confrontation. LOL

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Well, yep. That’s a sad thing. They are rare.

I’ve not seen someone better looking than my ex for a long time.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Sometimes I feel like I failed for losing him. He was my fiance and loved me a lot. But it wasn’t my fault.

[Anonymous]

Women are naturally attracted to Masculinity and strength in men. It probably goes back to caveman times. It was the same at college, even the most feminist woman doing her degree in gender studies protesting Trump, equal pay and toxic Masculinity come the weekend would be getting nailed in the ass my a linebacker.

I remember getting into a brawl in my senior year of high-school and knocked two college guys out at a party as I boxed a bit and did judo. Well all of a sudden all of the girls who had zero intrest in me were intrested in me. I never had sex let alone kiss a girl until that.

When I was in my 2nd year of college I was dating this 16 year old little hottie and we broke up for a while. I saw her at a party and she was on a date with this spaz high schooler that simped after her. I tried to talk to her but she didn't want to know and as I turned to walk away the spatz said something insulting and I hit him, knocked him down and the poor kid started crying and had pissed himself. Anyway she was pissed and chewed me out about it calling me names. I went back to my car sad and angry so as I'm driving off she's standing there on the sidewalk comforting him with her group and I pull up out of I dont know what. I tell her to get her fat ass in the car and she looks shocked, she looks at the dpatz and her friends then looks at me and gets into my car and tells the spatz she's sorry but she leaving with me. F*cked her all night, angry s*X. She loved it, she loved drama and danger. The nicer I was the less she respected me and less intrested she was. When she text to see what I was up to during the week I'd tell her I was at a college party or missed class but in reality I was studying or at class.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I get really scary when I'm mad, and the first time my girlfriend saw it, she jumped my bones.
It's not so hot the second or 1,000th time around, but I think it displays power and makes a girl feel safe

(As does looking scary in general)

[Anonymous]

This is refreshing to hear. I have a tremendous resting glare face. It goes away when I engage with people socially, most of the time. And it doesn't match my personality at all. I've had a few friends who knew OF me before knowing me personally, and said when they saw me walking around school (like back in high school) they assumed I was a real asshole. It always surprised me but at that point I didn't realize I have a really mean look.

[misogynistic_pig]

I have already answered this cliché question several times, the female desperately seeks to reproduce with murderers to use them as bodyguards and providers.

[serious]

Maybe because they are physically strong and masculine. Women tend to feel more protected with such men.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this about myself too. I don't know why that kind of man is attractive to me.

[Texaskid1]

Scary man = alpha male = big dong = fireworks in bed.

That's why.

[bamesjond0069]

I mean it seems relatively normal. Most women look to a man they will have a relationship as a protector. That's all it is really.

[Tstrbrainer]

You described it yourself