How do you take down that defensive wall?

[Anonymous]

I like a girl and she use to like me. I'm confident, charming and independent, but I suppose I fell too hard for her because she was the first woman I truly opened up to, I then acted weak, needy and too available and she lost all sexual desire for me but wanted to stay friends.

Friends was shit for months, she'd act like I was annoying and she couldn't stand me, even when she'd laugh she'd quickly try be serious again. One day she disrespected and i snapped and told her ill walk if she wants to act this way. Since then she finds me funny, she loves being around me, we tease eachother, she texts me daily and wants to hang out all the time, which annoys me, because I didn't change anything, so she clearly had some barrier against enjoying my company. Her friends feel like I actually acted like a man and it made her develop some respect again

Now it applies to intimacy. I think yet again she's forced some mental block on it for some reason. When we hang out for lunch let's say, she's very giggly and goofy. She faces me, pulls into the table, rests her legs on mine and leans in and we touch a bit. But once it goes quiet she turns her body, moves her chair back and crosses her legs.

Or if we hang out she bounces into me when we walk, she touches me quite a bit and there's no reason for it, she'll stand in my zone and sometimes presses into me, we play fight or wrestle and ill pick her up and carry her or hug her etc and my hand has often been on her ass or between her legs unintentionally but she'll joke about it and just keeps laughing and loves the fun we're having. But once there's silence she moves away from me, gets irritated if we touch by accident and shuts down and I don't understand why she's like that, because it's clearly not her natural reaction towards me and more a mental note.

I've been told to now create space and let her miss me and have time to think and overthink things, but has anyone any suggestions?

[Rosexøxø]

Oh I’m very sorry. She has self acceptance issues.

She thinks you “don’t like her anymore.” Or it ended to quickly.

Could be something else in there where she is trying to protect her emotions and seem cool. She wants to either “mimick” your energy/attention/vibe, or outdo you (taking silence a step further to unconscious rejection towards you, just so she seems more “chill than you.”

She’s afraid of putting more out there than you put, and maybe some part of her thinks you just want one thing or don’t really love her.

The more comfortable she feels with you and the more she feels like she knows you- the safer she feels- the more she sees you being goofy or comfortable or showing

*you were thinking of her*

* in a positive way *

* remembering her *

the better she will feel, more she will blossom, and the more- little by little and eventually those walls will dry up fall, and let the living flesh of her heart breathe and be alive and real. Seen.

DON’T attempt to hurt her. If you’re serious about her- only THEN continue being with her and showing her you’re serious. Otherwise I suggest you don’t because it takes some time for some girls to get past those types of things.

It is false mindsets they believe from their youth that have to be reversed.

They have to be convinced of the truth, and that will only come with a true lover.

Someone who will stay…

someone who will love her for her

in all her ways

her goofiness and such.

when she pulls away, try reaching out to her. She needs reminders.

In the best scenario, she will eventually see and reach out to you as well, on those days you are sad and somewhat tired.

She is just not 100% convinced you love her, and even I am somewhat wary for her.

The fact you ask could mean you wish to make things right,

but I also believe you have some arousal you wish to enjoy with her and I hope it is not something temporary.

If so, she will learn one of many tough lessons.

best to you both 🤜🤛

[Boomchakalaca]

Hate to admit this but im the same way. Still working on it. I let my emotions go in the moment. Any time something good happens i then remember all the shit i put up with and what he did (forced me to take off a choker necklace bc it was seen as kinky to him) (breaking a promise) (treating my bedroom as if it was his, dirtying a towel without asking) so any little thing would tick me off after that unless it was addressed. One problem could escalate in multiple. He was very charming though.. (takes me out 💅🏼 🥘 dinner, nails, shopping, opens car door for me) so ig we both needed to work on our issues

[Asker]

One thing I've noticed is that she constantly refers to me as "childish" recently. She's never done it before and I'm wondering if I'm meant to take a hint from that and slightly turn it back.

Whenever she does something that I go against her or get a bit moody she giggles and acts all girly.

I've noticed that once I develop feelings I stop being a flirty tease that talks dirty to them and sets their heart racing but instead focus on us laughing and having fun, which makes me come across as goofy and a friend and not masculine. Do you reckon her calling me childish quite often is a signal she wants me to be a bit more masculine when we hang out and less boyish? I just feel like a little kid in a toy shop when I'm with her and that evidently comes out, whereas usually I'm quite confident, charming and take control of situations so a bit of a leader

[Boomchakalaca]

Being assertive is rlly attractive and what women usually look for in a partner. Also her being giggly when ur serious could mean she dosent like to be in an uncomfortable situation, at least, thats what i do. Its a comfort thing in difficult situations. So, yes. I think she wants u to act more serious but also goofy in certain situations. For me, i never really liked my boyfriend leaning on my shoulder. I liked to be the one shorter than him laying on his.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Women love it when a man snaps for the first time. It shows power and intensity, and makes her feel safe.
I have no idea why she's so hot and cold with you, but for women like her, it's better to not fight for her attention. Make her fight for yours or kick her to the curb.
Don't put up with her bullshit

[jujus]

Don’t feel alone I had something similar happened to me