When your ex puts up a REALLY strong wall, how can it be brought down?

[StarGirl80]

I'd really like to hear from people who have been on both sides of this.

If you are the one who put up the wall, what did your ex say or do to finally ease things up again?

If you are the one who had to break the wall, how did you accomplish it?

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, not because the love was gone, but because his selfish, psycho brother threatened to kill me. But after the breakup, I did some passive-aggressive things, and now my ex calls ME the psycho. He ignores all kinds of communication with me, no matter how simple and nice I try to be.

Any advice?

[shrike092]

For now he will take everything you try and do the wrong way and use it against you. Best advice, that really works, is tell/text/write-letter him that your ok with this break up now and that something amazing has happened in your life and you'll have to tell him about it sometime, tell him that you hope you can be friends in the future and that you're sorry for (whatever you did wrong).

Accept all responsibility even though it wasn't all your fault ensure you that this will make him contact you back very soon if not immediately. after this, just give him time, possibly even up to a month or two, make no contact at all, let him come to you, and he will. just don't show any strong feelings soon, make it seem as though you're over him, but still be polite so you don't run him off again.

Go ahead, text it to him now and see what happens. Give me the feedback.

[StarGirl80]

I bought "The Magic of Making Up", and I know about this note. But, things were so bad that I felt the need to apologize a lot first. About a month and a half ago, I sent a heart-felt apology using Tdub's "Wiping the Slate Clean". My ex ignored it :(

About a week after that, my Grandma died, and I sent an IM to my ex to let him know (he knew my Grandma). He even ignored that too.

But, it may be easy for him to ignore me now because he's with a rebound.

[StarGirl80]

Less than a month after the breakup, he had a new girlfriend, but she is NOT his type. Throughout our relationship, he explained to me what kind of girl he can't stand, and she fits that perfectly.

Do you still think I should send the note, or should I lay low until the rebound is gone?

[StarGirl80]

Sorry, one more note - We were together for 5 years, engaged for a year and a half. We were so close to getting our own house together until his brother went nuts. I couldn't stand him anymore.

[shrike092]

My advice is to do exactly what the book says, all attempts of you apologizing will not help at all...he is still in the "Rejection/Mad" stage"......very important no contact during this time....very important......just tell him your over him, right the note.....follow it all...it really works with all....even on help getting over them if they really don't want you, but from how he's datin who he wouldn't want I'd say he is still there for ya. don't worry it all turn out good.....I was surprised

[takemedrunkimhome]

I don't agree with this. If someone wrote me a note or said that while I was in the rejection/mad stage I'd think F.U. and ignore them even more.

[shrike092]

Thats what I thought too, but it actually worked, I got a little over excited....but didn't show it.....You would be surprised, I swear its the exact opposite of what you think now when you are in the middle of a break-up and still wanting them back, never had those feelings before that.