Why do I feel shy when I look pretty?

[Anonymous]

Today, I wear beautiful golden high heels, sexy black pants, beautiful red blouse top, that shows my collar bone and waist and wear a golden choker along with cute gold earrings.

I look very chic and sexy. I try not to wear sexy at work, but today I look so.

And have been told by everyone.

When my coworker guys came in and started chatting to me, I felt very shy and couldn’t look at them in the eyes, I am not usually that shy, but I feel shy and anxious when they check me out constantly.

I decided to wear these clothes so that during the 8 days holidays everyone would remember with this look haha and now I am left feeling all shy.

[caring__1]

It's not uncommon to be uncomfortable when we believe we're deceiving others. We present a package we know to only be a facade and not a true representation of what actually exists. We fear the consequences of getting caught. We're conditioned to draw attention to ourselves, but then we find ourselves uncomfortable with that attention.

Sometimes, this is due to aspects out of our control (which I sense is true for you), but there are an awful lot of people who cover up their lack of self-care with fancy makeup, hair, nails and clothing. Trying to be something we're not will never improve our self-esteem. All it does is make us more aware of and enhance our insecurities.

Let's say you wear a suit of armor to protect your perceived weaknesses. When you look out, you see your suit of armor. That only makes you feel weaker, leading you to add to your suit of armor. Eventually, you lose sight of your true self and become the suit of armor.

It would be so nice if we were raised to believe in ourselves and make the most of what we already have available, rather than be conditioned by society to mold ourselves into an ideal. By promoting ideals rather than uniqueness, all we end up doing is creating a society of people who feel flawed and inadequate.

We all have our preferences, and those are to be respected by ourselves and others. They are a statement of what we've discovered works best for us, not a judgment of those who are different. For every type of person, there are people who are drawn to that type of person. Though I'm not drawn to women who are larger than me, I'm also not drawn to women who feel they can paint on beauty. A natural Plain Jane who I feel a special connection with has more value to me than any Barbie Doll.

[Grond21]

Do you still want the attention? If someone who you find attractive givrs you more attention in this situation, does it increase or decrease your shyness?

[Asker]

Increases my shyness

[Grond21]

Is there any fear mixed into the shyness?

[Asker]

I feel ashamed as if I act like someone I am not.

[Grond21]

Ah, impostor syndrome. It feels like you are pretending to be this attractive

[Asker]

It feels like how I see myself and how people see me doesn’t match.

[Asker]

I am not comfortable people giving me too much attention.

[Asker]

But I also dislike the lack of it haha

[Grond21]

That seems like a normal reaction. Women generally want to have attention as being attractive, and there is a certain amount of that which is healthy.
But if you feel like you aren't actually that attractive, then there is a disconnect. At that point, you can assume you are right and everyone else is blind, they are seeing something you are not, or something in between.

[Anonymous]

this happens to me. and it's because whenever i put on makeup when i was in my 20's, my family would ask me "who are you dressing up for?" "why are you wearing makeup?" and it made me feel ashamed. so yeah, whenever i dress up and look good, i feel shy like that too still. this is why i wear very plain clothing so no one will say anything to me.

anyways, maybe you're afraid of what people will say or what they'll think, and the spotlight is kind of on you because you likely don't dress like that all of the time. it's something new and out of the ordinary for you.

[Asker]

I try to dress the way to not accentuate my butt. Because I always get too much attention on my body.

And that day I dressed the way that emphasized my body shape and everybody looked at my butt. I felt so. And it’s just so uncomfortable sometimes.

[lightbulb27]

because they are invading your space with their eyes... in a certain way...

[OlderAndWiser]

How was your relationship with your mother when you were a child? And now?

[Asker]

My mom and I had a very tensed relationship, she had this depressive periods when she’d get emotionally abusive and the next day she would be like an Angel and the best mom ever.

She was very controlling, I was a shy child, she liked dressing me up the way that everyone would look at me, she wanted me to be the party queen and always in the spotlight. But I was shy and didn’t enjoy that role.

Later on, I got used to it and started enjoying but seems like I always stayed the same, every time I look very pretty or sexy or so pn… I feel like I am dressed as someone I am not…

Yet, I can’t do any other way. I am used to being in the center of attention.

[Asker]

That was a very good question. What made you think of it?

[OlderAndWiser]

When you are a child, your mother selects your clothes. If she is trying to show you off like a trophy, and you have a bad relationship with her, then perhaps you developed some resentment or reluctance about doing something that would please her. It was just a hypothesis.

[Asker]

Yep, she tried to show me off, dress me up to look the prettiest or cutest and so on and she would not let me out without fancy hairstyles.

I hated it. I just wanted to blend in. If I left home without the outfit she chose for me, she would tell me some very hurtful things.

I wasn’t allowed to be average, I was expected to look good, study well, be the most and the best of everything.

It was good in a way that at some point it made me popular that I always looked great.

But then, I always felt that wasn’t who I was.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to that
Sometimes before going out , after I dress well and do some face care and style. my hair I look a little too good that I purposefully mess up something lolol

[soe11]

• Build confidence.
• Do not care anyone.
• Eliminate shyness from yourself.

[Sevenpointfive]

attention sucks if you're not used to it. i feel the same way. i try not to dress up very often because of the attention and how shy/nervous it makes me feel. all sorts of paranoia comes into play

[eagle1951]

how open is it in the front, your top that is

[Asker]

Just shows collar bones and a bit of my waist

[eagle1951]

sounds like the men will be all over you today

[stratford]

Perhaps becuase you are not used to being the center of attention?

[Asker]

I am… But when it gets more than usual, it makes me feel shy.

[Asker]

Might be a thing of childhood. I was a very shy girl and my mom liked to dress me ip so that I would always be in the center of attention.

So, I ended up being in the center of attention while I just enjoyed being on my own sometimes.

Then I got used to it and started enjoying it, but sometimes I still feel like I pretend to be someone I am not.

[Archferret]

Maybe it's self-consciousness

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

Maybe that's your personality

[jjj101010]

Would be helpful if we could see the outfit

[Anonymous]

Angel in the streets, devil in the sheets ;)