Any way I can take my brother's place in a soccer match?

[Anonymous]

I guess this is more of a joke question, but my ass of an older brother is playing in a soccer match tomorrow and I can't play because I'm a girl. What is making me feel better is imagining all the cartoonish ways I could sneakily take his place, any outlandish ideas welcome.

[robhazelnut]

Dear readers, what I write below in hyphens is a joke opinion. Please don't try any of it at home.

-Dudebrogirl, all you need to do to play is replace his soccer socks and shirt with a box of noodles and a saucepan and set off real early tomorrow morning in your own soccer gear + his uniform+wrapped-up-chest, on foot, to the soccer field and hide before the game starts. When his coach and team are all like "Where's so and so's ass-of-an-older brother?", you just walk up to them and say in a low-pitched voice, "That wet noodle wanted to make spaghetti this morning instead. I'm his replacement."-

[Asker]

LOLLLLL, thank you so much for making me smile!! That's funny! Got any other ideas?

[robhazelnut]

You're welcome! I'm glad that you smiled! Another joke-idea-in-hyphens-below-requested-to-never-try-at-home is:

-Duderbrogirl, all you need to fo to play is to fittingly shape, then superglue some 6"x3"x2" pieces of wood to the heels of his cleets to act as 6" heels, take his uniform and, wearing your own gear yada yada, walk to the field in the early morn', then when his coach & team say, "Where's so and so's ass-of-an-older-brother?" you walk right up and tell them in a low voice, "He's feeling too high-and-mighty for soccer today. I'm his replacement."-

It seems to me that, however cartoonish, you'd still need the correct uniform for whichever team you were on.

[Asker]

Hahahahahahaha, that's hilarious!

The only problem is, I'd need a way to keep my brother off the soccer field so my "cover" won't be blown haha

[robhazelnut]

Thank you very much! I have one more:

Dear readers, what I write below in hyphens is a joke opinion. Please don't try any of it at home.

-Dudebrogirl, if you get a big fake glass gemstone the size of the Hope Diamond and place it in his droor before he has to get ready, he'd spend a fair amount of time trying to verify, sell or even be mezmerized by it.-

It'd be best to leave things be as joyfully as you can, Dudebrogirl. All deceptions come with a heavy price, and you won't know exactly how big or exactly when. That price is lost warmth in relationships. I've seen it happen to people. Being straight with yourself is at least a stable platform to live on and generate interesting things from. It's my wish and my blessing that you burst with joy every moment, of your own accord. Namaskaram 🙏

[Anonymous]

you must have recently watched the movie "She's The Man". 🤣

[Asker]

I have... only my brother would never willingly let me swap places with him

[laraWM]

Why can't you play? It's official tournament?

[Asker]

Girls aren't allowed on the boys team, but there is no girl's team for me to play on

[laraWM]

Really? You should ask to play with them, it's okay if there is no girl's team. I did that when I was younger

[Asker]

I already have, but my brother and the coach won't let me. That's why I wanna take his place

[laraWM]

Yes, it's sad they won't let you. I had to insist a lot but in the end they let me play with the guys 🙂

[Asker]

That's great to hear, but I know my brother won't let me play

[Anonymous]

Use your imagination.

[Asker]

I've thought of some stuff already

[Opinion Owner]

Awesome!

[Asker]

Do you have any ideas?

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly I don’t see how you would get away with it.

[Asker]

Oh, I wouldn't even try. I just like to make up scenarios in my head and wondered if you have any idea