Why does my girlfriend text me after we had argument when she could just tell me then?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend isn't much of a talker, she's quiet keeps to herself and barely leaves her house. I mean I found her in a hardware aisle reading boxes of screws cause she was embarrassed to ask for help but anyways we were over at my house watching a movie. She was on her period so she was in pain and curled up on me, she is fairly small and looks like my kid whe we are next to each other. I was saying it was hot I had a rough day and the heat was adding to my frustrations but her being there made my day a lot day. She got up I asked her y she got up, she said I was hot and started taking off her sweater. I wasn't yelling at her I just wanted her to lay down on me cause it made me feel better. She took her sweater off still looking at the movie and was giggling I don't remember what she was talking about on the screen but then I raised my voice a bit and told her 'shut up, just lay down that's what u need to do' it sounded a lot bossy so I asked after 'if laying down isn't what I wanna do'. She froze and just stared at me she was about cry she said that wasn't very nice and she was just taking her sweater off cause I was hot. I sighed and she sat back down and laid back down on me but she was on my stomach not on my chest. Then she started scratching her nose. She does this when she's said, I told her to stop sulking and she stopped but she wasn't talkative like she was a minute ago. I asked if she was upset and she shook her head so I let her be. Then she texted me later that she didn't like being yelled at and she was sorry for going quiet she didn't wanna talk and end up crying. She could've told me so we could address it immediately then but she choose to text me later she's done this before plenty of times. Texting me when she didn't like how I acted towards her or stuff I said. She can just talk to me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ahh man, I get why you're confused. With her being shy and quiet, texting probably just feels safer for her to express how she's feeling in the moment.

Especially when upset, it can be hard for some girls to speak up right away without crying. And she knows you get stressed easy, so texting gives you both space to calm down first before talking it out.

I'd say try not to take it personally - it's likely not about you, just her personality. Maybe have an open chat about how you each handle upset feelings best. Let her know you want to understand her, not make things worse.

Then when she does text, respond kindly. Like "Thanks for telling me, I wanna listen. Can we talk after school today?" Having a plan to connect shows you care how she feels too.

You dudes seem good for each other overall. Just keep learning how to communicate better through rough patches. You got this!

[Asker]

But I wanna address whatever I did to hurt her in that moment than have her overthinking. But I get what ur saying. She's a little more talkative when we're alone but in public she barely says a word but she's fine at work cause she has to converse with people. I just wished she'd tell me about her feelings then like how she rambles about random facts like coffee giving rats cancer like she does when she sits on the toilet while I shower to keep me company but she's the one that needs the company. She'll call me to tell me to check my phone when she sends me selfies during the day. Maybe she'll get out of her shell but I don't mind the notes I find on my mirror or the little letters

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I feel you man, it can be tough dealing with a shy girl sometimes. Sounds like she opens up more when it's just the two of you alone, which is good.

Maybe try talking to her when you're both in a calm, relaxed setting and explain that you don't want her to feel like she has to text you stuff after an argument. Reassure her it's okay if she needs a minute to collect her thoughts, but that you'd rather address things together in the moment so there's no miscommunication or overthinking later.

Also, you could try doing little things to help bring her out of her shell more in general. Like when you're out together, point out random facts or things going on around you like she does just to show her it's okay to talk. Or ask her little questions to keep a conversation going.

Baby steps, you know? Don't force it, but little nudges could help her feel more comfortable opening up. And keep reminding her how much you like when she tells you random stuff - positive reinforcement goes a long way! She'll get there with time. You sound like a caring boyfriend, I'm sure just being patient and understanding will help a lot.

[strateguy632]

she was smart n careful not to react in the moment of irritation just, after thinking

[Asker]

So she's avoiding hurting my feelings and saying something she'll regret?