Why is it so hard for me to want to be with a good guy?

[Anonymous]

I got my heart broken and feelings hurt by a decent looking guy with a good job and financial stability.. what attracted me to him the most was his intelligence. I liked him so much just for him to be a jerk and treat me like nothing… it left me feeling shattered because he was like the first guy I really wanted to be with. I liked that I felt feminine with him and submissive

There’s a guy my mom wants me to meet and while I do think he’s nice looking and very kind. I’m just not attracted to him… I felt that he wasn’t a “man”… Or idk…

he said he hadn’t had a girlfriend since 2013, he works for city hall, he doesn’t really have a relationship with his siblings… I just felt turned off by him … and it’s not because of his looks etc but I’m just not attracted to him.

But ik he’s a good guy who would treat me right and our families want us to date very badly.

[Finchie40]

Yea don’t waste your time on him either , if you aren’t attracted to him than he is just a waste of time , you should never feel forced to like anyone. Just because your family wants you to be with him, doesn’t mean shit. You can only love someone you choose to love , no one else can make that decision for you. Relationships are harder these days mainly because of how things are today in this society , so finding true love isn’t easy for a lot of people. All we can do is keep trying and hoping one of them is an actual good seed for ourselves. Just because your last relationship didn’t work out , don’t blame yourself , still rock who you are as a person , and don’t change who you are for anyone , your knight in shining armor will eventually show up when you least expect it to. Someone that will choose you the same way you choose them. Sadly most of us encounter bad seeds before finding a good seed

[Asker]

I feel like this really changed me.. I’ve been struggling for months to feel good about myself. I started a only fans account just to help me with validation etc.. I feel like he did me a little wrong but it’s cool. I can’t make him like me.

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s a lesson most of us learn in life , we can’t force someone to stand by our side and choose us , the same way we want to choose them. If someone chooses to walk away? All we can do is pretty much let them go and realize we deserve better than that shit , because someone that truly values you and appreciates you? Will not leave your side. The key word is Close. Someone that loves and appreciates you wants to be close to you as much as possible , someone that doesn’t want to be close with you will distance themselves from you , and might try to treat you like a convenience. Never be a convenience to anyone , we can only choose someone that is choosing us the same way in return.

[msc545]

Good people are dependable and boring. Bad people are dangerous and exciting. Take your pick. I used to always choose bad women, now I choose nobody - boring but safe.

[msc545]

Thanks for MHO

[DishLady]

So you picked a bad guy... and when a nice guy is presented you don't think about giving him a chance. Hmm.

There's nothing to do other than to keep moving on. Don't settle for him and waste his time.

[Asker]

I’m not going to waste his time because I’m not interested

But I want a man who can provide and be a man

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It sounds like you’re attracted to aggression. Maybe you should see a therapist and get to the root of things and figure out who you’re trying to replace with these toxic men

[HollyK21]

If you’re not attracted to him then don’t settle. Life’s too short too act in everyone else’s favor but your own.

[Asker]

It’s me Holly. Thank you 🙏

[HollyK21]

Awe!! This is good news, glad you’re doing ok💛

[Asker]

Things are going okay… I’m still in therapy.. and I sent him another text… but I talked about it in therapy. Idk… sometimes I don’t feel good after my sessions. I don't know if that’s a good or bad thing

[Asker]

Hope all is well with you. I miss talking with you 😌

[HollyK21]

I’m cheering for you hard right now Chels! Literally so good to hear you’re still in therapy and it’s slowly making a difference. It takes a while to heal, unlearn toxic mentalities and ultimately become better, but if you keep doing the work it’s going to pay off. I miss talking to you as well, but I think it’s best when these are our conversations and not about “you know who”. Our opinions about certain aspects of that situation are just two different and I don’t think it should ever come down to how it did the last time we spoke. I’ve moved on from that, I’m genuinely happy to hear from you. ❤️

[Asker]

She really got on me and kind of blamed me.. that’s why I was a bit upset and she said that me suing him wasn’t a good idea and that by sending that message I’m “harassing “ him and she was treating me as if I’m a stalker and I felt hurt by that… but she said I didn’t stand on my boundary… I allowed him to play me. She does agree that he just wanted sex but like you say there’s different opinions.

But I think I’m noticing how my behavior isn’t healthy and tbh it is hard not seeing what he’s up to. I just wish instead of her attacking me I wish she could tell me why I’m doing all this. Yes ik my behavior and actions are crazy but I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and how to stop feeling so hurt.. and accept it for what it is.

But I’m going to try again.

[HollyK21]

I’m not even a therapist and I’ve told you the same things, so to see you were hurt or upset when a professional is giving similar sentiments at the very least tells me that I wasn’t far off with everything I was saying. I don't know, maybe it’s just a matter of right message, wrong messenger, which is totally fine so long as someone’s able to get through to you.

If you’ve managed not to be checking on him as of late then I hope you’re proud of yourself to that because I know how tempting it is. I’m surprised you were trying to sue him Chels lol for what?

[Asker]

I was suing him for sexual coercion… I had set a boundary with him, explaining that I was protecting my emotional and mental well-being and wasn't looking for anything serious.
Despite this, he strategically and cleverly coerced me, only to reject, discard, and ghost me afterward.
Although we didn't have sex, I want to explain why this significantly impacted my mental health and why I believe I was sexually coerced.
I communicated clear boundaries and even though this person appeared to respect them initially he manipulated me emotionally. Trying to gain my trust emotionally... and I indeed did become vulnerable just for him to become an absolute jerk, say demeaning and hurtful things and discard.
Could I win this case without looking ridiculous?
I want to sue him for 4k to help pay for therapy for severe emotional distress and emotional pain.

[HollyK21]

Well, if she talked you out of that then I’m very glad.

[Asker]

No but I know I can’t win the case after seeking legal advice and I text him letting him know that la what I’m doing but he left me on delivered

I don't know I need a break from therapy. I won’t fall into old patterns but she’s not against me using men for attention she just said that I need to set heavy boundaries and stick to them.. since I have shit self worth I’m going to focus on only fans

[HollyK21]

Chels honey don’t give up your therapy. It was hard enough to find someone and now that you have I think you should give it a real shot. It’s hardly been 2 months, she’s not going to have all the answers just yet. She’s building a relationship with you, learning about your patterns and hopefully creating a diagnosis that is specifically tailored to what you’re going through, not some nonsense online that’s meant to be a one size fits all. There’s no one size to trauma, mental health issues and healing.

[Asker]

He really broke me and I don’t think this is something therapy is going to fix…
I felt humiliated especially since she had her intern during our conversation that day to listen in but I agreed to it and I wish I hadn’t.

[Asker]

He truly doesn’t understand or care about the damage.. I’ll never feel good enough again and I’ll always compare him to any guy I talk to.

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry you felt humiliated but neither of them are there to judge you, that’s not what being a therapist is about. I think it’s just uncomfortable for you when certain talking points are brought up. I’d try to be as gentle with you as I could when I’d say certain things and somehow you’d still get mad or say I was being hurtful. It’s hard relaying things to you in a way you won’t take too personally but it doesn’t mean I judged you to draw that opinion.

[Asker]

I just thought it hurt that you didn’t see him as the issue or that you didn’t see that he was manipulating me to ultimately sleep with him and then dump me after.. but you say I did a lot of things wrong… that’s all
But I understand. She also agrees that he just wanted one thing

[HollyK21]

I have never ever said he was faultless babe, you can’t say I’ve never put blame on him for his parts. It’s when I address your parts that you say I’m siding with him which just isn’t true at all. Same goes for if I don’t agree with an aspect of the situation. There isn’t much for me to form some big opinion about him, what I’ve said has always been very surface level and simple. He had his areas he messed up and so did you, I’ve always held that stance.

[Asker]

Okay, we will leave it there.

I feel like nothing without him and I hate admitting that.

[HollyK21]

How were you feeling before him?

[Asker]

Like nothing. Lonely.. I was craving attention desperately from other men.

[HollyK21]

I’m mainly asking because if you felt like this before, sure you may feel worse now but I think it’s just a nail in the coffin situation vs feeling like nothing without him. He exacerbated something you were already struggling with, and to me, this is your cause to shift the blame and focus onto him. He will always be the biggest resident in your mind until you stop making him the focal point of your emotions. Attach your pain or sadness to all the relevant issues in your past and not solely onto one person. I think that would be the most progressive.

[Asker]

That’s not how I feel it or view it though. I feel like I failed. I feel like a loser, a nobody, discarded… he was honestly someone I wanted to be with and I feel like it was taken away. It’s a confusing emotion mainly because now I mean nothing to him and he wants nothing to do with me… on top of him already believing I’m unstable and him calling me crazy. It just hurts and that’s what you’re not fully understanding

[Asker]

I get that I have trauma that’s already inside me and it heightened it but knowing your not good enough is a different feeling on its own… knowing that he doesn’t even think you’re on his level and he’s treating you as such…and you’ve become nothing once again. He wants to be with a higher caliber woman and I’m not her. I’m a loser, a slut.. and he sees that
He deserves to be with someone on his level. I’m the opposite

I can’t take feeling like this anymore.

[HollyK21]

You’re very right, but I’ve always said I’ll never be able to fully understand how you’re feeling. I can relate to aspects of it, but unless myself or anyone else were in your shoes, no one would be able to fully grasp what’s happening in your own mind. Same goes for me, I’m sure there’s plenty in my past that you can’t fully understand but possibly relate to on a certain level.

As for not being good enough, I never felt like that was the case at all. What’s it matter to be good enough if you aren’t compatible? Or they want to be single? Or they aren’t ready for a relationship? This rejection has nothing to do with your value as a woman or as a person in general. It just didn’t work out.

[Asker]

I wasn’t good enough for him. That was the case. He is indeed looking and wanting a relationship but he just didn’t want one with me. He was rejecting me almost immediately after meeting… he was not attracted to me. I do feel like he wouldn’t have ghosted me if he were attracted to me.

I told you that he’s actively pursuing doctors and nurses… high caliber women. He doesn’t see me in a valuable way

[HollyK21]

I disagree babe, I just think it’s what you’ve managed to convince yourself of. Once you start beating something into your brain day in and day out for months on end, you’re gonna believe it. No one can talk you out of it or away from it.

[Asker]

Please believe when I say if I could feel another way I would. If I could hold on to anything that justifies his actions being positive I would. He did what he did because that’s how he felt about me.

[HollyK21]

I don’t think it has anything to do with your value but your actions during your time dealing with him. When you’re first seeing a new person, especially within 2 weeks you’re very much trying to get an idea of who they are and what you’re signing up for. You’ve admitted that there were things you could’ve done differently, but that is hindsight and unfortunately those things helped form his opinion about you. To say he didn’t believe you were good enough is to toss aside the valid talking points as to why you two didn’t work. It’s the easy way out — “oh I wasn’t good enough”. That’s all huh?

[HollyK21]

There’s more to it, that is my point here.

[Asker]

Then if he felt I was unstable and still dealt with me during the ordeal then we go on a date and you’re saying he’s getting an “idea” of me… he already had an idea of me Holly. That’s why I’m not worried about how I acted bc he was still willing to go out… it’s not about how I acted entirely but he was indeed still willing to give things a go if he were actually genuine.

He never wanted me. I was just too much to deal with and get sex from. He knew I would be crazier after sex and he wanted it to be easier to dump me

He did not find me attractive enough or smart enough to be in a real relationship with that’s why he’s actively pursuing better women

[HollyK21]

Same reason you still dealt with him after pressing on him about only wanting sex, you felt something and still wanted to give him a chance. You can’t reject the fact he was interested until he wasn’t, I don’t believe anyone would waste more time if they weren’t interested. I think the date was nail in the coffin.

[Asker]

Because he wasn’t attracted to me. I’m a very insecure person and very anxious so I wasn’t sure. I should have cut him off but I didn’t want to bc I liked him.

[Asker]

He just wanted to sleep with me and I and everybody else believes it… what does that tell you?

[Asker]

And why would a “high quality “ guy who really wants a doctor or another high quality woman want a slut or a woman who posts half naked pics? You really think he actually liked or wanted a relationship with someone like that or wouldn’t it make more sense for him to pretend he wanted something “serious.”

[HollyK21]

Everybody agrees either when you don’t add all the context or you’ve been so firm in that stance they just went ahead and agreed, not worth the fight. I could’ve done that ages ago but I’m not here to tell you what you wanna hear. No, I don’t think he solely wanted sex. I just don’t. As for a high quality woman, are you a teacher? How’s that of lower quality than a nurse? You both did your time in school and now do a job that helps people. Half naked pics, in my opinion, aren’t always an indication of someone’s worth or value.

[HollyK21]

**aren’t you a teacher

[Asker]

Yeah but a doctor vs a teacher.. especially an art teacher.. he wants someone who is on his level… he’s an engineer and he has a degree in mechanical engineering and a masters in something harder.. I don’t compare in any way. He feels he can do a lot better than me. He wasn’t attracted to me physically or mentally that’s why he said the comment “you think…. Differently”… and said that I misunderstand everything he says.. he raised his voice a little when he said that 😭

[HollyK21]

So why would a nurse be at his level? Art teacher or not, a teacher is a teacher. And why do you insist on saying the worst things about yourself? If I dare say anything positive about your character you tear it down. That has to be so exhausting Chels.

[Asker]

Okay I’m not talking about a nurse tho I’m talking about a doctor. I guess it’s true because you’re ignoring the doctor part..

[Asker]

How he treated me and discarded me I’ll say I’m not really enough for him

[Asker]

And deep down I just don’t feel like he’s straight. I think he’s closeted

[HollyK21]

Well, I won’t fight you on it honey💛

[Asker]

On what? I can understand if you don’t believe but the things I’ve seen and read are sus

[HollyK21]

On anything babe lol if these are all the things you believe, I won’t fight you on them. If you think the things you read were sus and etc, that’s fine. It doesn’t change anything though Chels. It’s pointless speculation and back and forth…

[HollyK21]

Did you ever finish baby reindeer? What did you think of it?

[Asker]

I been finished it. I think I’m her and she’s me lmao.

What did you think?

Him possibly being gay hurts me too because even though he doesn’t want me I feel like I still wanted him to be 100 percent straight and have a wife and family by now.

[Asker]

Believe it or not. His homosexuality plays a role in this big time.

[HollyK21]

I just finished it the other day! I had no idea that the actual man who went through this was the actor as well. Very vulnerable in my opinion but a good show overall👏 what’s next on your list?

[Asker]

I’m more into sci-fi

[HollyK21]

That’s fine Chels I only asked what’s next on your list lol it can be any genre.

[Asker]

Something is bothering me again. I’m ruminating on him being gay/ closeted and I don’t understand why. Just a thought

Have a happy 4th

[HollyK21]

I don’t think that’s the best thing to ruminate on, just an unnecessary way of upsetting yourself babe. Also hope you had a good 4th!☺️💛

[Asker]

I really do think he’s closeted. I think he’s attracted to trans/ femme men.

I mean I hope you have a happy holiday weekend!

[HollyK21]

Well hey, you’re entitled to thinking that, but you already know how I feel about it. Like I was saying the other day, I just think that once you fixate on something enough, it becomes fact in your mind. Where you stand and what you think about this situation now has evolved so much it seems from the time we first spoke about it. It went from rational thoughts and comments on how he went about things, to this. Downhill.

[Asker]

You really don’t think he’s gay? Wow.. okay

[Asker]

I ruminate on it because I imagine that I’m already emotionally invested and then I find clues that he’s bisexual… there’s a lot of small clues… he seems to gravitate more towards men. it’s like he seems more comfortable… I do think that the trans woman is a clue. It’s not a trans woman with clothes on. She post videos of her naked and she looks boyish. He also follows a page where it’s a three some involving 2 men and a woman… or a sex page that mostly involves anal

He has been able to get with very hot and good quality women but he’s “never ready”…

I don’t think he knows how to emotionally connect with a woman.

I won’t say he’s full blown gay but I do think his sexual desires involve penis.

He also seems to like masculine looking women like Claire underwood… and he even said “whoever has entered Ciara is lucky, trust me I know “ back when they thought she was a man…

I know these are just some clues I spotted “allegations “ but I do feel like he’s not a straight man. I believe he’s had some experiences with men and/or trans women. Especially since he’s lived in Atlanta..

Many straight men follow explicit content of women or anything that involves a woman…

I’m obsessed with this because this has always been my biggest fear… I always told myself that it’s easy to get over a guy when you suspect he’s gay and that’s not the case for me…

[HollyK21]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It’s not any easier getting over him when you keep asserting that he’s closeted, so what’s the point in obsessing? I personally feel like this is just your way of hanging on because there’s really nothing else to hang on to in regards to him, and you aren’t ready to let go.

[Asker]

Not true, I am genuinely just curious. This is a whole nother conversation on men and sexuality. He’s just a good example

[HollyK21]

Yep, and as long as you keep creating reasons in your mind to explore this “curiosity” there will always be a tie from you to him, just as you want it. Same as asserting he’s in a relationship and wanting to get a private eye, these are just situations you’ve spent months obsessing over and now you’re just too invested to walk away until you know the “truth”. You won’t even stop until you’ve convinced everyone else of your “truth” without a single fact other than him following this person.

[HollyK21]

I think a better conversation he could prove a good example of is how to accept when a person just isn’t into you and walking away.

[Asker]

I think the therapist did help me navigate some feelings and I think I discovered that I did do things that were a turn off and I can see the parts I played in this disaster.

I feel stupid and embarrassed. I know he thinks I’m stupid.

[Asker]

Ik it’s not important but why can’t we talk about that? I’m just curious to know if you think he’s bisexual

It seems like you always avoid saying anything

[HollyK21]

I agree with her, but mainly because I’ve been saying the same thing, it just comes off differently because I’m not across from you saying this in person or even on a video chat.

You and him both played your hand in how this fell apart, and it’s hard to accept because your part makes you feel stupid or embarrassed. It’s hard knowing you did or said anything that contributes to what you’re feeling now. In any case though, no use crying over spilled milk. You can learn from this in a way that helps you grow, like looking at your faults and his then applying that to your next situation. What you do and don’t want, what you will or won’t deal with, it’s all shit you’re learning.

As for his sexuality, I totally avoid it and I know it makes you mad, but I’ve said many times in the past that I just don’t think it’s cool discussing someone’s sexuality when they aren’t around to defend it. What are we supposed to do? Collectively just decide he’s bisexual or gay because you saw he follows this trans person yet you have no idea who this person is to him? I’m not down with that babe.

[HollyK21]

Then to assert that he’s closeted in some way, to me, sounds like you’re making that the reason why he chose to walk away. Same as you’re doing with this idea that he has a woman. You are picking random scenarios and attaching them to his decision when I don’t believe either of those things could have anything to do with his decision. I don’t know if he ever gave you a clear and concise reason for his choice, so you’re creating one.

[Asker]

The trans woman was not the only thing I discussed and I hate that you skip over things I say to make your point more valid.

I’ve said numerous things

[Asker]

I told you he just wanted sex. In his closure he said that he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to be intimate. He said he has higher priorities to worry about and that we can check in here and there. He says I misunderstand everything he says etc.

Did I tell you that I did Text him and I told him I was suing him for sexual coercion?

[Asker]

You were not there so it’s easy for you to say that.. I think he had a girl he was messing with

[HollyK21]

So what other points did I skip as to why you think he’s closeted or into trans women?

[Asker]

Small clues

-he seems to gravitate more towards men. it’s like he seems more comfortable -

-… I do think that the trans woman is a clue. It’s not a trans woman with clothes on. She post videos of her naked and she looks boyish.

-He also follows a page where it’s a three some involving 2 men and a woman… or a

-sex page that mostly involves anal

He has been able to get with very hot and good quality women but he’s “never ready”…

I don’t think he knows how to emotionally connect with a woman.

I won’t say he’s full blown gay but I do think his sexual desires involve penis.

He also seems to like masculine looking women like Claire underwood… and he even said “whoever has entered Ciara is lucky, trust me I know “ back when they thought she was a man…

[HollyK21]

Feelings, inklings and “clues”, no facts. Now he gravitated towards men because you feel that these women have masculine features? Or following sex pages as if single (even not single, of course) men are on p**hub and all that rubbing one off because they aren’t getting laid? These are a lot of assumptions and ideals backed by what you think he should or shouldn’t be doing.

[HollyK21]

I gravitate towards women, attract women, hit on all the time by women, does that make me lesbian, closeted or bisexual by default?

[Asker]

If he’s actively following those pages then yes… it is fact.

I get women have lesbian moments but it’s different for men

[HollyK21]

Is it a fact he’s following those pages? Yes. Is it a fact you know he prefers trans women when you correlate that to their looks (facial and outfit choices) and that’s your main talking point? No. Is it a fact just because you believe it and therefore want it to be true? No. These are opinions Chels and not how facts work, you know that.

[HollyK21]

Honestly everything you described sounds like a single man who watches sex themed content. If we condemn him for that then you have many peers, friends and loved ones to also wave your finger at.

[Asker]

I didn’t say anything about condemning him tho

[HollyK21]

So if you don’t want to condemn him then what’s wrong with him watching sexual content if that’s his preference as a single person? Once in a relationship I believe all that should stop, but if he’s not with anyone, who are we to say it’s suspicious that he’s watching threesomes? You’re saying these women look masculine, does that make them men? I don’t think Ciara or Carrie ever looked like trans men just because they have strong features. These were horrible, baseless rumors and smear campaigns created by the masses that those women have had to suffer with until those masses saw them with pregnant bellies and babies. It should never have had to come to that point, but people like yourself who use them as reference points for identifying trans Individuals made them suffer through years of misgendering and hurt.

[Asker]

Holly stop 🙄

[Asker]

Never mind

[HollyK21]

Honey you needed to stop a long time ago. This is literally what you do every single time. You insist on talking about his sexuality, get mad when I don’t address it, then once I do, you’re irritated again that I don’t agree and gaslight me. “Nevermind Holly” “Holly you just don’t get it” “You should just be with him since you defend him so much” “I’m starting to think you know the man”. Next time you’re asking me why I skirt around once you start insisting that he’s gay, remember how this conversation goes and that it’s not worth it.

[HollyK21]

I think it’s best to agree not to discuss his sexuality ever again. You know how I feel about it, you can even come back a read this again if you forget, because it’s not changing. Not without real proof or evidence and you’re not in contact with him to obtain that. Especially now that you’ve told him you’re suing him, that nailed the door shut and covered it with cement.

[Asker]

He left me on delivered. I don’t think he cares. He thinks I’m dumb and nuts anyway

But I told him that I I think he’s closeted as well

[HollyK21]

Maybe it’s for the better that he didn’t read it or respond, just unnecessary drama for you both.

[Asker]

What was he going to say lol

[Asker]

I also said he was a sexual predator

[HollyK21]

Noooo this was all in that message? I just cannot😭💀

[Asker]

Yes 😭I’m trying to find it

[Asker]

I thought I would get a reaction… mm guess he doesn’t care

[HollyK21]

If the roles were switched and I were in your shoes right now, all things considered what would you advise or say to me?

[Asker]

Not gon lie. Me being me… I’d tell you to say more because that wasn’t enough

[HollyK21]

Okay, and why would you say that all things considered, after everything I already had done, it wasn’t enough? Why would you advise me to put myself through more?

[HollyK21]

Especially once you saw this outcome, how he’s not responding, reading my messages or giving me any reaction, you’d really think I’d benefit from “more”?

[Asker]

I say get it out bc even though he’s leaving me on delivered he is still reading it and it still has some truth

[Asker]

Leaving “you”

[HollyK21]

Well, I’m sure you had some idea of where i was going with this, but apply that knowledge to yourself as well. Do you feel as though you’re walking away from the situation? All things considered?

[HollyK21]

How would he still be able to see the whole message? I know on some apps you can see the first few words but that’s it. Unless your first few words were lashing out at him then he mightve seen that bit and deleted it.

[Asker]

Could have

I was thinking about blasting him on social media

I fucking hate him

[HollyK21]

Blast him on social media? Baby Reindeer shouldn’t be a playbook on how to wreck someone’s life.

[Asker]

I don’t care. I hate him

I have nothing to lose

[HollyK21]

You have plenty to lose. You’d really want your family and peers seeing that? What about your students or their parents? Or him suing you for defamation of character? Or getting something on your record? He’s worth all that?

[Asker]

I hate him for being gay 😭 because now he tricking women

[Asker]

You’re right

[HollyK21]

Maybe you should go out and do something tonight. Get out of the house, that new quiet place movie is out, just so you’re not ruminating on this. I think you feel worse when you have too much free time to think about it…

[Asker]

He’s gayyyyy

[Asker]

You’re right. I’m going to see it tomorrow morning

He’s in my thoughts whenever I go

[Asker]

Are you saying I’m baby reindeer? What do you think was wrong with her?

[HollyK21]

I made the baby reindeer reference because do you remember how she was blasting him in public, online, threatening to contact his family, etc? You shouldn’t see those things and take notes. Blasting him isn’t the way to get closure and peace, it’s also not worth everything you have to lose. That’s all. I understand he’s always in your thoughts but you have to remember this is months of fixating on a certain person so naturally, you’re gonna have them on your mind a lot. I just think that once you stop feeding hate into those thoughts and make peace, then you can heal and move on. There was a time when I felt similarly to how you did with exes or ex situations, now I look back and wonder how the hell I gave those situations so much energy. None of them were worth it, just how this guy isn’t worth it. You can say he’s high caliber and you’re not good enough, I personally don’t see that much value.

[Asker]

What do you think her issue was?

[Asker]

Do I remind you of her

[Asker]

What’s high value to you and why don’t you consider him high value

[HollyK21]

After the show was over, I don't know if I really understood what her issue was tbh. He never really says if he found out, but it seemed like something neurologically wrong.
As for a high value man, personally I rate that based off how they treat me. I feel like respect and value are in two different categories. Like I respect good fathers, or men who are hard workers with great jobs. I respect men who value the women in their lives and men who serve our country. Many areas of respect I have for men. But when I consider value, it’s what a guy “personally” means to me, if that makes sense, and how he is with me. If they’re consistent, loyal, and match my efforts most especially when I know I’m not asking too much (because I would do it for them), that is a high value man to me. Men should work for the pedestal before I place them in such high regard.

[Asker]

That’s why I felt attracted to him because I felt like he was a hard worker and I feel he worked hard to get where he’s at

But I can understand if he wants someone more on his level professionally and intellectually

[HollyK21]

It’s totally fine to feel attracted to him for those things, and respect that he’s done the work and for a good job. But I personally believe that a man’s sense of worth/value should be earned and not automatically given.

[Asker]

True, he didn’t earn it with me..

I do deeply believe he had someone else

[Asker]

Well he shouldn’t have earned it from me just yet..

[HollyK21]

Yep, and that’s my point. You held him in high regard because of his career and also because of the sort of positive treatment he initially showed you, it made you feel like you found the man who was gonna be what you were looking for.

In my opinion that was giving him too much credit from jump. You should’ve respected the work he’s done in his life, respected that he had enough sense not to over-sexualize or disrespect you (at least in the beginning), just as you would for anyone else. His value should’ve been earned though, which would’ve taken time but then you’d know it was genuine. I also think it would’ve helped you avoid how you’re feeling now, because you wouldn’t have invested yourself as quickly as you did. Then again this is all shoulda could've woulda’s.

[Asker]

Should I reach out to this girl? I think they used to talk! Me and him didn’t follow eachother on any social media (twitter) but I did snoop on his one day. I noticed one of his followers because she had pretty makeup and she lived out of state.

I didn’t think much of it but then some time later I noticed a girl pop up on my people you may know on facebook and I sent a message complimenting her makeup.. then I said she looked familiar. That’s when I realized it was the girl..

I go back and try and find her and I couldn’t. I think they had unfriend eachother.

But why would she pop up on my Facebook?

[HollyK21]

You need to stop.

[Asker]

Stop what? Omg she popped up on my Facebook!

[Asker]

What’s the issue?

[HollyK21]

Look if you wanna do that weird shit and message her then go ahead, I’m not stopping you.

[HollyK21]

It’s obsessive, it’s weird but it’s not an issue. At least it’s not MY issue, I don’t have to do anything the aftermath but hear about it lol so go on.

[HollyK21]

**anything with the aftermath

[Asker]

What aftermath?

I promise I never searched her profile! On everything I love she popped up on my facebook page

[HollyK21]

Message her for what? Another outlet to talk about him? You’re supposed to be moving on! This woman doesn’t even seem to be with him now so it’s even more pointless.

[Asker]

How do you know?

That could have been his girlfriend or someone he was cheating on.

Her tweets also sounded like she was talking to someone and it also talked about men acting weird or moving different

[HollyK21]

I don’t know and neither do you, but you said they don’t even follow each other anymore so she’s probably no one. In any case that’s just too far. You were nobody to this man but a date, so for you to be this vengeful because you weren’t a match is just wild. No one’s putting you through this pain right now except your own demons.

[Asker]

Maybe I just need to exit

I don’t think anyone can help me. I don’t know how to help myself

[HollyK21]

On my end, it looks like this is all because of one man and I just don’t understand. Knew the man 14 days this is too much.

[Asker]

I agree

I don’t know what else to do tbh

[HollyK21]

Keep working on yourself, that’s all any of us really can do as well. You’re in therapy, it hasn’t been very long with that, so give it all some time and patience. What you’re feeling is bigger than what’s happened with this guy.

[Asker]

I think he did me the worst way.. knowing I’m “unstable “ and wanted to inflict further pain on me.

[HollyK21]

I disagree, I don’t think that was the worst way by any means. Ghosting is always wrong, but it’s not the worst thing ever when it’s only been 2 weeks.

[Asker]

It’s not about the time it’s about the principle.

[HollyK21]

The time definitely matters babe, most specifically with you because you hardly knew this man and still feeling this way so many months later. Still trying to get revenge or something just for doing what people should be allowed to do when they first meet someone, which is walk away. How he did it wasn’t cool, but he even apologized for it and that still wasn’t enough. Nothing but having him to yourself will make you feel better in regards to him.

[HollyK21]

I’ll be honest Chels I wonder if you love this guy, as far as that sounds. Have you ever wondered that?

[Asker]

I don’t know what love is. I wouldn’t know

[Asker]

But you don’t know him either and you don’t know if he had a girlfriend or if that girl and him was a thing.

[Asker]

I thought it was just limerence… I don’t understand the two.

[HollyK21]

Unless you don’t love your family or friends or have never loved them then you can’t say you don’t know what love is. I thought it was just Limerence too but the after all this time and feeling just as strongly as you did the day it happened, makes me think it’s more than a crush.

[Asker]

I think I do… and I’m praying that God takes this feeling away

I don’t want to love him.

[Asker]

So a white gay male nurse just randomly popped up on my people you may know page and he lives close to our city… I have a feeling he knows him

[HollyK21]

Doubtful..

[HollyK21]

I don’t understand why you wanna talk about this man by any means necessary. Rehashing your date or what happened before it over and over is one thing, but now that you’ve basically exhausted that line of speculation, you’re trying to draw any sort of line/connection between him and someone or something else just for the sake of keeping this whole thing alive.
You admitted you’re obsessed and consumed with this guy, but why just accept obsession rather than try putting that energy into healing? Why not put as much determination into leaving him in the past, as you do when it comes to unmasking his sexuality, or hanging onto him by any means?

This man should be sooo far behind you and irrelevant now Chels, do you realize we are going into August? August, from 2 weeks and a date last November. That isn’t good by any means babe. It should frustrate you more than anything else.

[HollyK21]

You say you don’t know what to do anymore, when really all you have to do is “something else”. You’ve latched onto and exhausted every avenue of topic or interest with that man to where you’re literally searching or digging for anything you can use to stay on this topic, and to me it’s counterproductive to moving on. Next time you’re wondering if he’s gay, shut that shit down in your head and pick another topic go focus on unrelated to him. You have to get out of the habit of fixating on him every day. You’ve spent so much time doing this that it’s familiar and comfortable now, so yeah it may feel hard to back off from it. Doesn’t mean you should push yourself to let him go, just as you push yourself to figure out his life.

[Asker]

I went out and got a facial today… and I took myself to get something to eat.

[Asker]

We did talk about him too… but it was a good conversation

[Asker]

I don't know Holly.

I guess I’ll focus on making myself look better. Eating better and getting fit. I hate how I look…

I made an appointment to get some Botox.

[Asker]

I talked to my father about the trans woman and he agrees. A straight man has no business looking a trans woman naked.

Even if that’s someone he knows… that’s not straight male behavior

[HollyK21]

I think those are all positive things to be doing for yourself! Your betterment is priority, I’ve even considered a bit of Botox myself lol my fiancé isn’t with it though. As for what your dad says, that’s totally fine. I’m not here to negate or debate anyone else’s opinion, only to stand by my own when I believe it is fair. I don’t think that guy is gay, closeted or into trans women. I’m truly not the one to keep pushing about this, my answer will stay the same with the (unchanging) context given.

[Asker]

I’m sure you’re perfect Holly. You have a whole fiancé who loves you for who you are. I can’t say the same

I don’t want to change your mind but I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I bc sometimes think you’re stubborn and want to be right.

I don’t think a man who is straight would follow a man dressed as a woman slinging her penis around and clapping her cheeks unless he’s not straight

[HollyK21]

Awe, I appreciate you babe but I’m far from perfect. Everyone has things to work on or that they wanna improve. I wanted a little Botox for future preservation lol maybe one day!

Anyway, I wanna be clear with this because I do notice that you feel like I’m intentionally trying to be right or be biased. That’s never the case, love. Have you considered that maybe you just want me to agree so much that if I don’t, then you think I’m stubborn? I am by no means an egotistical person or someone who strives for “rightness”, I can be wrong and have no problem apologizing when I am. I wouldn’t be the woman I am, or even a very decent woman if I couldn’t own up to wrongness. But this isn’t one of those situations because given previous context I just don’t agree with him being closeted or gay, I also don’t like discussing other people’s sexuality when they aren’t around to defend it.

I personally feel like you amplify the situation more and more until I eventually have no choice but to say what you want to hear, and I think that’s wrong. Like why have you never mentioned woman swinging a penis around? If that were true it surely would’ve been on of the first things you mentioned to me when you discovered their page.

[Asker]

I did mention to you that the trans woman has explicit content… numerous times. I didn’t think I had to go into detail because I already told you that it was basically pornographic. She has a smaller penis but she’s mostly giving oral to another man, she bounces up and down to make her “cheeks clap” and penis moving but it’s not the main show.

[Asker]

I just think sometimes you do. That’s all.

Not a bad thing

[Asker]

I just think it’s about thinking more logically in which I know I lm not always logical but with this I think it’s quite evident

This isn’t a man who is just following a regular trans woman. He is looking at a man dressed as a woman with a penis and it’s explicit.

I do think that’s telling.. about his interest

I agree that men who are ‘single’ enjoy porn… but why do you have to actively follow them vs viewing them

Single straight men usually watch and follow models or half naked women or even hetero content….

My view is that even it was someone he knew I don’t think that would be something a straight man would want to be apart.

I just don’t think you’re understanding where I’m coming from because sometimes I have to re tell you things. It’s like you don’t believe me and that’s not fair

I don’t want you to be on my side I just don’t think you are actually hearing me.

And you even said it yourself that you would feel a certain way if he were following that content.

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry but I’m having a hard time believing the whole penis thing. No offense at all, it’s all love from me and you know that, but I just can’t imagine why you wouldn’t mention that, of all things. Yes you have definitely said that it was an explicit page, but after everything you’ve said both about him and even yourself, why would that be the thing to hold back? That is the most important! I just feel like I’ve noticed this pattern with you and it’s like each accusation amplifies, it gets worse and worse from what it originally was. You have emphasized many times how this is a trans person, now it just seems like you’re putting extras on it and turned it into this huge thing. Talking about how it’s swinging around and shit like, you never said any of that in the past and it sounds fabricated.

I genuinely mean no offense and maybe it’s best to leave this alone in general now because you will absolutely take what I just said the wrong way.

[HollyK21]

I am hearing you, I’ve been listening but I’m just not saying what you want me to say. I’m always in your corner, but there’s just limits to these things and I feel like this becomes gradually more and more excessive. You won’t stop until you find some sort of hard evidence and it’s too much.

[Asker]

Are you serious right now? You honestly want to call me a liar when you don't read or care to understand what I've said? Why aren't you believing me when you only listen to yourself? I've told you repeatedly that she posts explicit content. Do you even know what explicit content is? And I've told her that she's naked.

I don't want it to be true. That's why it's been so hard for me to accept! Why do you think I keep bringing it up? Because it keeps bothering me.

You didn’t believe me the last time when I told you he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. You basically said I lied when I had already told you, and the proof was there.

[Asker]

@tsmochaa is the name on 🐤 she privated her account tho.. but she had another one! Trying to find it

[HollyK21]

Tell me this, why does it matter? More specifically having this conversation with me about his sexuality, why does it matter so much to you whether I think he’s straight or not? Whether I agree or not?

[HollyK21]

Like you’re getting all riled up and up in arms over my opinion and at the end of the day I just don’t understand why it matters so damn much what I think about the man, or lack of thought. Like I said, I just think you fixate on avenues of talking about him and just won’t stop.

[Asker]

I’ve been impulsive lately… with my money, eating.. everything and I feel the urge to text him again. I’ve reached out to the nurse and I want to ask the girl if she knows him.. I followed the trans woman

Something just doesn’t feel right anymore and I almost feel like I can’t control it. I don’t feel like my therapist understands or knows what’s wrong with me.. this is not all adhd/ autism

If I don’t stop I’m going to lose control and ruin my life. It’s going to get ugly but I just can’t help it and I feel hopeless

No matter the steps I take I always end up in square one

I don't know why it matters so much. Maybe I’m jealous. Maybe I don’t want him to be gay bc I want a chance.

[Asker]

Letter round 2:

You f***** ass man. You bring shame to your parents and everyone around you. How are you even talking to women knowing that you’re more attracted to dick? That’s so embarrassinggggggg. The fact that I would actually let you treat me like nothing 😭😭😭😭😭

I feel bad for any bitch that you come in contact with because they don’t know!! I’m deaadddd

I’m sorry you’re parents can’t accept you for who you are and no wonder you’re 37 with no wife. You gay. You like penis and male booty… and you stayed in ATL. You be fucking men and trans

You’re gross for not saying nothing to nobody. Walking std

Wilddd.

Who doing the bending?

[HollyK21]

You do what you gotta do. If it’s send that letter then by all means, go ahead. You clearly need to create a different outcome than the one you got and won’t stop until you do. With that determination who would I be to try standing in your way? I won’t fight you to make better choices for your own self. This is your future, your life and your things at stake. I do not think one man, or anyone really, is worth the damage, but it’s not for me to decide.

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying. I just don’t think you hear me out

I can’t converse with someone who thinks I’m a liar when I have been truthful

That’s not fair

[HollyK21]

What blows my mind about your whole “I can’t converse w/ someone who thinks I’m a liar” isn’t just the victimization of it all, but the sheer audacity because I have asked to put this topic to rest for days and days, it was literally the 3rd thing I asked of you in this conversation. Now here we are nearly 200 deep of me HEARING and LISTENING to you. I have tried ignoring the topic, steering it in another direction and you just won’t stop so you know what? Protect your peace my baby. If that means not talking to me then that’s fine, you already know how I feel.

[HollyK21]

I have been trying to figure out why you put so much on me agreeing with you, and I have figured out that maybe I’m the only one at this point who keeps listening. I am probably the only one that all these months later, is still down to carry on this topic in support of you. This is probably how everyone in your life gets treated when they don’t agree as well. That is what’s not fair.

[Asker]

All that and you still haven’t addressed what I just told you. I’ve told you that it just really bothers me and that I don’t understand your view point on.

I’ve literally told you that her content is explicit and she’s naked. You choose to ignore it because you are focused on being right and I’m really not wanting to be right on him possibly being gay/ bi. I don’t want to be right about it. That’s why I’m trying to make sense of why he would want to follow her. Nothing but horny men with their dicks out that want to fuck her are following her

Whenever I give any type of detail or proof you ignore it and tbh that’s not fair

[HollyK21]

Yes, you are absolutely trying to be right otherwise we wouldn’t still be talking about this. I’ve said before I do not care about rightness, but YOU DO. That’s why this conversation can never be laid to rest and moved on from. I can’t be any more clear: yes I ignore the topic the best I can because “I don’t think it’s right discussing other people’s sexuality when they aren’t around to defend it”. Please tell me I have not said exactly this again and again and again. I have addressed so many different details from you over time, which is exactly why I can say this has gotten blown out of proportion and why I don’t believe this aspect. Stop trying to specifically push me into believing this. I won’t even discuss it if he or anyone else who’s sexuality is being discussed are not present. Sorry not sorry.

[Asker]

No I care about seeing both sides with logic and facts. You don’t.

I’ve agreed that maybe he is just looking at that content as a single man but I just wondered why trans. I just don’t believe that’s straight men behavior.

[Asker]

You really think he’s going to be honest or defend himself? Really? Yeah okay

[Asker]

But we both know him defending it is never going to happen right? Are you kidding me?

You’re the worst. I’m sorry. This is only about you and how you feel. You don’t give a damn. You just like hearing yourself talk

[Asker]

That’s what it really boils down to.

You win. 🥇

[HollyK21]

Why would I have any feelings about a situation that isn’t mine? You’re treating me like I’m directly involved in this situation when I’m not. If I’m the worst then fine, that’s just what’s it’s gonna be.

[HollyK21]

So if he can’t defend it, then why do you feel comfortable coming to this finalization about it? I’m not putting any opinions on someone else’s sexuality and I’ve said if so many times. I don’t know how in the hell you’re taking it as “oh you don’t understand”, what else do I specifically have to get? My whole point here is WHY it has to matter to ME. Why are you pushing for it to matter to me? I just don’t even care at all anymore, he can be everything under the sun except HERE, with you. That’s all that matters. He’s not here, he’s not seeing anything you’d write or say, he’s moved on. You should be doing the same shit man.

[HollyK21]

Anyway I’m not gonna say anything else about this topic. It’s a trap each and every time. Someone’s gotta get the brunt of however you’re feeling today so I guess I just got lucky.

[Asker]

It’s just a conversation… weighing out options on who she could be. You’re naive and you know for a fact that you wouldn’t tolerate your “man” doing that.

I don’t want him here with me. If a man ghost me or watch’s naked trans women then why would I care?

[HollyK21]

That isn’t naive Chels, it’s boundaries. I try to set them in place, yet while I respect yours, you don’t respect mine. I think once you accept the fact that you do want him with you, then you can close this whole situation for good. You’re in denial when really nothing else makes sense. If I didn’t give a care about a guy I would not be talking about him all these months later. Like there’s no good reason other than your own romantic feelings and fixation.

[Asker]

This is Hollys show… ofc you shouldn’t care but you’ve invested time into this

[Asker]

I do want him with me. I know that 🤷‍♀️ but he trashed and discarded me… what’s your point? It doesn’t close the situation

[Asker]

I’ve told you that I’m struggling. Wtf else do you want me to say?

I’ve spent $800 dollars in a week trying to do to get myself out of this rut. I’m in therapy. I went to the gym…

I just asked one question

[HollyK21]

Okay. I’m just gonna leave it alone.

[Asker]

I think that he’s a homosexual and you’re naive.

I hope your fiance isn’t fucking trans women and you’re not asking questions… it could be you too

He sure could be no matter how “straight “ you think he is. No matter how much you think he loves you.

[Asker]

Never get too comfortable and I say that out of care.

[HollyK21]

Sounds good, take care💛

[Asker]

You too.

[Asker]

Here’s my proof

https://www.4shared.com/s/fEYHaanM9fa,
https://www.4shared.com/s/fEYHaanM9fa

[Asker]

https://www.4shared.com/s/fEYHaanM9fa,
https://www.4shared.com/s/fEYHaanM9fa

[HollyK21]

It says file links are invalid. Also Chels I’m just gone talking about this with you. I tried expressing that the last time we spoke. Of course we can check in, but I’m not talking about his sexuality. There are plenty of other people to have this conversation with.

[HollyK21]

*done

[Asker]

Just take one look and I’ll leave it alone! You have my word!

[Asker]

Did you see it?

[Asker]

I mean you can ignore it and me if you want but it’s not fair that you’re trying to shut down something that I’ve been trying to tell you about and for you to listen to me.

I was just trying to let you know that her post were actually explicit

[HollyK21]

Yep, just saw. What would you like me to say now? I don’t know why he’s following this person but I’m not discussing his or anyone else’s sexuality when they aren’t around to defend it. So move on.

[HollyK21]

Also deleted that post for you so you don’t get banned for posting nudity💛

[Asker]

I can’t delete it 😭

So I’m guessing it’s okay if your man followed her? Okay

Moving on

[HollyK21]

Why do you always bring up my man? Like are you ok?

[HollyK21]

I deleted it for you. You’re welcome.

[Asker]

Whew thank you. How did you do that?

I’m okay but I’m not okay with you making me feel that I should be okay and feel concerned about something you yourself wouldn’t be okay or concerned with

[HollyK21]

Chels, how on earth does me repeatedly saying ‘I won’t discuss someone else’s sexuality when they’re not around to defend it’ have anything to do with how you feel? You can or can’t be ok with whatever you do or don’t want to — that is simply not my problem. I’ve told you, that is a just a boundary I keep trying to put in place that you blatantly ignore. Then you justify it by trying to gaslight me, saying that I’m doing this and that, I’m not hearing you, and really you’re just mad I don’t wanna talk about it. That’s all this comes down to at the end of the day. You want everyone else to respect your boundaries and feelings but not you! Lol you get all the hall passes I guess.

[HollyK21]

You said this is the Holly show… where? Lol this is all about you. And only I can delete comments under my comment, not sure why they set it up that way. Especially for the asker.

[Asker]

Ohh okay

[Asker]

I apologize, I won’t bring it up.

[HollyK21]

I hope you mean it this time because that’s really the only time we bump heads. I’d much rather not talk about it at all.

[Asker]

I’m just hurt and I want to hurt him.

I have one more text to say to him.

[HollyK21]

If you keep sending him those scathing messages Chels it’s harassment.

[Asker]

Ik

Maybe I’ll just edit the message I already sent so I won’t send another one.

[HollyK21]

Or just leave it alone altogether please. You want some kind of reaction or communication from him so bad, you’re losing yourself trying to get it.

[Asker]

Ik

I just get so angry and sad. It almost feels impulsive and I know if I don’t stop I’ll ruin my life.

I’m not a crazy person I just feel like I let him disrespect me and discard me

I don’t want to feel like a nobody and him leaving me on delivered is just making me feel like I’m the scum of the earth

[HollyK21]

At this point you’re doing this to yourself, that’s a hard truth but it’s real. You’re in your own head creating this massive issue that never needed to happen. It’s gone too far.

[Asker]

That’s so unfair to say. Ik I’m responsible but I’m just really struggling and I’m coping with things as best as I can.

[HollyK21]

Even if you don’t feel like it’s fair, it doesn’t make it less true babe. You haven’t talked to this man in months, he’s not doing anything. Like you can’t say you aren’t making yourself upset over thinking about his sexuality, or whoever the nurse is.

[HollyK21]

Digging up these accounts, messaging them, messaging him as well, none of that is coping. You can’t tell me that it is.

[Asker]

I just wanted to find out to let him know that I know he fucks men and that he’s tricking women

I just want to get my lick back and even if it doesn’t hurt and he leaves me on delivered.. at least I faced him

[Asker]

I think that nurse could definitely be

[HollyK21]

Even if he opened your message, he’s not gonna care what you think, because it isn’t true.

[Asker]

And how would you know Holly?

You shouldn’t comment on his sexuality if you’re not sure yourself

[Asker]

You don’t know this man

[HollyK21]

I’m not any more sure than you are.

[Asker]

Okay so you can say that isn’t true when you yourself don’t know

But I have some evidence to prove that he might not be.

[Asker]

*can't

You literally have no evidence. You just want to play in the safe side and assume that girl is his friend or something when it’s quite evident that it’s not.

I’m not assuming anything. I’m looking at what he’s showing

[HollyK21]

As of now nothing you think is true, because he has not been able to verify anything else himself, there’s no confirmation only your speculations and your bias. Innocent until proven guilty babe, you can’t be mad at me for that.

[Asker]

No disrespect but sometimes you can be annoying and oblivious. You don’t follow your own advice

What you’re saying isn’t true either. We both don’t know but ik a little more about him than you do

[HollyK21]

Neither of us know for sure honey. That’s the whole point, I don’t make assumptions or build stories. You shouldn’t either.

[HollyK21]

Until he can specify otherwise, it isn’t true. That’s it and that’s all.

[Asker]

Okay so we’re on the same page
I just don’t understand with some of the evidence I shown you how could you still consider him straight

But fine. I squashed it.

[Asker]

What is there to specify bffr

[Asker]

I think the only thing I’m KINDA agreeing on you with is that maybe he didn’t just want sex.

I’m still not sure

[HollyK21]

You know, I typed up paragraphs two different times in response to what you just said, and deleted them both, because honestly Chels you just need to respect my boundaries, and that I’m done talking about this. You insist on talking about it, you can’t let it go without some sort of “I just don’t understand” remark. Like stop. I don’t wanna talk about his sexuality, but someone else will. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?

[Asker]

Sure

[HollyK21]

And you don’t feel any way about that right?

[Asker]

Nope

[Asker]

You feel how you feel

[Asker]

Holly… fuck. I really fucked up. I crashed out

[HollyK21]

What’s that mean? What happened?

[Asker]

I sent him that picture and told him “yeah gay like I thought.”

[HollyK21]

What’s done is done, it’s useless for me to comment on it. It does give me some concern though, I just don’t know how far you’re willing to go for a response.

[Asker]

You’re concerned? I’m concerned!

I don’t want a response I just want my lick back. Taking my power back

[Asker]

I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what to do.

I’m taking things far.. I’ve tried to follow his private page… through an inactive page …I just feel like he has a girlfriend or something… he followed me but didn’t accept my request

[HollyK21]

If you were really concerned you would’ve never done that. Like did you take your power back or get your lock back by sending that picture? Do you feel even a smidge better? No. You may actually start to feel worse seeing that he won’t respond. Yes, you are taking things too far. I can’t talk you into have some restraint and self respect. I’m sorry, this just gets worse and worse. You’re still trying to contact him no matter what, what happens if he takes legal action? For harassment, potentially stalking since you’re trying to find every avenue to reach him. Words like that are hurtful, labels and names like that are hurtful, I fully understand, but I can’t lessen what you’re doing to make you feel better. This is becoming harassing and stalking point blank period. You’re building your own case against yourself, ready to throw your life away from this man. Are you ready to face your family and let them see you like this? Your students? Your mom and dad? Ready for everyone connected to you somehow in present time to know this dark side of you? That you’ve done all this for a man you knew 2 weeks and one date? I don’t think you want that for yourself babe, so please stop before it gets to that point.

[Asker]

Why won’t he respond?

[Asker]

Could you answer something honestly

[HollyK21]

Why would he want to? He gave you closure and ended your time talking months ago, he’s moved on.

[HollyK21]

Sure, what’s the question?

[Asker]

Is something wrong with me?

[HollyK21]

I’m not equipped to tell you that hun, I would never even try making some professional diagnosis, but I really think your therapist is trying to get to the bottom of it. I’m not sure if you’ve ever asked her if she feels like something is wrong with you, but maybe that is a matter of being that direct with her and having that conversation. If anything just to get an idea of what she thinks of you thus far.

All I can personally say is that I wouldn’t do any of these things you’ve done, and I also don’t know anyone who would. Then again, I’m very particular about who I keep around me IRL. I’m compatible with each person in a fundamental way — relatability. You and I don’t relate when it comes to how you choose to date or even deal with men, that’s why when you say I don’t understand you I never negate that. I’ve actually owned that, with additional feedback as to why, on numerous occasions.

[Asker]

I just feel like he hates me and I’m the worst girl to him

[HollyK21]

He doesn’t know you in order to hate you, he just doesn’t wanna talk to you Chels. It’s really as simple as that without convoluting.

[Asker]

Why? I always hear that guys come back… why is it me they don’t ever come back to. What’s so bad about me? He like’s literally every other girl but I’m disrespected and discarded

[HollyK21]

Sure guys come back but that’s not always going to be the case, and people shouldn’t open themselves up to dating if they can’t accept that fact. Like let’s say I had attachment or abandonment issues, I wouldn’t put myself out there to meet a guy if I know in my heart that should things not work out, it would break me.

[Asker]

I must be that bad of a woman tbh

[Asker]

That’s why I pushed him away bc I knew I would be attached and he wouldn’t like me.

[HollyK21]

It’s not about being bad Chels, that’s just how dating works. You meet someone, talk to them maybe go on a date and if you aren’t feeling it then you walk away. Everyone should be allowed to do that without hellfire raining down how you have done with this man. Especially after 2 weeks, like I’d never in a million years imagine someone still so mad at me for my choice. I mean It’s been nearly a year and he’s still receiving the repercussions of not choosing you, even after having that last conversation with you and trying to give you closure it wasn’t enough when it really should’ve been. I don't know what else it’ll take.

[HollyK21]

I just think the finality you’re searching for, you won’t get from him because you’re handling this like a bitter ex girlfriend post breakup, when there was not nearly enough between you two to warrant all this.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right… I think going back to work will help me. This summer has been hell for me.

[Asker]

Maybe then I can keep my mind off of him

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry the summers been hell, luckily you’re almost out of the woods, we’re getting into August. Maybe you should find a hobby in the meantime, just things to distract you so there’s less time to think about him.

[Asker]

He’s such an asshole tbh but you’re right

[HollyK21]

Unfortunately this is the case with a lot of men, that’s why I ultimately decided to stop dating. I wouldn’t be with my fiancé if he didn’t approach me not once but twice, the first time I pretty much ignored him lol

[Asker]

Were you attracted to him? What made you give him a chance?

[HollyK21]

Oh yeah, I definitely found him attractive, I just wasn’t trying to give him the time of day, I was out with my friends and wanted to focus on them. He only came around like once or twice asking to buy me drinks, I declined. The next time I saw him was about 3 weeks later at a totally different place and he was more forward that time. I was a little more open and we exchanged info finally☺️ I was just rough on the men Chels lol

[Asker]

Okay but I was the same way with him but he just wanted to use me

You’re so lucky girl.

[Asker]

I have too much of a jezebel spirit

[HollyK21]

Thanks babe but it took me a long time to get to this point. Prior to him it was a lot of drama and lessons to be learned. You do not have a jezebel spirit, honestly it shouldn’t even matter if you did, the right person is gonna love you for who you are. Of course you gotta do the work to get there, I know once I did, that’s when I got into this relationship and it’s the healthiest one I’ve ever been in.

[Asker]

How long have you guys been together?

[HollyK21]

3 years in Feb! We met like a month or so after I turned 30

[Asker]

Awww that’s so special

Are you a virgin?

[Asker]

Sorry if that’s too personal

[Asker]

Or did you wait for him or are you waiting. Do you get attached?

[HollyK21]

It’s not the most personal, but I am curious what makes you wonder about that?

[Asker]

Oh never mind. You don’t have to answer that

[Asker]

I didn’t send him that pic…. I really wanted to but ik if I told you… that I did it.. you would put some sense into me

What I did do is see if he’s on Grindr but I haven’t contacted him. Like you said he’s not worth it.

[HollyK21]

Well, hopefully it worked! I just think there’s so many better things you can do with your time. He’s not worth any more of it. I’m also glad you thought better of sending that picture.
As for your previous question, it’s not so much that I mind talking about it with you, we’ve known each other long enough. I just recognize that we’re speaking openly for anyone to see, and for as much as I’d hope some passerby wouldn’t be interested in our conversation, there’s just too many people (especially men) who would take the time to read through and they don’t need to concern themselves with my sexual life. At least if I were anonymous too lol I’m sure you understand.

[Asker]

Yeah I understand. Completely.

Men are weird on here

[HollyK21]

Weird is an understatement lol I’ve been straight up stalked on here💀

[Asker]

Oh yeahh you told me about that!

I was stalked on Reddit before and hacked… it’s truly scary

[Asker]

Holly, that nurse popped up again in my people you may know…. I know you think im crazy but I don’t think this is a coincidence…

He popped up during this time…? Mind you the African guy only lives 5 miles from me.. when we first started talking his miles away showed) … I just have this feeling because he’s wayyy to specific and I have no mutual friends with him… he’s a Dallas nurse.

To this day I still don’t understand how the other popped ups in my people you may know later on ON Facebook… that was the girl I believe he was talking to…

I just have a weird feeling

[Asker]

I just get a feeling that he sleeps with men on the low. It’s a feeling I’m aware of that and I’m not assuming his sexuality

[HollyK21]

So here’s the thing, there’s an algorithm to that, and it’s constantly regenerating, suggesting new people based off your activity online. Very similar to how you accidentally click an ad for like Amazon or something, then start seeing adverts for that company all around online. Even the item you looked at could be what’s advertised. You have done a lot of digging and looking around over these months, visiting his page, his friends list, so I am not surprised this nurse is popping up now that you’ve made those connections. You have even visited her page.

I would also not be surprised if you and her shared a mutual that you aren’t aware of. Why? Because dating apps usually recommended men within a certain radius of where you are first before suggesting people in other states, cities, etc, you probably already know that. So when you’re having men suggested that are local, there’s a small but good chance you two could have mutuals. Six degrees of separation is an example.

So why am I telling you all this when I know you probably won’t agree? Because I’m demonstrating to you how this can be a coincidence, and I’m hoping you will allow it to be just that, because I’m providing you with valid points to consider aside from just your own.

[Asker]

But he doesn’t have any followers on facebook… only 2 followers and no profile pic but I still know it’s him. So I don’t know who his friends are

As for the girl I only viewed her page twice bc I didn’t think they were talking. I’ve looked at other girls more than her… she also lives in Florida and I don’t understand how she popped up on my facebook when I never looked her up on facebook.

I tried asking the guy and he blocked me… but I never mentioned his name I just said “specific person “…. And maybe because I don’t have a profile picture up…ect

[Asker]

But this nurse is also a gay white nurse

[HollyK21]

You visited her page, this is literally case closed off that alone.

[Asker]

He lives in Dallas but I live outside of Dallas

I think he popped up at 3-4 am maybe he was in the area or at his location

The people in my you may know usually are from my hometown up north… so this is rare and he’s a nurse

[HollyK21]

You literally only have to visit even just once and they will start popping up on your suggestions.

[Asker]

I never visited her page on facebook

How come no one else’s name popped up then?

[Asker]

Okay but my question is how did she pop up on my facebook page if I saw her on twitter only

[Asker]

Could you ask him if he knows him?

[HollyK21]

Okay so I don’t wanna go back and forth — what would you like to do with this information Chels? And absolutely hell m no I’m not reaching out to that man and I’m fucking appalled you’re even asking. Like huh? Do we make any progress ever?

[HollyK21]

I can’t tell you what to do but if you’re suggesting that you wanna reach out to her then that choice is on you. Like I am just mindblown this line of conversation keeps being in rotation. There’s no stopping with you.

[Asker]

No I don’t want to reach out to her

I’m talking about the male nurse. Does part of you think he may know him?

[HollyK21]

Don’t know don’t care and you shouldn’t either.

[Asker]

You think so slightly?

[HollyK21]

Don’t care and you shouldn’t either babe. Sorry to shut it down on my end but I’m being firm. I am no help when I feed into this so I’m not doing it.

[Asker]

I truly think they’re hooking up

[HollyK21]

Probably not honey.

[Asker]

Key word “probably “

[Asker]

Honey

[Asker]

And you don’t know either

[HollyK21]

Anyway, moving on.

[HollyK21]

All this attitude just save it babe lol not trying to get you riled up I’m just not engaging. If you wanna explore that any further then do that in your own.

[Asker]

Because you don’t know either and I feel like you’re telling me that it’s a possibility because you’re usually always sure and I’ve trusted everything you say

[HollyK21]

So I’m not allowed to speculate? Where have I said my opinion is fact?

[Asker]

I never said that I just hate when something I’m overthinking is possibly right

[HollyK21]

I say this gently, but do you realize this is becoming just another thing you’ve fixated on in order to hang on to that guy? Between you and him, there’s nothing else left. You’ve exhausted almost every aspect of talking about those two weeks from when you met, what you talked about, how the date went, what happened after up until he finally responded again to give you closure. It’s all been rehashed and discussed not even just with me but elsewhere. Now you’ve moved on to things completely unrelated to your time with him and doing your damndest to make connections when there just isn’t any.

He didn’t choose not to continue with you because he’s a closeted gay man or had a girlfriend, he did it because he was questioning your mental state and apparently felt like you were crazy based off that stupid comment he made. He has factually told you as much, so why would you negate his truth to create your own?

You have an answer but have chosen to decide that he’s lying and there’s more to it. That is the choice you consciously make every single day and it’s only getting worse. You won’t be stopped no matter what myself or anyone else says. You won’t even allow me to change the topic without catching an attitude and lashing out, yet I still try to do it because I’m genuinely trying to move you from this space your in rather than enable you. But you cannot see my effort in doing so and vilify me for it.

[Asker]

I did a psychic reading by a woman and I paid money for it. It says yes he’s entertaining the male nurse

[Asker]

First of all. He only called me crazy because I wasn't going to sleep with him. Actually think about it…

He got disappointed that he possibly wasn’t getting any sex and he decided to be insecure and a jerk by humbling me

[Asker]

I’m not vilifying you. If I’m too much for you to deal with just go. I understand that you’re not my shrink.

[HollyK21]

I don’t believe in psychics. Before calling you crazy on the date he said you were unstable and should take some time to yourself before dating, did he not? In any case, at the end of the day him thinking you are crazy is what contributed most, not his sexuality or seeing another woman. I say that because he gave you his reason, you’re the one fighting to negate it. And yes Chels you vilify me because whenever I say something you don’t agree with you get mean and lash out.

[Asker]

You’re projecting how you feel about me

[HollyK21]

How’s it a projection when that is what he said? You don’t want to hear it that’s what the problem is. It has to be absolutely anything else except what he’s told you for himself.

[Asker]

He’s a narcissist ! He never wanted anything serious with me

[HollyK21]

Whatever you want to call him, he gave you his reasons, and you know what he thinks about you and your mental state. I’m sorry, I know it’s incredibly hurtful and that’s why you don’t want to hear it but the more you keep running from it the harder it’ll be to move on. There’s no moving on in the directing you’re going, in fact you’re finding another reason to keep giving this situation energy. The truth has too much finality that’s why you don’t want it.

[Asker]

What have I honestly done that screams mental besides not knowing what I wanted like some women? Like honestly you’re taking his words against mine

[HollyK21]

Chels I am not taking sides I am very simply repeated what he said. I didn’t alter it or change anything, it’s what he said. He gave you his reasons, that’s all I’m saying. I don't know what else about your conversations made him feel you weren’t sound minded but I see the red flag may have went up once you started making those accusations and doubling down on them.

[Asker]

So if you don’t know what made him feel that way then you are taking his word.

[HollyK21]

Yes, I’m gonna take his word because that’s what he said. Like khloe kardashian says she isn’t still fucking Tristan even though they live together, nobody believes that shit but it’s her word so we have to take it. We can’t just take peoples truths and decide it’s a lie.

[Asker]

So what about my truth

[HollyK21]

Which is?

[Asker]

I’m not unstable

[HollyK21]

That’s fine, but he felt differently and he’s entitled to feeling that way. Unfortunately there are going to be men in this world who don’t receive your personality the way you want them to receive it, that’s why compatibility is so important between people. You don’t have to agree with how he felt about you, just as he would probably not agree with your perception of him. But at the end of the day, everyone is allowed to think what they want.

[Asker]

I just think because you think I’m crazy you don’t fully take what I say completely seriously. I feel like it easier to side with someone a bit. I almost feel gaslit talking to you.

[HollyK21]

All I did was repeat what he said. I didn’t make up anything or project my own opinion.

[Asker]

I wish to never speak to you again. I can’t take how I’m feeling right now and I feel like they’re linking.

[Asker]

I’m not mature enough and I can’t get my mind right.

[HollyK21]

Okay. Take care.

[Asker]

I apologize Holly. I let my emotions get the best of me.

[HollyK21]

If I can’t be fully honest without this being the result, then what’s the point? I mean this is like the 2nd or 3rd time you declare you don’t wanna talk to me anymore, some part of you really means that in order to keep saying it. At least that’s how I see it.

[Asker]

That’s not true. I’m just up and down with my emotions. I apologize

I appreciate you taking time to talk to me.

[HollyK21]

It’s fine Chels, I’m not one to hold grudges and I already know who I’m dealing with. I just want to set a very personal boundary, which is that if you do this again I am going to listen. I know you’re struggling but it isn’t fair to get so upset with me based off my opinion on topics that I don’t even want to keep talking about in the first place. We aren’t going to see eye to eye about his sexuality or his motive, nor will we see eye to eye about how you’re choosing to “heal”. But it doesn’t mean I’m your opponent, specifically saying things to hurt you or siding with him.

[Asker]

That’s fair

[Asker]

I understand you’re not saying what I want to hear

[HollyK21]

I believe sometimes I do, but when I don’t, it just shouldn’t come to the point where you’re that upset or angry with me. That’s my only point here really babe, not trying to make you feel any kinda way because I’m not. It’s all good

[Asker]

I don’t think I ever showed you his pic or our messages…

[Asker]

I was getting ready to delete pics and found these. This was in the beginning

https://postimg.cc/gallery/8NXfQrz

[HollyK21]

Yes I remember you sending me the conversation but not the pics, not a bad looking guy but not worth all the trouble lol I think we had a chat about the context of that conversation as well.

[Asker]

Damn I don’t remember at all. Sorry

lol he looks a bit older in person tho. Old ass pic.

But he wasn’t attracted to me

[Asker]

Right, he’s not bad looking. If it wasn’t for me posting my boobs he probably wouldn’t have liked me.

[HollyK21]

Don’t be sorry! It’s been a while so easily forgettable. As for whether or not he would’ve liked you based off what you wore, well, there’s no way for us to know that. Quite honestly it doesn’t really matter anymore either.

[Asker]

Do you think I love him or I’m just infatuated? I don’t even want to talk anyone..

[HollyK21]

Why don’t you wanna talk to anyone? And I’d definitely say this is infatuation, or Limerence.

[Asker]

I just see his face in everyone I talk to. Compare him to every guy I talk to.

Alpha widow? lol

[HollyK21]

I don’t know, usually this has to do with being attached to an ex lover but you guys didn’t even make it there lol I’m general though you’re definitely attached and think he’s an alpha.

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s shit lol.. I think I’m attracted to him because I felt he could offer me security physically, emotionally and verbally. It’s like I wanted to feel like his “baby girl…”he’s the opposite of my father.

I think my father is weak. I like assertive, dominant men.

[HollyK21]

Nothing is wrong with wanting those traits, you’ll find them with someone else. Maybe not on the timing you’d like but at some point..

[Asker]

Maybe I just need to wait for him to come back around

[HollyK21]

And if he doesn’t?

[HollyK21]

Actually ignore that question, it is no good for me to even suggest the idea of him returning. That man isn’t coming back Chels, he’s just not. It’s time to move on.

[Asker]

Why not?

[Asker]

How does it feel to be in your 30s?

[HollyK21]

I told you why not last time and you see how that went. Also, being in my 30s as of now has been better than my 20s. No drama with men, wiser, more mature and able to act in my own interest, it’s a good age range so far☺️

[Asker]

I’m turning 27 and I want to start a onlyfans account… some people said I’m too old…

[Asker]

I don’t mind being a milf

[Asker]

I started my period… I think that explains the drama…. I’m sorry

I think it’s Time for me to stop talking about him. I’m excited about starting onlyfans

[HollyK21]

Honestly I’m partial to onlyfans, women make great money off it. My thing is I don’t think it’s the best move for your self esteem. For men you sexualize yourself in a way that I don’t feel is genuine.

[HollyK21]

Don’t worry, I used to work with all women, I can handle period time lol

[Asker]

That’s the point. I think this last guy taught me the importance of detachment and not getting my feelings involved in anyway. You should never trust a man who “pretends “ to like a perceived whore. That was my mistake… I should have never trusted him. Ever.

So I need to be a maneater but no sex involved

[Asker]

I’m nervous about turning 30

[HollyK21]

You base a lot of your choices around men. What they did, what they think, what they want or don’t want. When do you grow and start doing things solely for yourself? I was the most miserable when I didn’t act in my own best interest, but with some man in mind. They have too much control and power in your life.

[HollyK21]

Don’t be. At 32 I feel better than I ever have. I’m more mature, more experienced, more assured of what I want and more capable of acting in my best interest. I did the work in my 20s to be more relaxed in my 30s, and I got to a point of healing and spirituality that I’m at peace. I’d never go back 10 years.

[Asker]

I’m certainly not basing my choices around them. This is me doing things to feel good and confident. They have no control over me. I’m taking my power back

[Asker]

Why don’t you believe he only wanted to fuck? Did I ask you that?

[HollyK21]

It is absolutely not, you’ve backed all your reasons with being related to men. Example, wanting to be a maneater, you don’t have to do any of that but again, prioritizing something from some man rather than yourself. I want you to take your power back, I want them to have no power over you but you gotta start at point A and that includes being honest with yourself.

[HollyK21]

Yeah, we have discussed that a few times before lol I’m surprised you don’t remember

[Asker]

But you do understand that after telling you that he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and then rejecting me because of sex kind of let’s you know…

[HollyK21]

Nah, I read the text messages and don’t agree with that narrative at all. I have fully expressed more than once why I don’t think he only wanted sex. I honestly can’t believe you don’t remember me saying those words “I do not believe he solely wanted sex”. I think this is just you choosing some part of the story to pick over again and I’m not enabling it. That’s not helping you move on.

[HollyK21]

I know I’ve said in the past I don’t mind talking about all this but I need to change that. Mainly because it has been many months and made little to no progress moving forward. I don't know how to help you step away from from letting that situation go at this point. It’s like you don’t want to or something.

[Asker]

I do want to move on.

[Asker]

He didn’t only want sex but he didn’t want a relationship so you’re saying a friends with benefits?

[HollyK21]

No you don’t, if you did then you’d stop talking about these same things repeatedly and move on with your life.

[HollyK21]

What have you been doing with your free time until you go back to school? You mentioned the gym but that’s only like an hour or two of your day.

[Asker]

I went back to school getting my room ready

But I’m asking a question because we actually didn’t talk about it

[Asker]

So it was primarily physical? Is that not logical

[HollyK21]

Go back to where you first sent me those screenshots, we spent a good chunk of our conversation going back and forth about why I didn’t believe he solely wanted sex or friends with benefits. That actually is frustrating and makes me feel like it went through one ear and out the other simply based off the depth of conversation we had about all that, and for you to completely forget talking about it.

[Asker]

I just think we don’t see eye to eye and I don’t think you understand how mass manipulation works that’s all.

[HollyK21]

There is no “think”. We have already agreed we don’t see eye to eye on his intentions or his sexuality and agreed to move past both topics of conversation, so why do you keep doing this?

[HollyK21]

Just admit it, you don’t like that I don’t agree and won’t stop until you feel like I do.

[Asker]

Because why is it that every man I’ve asked agrees that he wanted sex and he’s gay ( bi curious) coming from a MAN but you’re the only one who doesn’t agree

And yes I still told the whole story

[HollyK21]

Because you never give the full context of the story from start to finish. At least not when I’ve seen you post it.

[HollyK21]

I have not seen a single post of yours since like our first ever conversation where you post the full context. In any case, it really doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, this is my opinion and I’m entitled to it. If you don’t want it or don’t agree then don’t ask for it.

[Asker]

Oof, okay.

[HollyK21]

Great, moving on now.

[Asker]

But if he really didn’t want to talk to me ever again he wouldn’t have said we can check in here and there right

[HollyK21]

See, you don’t want to stop.

[Asker]

Bc I don’t want to totally let him go.. why should I.

[HollyK21]

Chels this is just… beyond. This is weird, it’s peculiar it’s strange. I don’t understand this logic. You tear this man down all the damn time, sending hate messages slandering him online, but you don’t wanna let him go? In what world, on what planet does that make a lick of sense?

[Asker]

Gotta hate em to get over him ig. I don't know. I have to find reasons why I don’t like him

[Asker]

It doesn’t work

[HollyK21]

That’s such a silly excuse. There’s nothing to hate about him because there was no time with him. Anyway it’s whatever, you do what you gotta do I’m just not partaking anymore.

[Asker]

Well I was trying to tell you my plans on getting over it. I don’t want to date. I don’t want to commit to anything or anyone. I don’t really think about children or marriage. Deep down this feels comfortable for me I’m not just saying that to throw you off. I really like the idea of lust over love

[HollyK21]

I think the only things you should be committing to right now is your healing and your betterment. All that other stuff just doesn’t matter. Maybe one day you’ll change your mind, maybe you won’t but all you really have is the here and now. Present time is what matters most.

[Asker]

How did you heal?

[HollyK21]

I went on a spiritual journey for nearly 2 years. During that time I just really tried to figure myself out. What I wanted, didn’t want, and what sort of man would align with those qualities. I prayed for different things, and kept a voice notes journal. I don't know if you’ve tried that before but, it’s nice sometimes to hear yourself vocally talk through these things without concerning myself with what someone else thinks. It helped a lot.

[Asker]

Ew no. I can’t stand the sound of my voice but I’ll write notes. I think the main reason why it’s hard for me to heal is because I hate the way I look

You’re mixed so you have it a tad bit better than a black girl but I’m sure you have your own trials

[HollyK21]

If your voice is an insecurity, you don’t think it’s smart to try tackling it? I’ve learned to face all my insecurities upfront because I want to be my most confident, and so should you. If your complexion has anything to do with this, then please work on it. I was mainly raised with the black side of my family, so that’s where my morals and perspectives are based. That’s where my heart is. There’s too many stereotypes and stigmas these days that tells someone of a deeper complexion that their value is different than someone lighter but that’s so colorist and untrue. At least for the opinions that matter.

[Asker]

I truly think that nurse who popped up is sleeping with him on the low

I think “Craig” is a sneaky man who knows how to cover his tracks

[HollyK21]

You can think whatever your want babe, it just doesn’t matter anymore.

[Asker]

I promise to never mention him again if you help me this one last time. This is a big one to me… him possibly sleeping with him

[Asker]

I don't know how to prove it.

[HollyK21]

Absolutely not.

[HollyK21]

Do you actually care, like at all when I say I don’t wanna talk about it anymore?

[Asker]

It’s just bothering me and I just wanted your true opinion on it

[HollyK21]

I gave you my opinion already so just stop it please. I’m not engaging this anymore it’s no help and no progress.

[Asker]

You said there’s a possibility they are intimate

[HollyK21]

Yes I did. Anyway…

[HollyK21]

I’m just gonna talk to you another time because you won’t stop. Have a good weekend 💛

[Asker]

Oh my god my heart.. You the they are possibly intimate? Can you just tell me which part you’re referring to when you say “yes I did” I just don’t understand.

Please I just want to know. I don’t want to have to quit my job because I can’t handle it you can at least tell me. This hurts more than anything

Because you're always sure about something but you actually just told me that you think there’s a possibility

[Asker]

You said “yes I did” anyway Is sooo invalidating

[Asker]

Because you know how I feel about it.

[HollyK21]

You don’t want to have to quit your job? Chels, please schedule with your therapist, I say this with nothing but love. The fact that you’re this emotionally invested to where you can’t work, can’t function, broken hearted, over this man you knew for 2 weeks nearly a year ago, it’s just too much. This is sooo much bigger than him but you’ve managed to make your whole life worth of trauma his fault and problem. It isn’t right.

[HollyK21]

You are in a place right now where you are suffering in silence and need help. Do you speak with your mom? Any friends? Do they know you’re going through all this?

[HollyK21]

At the time yes, I said that he could’ve been talking to her but it was his right as a single person. If you’re some saint who only puts their attention on one man right out of the gate then good for you, but a lot of people will explore their options before settling on someone. So sure, at that point I said it could be a possibility. Since then you’ve dug through her information and found that they no longer follow each other, so as of now, who knows? But who cares? That’s the thing Chels. You are not his ex, so stop acting like it already.

[Asker]

I can’t show up for them or myself. You’re torturing me by not telling me what you mean and I’m trying not to spiral. I just wanted to know what you meant. It’s bothering me. I just wanted to know why you said it because you’re always sure.

Im sending a message to my therapist to write a note for me to break my contract. I can’t do this

I just wanted to know that’s all

[Asker]

No I meant sleeping with the gay male nurse that keeps popping up

[Asker]

Not the girl … idc about the girl I m talking about the gay nurse

[Asker]

I’m going no contact with my mom.. I don’t have the best relationship with her

My mother is narcissistic to me and everything is about her

So when I talk to her about anything it just adds fuel to the fire or she makes it about her

[HollyK21]

Oh, I was talking about the girl. The trans person I’ve already shared my thoughts and how I don’t like discussing other people’s sexuality when they aren’t around to defend it.

As for your therapist, Chels why on earth would you break your contract? It took you ages to find someone, a female at that. Now it’s hardly been like 3 months and you’re ready to jump ship because you aren’t getting the results you want as quickly as you’d like. It makes no sense to throw away any kind of progress you’ve made just because she hasn’t diagnosed you or anything like that.

Why don’t you try communicating? Ask if it’s possible to have a session without the intern (which she probably is, sitting in on sessions and shadowing) or whoever that person was. I’m sure she would accommodate and just didn’t know that was a problem for you since you didn’t specify as much. If your mom is toxic, I won’t say you shouldn’t talk to her, like I’m all about protecting your peace at all costs. Still, isolating yourself from the world and pouring all your energy and emotions into this guy will only keep you on a downward spiral.

You’re miserable right now and your making it all his fault rather than doing the right thing, which is therapy and professional help. This has to stop.

[Asker]

No Holly. I’m not talking about the trans woman or the girl

I’m talking about the gay white nurse that keeps popping up in my people you may know. I told you about him

[HollyK21]

Crazy thing about the gay nurse is that you have no way of connecting him to the African guy, just him popping up on your feed and the fact he’s gay. I’m not having any parts in that, if you want to keep down that road then go ahead. I’m not interested, that is just too much.

[Asker]

No I mean break my teaching contract.

[HollyK21]

So what would you do if you’re not teaching? You were losing it with so much free time, now you’d be out of a job? Worse thing is that if you do that, in your mind it would be the African guys fault. It would add more fuel to your fire and make everything worse.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s his fault… well he’s apart of it because even though you feel he didn’t try to play me.. that wasn’t my experience with him.

I told him I didn’t want anything bc I needed to protect myself and my emotions. That didn’t matter to him. He wanted what he wanted and left me high and dry… even if he weren’t interested he could have shown a bit more care and decency. He really showed me that he didn’t give af about me as a person

[Asker]

So yes. He’s apart of the issue. Like you said he’s moved on and still searching. Im not what he wanted cool… but take my feelings into consideration like I took yours.. he did me really bold and im not just saying that

[HollyK21]

Well, you do what you gotta do. It’s your life you’re throwing away, not his. He’s living and thriving in his career, maybe in a relationship now. He’d be shocked to see you still there, almost exactly as he left you, only worse.

[HollyK21]

Chels, he called you back! He gave you closure! How much more is he to consider your feelings when you’re practically a stranger to him? Like you are genuinely treating this like a breakup I do not understand at all…

[Asker]

I don't know what I’m going to do Holly. I feel stuck, I feel unstable.. I feel I just need to move away from him

[HollyK21]

People should be allowed to walk away, they should be allowed to say “hey, this first date wasn’t for me, these past few days talking to them aren’t for me, so I’d like to move on” without you doing all this dramatic stuff. I feel sorry that he didn’t pick you, because he has no idea what sort of woman he has stalking him.

[Asker]

But did he say that? No.

Going back to he did me really wrong and treated me like nothing. I would have appreciated that because then I would have felt that it was an honest rejection vs him just wanting sex , not getting it and ghosting

[HollyK21]

I already know I sound blunt and harsh but I can’t care about that because you don’t care about me or what I want. It just does not matter to you that I’m trying to move past these topics of conversation.

[HollyK21]

Well, it’s what you got. It’s more than a lot of women get, you could’ve never heard from him again but he turned around and gave you, a stranger, a conversation and closure. Sorry if it’s not what you wanted but don’t way he didn’t give it.

[HollyK21]

**don’t say he didn’t give it

[Asker]

I’m a stranger? The same stranger he called crazy and really wanted to sleep with… he didn’t care … he was never going to reach out and give me closure. It all had to do with him not me. Not my well being and that’s what you’re not understanding at all

You want to be done fine. But you couldn’t even understand just how much my life has fell apart more since talking with him and how hurt and inadequate I am.

Maybe this is my sign to just run away from it all and to start my only fans.

[HollyK21]

Yes honey, you are a stranger to him, but it seems that feeling was not mutual. Ghosting was wrong, but unfortunately people don’t owe us closure, and in that respect yeah he probably was not going to reach out because he didn’t care about you on a deeper level - he didn’t know you.

On a surface level, he cared just enough to respond (after having your friend cuss him out and mom call, mind you) and say good bye. I don’t remember his exact words, something about not wanting to know he’s hurt someone or whatever, but even that was very impersonal. You were a person demanding his attention and he finally gave you it in the form of goodbye.

Yes, I want to be done talking about this man endlessly, because we keep rehashing the same talking points over and over for months now and there’s no progress. If you wanna check in just about life or vice versa then I’m totally fine with that, but talking about him gets us nowhere and you more emotionally distressed by my opinions than need be.

[HollyK21]

He hadn’t said anything about sleeping with you Chels, in fact he sent that very long paragraph clarifying as much. You insist on your own perspective, pushing for a narrative (aka him being slick) that he had to respectfully shut you down about.

[Asker]

I wasn’t just a stranger. He presented himself in a way that almost made me feel completely vulnerable. The things he said in the beginning were more than “stranger “ talk “ to me… he couldn’t wait to use everything I told him against me and ended up treating me worse.

What he ended up saying was extremely hurtful regardless of if they were true. Being demeaned at a table saying hurtful things or trying to make someone feel a certain way… calling me crazy, implying that he’s sleeping with other women, saying he doesn’t want to have sex with me because I’ll be crazier, leaving me on delivered for days, saying he has higher priorities. Saying I’m drama, checking his phone, checking out the waitress…

Yeah all that is okay right.. going from sincere to complete jerk.. when I didn’t deserve that at all

Sex wasn’t brought up in the beginning because he knew that’s not what I wanted but he was willing to wait to see if I put out…

One of the reasons he rejected me was sex related..

He was in the wrong 100 percent. We don’t have to agree but this was my experience

[HollyK21]

Of course, it’s your experience and you’re entitled to how you feel about what happened to you. I’ve never taken away from your experience, but I’ve always had the stance that your feelings are valid, your actions are not and the way you’ve handled this has been wrong.

For you, he was more than a stranger. On his end it isn’t the same. I read those messages, and I’m sure that wasn’t everything but a lot of his character showed through the things he said. You’ve purposely misinterpreted his character and actions, he told you as much as well. You don’t have to agree with how he feels or how he acted, but it’s really over Chels.

He is not coming back, he is not willing to talk to you, engage or read your messages. If you approach that gay nurse, they won’t respond. Continuously being ignored won’t make you feel any better. There’s no lick to get back when you can’t reach the person. He’s forgotten you and moved on, please start internalizing these very hurtful but true facts.

[HollyK21]

Anyway, I’m gonna put the conversation on this topic to rest now. I can’t help you move on whatsoever if I keep enabling this line of questioning so, I’m going to stop. I hope you can respect that, it’s for the better.

[Asker]

Why would you even tell me to internalize the things he said?

If I’m being honest. Fuck you Holly. You’re the biggest dick sucker and dick rider. Internalize that.

If he were a good guy with genuine character he would have been good and ended things the right way. Him and the nurse probably are screwing on the low.

How he feels about me is how I feel about you. Including you acting like I don’t know wtf I’m talking about.

I hope your fiance cheats on you. I hope he finds someone better.

You’re pathetic and you only have what you have because of your looks. (Being mixed)

[HollyK21]

That’s ok babe. Fortunately I just don’t care what you think about me Chels, so yes, him and I do relate in that aspect. Yes, please stop this denial and internalize the fact that you are a stranger to him, and he’s not coming back. Maybe even a few things he said previously in his text’s because there is truth.

I am at peace, and can say that truthfully. You’re going through some things, i know. Anyway, I’m praying for you, for your betterment, for your healing and your growth. I pray that you surpass these dark things you’re dealing with and ultimately find happiness. There’s something good in there, someone will get to see it one day.

It’s all love from me💛

[Asker]

Internalize that shit white girl.

Your fiance doesn’t love you he loves how you look

[HollyK21]

That’s fine. Have a good weekend💛

[Asker]

Yep, you too. Tell your fiance I said hello for me. Give him a big sloppy kiss for me.

[HollyK21]

Sounds good love😘

[HollyK21]

Please take care of yourself, ok? See you around Chels💛

[Asker]

Holly, please go fuck yourself. Respectfully.

[Asker]

After 3 years and only a fiance? Pathetic. You’ll probably be a fiance forever. He’ll leave trust me.

[Asker]

When is your wedding? Lol I’m just curious.

[Asker]

I don’t believe that you’re getting married there’s no way..

[HollyK21]

We haven’t even been together 3 years yet Chels. Bye.

[Asker]

You mad because I’m questioning you on your shit?

You’re on here a lot. Does he even spend time with you? lol 😂 shit I feel bad for you. I wouldn’t even be on here if I were ‘engaged’…. Mm. Okay

You seem a little lonely

[HollyK21]

Chels, you don’t bother me, okay? You just don’t. I feel bad for you, I feel sorry you’re going through so much internal struggle over a man you knew 2 weeks, and that’s why I’m praying for you. You can say whatever insult to me, I don’t care. My relationship is strong, my faith is strong, I’m blessed in my life. I truly hope you get to experience this one day. You’re burning this bridge quite quickly but I’ll let you do that on your own. I’m sending you nothing but love.

[HollyK21]

I’m not sure why you want me to miserable with a cheating partner lol I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. You must suddenly hate me but that’s ok. 💛

[Asker]

Don’t tell me to internalize some bs then turn around and play victim. That’s on you.

[HollyK21]

Yes Chels you need to internalize that it’s fucking over and you’re on some weird stalker shit. That is on YOU. Take it how you want, I just don’t care. Call me whatever you want, i just don’t care. I don’t have to worry about a single thing you worry about and I thankful for that. Go quit your job and message the nurse, at least you’d be switching it up.

[HollyK21]

The whiplash is just so bizarre, none of my female friends would ever! I could never have you around me.

[Asker]

I don’t want to be around you. Have I ever even told you that? Keep your posse. y'all are probably annoying

Tf am I supposed to feel some type of way? Type of high school comment was that? Girl bye

[HollyK21]

I don't know Chels, you’ve spent 100s of comments here and elsewhere trying to be around me😂 bye.

[Asker]

I can say the same. You’ve been my bitch

[HollyK21]

You mean me trying to help you? I guess your therapist is your bitch too lol, at least she got paid. But oh well! We live and we learn💛

[Asker]

Thanks for your volunteer work 🫡

[Asker]

And let’s get the record straight. I’m not Ignored. I can be ignorant and crazy like he claims. He started following a popular fitness girl in our city and I actually had been following her for a minute first. She’s really pretty I will admit

But since he wants to ignore me and you say all these negative things saying how he forgot me and all he’s going to do is ignore me. How about this

How about he sees it in her comments then when I tag him calling him a predator? Hey you think he’ll ignore me then?

🤣🤣🤣 y'all are just whack

[FunkyMonkee]

You're a girl!! Girls HATE being with kind, sweet, loving guys!! That's why I've been alone most of my life.

[HollyK21]

No offense but at 56 years old it’s hard to believe that being kind and sweet is why you’re single…

[Amandanator]

Yeah I have to agree with Holly. Maybe you are only attracted to certain women who are a little out of your league? 🤔

[FunkyMonkee]

@HollyK21 Sorry to disappoint but, apparently, it is! I've had my sites set on quite a few girls over the decades and so far, every one of them opted for an abusive asshole over me!

[HollyK21]

Interesting…

[FunkyMonkee]

@HollyK21 Isn't it? Come to think of it, there WAS ONE that seemed to be interested in me but, we were only together for about 3 weeks. As much as I tried to make it work, I just couldn't see us together for the long haul. There were just things about her that said to me that we weren't gonna be a great match. So, in THAT case, it was me that broke it off.

[HollyK21]

I don’t know, I’d have to know more about the type of guy you are while you’re dealing with a woman. I personally prefer someone who’s kind, sweet and loving, my fiancé is all those things. I can’t think of a woman who would want that as well, which is why I think there’s more to it in your case. Even if you can’t think of what would cause these unsuccessful situations, maybe you never noticed it.

[FunkyMonkee]

@HollyK21 And, so am I! My ex-fiance LOVED being with me for those 10 years but, apparently, she loved money more!! She left me for a guy that makes a living by searching through garbage and taking pictures of what he finds! after just 1 year with him, she got REALLY scared of him and went back to India!! she wouldn't tell me what he did to freak her out!
Time after time after time, I'm trying to win one over and she decides to go with some other guy who, eventually, starts abusing her and treating her like shit!! She comes to ME, cries on MY shoulders and I say and do everything I can to help her, she tells me what a wonderful guy I am and she wishes she could find a guy like me. Well? I'm available!! And, rather than leave him for good, or choose to at least give ME a try, she either goes RIGHT BACK to him or gets involved with another guy that's at least just as bad!!
This (as well as what I've been hearing from loads of other guys) tells me that girls don't WANT nice guys, like me!!

[HollyK21]

That’s a lotta drama man lol sorry you went through that. Genuinely. Lucky for you, not all women are that way. I couldn’t imagine being with someone anything other than kind, mindful, etc. It’s a direct opposition to my own character and quite honestly it would bring me down.

[FunkyMonkee]

@HollyK21 I know but, those that aren't are already spoke for!