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I was talking to a girl a few years ago. She was really interested in me and wanted a relationship. I kind of pushed her away because of things I was dealing with. It definitely seemed like a rejection from her viewpoint. I always felt awful about rejecting her, so I apologized and told her what I was thinking. I said it was my fault and she didn't do anything wrong, and that she is great. I told her it was my anxiety and depression and I didn't handle it well and I didn't want to reject her. I owned up to everything, took full blame and shared what I never was comfortable sharing with anyone. Her response was to ignore my apology and then post a picture of her all Dolled up trying to look as good as possible. Her hair done, makeup, trying to look like an Instagram model. She doesn't always post pictures like this, so the timing felt intentional. My impression of it was like a, hey, I'm great this is what you're missing type of thing.
Noone owes anyone forgiveness, but I am put off by this response. I went from feeling sad I hurt her feelings to feeling grossed out by her character. I told her she was great, and it was my anxiety and depression, and she responded like I had rejected her. I don't know, no response at all would have been one thing. But to kind of rub it in someone's face with a "Screw you im the bomb" post after someone talks about dealing with depression. That seems kind of messed up to me.
Where do you stand? Noone owes forgiveness or her response was a red flag?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I guess what does it really matter? I mean why does it bother you after you rejected her. You explained why it was bad timing and why you thought that a relationship was not right for you. What she does after that is no one's business but her own. You rejected her so you should move on at that point. Anything after that shouldn't bother you since you clearly told her that you didn't have an interest. Now if she did it intentionally then that is just immature but again... who cares? It isn't your problem to worry about her acting immature. I don't even know why you would be looking at her insta after you decided to move on. I know even less why you would be worried about the way she responded. It seems like you needed some sorta validation from her that she accepted your apology.
Because I did care about her but it wasn't good timing. It was my depression and not my lack of interest. I also made her feel bad and it was a complete misunderstanding. So I was interested in her and made her feel bad. I wanted to apologize. I didn't just reject her, so why should we carry on like I did? I dont know, I was embarrassed to share my problems, but I did because I thought it would give her a compliment. To post that like she's great and looking for attention is offputting to me. Thats how I feel.
Being upset at someone for looking great in a picture after you told them "not interested" doesn't make any sense. Is she supposed to crawl in a hole so that you feel okay? No. She is free to do whatever she wants, including getting attention or moving on to another guy. You had your chance. It wasn't going to work. You recognized that and did the right thing by telling her. That is the end of it right there. What happens after is of no consequence or at least it shouldn't be. That's on you if you have an issue with her posting a nice pic of herself looking all sexy, great, whatever...
You're like intentionally misunderstanding the point I'm trying to make.
I didn't tell them not interested. Things just played out unfortunately because of my anxiety.
Is she supposed to crawl in a hole? Never said that either. Accepting the apology would have been great, but she didn't have to. Ignoring it would be another option as well. I don't know, to intentionally post a picture like that I take it like "eh fuck your anxiety. I'm awesome over here on my end your missing out on this" . I just explained it was unintentional and shared something that was hard to share to make HER feel good and have a compliment. It does seem kind of cold to dismiss it like that.
She hasn't posted in months so her picture did feel intentional to be like "ehh I don't give a f"
Had I rejected her bad, I would understand that. It wasn't like that though
I also left out that this wasn't just one interaction and that was it. We knew each other for years and had good chemistry. I thought we were cool with each other and that she would understand but I guess not.
I tried to see it from different perspectives and if someone went out and put themselves out there to make me feel better and give me a compliment while also being 100% honest and embarrassing themselves, I think I would understand that, not try to make them jealous. I don't know whatever.
The thing is you did reject her initially
(I have to say, I do understand why; I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety which is part of the Complex PTSD I have been diagnosed with)
Same as I don't do well with rejections... Maybe she didn't take your rejection well either, and shut herself completely down despite you apologising to her and explaining why you rejected her in the first place
How would I respond? I would feel Hurt, devastated of course... but eventually, after thinking a lot about it, I will come to the conclusion that it is my own, stupid mistake.
Come to think of it... I was young and immature at that time... but I have rejected a girl and later on regretted it and tried to win her back... tears and all... but she would not give in to me
Yea I guess so. It would have been nice to get a different reaction but that's her choice.
Of course, I am fully with you on that
There was no requirement for you to apologize, and she is probably confused that you did. Her picture is just her way if saying she's doing fine. Don't read so much into it.
Maybe you are right.