What is the best way to deal with a woman’s attitude that is directed towards you?

[Uknomysteezz]

Does it depend on the relationship you guys have or should you act this way towards all women who give you attitude/being mean?

[Sonorous]

Mostly depends on what you mean by "deal." I'm going to assume you mean to de-escalate the situation, build & maintain rapport again.

I think that the best way is mostly individual. Just have to find the general formula that works for the specific person. For instance, one person may need time to cool down, then they'll be open to engaging. Another person may want their feelings validated before engaging. Another may wish for behavioral changes first. Another may simply be in a bad mood & the odds are not in your favor to begin with. The list goes on & on.

It's mostly a guessing game. Even professionals guess. They just do so strategically in levels that can be expounded upon if one mode of de-escalation fails.

What I prefer to do is to remain calm. Ask questions about their feelings & what they value. Infer their beliefs & desires from that. Without directly saying they're wrong, address the attitude with positive examples of why their perspective is wrong. Reinforce that they're in a safe place & that I care about them & wish no harm. Explain that I seek to be fair & just. Ask what they'd prefer that I do. Challenge their mind with counterarguments disguised as questions if I disagree with their preferences. Try to come to a compromise. Etc.

[Uknomysteezz]

Great advice! And yes, I ment it as de-escalating the situation.

[Sonorous]

Thanks! I think the most important thing to look out for are signs that a persons "wall" or "guard" is up. Don't be afraid to joke around as well. Building rapport again or de-escalating can be as easy as someone laughing at one joke you make.

Can you tell me more about the nature of the attitude? And also any surrounding details that may help paint the scene? Can even create a fake example that mirrors if you don't wish to talk about specifics.

[Uknomysteezz]

The question was mainly hypothetical on figuring out the best way to de-escalate conflict, arguments, and moody behaviors that women do to test men.

Thee only example that comes to mind would be a crush that I have at work and just noticed how moody she can get at times. I don’t believe most of the time her mood has to deal with me in general, but rarely she’ll give me attitude whenever she is in this headspace.
I do understand that women’s mood changes daily and what they say in the moment isn’t always what they mean. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to go about it.

[Sonorous]

In this scenario, if neither of you know eachother well & you aren't in a position of power over her, I'd say to stick to the safe ways of de-escalation.

But... If you ever do get to know her more & are linked to her in a more equally familiar way, a good way to see if she's interested in you is to give her a little pushback when she does have an attitude. I don't mean to argue with her. Think of it more as standing your ground or not surrendering simply to please. I've had women describe to me how they liked when a guy wasn't so easily brought to his knees at the first sign of toruble. If they like you, they'd like you do be strong against adversity. And the attitude is meant to be a test to reflect a type of possible adversity. Just gotta be sure the attitude is for something blown out of proportion & not deeply connected to her identity.

But like I said, this really only has the best effect if the woman is actually attracted to you & if you do it in ways that are seen as masculine, honorable, charming, etc. Bonus points if it's nonchalant.

[Uknomysteezz]

I’m pretty sure she is interested in me. lol We still don’t know each other well enough, and I haven’t asked her out cause she has a boyfriend so I’m being respectful of that.
There have been times where she has given me playful teaseful remarks but a bit rude, so I would stand my ground and give her a little attitude back to set some boundaries between us. She loves it lol
She would chuckle and smile when I throw it back in her face lol and of course she wouldn’t do it again after testing me haha

[Sonorous]

Ahh okay well that's good then. It seems like with her, your safest bet is to take her attitudes more seriously & to not provide pushback unless you see they're blatantly disrespectful of your boundaries ofc. And it would benefit you to even possibly take her aside & let her know that she can talk to you if she needs a shoulder.

[Uknomysteezz]

Yea I was thinking the same thing, it’s just right now I’m waiting for her to come to me right now instead of me going to her. Only cause recently she was acting very rude and mean to me and I didn’t know why until the end of the day. She told my homegirl I was pestering her, which was odd cause all I was doing was to engage in normal conversation.

After I heard that, the next day I just ignored her completely, she was trying to do the same to me with attitude somewhat. But near the end of our work day I think she noticed me doing it to her and started showing me attention and give me compliments on my hard work and I just ignored it. Then I come to find out the next day she heard some false gossip that I said something about her, that I never said. It ended up getting addressed in the office with the GM and herself (she’s a manager) and that’s when I officially said “all I said was that I thought she was cool and I had a crush on her.”
After that she was talking to me again normally/professionally, yet I’m still keeping my distance just in case I unintentionally made her uncomfortable.

I don’t believe I did though cause the last time I saw her, as I was clocking in she told me she told other co-workers to help me out with the dishes so I wasn’t backed up (I’m a dishwasher at a restaurant). It was her time to get off work though when I was clocking in. And usually I’m in the back and don’t usually see anyone and most times people forget to say bye when they leave (managers usually) but she still put in time and effort to say bye to me. Sooooo yea lol
Kinda long but that’s the jest of it.

[Uknomysteezz]

Unless you think I should still put in effort to let her know I still care? I don't know

[Sonorous]

That is interesting that she thought you were pestering her. 🤔 Usually girls don't act like that when they're really really interested in a guy.

It seems up in the air to me. I'd question what her motives are. Maybe she just wants you as a fun work friend?

[Uknomysteezz]

Haha yeah I’m questioning her motives aswell. I’m kinda thinking she just likes the attention. But also her words contradict her actions. I would see her staring at me at times or when I talk to girls I see her at the corner of my eye look in my direction or just flat out turn her whole body to look at me and the girl I’m talking/flirting with, and after seeing that she would try to get my attention. She would smile and laugh in a cute way whenever I did flirt with her before all this. She doesn’t treat me like the other guy co-workers I’ve noticed. She’s touched my hand in a lowkey way several times. And she is very straightforward to the point where I’ve seen her shut down advances from guys in a rude ish tone and hasn’t done that to me except for that day she was being mean. She would even say “Bye (my name)” in a very flirty tone at times.

Like I said it could have been the false rumor she heard that made her act like that and said “pestering” to my homegirl. I don't know

But ima just let her come to me now if she wants to take that next step, and I’m just gonna continue doing me like nothing happened. Only talk to her professionally maybe even ignore her a bit but not in a rude way.

[Uknomysteezz]

And she does have a boyfriend also which could be a reason why she is conflicted lol

[Uknomysteezz]

Also I’m not 100% certain but I think she is stalking my socials haha

[Sonorous]

Yeah in my head I was thinking maybe she's attracted to you & feels guilty sometimes because she does have a boyfriend? Maybe she wants to maintain a connection just in case she does break up? Maybe she likes you but doesn't want it to come so easily?

Since she's sending mixed signals, I think what you're going to do is the safer & better option since you do like her. Hope she's not just playin games that will lead to nowhere just for the sake of having a work-boyfriend sorta vibe without actually cheating or making you her boyfriend.

[Uknomysteezz]

Thank you for your insight! You’ve definitely been a big help.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Tremendously helpful guidance yes, I see that !
I liked the "Challenge their mind with counterarguments disguised as questions" haha, I've never formalized it in the specific context of relationships, but I do use this tactic a lot in my general communication

[Sonorous]

@Uknomysteezz - No problem. I'm glad to help 🥂

@Maybe_Maybe_not - Yeah that method works well for me when I make sure to ace the execution. I make sure to try & seem impartial & unsure of the conclusion. And if I really want a good conflict dodging escape route to calm things down if they get heated, I won't phrase it as a question. I'll instead phrase it as a reference from a separate party. I may say something like "I read online somewhere that some some people suggest ____________." I do this mostly to feel the other person out to see if they're open to engaging in critical discourse. And by not linking the origin of the thought to myself, I can introduce it without the burden of having to defend or reintroduce my identity, intentions, etc to them.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Seeing the level of complexity and computations involved in such communication strategies, it makes me wonder. Do you feel endangered then, the risks of you falling out of spontaneity, or even the risks of creating a puppet master framework?

[Sonorous]

@Maybe_Maybe_not - Nah I've just dealt with very very difficult people over the years 🤣 like the very emotionally volatile types that you have to walk around eggshells with.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

oh right, I feel you, on a certain level, I had to deal with such insanity lol

[Anonymous]

Leave…. If it’s not deserved and it’s a everyday thing. Leave. There’s better women don’t allow someone to take things out on you that aren’t your fault.

If she is upset about something she needs to communicate what it is and not expect you to read her mind. Nobody has the right to treat you like shit unless you give them the right.

Sometimes people have a bad days. If she says she’s sorry and means it, and it’s not a everyday thing. It’s one thing. If I did something that legitimately upset her then I would do what I can to make it right.

[DishLady]

1. If you're in a relationship with someone and you sense there's an overly negative attitude, then why put up with it? Just walk away and be with someone you can appreciate.

2. If you're not in a relationship with this person then the person's attitude has nothing to do with you. Just walk away and ignore it.

[Uknomysteezz]

I’ve tend to notice it’s more of the younger people that is more dramatic instead of the older ones.

[DishLady]

I think bc older women have other things to do. We don't want drama, just love and romance... so simple.

[Uknomysteezz]

True, but not just women. Men also that are younger do seem to be a bit more dramatic as well. They seem to be more insecure with themselves and wear a mask to portray being a “strong man.” When in reality authenticity is the strongest, bravest, and boldest masculine/feminine trait that you can be.

[DishLady]

Hmm. True, though some guys don't outgrow their dramatic phase. (They continue to engage in "shit talk" and pick fights even into their 50s...) It's a real shame when either a guy or a girl doesn't wake up and grow up...

[Uknomysteezz]

Yes, it is a real shame that people aren’t aware enough to realize their own faults and try to grow and learn from them. I’ve been calling out my co-workers for their shit talk and they end up respecting me for it but also talk shit behind my back, I’ve noticed. But hey, if healthy boundaries makes me the villain in their story, f*ck it! I’d rather stay true to who I am than be fake! I saw a quote that said “Being real gets you hated on, but being fake makes you loved.” Our society is backwards. 🙄

[Uknomysteezz]

I’ve also noticed their energy affects mine aswell. It’s sorta turning me back to my old self. But I just take a step back and self reflect and then I’m back on track haha

[DishLady]

Amen to being real.

Yeah, fake people might FEEL loved in the moment, but believe me everyone is gossiping about them being fake once they leave.

[DishLady]

Yes, stepping back is very important.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It does indeed depend on your relationship and history with the woman

[jennyPuss]

Walk away. It's dangerous for a man to confront a woman domestically. False accusations are on the rise. Look at Johnny Depp. Most men don't have a billion dollars in their war chest to fight for their reputation.

After what happened to Johnny my attitude has changed. Okay I admit I had a crush when I was a teenager. But the truth is that accusations are far easier to make than they are to prove or disprove. So now, when I hear a woman accuse a man, I REJECT the accusation unless there are at least 2 other MEN who can corroborate it.

Why? Because women BENEFIT from making false accusations and are never punished, while men are PUNISHED for making legitimate accusations, and of course if men make a false accusation it just goes from bad to worse.

So... if you have a problem with a woman. If you've talked about the issue and you've decided that you're not moving from your position, and she won't submit and gives you attitude... you got to cut her loose.

A woman cannot coexist in a domestic situation with a man she does not respect. You have to cut her lose men.

Ladies. You expect po-po to show up and take your word over his. You expect the judge to always rule favorable towards you. Those are controls women fought for to protect women against abuse. But if you want that then you have to take the good with the bad. We have backed men into a corner legally. They have few options so if you want a husband who's not going to treat you poorly then shut your traps when he lays down the law.

Most women sit back and cry on tiktok that they can't get or keep a man. Many of you can't get past a first date. Men are so unbelievably easy if you simply stop competing with them.

[Uknomysteezz]

Nicely said! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[JSkye]

Always always ALWAYS talk it out. The issue might be deeper than it appears on the surface and she may have a lot to say to you. If she is upset, it generally (but not always) means that she cares enough to get mad about it in the first place. In my case, for example, if you do something to tick me off and I react coldly to it, I am completely uninvested.

Of course, I am talking from my own point of view--but I make it a point to talk things out whenever possible.

[Uknomysteezz]

Good to know.

[DrPepper12]

I wish I had discovered this much earlier in my relationships with women. If you're having a disagreement, simply ask this one question: " Do you want me to listen or do you want me to help solve? ". The very question forces her to stop reflect on what she wants and provides a needed timeout to turn down the heat.

[Uknomysteezz]

Nice!! I’ve used this question a couple times, definitely works.

[Ladsin2]

Sean Connery taught us best how to deal with a woman's attitude.

[Uknomysteezz]

Lmao

[RavVid]

Not tolerate it and I think that applies for any relationship.

I'd probably take the cheap shot of 'on your rags are you'.

[PatKirby]

Get up and leave, don't come back. Respect is everything. If you don't have respect, you don't have anything.

[LiamJHayden]

Walk away. I don't do fake drama.

[DishLady]

Quick question I’ll probably post separately, but do you find most folks you encounter to be dramatic? (I ask bc I can’t tolerate it and I notice it more these days.)

[Crazzyyworld]

Don’t give a shit? She is a monster inside