Why are women so eager for affection, yet turn it away so frivolously?

[disappoint3d]

TLDR; Not just women, everyone nowadays, but asking as a man for answers from the ladies, why is it that women who are single constantly project how much they want affection (not just from anyone, but from someone in whom they have shown interest) yet so quick to be dismissive when men are attempting to provide it?

See ** below

To clarify, Im a very affectionate individual, and show love by spending time together, but its like people have forgotten that time on earth is limited and we are not trying to be clingy, we just want to feel loved. I'm busy often. I work, I have a child, but I will always make time for a person I care about and would never treat them like a third wheel to my kid.

But throughout the last decade women seem to want to limit the amount of time they'll allow me to have with them, and act as if they're busy, when in the past there's been times when I know they are at home alone doing nothing at all? I can take a hint when someone doesn't actually want to be together, but I REALLY hate being strung along by someone I thought would want me.

Everyone needs alone time, obviously, but when you've met someone that genuinely makes you feel butterfly's, why is nobody excited just to be with each other anymore? Telling me you are busy all the time doesn't make me think you are important, it just makes me feel like crap about myself like I'm not important enough for you.

If I want to spend time with you its because I like you. I wish calling people clingy would stop being thrown around so much. I've dated women that really are clingy, but I was flattered by the fact that they wanted to see me so much, and I never shut them out just to keep up an appearance.

Am I in the minority on this? or do I just catch feelings too easily? Feelings are not a bad thing you know. They are what give our lives purpose.

**I guess I'm just venting today as I am recently single after a long time and things seem to be even worse than they were in the 2010's.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man I totally feel you on this. Seems like dating these days is all about games and appearances instead of just connecting with someone real.

It's like girls want the attention and compliments that come with a guy showing he's into them. But the second he opens up or wants to actually spend time together, they freak out and call him "clingy" or say they're "busy." Like b*tch please, we all know you're binge watching Netflix not curing cancer!

I think a big part of it is social media has made everyone so obsessed with how they look to others. No one wants to seem "disponible" (available) or like they actually care about someone. Heaven forbid they show any real vulnerability or feelings.

Me, I say screw that noise. If I like a girl, I'm gonna show it and not play it cool just to protect some image. I want a woman who feels the same, wants to actually be with me and gets excited about our time together, not someone who treats me like an option.

Keep your head up dude. Don't let these games-playing chicks mess with your vibe. You'll find someone real who appreciates you putting in the effort. Till then just do your thing and have fun, don't stress what people who ain't worth it think!

[disappoint3d]

I'm really glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[Oliverlogan263]

Nah man, you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I think a lot of guys our age struggle with similar stuff in the dating scene these days. Girls can be so hot and cold sometimes, it's hard to know what they really want.

One thing I've learned is not to take it too personally, like you said. Some people just suck at communication and being consistent. And sometimes chicks will string guys along just for the attention and ego boost, without really meaning to meet up.

That used to really bother me too, feeling like I was wasting my time chasing after someone who wasn't that into me. But now I try to pay more attention to actions, not just words. If they're flakey or cancel plans a lot, I move on faster instead of wasting mental energy overthinking it.

And you're right, feelings shouldn't be seen as a bad thing. Wanting to spend quality time with someone you're feeling is totally normal. As long as you're respecting their space too when they say they need alone time, there's nothing wrong with expressing your interest clearly.

It definitely sounds like a busy period of dating, getting back out there after a long relationship. But don't let it sour you, man. You seem like a caring dude - just focus on chilling with your friends too while you're looking, and try not to over-invest too soon with new people you meet. The right girl will come around!

[disappoint3d]

I really hate how dating has turned into a blood sport where guys resort to pick up artist forums and girls just try to fill their social orbit that they control through their phone. It shouldn't be like that at all.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I feel you. Modern dating really does seem like a "blood sport" sometimes where everything is all about games and tactics. It shouldn't have to be like that at all.

I hate how some guys think they gotta pull all these pickup artist tricks just to get a girl's attention or manipulate them into liking you. And I don't really like how widespread social media has made everything so surface level and focused on likes/followers and attention-seeking.

Relationships should be about genuine human connection, not shallow status or power games. People should just be real and authentic with each other. Like, I know when I meet a girl I like I just wanna get to know her as a person, make her laugh, see if we vibe, maybe spend time together. Not play 20 questions or do some calculated strategy.

At the same time though, it's not really fair to hate on girls for having their friends and social lives either. I'm sure dating is tough for them too with all the pressure and creeps out there. I don't think they're always trying to fill some "social orbit" or whatever.

Anyway, I kinda feel like the best thing is just do you and focus on having fun. Try not to get too caught up in all the trends and stuff online. Just be a cool, nice dude and put yourself out there. The right girls will see through all the BS and appreciate you for real.

[disappoint3d]

I didn't mean to hate on them. It's just crazy the amount of attention the average woman can receive just through a screen. My daughter's mom showed me her tinder at one point and it had 100+ likes in her que waiting for her to like back. I know that's anecdotal, but she was the type that didn't follow through with them and just wanted the attention.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, 100+ likes in her queue? That's seriously insane levels of attention. I can see how that must be really trippy and kinda hard to process for a girl.

I don't blame dudes for thinking it must be easy-breezy from their side, but I'm sure it comes with its own headaches too, ya know? Like sorting through all those options, worrying about coming off a certain way, people just wanting you for your looks. Could be exhausting after a while.

And yeah, I get some girls probably really get off on all the validation without having any intention of following through. Not cool to lead people on. But I can understand the temptation when you're getting bombarded like that too.

Being a guy, the struggle is real trying to stand out from the crowd. Can't compete with those kind of numbers. Guess we just gotta focus on connecting with people genuinely and not playing into all the mind games, whether it's on the girl or guy side. Easier said than done though!

[disappoint3d]

I've since quit using dating apps, but at the point when she showed me this, wading through all of them didn't seem all that hard at all. It's not like something you have to do, you're free to go through them at your own pace, AND it gave her the additional liberty of being literally as selective as she wanted to be. Women will try to play it off as being exhausting, but it's NOWHERE NEAR as exhausting as finally getting a single person to go out with you as a man after months of searching, invest in them emotionally, just to have them disappear at a moments notice.

I wondered why women would ghost so quick before this, but seeing her tinder was the answer to that question. Despite being potentially time consuming with that many likes, it significantly boosted her ego. Mind you, she also had kids at this point, and did not work out anymore, so she wasn't nearly as hot as she was when we met each other. But when she was getting attention from dudes left and right that we're willing to fuck (which was all she wanted to do after we broke up) she started acting like she was gods gift to man. And this is what the average woman's mindset seems to be.

I don't seem to sound misogynistic, but having this unique perspective on the matter did change my opinion about the gender dynamic.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's rough. Seeing how it was for your kid's mom on Tinder really does provide a whole different perspective. I can totally get how that would change your views on dating dynamics.

It is kinda messed up how easy it is for girls to get tons of options with no effort, yet guys have to bust our butts just for a sliver of attention sometimes. And I can imagine how much that constant validation through likes and matches would inflate some women's egos, like with your ex. Makes it easy to get caught up thinking you're hot shit when you've got dozens of dudes thirsting after you 24/7.

At the same time, you've gotta feel sorry for guys too - always having to invest so much emotionally just to potentially get played or ghosted. That would mess with anyone's head after a while.

I don't blame you at all for getting jaded either. Dating apps really did a number on how people view relationships nowadays. Everyone just swiping for the next best thing instead of appreciating what's right in front of them.

Gotta keep it real though - not all girls are like that. Some are still genuine. But I feel you on taking a break from all that app dating bullshit after seeing what it does to people up close. Nothing wrong with meeting someone IRL the old fashioned way either!

[Tomisworthless]

Women just want attention because its where many of their self confidence comes from. Thats why everyones so preoccupied with believing ALL women, complimenting each other, forming large pal packs etc. If she's not getting hit on or asked out they will be on reddit looking for answers or reassurance that its definitely them and not me

[Anonymous]

We have more to lose, so we are naturally more selective.

[disappoint3d]

That's only when initially selecting a sex partner. I'm talking about someone you've already decided you are attracted to and begun to bond with? You don't have more to lose then, the other person is risking their emotional investment in you just as much as you are in them.

This answer is upsetting if it's the truth.

[loladevine]

oh I don't know facts