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I'd like to know what guys consider the best way tor a woman they approach to turn them down. I always try to be kind, but am not always sure of the best way to do it and it feels so awkward..
Caroline91 wants to hear from Guys only. Login to share your opinion.
"No but thanks anyway."
That's all you need. No need to elaborate.
I like the simplicity. And it is kind if said in the right tone of voice. Thank you!
"I concealed carry, and I will shoot your ass!"
Ooo... Oooo... How cool is THAT? I can do an American accent, too!!
No, not even a little. lol When I try, the Brits ask me what language I'm speaking!
Sorry if it wasn't clear. I meant I'm a Californian and I speak like a Californian. So, unless I leave California, I don't have an accent. There are a lot of different American accents, just like you have different English ones. But, really, just don't expect me to make sense all the time and all will be right with the world. As my big brother says... I am goofy!
This is tough. Not every guy is the same. Every guy is not gonna be a well rounded fully mature adult personality with the self confidence to take even a polite rejection in stride. Rejecting a guy can be a dangerous delicate maneuver for a woman.
So I'll tell you what I appreciate most. Honesty. Blunt, polite honesty. Don't waste my time. Don't be vague and leave it open ended. Just say it, LOL.
1.) I'm not looking to date.
2.) You're not really my type.
3.) I'm in a relationship.
4.) I'm married.
5.) I'm a lesbian you idiot. :)
6.) I'm just trying to unwind tonight. Not really in the mood to talk.
I won't be offended. I'll just smile and shake hands, thank you for your honesty, and let you get on with your evening. Not every interaction with everyone is gonna work out. Saying "no thank you" is everyone's right.
I'd be more sour if you wasted my night and gave me an ambiguous response that left me confused.
But as I said, a woman needs to read the guy and respond accordingly. Better safe than sorry.
If the guy really loves you, then there probably isn't a good way, because you're going to hurt him one way or another. I've been through that! I guess the best thing is to be kind, but matter-of-fact, and make sure you give him a reason that makes sense. Simply saying, "I just don't think it would work," without explaining exactly why or what went wrong, isn't fair, especially if you've been together a couple of years! It doesn't give him any solid information to hang his hat on.
@Keyboardkat That's a much more difficult situation and I absolutely agree he needs to be given a good reason. On the other hand, I'm hearing that when it's a casual situation and a woman is first approached that the best thing to do is not give a reason bc that gives an opportunity for him to argue why she should say yes. I'm sorry you weren't treated better during your breakup. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
Thank you. It happened like 56 years ago. I've long since moved on and am happily married and am a grandfather. But some things never leave you.
I know that's true. But, you're right, life does go on and happiness comes along again.
Are you turning guys down constantly? Is this something you have to do a lot?
Maybe just be nice when you say no thank you. Recognize that it took a certain amount of courage to ask you out or whatever. And be friendly the NEXT time you see them, so they know they didn't creep you out.
It isn't just me... many women have to do it a lot. A wedding ring often doesn't seem to make a difference. I do realize that it takes something to approach and ask and I want to hear from guys about the kindest way to say No. I'm actually asking bc my 19 yo niece has asked for my advice on this. So I told her I thought we should just ask the guys for their thoughts on it. Thank you for your thoughts, I especially appreciate the comment on the next time seeing someone.
I guess it's possible that some guys don't notice the wedding ring. Depending on how old they are, they might not even think to look for a weeding ring. I wouldn't look for a wedding ring.
If a guy sees your ring and knows you're married and STILL hits on you, maybe you don't need to be nice. Unless he things you're separated or something.
Is your 19 year old neice in college? That's where she's going to get hit on CONSTANTLY. Because she's surrounded by thousands of other teenagers, and they're all packed into a small space with hardly any older people around, and it's the first taste of freedom for a lot of them. So yeah, a lot of guys aren't exactly shy about trying to find a girlfriend, or a girlfriend of the moment.
If you're 33 and still getting hit on, that probably means you're above average lookswise, so congratulations.
Rather the name for kindness I would say aim for respectful. Because it's easy for men to take kindness as condescension. But if you are clear and respectful, most men will take that well. They will match your energy and be clear and respectful and return. Unfortunately there is no way to guarantee a man will not be weird or creepy, but on average this works best
And heaven knows, I am all too familiar with weird and creepy! lol
But as I am so fond of them, if a starfish approached me, I just might have to say yes!! lol
You are ba-ba-ba-bad to the bone!-
Just be kind and open with us. And by all means, don't tell us "we can still be friends". That's something we don't want to hear. It's like giving us a consolation prize. Friendship isn't an option if we feel attracted to you.
I appreciate. your thoughts. Thank you.
Be honest with us, don't try to let us down easy nor be kind in the refusal. We men are tougher than women give us credit for. Just tell us, calmly, how you really feel, or don't feel, we men will wish you well, and we'll both move on.
Perhaps calmly is the key word here...
I like a more direct approach that way there’s no ambiguity or unintentional ’leading on’
so just a simple ‘sorry im not interested’ would work for me. Or if you’re taken ‘sorry i have a bf’ or ‘sorry im married’ will also do
Would "not available" be kinder than "not interested"?
I suppose but it can still kinda make a dude think ‘ok so if she was available then its on?’
Whereas ‘sorry im not interested’ is a more firm ‘no’.
Hmmm... See, that's exactly why I'm asking. I think sometimes my inclination to be kind gets in the way of handling it the best way. But I don't ever want to be rude unless someone is aggressive or overly suggestive. When a guy puts himself out there like that and is polite about it, he deserves a decent response, even if the answer is no.
I don’t think ‘sorry im not interested’ is rude really. And if the guy isn’t insecure he’ll appreciate and accept the directness.
However if they act all bitter or upset about it then thats on them. You know you weren’t rude about it and they act like this? Just be firm in your rejection and you can be assured that you definitely made the right decision in rejecting them if they act like that.
@Still-alive I always appreciate your thoughtful advice so much.
You have to just be honest say thank you but whatever the reason might be I mean it's really not that big of a deal to be turned down I mean it is but it's not you have to accept it and just move on there's a reason for everything and it doesn't mean that that person is trying to hurt you or anything that's turning you down it's just there's a reason for it so it's just the way it is sometimes
I do not know if there is any good way to do it. I suppose as long as there is no laughing involved , that's about as good as it gets.
Well, I'm laughing NOW!
@Caroline91 now you got me to do it too.😊😊😊
@exitseven Good! I like it when other people laugh with me!!
@Caroline91 better than laugh at you.
I have no problem with being laughed at! In my family, we all get laughed at a teased. And we laugh right along. If it’s funny, it’s funny. But the rule is you stop when asked. One is fun teasing and the other is mean teasing. We don’t mean tease. But years later, some of those stories are still being told and new generations are laughing at those family members.
Thanks, but I don't think it would work.
Never give a reason. That just invites an argument.
I have found that to be true and that's a big part of the reason I'm asking. Thank you for your input.
🤣🤣🤣
It's simple, if the woman ia attached to someone, she can simply tell him that she's married or engaged or have a boyfriend!
In case she was single, she can tell him that she ain't searching for a relationship at the moment and wanna live her life and focus on other important things in her life!
That’s a good way to do it. I’m planning to show all these posts to my niece. She was asking me about this and I said let’s ask the guys!
Ofc she has to say them in a beautiful way with a little smile on her face, to appear that she's friendly and isen't trying to hurt them at all, just telling them the truth or stating the facts 😌
😌😘🤭
Just say you appreciate the offer, but no thank you. Don’t get into reasons.
Thanks. I think that's a really good way to do it. And not giving reasons keeps from a verbal back-and-forth.
Just say "No thank you." or something similar. If the guy wants to argue, then put him on blast because he deserves it.
What would blast look like?
Just be respectful and honest. Just say that you’re flattered but just not interested. Thank them and move on. I’ve found that Southern women seem to get how this works better than others sometime.
Its the best to tell that sorry but i don’t feel the same for you when a guy approaches you… these simple words are enough and should not offend a decent guy…
And, hopefully, he is a decent guy! Thank you.
You’re welcome
don't be over the top offensive with stuff like, go kill yourself, go to hell, go fuck your mom but also be more direct, i don't like you, i'm not interested, go away. don't be ambivalent to try to save face but makes it more confusing for the guy
Just say you are taken already and tell them to have a nice day
Nice and simple. I like that.
What some girls do (to me) while I am chatting them up they bring a boyfriend up. Like "my boyfriend likes that too". It is quite a good way of telling you it is not on, regardless of whether they do or don't have a boyfriend.
Just tell them you are in a relationship and that you are loyal to your man.
This won't prevent every advances guys make on you but most times they rather try the next girls who isn't unavailable
It’s nice that you’re so considerate. I think just letting them down gently. You can say you are in a relationship even if you aren’t in one out you really want to avoid hurting their feelings any
lol..:I just was never able to pull a fib off without being obvious. I asked this question to get an answer for my 19 yo niece and I think she might be able to use this one.
Well at least someone can use it then lol.
But even just the truth isn’t so bad as long as it’s delivered in a polite way in my opinion
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
No problem
If the guy is a decent follow. You could say that you are in a committed relationship or you need some time to yourself.
Not the excuse that you need to clean your bedroom. Like I got one time.
Well, at least you know she has a clean bedroom. lol. My mom said the excuse in her day was "I have to wash my hair.:" Just all sounds silly too me!
Just say you aren't interested. Don't give us a fake number.
That's an awful thing to do.
I don't waste my money or time courting women, so I don't care.
Well, gee, thanks for letting me know... lol
Just say - "thanks, but I already have a boyfriend". Does not have to be true.
I'm actually trying to give my niece some advice on this. Is there some way to do it without saying something that isn't true? I know, once when I was in college, I told someone that and when he found out it wasn't true, he was really hurt.
I recommend against this as lies can backfire unpredictably in these situations. It's better to be direct and honest but to be polite. I would recommend you find a way to compliant him, so it doesn't hit his ego as hard. Look him in the face when you do it don't avoid eye contact and try to smile nicely as you explain and try to convince him you're not rejecting him because he's inferior or not good enough. The best option would probably be to say something along the lines of you just don't feel romanticly attracted to him and it basicly find a way to convince him it's not personal and you're not judging him.
I've been rejected a lot, and it hurts a ton, but I've never really even been politely rejected. I've gotten fake numbers, stood up, "cheated" on by my high school "Girlfriend" who I found out later was raping her female former friend while we were together in high school. I've been laughed at, completely ignored, been called gross and weird it reached a point where I gave up on dating because it became soul crushing.
Basically, just treat him like a human being you're breaking bad news to. Do what you would do when you have to tell your family something that makes them sad or upset. Most importantly of all though if he cries don't judge him or look at him with pity it's humiliating, I'd know.
@Cormac995 I'm sorry you've gone through all of that. There's really no good reason for it. So would something like "That's so sweet of you to ask but I have to say I'm really not available..." work well?
By giving an honest reason. Don't say you have a boyfriend if you dont really have a boyfriend. However, if the "real" reason is so trivial than just saying your not interested is fine.
Lie like all the other women do
@djaayAnd how does a modern woman act?
WomenI only date black guys
Hmmm
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