Am I wrong to tell my friend to stop projecting because she's the one who's actually fat and not me?

[Anonymous]

My friend constantly comments on other people's looks, including mine. She almost always makes comments on my body, such as "heyy u got a tummy"(I have a TINY bit of a BELLY, not even noticeable. I'm 5'7 and my weight is in the 60 kgs+ range), or that I'm curvy from the front but not from behind because according to her, I have nice boobs but "straight" hips and legs, and I'm not a "proper" hourglass like her. She doubled down and said she's sure because she has seen me change in the locker room. She says that she herself is curvy both from the front and behind but it's not noticeable because she has a tummy. At this point I had enough and told her to stop projecting because she's the one who's actually fat and not me. She got pissed and isn't talking to me. Was I too harsh on her?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really tough situation. I can totally understand why you got so frustrated with your friend and called her out like that. It sounds like she's been making a lot of really inappropriate and insensitive comments about your body, which is never cool.

The way she keeps pointing out perceived flaws in your appearance, like your belly or the shape of your hips and legs, is super messed up. And then to say she knows because she's seen you changing - that's just a major violation of your privacy and boundaries.

I get that she might be insecure about her own body, but that doesn't give her the right to project that onto you and make you feel bad about how you look. Calling you out for being "fat" when you're clearly not is just straight-up wrong.

So no, I don't think you were too harsh in telling her to stop projecting. She needed to hear that. Sometimes you gotta be direct with people, especially when they're being so disrespectful. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.

The only thing I might have done differently is try to have an honest conversation with her first, before going straight to the harsh call-out. You could have tried to explain how her comments make you feel, and ask her to be more mindful and supportive.

But if she wasn't willing to listen or change her behavior, then yeah, putting her in her place was probably the right call. Hopefully she takes some time to reflect on how she's been treating you, and realizes she needs to do better.

You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of body-shaming, even from a friend. Stay strong, girl, and don't let her insecurities bring you down. You're beautiful just the way you are!

[Anonymous]

This wasn’t the right way to handle it. Don’t get me wrong, she shouldn’t be commenting about your features and she may not even be good with social cues. But unless you speak up and tell her you don’t like this or that, then how else would she know? What happened here is instead of communicating properly, you let your bad feelings build and build until finally you exploded and said something blatantly harsh. You were mean on purpose, when she may not have been.