Alpha male vs. jerk?

[Anonymous]

Where's the line between a guy who demonstrates strong, assertive behavior and a guy just being a jerk?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

The assertive guy still has respect - like not just having manners respect, but for himself, what he does, who his actions effect overall, and isn't in it for more personal gains.

He knows when to be assertive and when to not be - not just assertive all the time, or it's his way all the time - that selfish vibe douche bags radiate so well.

That's what makes those guys such jerks - sh*t always revolves around them in some way shape or form - and if you go against that mindset, they get all childish and bitchy about it which equates to their jerkiness.

Or their just upfront about it - you can obviously see this guy treating other people badly, or just acting rude with no remorse, but he's self rigteous in how he acts.

My best friend's ex was the BIGGEST f***ing douche I've ever met in my life. He played girls like cards, was so disrespectful to his siblings, friends, and parents - and felt he was so justified in being that way. Most of everyone hated him, but they kissed his ass because he had money and was popular for his looks.

And he was very hot - but I just wanted to strangle him so bad gaah - because he was such an a**hole.

Alpha guys just know when to be assertive and when not to be. It's not always about you, and you still keep that aspect in mind. Actually, I'd go as far as to say that alpha people, just don't generally give a damn about what the world thinks about them. They focus more on what core values they have themselves, how they stick by them, and how they demonstrate and conduct themselves according to them.

But they don't ever let people take advantage of them, or become too flexible that others can just bend them as they please.

Sometimes that's the case with " nice " guys - hence the phenomenon of women going to the a**hole guys - even though their jerks, they radiate that " sturdiness," which in turn, represents a form of strength.

Women naturally look to men for strength / manliness, so I'm guessing this is what is communicated.

That alpha mindset stems mainly from having solid confidence, and the assertiveness on top of that confidence makes a man " sturdy." Actually, it makes any person sturdy really.

So, honestly, the line is created based on the individuals perception; if you think your such hot sh*t, and treat everyone else like crap, live mainly for your impulsive desires / wants, not care about those around you or how you treat them- your a f***ing ass hole (gender neutral,)

If you have good values you stick by, have that capacity to harbor them, live by them, consider others, handle your responsibilites, contemplate your actions, just be a genuine person - then I say your an Alpha.

[Asker]

Thanks for such a helpful post. I've been having trouble trying to develop a mindset where I can be strong and confident but still look at myself in the mirror and see a good person. This goes a long way.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Your welcome - that's where it all starts - your already a good person for analyzing yourself in a means to better yourself.

You don't have to be a hard ass, or mean, or cruel for people to see confidence - actually, most people see that as insecurity.

You already know you can stand up for yourself and assert yourself, but still be a great person - that's an Alpha mindset, and you don't need to prove that by acting tough or whatev because people will already realize it.

[Asker]

The balancing act is the hardest part, being a good man instead of a "nice guy."

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea -

But being a nice guy isn't super terrible. Nice guys have great traits, but often lack the confidence and sturdiness. Don't lose those traits, but just gain the confidence and assertiveness, and learn how to use them appropriately.

You'll figure it out :D

[Boogaloo]

Excellent question. Generally a guy just being an A-hole is just saying/ doing things to hurt someone or make a point (he's being selfish in not considering someones feelings), but being assertive is having the guts to be yourself and being able to stand up for yourself - or stand up for what's right regardless of who or what's against you but You don't have to hurt someone else in the process - that's the difference. An A-hole will generally be oblivious to other peoples feelings - assertive guy will be strong but realizes you don't have to hurt someone in doing so.

[Sapphire55]

If he were for example to really disagree with something in order to protect someone than he would alpha male, but if he disagree's just to get on someones nerves or even goes against what he believes to get the last word that he is just ridiculous. However, sometimes even if he is showing strong assertive behavior if the other person doesn't understand his thought process than he can be considered a jerk.

[Yeahhbro]

Although they are quiet similar, there are differences. An Alpha Male in my opinion, its somebody who is succesful at whatever he does, he is assertive on thigs that he wants and is SPECIALLY a leader. To be a leader you don't need to be a jerk, there are also different types of leadership as well. If you look at succesful politicians, you will see that politicias are NEVER jerks, they actually very charismatic, they also try to portray this image that they are just people like us too, they also funny, but must importantly they try to seel this image that they are the person everybody has been waiting for all of their life to solve their problems. They are also inspirational as they make people dream about a better future etc etc. Also a lot of them relate to people issues and dreams and try to make them seem I am just like you guys, I understand you guys and I will help you change. Even somebody like Hitler had all of these characteristics that is why he was so popular in Germany.

That is the difference between Leaders and Assholes.

[sisterray]

Alpha males are friendly. If they are in a fight with a woman it's at least half her fault. Alpha males go out with plenty of bitches. Sorry it's the truth.

[Chrissy1986]

an alpha actually listens when you talk where an a**hole doesn't even try

[Anonymous]

he becomes an a**hole when he doesn't listen to anyone else and when he can't admit he's wrong