Ladies, what are her intentions?

[Anonymous]

3 weeks ago, I told this woman I was deeply in love with her. She’s in a situationship that she hates and wishes things were different. She does have feelings for me. She said we needed to have a serious conversation about it. But since then, she never brought it up; yet she’ll still call me few things a week, we talk about everything and sometimes hang out. Then usually when the call is almost done, she’ll say “ok. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice”. The way she says it drives me crazy. She knows I’m in love with her but we have to hide our conversations and hanging out from people cause it’ll upset someone and cause her problems. So I don't know what to do. What is her plan here? Like what are her intentions with me?

[Rosexøxø]

She knows your feelings but you both hide your interactions. What about her feelings? Has she made this clear?

All we see her say supposedly is about a situation-ship and then surely about your voice. It’s one thing about you she said she wanted.

She probably gets along with you and feels somewhat comfortable with you. If she’s in a situation with the other it’s possible she loves him but it’s one sided and she can’t leave.

It could be toxic attachment or dependency. She can’t leave.

Or she is protective of him and worried he will not be well if she left. She can’t leave.

In any case she believes and/or feels she can’t leave this other guy. You know enough about her but you should ask her about the other guy and what she thinks of him and learn of this. This will help get a better idea of what her SITUATION is with him. The link. How does he know her how did they meet.

I ultimately think neither of you love each other and it’s purely sexual she could be scared for whatever reason or loyal hence not being with you sexually. Unless two already have then it doesn’t apply.

I think you don’t love her because you haven’t tried to help her with her situation. In some sense it could be a problem for her and you didn’t volunteer to hear about it or be helpful with it. For her. All YOU said was you’re crazy after she says she missed your voice. All you’re reading from her is sexual arousal via audio and some level of desire in some format. So we can see how YOU feel about her which is a human thing no judgement but don’t lie to us and try to find a way to get sex or sex long term and more hang outs if you want her to be a date accordingly or a friends with benefits. We can’t give the solution for that. Ask a guy friend for that or work with her.

Thats another thing if you loved her you’d communicate. You’d also know her feelings by now if 100% sexual and you’d plan with her to make it happen or how to move forward in the best way possible.

I don’t know if she loves you cause-

She hasn’t left him despite great encounters with you and may or may not have been sexual and didn’t cross that line for fear reasons, loyalty reasons, or another elusive to me at this point in time.

Maybe she’s just not that crazy about you. All we can read here as the audience looking in is you both vibe. SUPPOSEDLY. The conversations go well. May or may not have been sexual but the want could very well be there. But is there love? Do you both really get along. Why haven’t you helped her break things off or see how she feels. Why hasn’t she conveyed this to you been transparent about it.

Is this a shallow thing or something deeper. You two need to communicate and figure out if you’ll be friends, something more, friends with benefits or nothing. Have to be able to discuss this. I don’t think any of us can know her intentions or another humans. Not directly.

It seems she doesn’t mind keeping this up, or escalating it to sex. It seems she may want a more meaningful relationship but has some dilemma. Is she a virgin? Is she religious? Is he a long time friend of hers? Did they date since high school. Find out why she hasn’t advanced or confided in you. Find out what he is to her and don’t be a douche about it. If she wants something meaningful don’t just f her. If she wants sex then both of you plan it and keep it legal, safe, and respectable as possible. If she’s not going anywhere with the other guy she should break things off. Ultimately she’s not ready for a serious relationship or available for sex. She needs a friend to have council in, a fun time of sex, or a therapist cause why is she still in that situation-ship. Yeah I’m aggravated lol. I hope things GO somewhere for you three. Things move forward. Progress. No one gets hurt and there’s no regrets.

best to you!

(have no idea what her intention is aka I’m not so sure she has a game plan and I’m not so sure she’d be up for some of your “ideas of fun”).

[Rosexøxø]

She’s either playing you or doesn’t know how to properly end things. Simply said.

[Rosexøxø]

There’s also the slight chance you’re not her type physically or financially but she gets along with you. She could be with him cause at one point was like but now it’s something else she’s relied on since the love is not mutually there. The compatibility at best. It’s either for the shallow but possibly good sex. The financial security that may possibly be there. Or the looks or even having history with him.

She could feel safer with him than you whom she may have met but doesn’t know very well enough to leave the other she knows longer. She knows his issues. Her issue with him she doesn’t know what issues you both may have and if you’re both ready to tackle it or be nice about it.

She said your voice does she like your looks? Imma guess you had a not best time with dating or so and liked her kindness or ability to vibe and sense of “ACTUALLY WANTING YOU.” You both have needs but she may not be into you in the physical level which is also crucial. She likes your voice but are you her type? Physically? And vice versa if you had better times with girls sexually and all would she be yours? You both gotta have some freedom here if you’re staying with someone who’s not into you cause they seem to want you (I get it-nice to be wanted) that’s not good. If she’s staying with you cause she feels wanted or heard but she’s missing things with you and with him. That’s no good. You and the other guy seemed to be tied if she has feelings for both.

You both need to move on and I I hope you both do that in the smoothest transitional way possible. Healthiest way possible. Least combative or hateful way possible. Least toxic way possible. Least harmful way possible. Just move on and both get what you need in this life. Truly,

[fartingspinster]

Most of these comments are assuming she's not into you. Rather than conjuring up what might be in her head and how she feels... we don't know her or her situation.
I'd be straightforward an ask her point blank - are we going to have this conversation?
If she says yes, but doesn't give you an exact timeline and says she doesn't know when given ger situation. tell her you need an exact day/time and you need to either plan a hang out to talk about it or a phone call that won't end abruptly.

You deserve to have that conversation.
You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged and talked about.

I'm not sure if she's purposely not talking about it or too scared because she doesn't know how to deal with her own situation. If this person gets upset... will it cause trouble in her family? Will he hurt her? These are all valid reasons why she may not want to disrupt the status quo. If you help her figure out a plan so she feels safe and okay to move on if she wants to be with you... she might jump ship.

If she agrees to your plan but chickens out and strings you along... she doesn't have enough inner strength to do what she needs to do and in that case I would jump ship too. You aren't going to be able to help her if she's not willing to he'll herself. So its better to move on if thats what it is.
Sorry bud, I know you love her. And it seems like you really do given that you know her deeply.

[Rosexøxø]

I appreciate this. 100% logic. I can agree to this being a useful plan of action. That’s just the thing too. You said “she doesn’t know how to deal with her situation.”

Ultimately whether a person is good or bad or means well or wrong in relationships. If they’re occupied in a situation ship they ultimately are unhappy with something and don’t know how to deal with it. Fix it. Solve it. Its lack of definitive action and resolution skills. It’s like a person in a situationship at a grocery. They’re stuck with an item they don’t want, left holding, or got the wrong item. If they are with that situation for some time it means they don’t know how to adequately handle the situation and their resolution skills. That’s quite unfortunate :[

But very true and I just realized with the help of this great comment. 100% agree.

[fartingspinster]

@Rosexøxø awee thanks! :)

[Lokiion]

she likes the attention it’s quiet convient that she has a “situationship she hates” and is still with the guy it’s either she’s just using you for attention and likes that guy or she’s using you for attention and thinks she can do better but if she can’t you are her plan B

You can test this in multiple ways such as asking her “I need to know where this is going” and if she gives you a dumb answer or some sort of thing of uncertainty than leave you could also tell her you’re tired of sneaking around and if she’s not willing to end things with the other guy you can’t keep talking to her you could also say you’ve been talking to other women and can tell if she cares or not based on how she reacts (wouldn’t recommend this one) but in my personal opinion I would just leave her alone and stop talking to her you can keep her number and everything and see how she reacts once you stop giving her attention

[Finchie40]

She is playing you bro , move on and find yourself a girl that isn’t in a situationship , she is a user that doesn’t know what she wants , she is stringing you along for her selfish benefit. You will only be fooling yourself if you continue to be there for her. My advice is to move on man and find yourself a better girl than that shit

[236color]

You have to stop waiting for her, take the initiative. You start the conversation. Time for an embarrassing story from my own life. When I was a 19 year old virgin in the Navy, a young woman I was very attracted to and had been out with a number of times, apparently got tired of waiting on me. During a 3 to 11 pm shift at the hospital, she walked up to me, in front of 3 or 4 people and said "Do you want to fuck?" Now I told her yes, because I did, I really, really did. What I didn't do however was make any effort beyond that. I didn't say, "Do you mean now, or after the shift is over?", "Your place or mine?" or anything like that. I apparently expected her to rape me. For a long time I convinced myself that it was a practical joke. After some years and experience, I now doubt that. It was quite an extreme for a woman to go to, and I doubt she would have done it if she didn't want it to happen. I'm sure later that night she was wondering what the hell she had to do. So I suffered a few more years of virginity.

[FreyaRed]

"What is her plan here?"
having some fun

"Like what are her intentions with me?"
It sounds too obvious and too easy. If she doesn't include YOU as part of her future in talks with you, it's just temporary.

"ok. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice”
it could be she liked to hear her own voice to tell you bulls.. t

but who knows? we think what we want to think about others and 5 sentences aren't enough for objective estimation

[PrincessC16]

Ok, you are her side, but y'all aren't having sex. She really enjoys your company but she's either really stuck in this crappy situation or she loves the dude and just can't break free. She vents to you and enjoys your attention. They hardly ever leave, so just know that. She's not bringing up the conversation because she doesn't want to discuss it and possibly loose you.

[Rosexøxø]

Well said

[PrincessC16]

Thank you.

[Joshydavid25]

I don't know, it seems like she may be stringing you along, and using you to distract from whenever her situationship is going sour.. She may have genuine feelings for you, but she's definitely using you to distract from whatever is going on there..

[JackBlackHeartAttack]

She’s playing you bro. Either leave or bring it up next time she calls you. If she says something like “I’m just not ready for a relationship” then that’s your cue to leave. When women say that what they really mean is they don’t want you like that. Have some self respect and drop her. It might even work out in your favor.

[Miristheiss]

A girl who is into you will make it easy to spend time with her and will seek time with you.

She is NOT into you. Her blah response to you is proof she doesn't desire you.

Have some self respect and just cut contact and move on.

[Rosexøxø]

Valid

[Nikki1989]

I feel she is just emotionally dependent on you for support and validation, especially given her dissatisfaction with her current situationship.

[Rosexøxø]

Well said

[Anonymous]

Based on what you said…you’ve made it clear to her that you have feelings for her. That alone should warrant a deeper conversation. It could be possible she may not believe you , her feelings for the other person are deeper or she’s waiting for you to bring it back up and is avoiding conflict/confrontation.
Personally, if I was in a situation where I wasn’t happy even if it was complicated I’d try my luck where I felt loved and wanted to give love.

[alice55]

She's in a tough spot and need a friend, she most likely don't love you but need your support and friendliness.

[Crazzyyworld]

She is a man user. In fact all women are. Women pretend care that’s all. She wants to use you in anyway she can. Period

[septemberintherain]

Sounds like she’s keeping you on the back burner in case things don’t work out :/

[TheSpaceGnome]

Abort.

Never get involved with a woman who cheats. You are not saving her from a bad relationship, you are giving yourself one.

[Mangospacho]

Doesn’t sound like she wants to be with you, to be blunt. She’s free to be with whoever she wants so there shouldn’t be anything stopping her from seeing you.

[JesseP1nk]

She has no "plan" she just use you for her ego boost. Drop her and tell her never call you again.

[WhitneySnow]

She likes you but she doesn’t want to upset the status quo in her situationship

[red-lipstick-girl]

The girl is playing games with you like a child, forget about this girl

[Anonymous]

I don’t think she likes u in a romantic sense

[RossyBoi]

No need to overthink it, she just wants to be friends.

[PartyGirl2004]

It sounds like your her plan B or til “someone” better comes along.

[Ariesman81]

To use you for attention

[Anonymous]

You probably got a small dick