I'm soo confused. What are her intentions? Is she interested or not?

[Anonymous]

I met a woman through work (not the same company) and I felt an immediate spark. We would call and talk and and giggle. We'd send witty flirty emails. For 6 months it never went outside work. Then I had a loss that hit me. That day, I was off work but she called me early (I use my personal mobile for work) which was unusual, and before anything was said, she asked if I was OK because she had a feeling. I told her what happened and we spoke. She gave me her mobile# and we began texting. We still call every week but in work hours, we bunk off and just talk, what's going on with each other... She opened up, so I did. I felt like we were vulnerable with each other, which I liked. We comforted each other. This has been for 9 months, and we've never met in person. I tell her I'd like to take her to lunch, she says when she gets her life together. It's become a running joke, "I want to take someone for lunch, but they've got to be (describes her), know anyone?" She replys with "I'll keep an eye out." We live 2 hours apart so I get that it's a bit harder to organise. A few weeks back, our texts increased to every day. Sometimes a few messages, sometimes it goes all day and night. We've started calling outside of work, sometimes late at night, I hear her struggling to stay awake. We are open emotionally, and she's been struggling in life. She asks why nobody will pick her as a partner. I think to myself "I would". I've told her what I think of her, but never directly how I feel. Our flirting is always on the edge, we never strike. I've fallen for her. I've not felt this way before. She's the first and last person I think of, and not much else. She asks; what I look for in a partner? what's my love language? What's my love history? We match on all fronts but she tells me we're at different points in our life (she's older), we're not compatible, or don't trust me. So what does she want? What is our relationship? Why ask romantic questions if no interest? What do I do?

[SueShe]

I believe she needs an open ear for her issues and you are giving it to her.

You would want to go a step (or 2) further but she does not by fear to be disappointed for some reason. It could also be that she is hiding some important fact from you. Her behavior seems erratic and possibly even contradicting. That would lead me to believe that she is not entirely honest with you.

Have you ever seen this lady through video call or is it simply texting? Why would she not want to have a video chat? If that is the case, then that fact alone leads me to believe that she is hiding something important and does not want you to know.

She is not ready to meet you in person even if you live 2 hours apart. That is another reason why I am very suspicious that she is only telling you what she wants to tell.

[Asker]

She has literally told me that I shouldn't trust her, and I shouldn't trust any other women either because they'll only break my heart. It confuses me. She knows I trust her despite what she says. Then I wonder if she's trying to bat me away gently, but why try to dissuade me from other women too?

I've never seen her moving but I have seen different pictures of her on her social media. She's only seen pictures of me through social media too. My colleagues have met her in person for work and didn't report back any surprises.

[Anonymous]

ok this is going to sound weird,

but I think it’s kind of like a casual sex thing…but with emotions instead of sex.

it’s not that the person is using you when they just want casual sex. But they don’t want anything more, they just want a good root when it suits them.

well people can do this with emotions too. It’s not that they are using you intentionally. It’s just they have a need. A need for some emotion to be filled. And there you are. Available to fulfil that emotion whatever it may be. But that’s all she wants. She doesn’t want to date, or have a relationship or go to lunch, it’s just about the emotion being filled. Just like casual sex is just about getting a good root.

[Iron_Man]

You have to talk to her she can best help you

[Asker]

That's the difficult bit, I don't want to scare and lose her. I know if she did dissappear, I was delusional and it would be for the best for me if we broke ties... Before she came along I resolved myself to thinking nobody ever would make me feel like this and I was destined for life alone, and I almost accepted that. Now I've experianced it, I don't want to lose it... its tough 😔

[Iron_Man]

Go with your gut, feeling sleep on it

[Anonymous]

Pretty obvious she's not single. Her relationship is on the rocks, but not over. You're on the back burner indefinitely.

[Asker]

What are the signals she's not single? She's told me she is, but she also told me she had a platonic fling with another guy months back, but had to shut it down when he became inappropriate.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know enough details to comment on the platonic fling.

Communication was only during the work day until recently.
- You've repeatedly asked to meet for lunch, not dinner, and she keeps making excuses. Lunch doesn't have the same subtext as dinner, it's safe.
- I have no doubt she wants to be with you, yet she deflects (not rejects) your advances. If she was available, nothing would stop her from making it happen.

[Asker]

I have now read up what being put on the back burner means. Sadly I can see my situation falling into that description 😞

[Anonymous]

I don't know.