I don’t want to be abused but I also have dreams of being abused. Why?

[Anonymous]

asked people or women who are like me to explain the dichotomy and contradiction but they just get mad at me as if I’m trying to insult them when I’m asking this genuinely.

I get upset thinking how guys mentally emotionally hurt and abused me and put me down. But sometimes if I think too long about it I start getting excited…..

I also know that when I dream up exciting things, it usually concerns abuse … and I want my future man to abuse me (not in all ways, I guess just some ways).

im a feminist so this is all a little confusing. Of course I don’t want to be put down.

[sinestro23]

a lot of women are turned on by being submissive.. being choked, spanked, etc..

[Asker]

Maybe it’s wrong to classify these varied things under the umbrella term of abuse. I like some abuse but not others I guess.

[sinestro23]

that's most people lol, most people are fine with some form of it but not others. Every girl I've ever been with liked at least 1 thing rough.. doesn't mean any of them wanted to have their heart broken or be punched etc

[Asker]

Oh… it confuses me because sometimes I’ll think about guys who hurt me emotionally and confuse me and then it makes me get turned on after a bit because maybe I associate it with the sexual stuff. After all isn’t it related? Both are abuse. Makes me feel like a hypocrite.

[sinestro23]

it can be for some people, not everyone.. some literally only like the physical sensation of the pain or feeling like a fuck-toy

[Asker]

Oh… I remember having a little not argument but some sort of mental stand off with this guy… I was really turned on LoL. I guess it’s foreplay.

I like the physical (to an extent, I’m pretty delicate), and the mental. I feel like a hypocrite , maybe I should just accept that I’m at the bottom.

[sinestro23]

no idea but hey my dm's are open lmao

[Avicenna]

Wow, that’s an interesting contrast

[Asker]

Yeah it’s got me confused. I know down there feelings dont have to determine your life choices but I also want to have enjoyment “down there” if I marry a guy, and while I could probably enjoy vanilla activities, I also know that I’m excited by stuff that’s rather un feminist.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you were abused as a child? If so that might explain a big part of it. You may feel like now you deserve to be abused because growing up as a child being abused you felt like whatever brought that abuse on you deserved.

[Asker]

Even as adult I never find men who respect or love me. I am just adapting to what the world has to offer.

[Brittanyrunner06]

There’s an entire fetish that revolves around this, but I’ve never understood it. I think it must stem from something in your childhood. It might be something you remember but you may have blocked it out.

[slatyb]

We often fantasize about things we don't want to realize. We don't know the origin of sexual fantasies, but yours is not unusual. There are hundreds of "dark" romance novels that feed your fantasy, and several women talking about them on Instagram.

[Ask105]

Ask your self do you have an end goal at what age these men probably won't respect you but you need to stay single or just seems like your content trying to rationalize things is their an end goal I don't know

[BigSwingingBalls]

this is common. you just have to find a guy who 100% respects you and is willing to 'abuse' you in the bedroom how you like it. that way you can happy and respected outside the bedroom and degraded and used in bed

[Kelly6]

@slatyb very familiar with this, and yes have seen it

[jahaims]

It's trauma based