I’m not sure I can give you a reason, but it’s common. One popular theory is that growing up you learned to associate punishment with care. Either it was the primary way your parents/caretakers showed you attention, or the opposite, you felt that they should’ve disciplined you but they were too detached. This is not scientific, and it’s uncanny how often this happens and how little modern psychology understands about this. Yet, many people with this kind of cravings have similar experiences so it could as well fit your story. One thing to keep in mind is that it doesn’t have to be a whole story about you growing up with abusive parents or something like that: it seems that it can be developed at key times during your growth. It’s not always something you remember clearly.
The thing about BDSM is not only about making it sexual. Domination/submission could be non-sexual. The important part is that it can fulfill your craving for abuse and punishment in a consensual setting. The consent of the situation is the game changer. A lot of people with feelings like yours end up, without realizing maybe, in abusive relationships because they get the kind of treatment they are caring for; but it won’t be a fulfilling relationship because it’s designed to serve the needs of the abusive partner, not your own. You can negotiate a different kind of relationship, if you find someone you trust to do so. It might be someone you are romantically related to (and the play could become a way to show affection) or not, and either way is fine.
If its not sexual then you still have to think in a way what you get out from it. For brain its still action and reward scenario. Maybe it makes you feel safe, maybe reminds of someone or some place, maybe its your comfort zone where you feel familiar or connected with others eho suffer. You have to look for emotional connection there. That emotional connection os ehat makes you want to get those expierences. Many people play victims to get pitty from others and it makes them addicted. But i dont think its your situation. Chirtians? Sometimes it messes with punishment. They feel like they need to be punished.
Run a search on this. I recently found a therapy article that is worth a read, it hit this in part, about people imagining themselves being hurt. They say it’s perfectly normal reaction to past issue or something and doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be hurt. I tried running a quick search, but can’t remember the combination I used. If I find it I’ll add a link later (search engine was DuckDuckGo and filter was off - might be under rape/masturbation, don’t ask I was looking for something else when it came up lol)
How do you mean by abused? If you are wishing to put yourself in danger, I recommend seeking out a mental health professional, as that is not healthy to crave abuse.
What may happen is you put yourself into increasingly more dangerous situations to satisfy this craving. Some more context may let me give better advice.
a lot of masochists like both physical and emotional ‘pain & abuse ‘.
A lot also suffer emotionally if they are not being given specific pain and abuse.
An example would be a sub who’s Dom is away on business, she would likely self harm or put herself in a position to be emotionally abused.
Short version is our brains get an addiction to endorphins (candy, opiates for the brain) and really start to crave them.
it’s not simply sexual gratification but also an emotional, mental one as well, a masochistic sub would pretty much get off on breaking a plate or something and telling her Dom, the anticipation for punishment being enough stimulus for her brain to feed itself ‘candy’.
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices; crimes, or other types of aggression. Abuse can be physical, mental or emotional, sexual, financial, neglect, bullying etc
Some of you are making light of it by saying things like: it's a masochist kink it's not that uncommon, you're submissive and awesome, it's just a kink etc. Something can be okay under circumstances but considered abuse under different circumstances.
Maybe because the abuse validates the unconscious feelings of self-hatred you have for yourself? &/or you're addicted to the chemicals your brain releases when you're being punished or abused?
I know a few women who are into this, you’re just interested in being a sub it sounds like
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I know what it is to be a submissive and what bdsm is. I understand S&M, Masochism, and how that carries over into kink and I can assure you that the reason behind this isn't for sexual gratification.
@Agape93 I am for kinks and fetishes but it can criss the line and become abuse if not careful. For example calling someone a slut during sex might e okay but to call them a a slut any other time might be called abuse.
Can we all just agree that it all comes down to consent and just shut up. @agape93 and @mysteriousdarkness you both have valid points. Let’s just leave it at that.
@ pink asker, it’s informed consent, slightly pedantic I know but the informed part focuses on the fact subs have a level of understanding and experience, that Dom’s / Dommes have a level of experience to understand the safety and trust placed on them. That all parties understand it’s based on Trust, Respect, Honesty, Communication and that it’s flexible and we adapt the informed part.
