Why do people on here assume I'm getting abused?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Seriously, what I'm saying that makes you assume that?
You people here like to throw sentences and judgments and don't understand a thing. Everything for you it's abuse and you have to put it in offensive terms as well.
Just because I hate sex it doesn't mean I got abused or something. There are things that happened that I'm trying to figure out, but they don't mean I got abused or something bad happened to me.
What you are doing is not helping, is just mocking and insulting.

Updates

+1 y

I'll be proceeding to blocking and reporting people making that kind of comments or talking to me unappropriately.

[SueShe]

I know what you are feeling because a number of people are very judgmental if someone is not fitting in the matrix that society has weaved and that it expects all its members to adhere to.

I am special in a sense that I don't fit, or perhaps don't WANT to fit into that cocoon that is being imposed upon others. It makes me a rebel and society does not like rebels because they represent a danger to established beliefs.

It is not up to me nor up to anyone else to judge what you do with your life, as long as it is not detrimental to anyone else.

By being different, you show that you have character and that your are not a sheep that follows the alpha sheep when it jumps over a cliff.

Don't let yourself be intimidated by what others think of you and your behavior, it is none of their business.

Sometimes, I feel that I am alone in this world corrupt by sex and if I go against the flow, it is because I have my opinions and I don't care if they upset the entire world. It is my life and I live it the way I want regardless of what others think.

Go ahead and live yours the way you see it and feel most comfortable with.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you, as always you are the only one who understands and has the most insightful and intelligent answer.
I'm getting sick of all this - people on here and irl won't stop harassing me with this matter and that they want to "help" me. They are just making me feel worse.

You have the right idea and set of morals and I'm sorry the same kinds of idiots that harass me are harassing you as well and giving you a difficult time.

[SueShe]

Thanks for your empathy.

It probably does not bother me as much as it does you because I am not in a relation and I will not allow others to tamper with my personal life. What is written here on GAG stays here.

I am fortunate enough to switch off whenever I turn off GAG. Perhaps, you should take a break of this app for a few days and take a "vacation" from this bunch of people with preconceived ideas.

Rather than to make things better, they end up "hammering the nails into your coffin" as the saying would go.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are perfectly right.
I give them far too much heed. I'll do a new round of blocking and reporting and then I'll take a break.
Thank you for your help and advice, I always appreciate it!

[SueShe]

Thank you Jean-Marie for this MHO. I wish you an utmost pleasant week-end ahead of you :-)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you, I wish you a beautiful weekend as well!

[WhiteShoulder]

You're not being abused. But some people legit worry about you.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'll have to get rid of them because they are doing more harm than good.

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks 😊

[Massageman]

You never mentioned that you hate sex - - - - but I digress.

You have put up quite a few questions/observations about your fiancee being better than you, liking rougher sexual encounters, etc., implicitly, if not explicitly. Maybe we are reading more into that than we should.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's just the way it is.

[winterfox10]

It's because of how you phrase your questions. You have a tendency to describe things in a way that sounds like you aren't sure you should take action while the various women in your life force their crap on you.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Well, some of them do force their crap on me and I go along to make them happy.

[winterfox10]

A lot of people consider that abusive behavior.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

They don't understand then.

[Apple1996]

Everyone here is super judgmental. They will judge anything personal you post.

[PrimalInstinct]

You're in a way being abused - no decent partner willingly or eagerly shows others disturbing images yet your fiancee seemed to enjoy it (otherwise you wouldn't have made a post asking about it). Nor would any decent partner comfort their distressed partner with flirting/sexual context as it trivializes the situations/emotions (yet she must or you wouldn't ask). I could go through your entire profile & summarize it if I wanted.
Emotional abuse is just as much abuse as getting punched in the face is. And that's what it sounds like.

And you're also abusing yourself with this constant depressive I'm-not-good-enough-for-her way of talk. That is not healthy yet you're rather forsake this warning sign for a woman that makes you feel like an ant rather than an equal.

You mentioned elsewhere that she was your tutor. I would not be surprised in the slightest that were she not someone of once influence over you - who you may have come to idolize by your commentary - this situation never would have come to be.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not her fault I feel like this, it's not her fault I'm bad at dealing with those things.
She has her tastes and preferences and should be free to be herself with me, she should not limit herself with me.
Yes, she was my tutor because she was my senior in high school - when we met I was in the 1st year and she was in the 4th.

Her initiating sex while I'm feeling bad it's her love language, I'd prefer maybe to just cuddle but it's not always so unpleasant.
As for the rest, it's my fault I feel like that, and I should work harder on myself to fix myself.

[PrimalInstinct]

Absolutely no offense but you want to know what you sound like > an abuse victim trying to justify why they stay with their abuser. You've (rather) low self-esteem which is quite typical of abusee/abuser situations (I can't get any better, I'm not good enough, etc.).

I worked with enough of them over five years with colleagues working with homeless, at shelters, etc. or with friends of similar mentality/situations to see the signs (& my pa has his phd in psychology). You constantly write here likely trying to find a reason (a justification) for her rationale when your gut says 'this isn't right'.

I mean she has her tastes & preferences. Just an fyi:
Having different tastes & preferences is enjoying white wine when one's partner enjoys red, not showing them disturbing images for a "kick".
Having different tastes & preferences is preferring to vacation in Sweden rather than Hawaii, not getting "turned on" by someone else's distress.

Like said I could go through your profile & summarize almost all of your questions along those lines.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand those worries, but although those things unsettle me a little I understand they are just quirks.
I know she cares about me, when I was down hurt and in despair she lifted me up.
Everyone else just hurt me or took advantage of me and gave some of the issues I suffer today.
I love her and I can't leave her, there nowhere else for me to go or nobody to turn to.

[BlackRoseFairy]

Because it is easier to judge than to actually listen and understand someone or a situation.
From your posts and without knowing you personally I would say that you have been through a rough time but you found your way out of it. To me you seem to be happy now with your fiance and moving on from the past.

People may be quick to assume that whatever you post is related to your current relationship, while you might be just exploring incidents of the past. I can understand that, because sometimes you need to ponder on some things and find a reason behind them in order to put them in the back of your mind...
You know who you are, you know your life better than anyone in here and most importantly, you don't own anyone here an explanation or apology.
So simply ignore those "know-it-all" people who are quick to draw conclusions and don't try to make them understand. You're only wasting your time and mood.

[Obtuse]

It's a problem with communication mediums as I see it. This form exchanges very limited information of a kind that omits a lot of important details we'd observe face-to-face. I doubt most people who are hostile towards you would be if they were to have dinner with you and your fiancee. It's one of the reasons I deliberately avoided texting in the early part of dating. I have found this medium extremely flawed as far as forming impressions of each other.

And you're very open, and that is a double-edged blade. The counter to that is to become as thick-skinned as you can: it's just one person's opinion, whatever. Everyone has one like a hole in the anus. :-D It doesn't mean it's right or the best guide for your life. You select among a sea of dissenting opinions the one that you personally find suits you and helps you.

[sixxx]

You do not need to take anything here seriously. Besides everybody does not always please you and say anything that you want to hear. It's normal for people to make their own judgment and we can't control that. Just forget it and no need to concern about it. Just focus on yourself. Cuz everybody could give you a good or bad opinion. In the end you are the one who decide what should you do. You are also the one who decide either you care about this stupid or bad opinion or just choose to ignore it.

[Avicenna]

I've found that people here take a lot of out context or simply misunderstand. Pay them no mind.

[Agape93]

Because they don’t think past how they would see it.

[SexyAshh]

I think when you share a lot people will interpret how they picture it.

a lot of things get misinterpreted over text.

[ChiPaPa]

Unfortunately there are many people on here that are really judgmental or don't ask for clarification for charging in. I've been guilty of that a lot. If I ever hurt you, I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's just better to talk shit over with yourself, rather than ask others for their opinion on YOUR life.

[7771999]

Sorry to hear that man. Nothing but respect for you. 🙏🏻

Hope these people can see, that what they're doing isn't the least bit helpful.

[COMMODOREII]

Don't listen to them bro. They will never understand. You have a great relationship.

[Gedaria]

Not following the norm people jump to a conclusion, it would seem the wrong for you. I get called all sorts of things because of the things I like to do. The one is in gay, which is not true. Sadly the more you say no they more convinced I am.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

People always assume no matter what or where you are.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I assume people assuming because they do it first.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t think you were being abused. Everyone is different.

[The_man_whol_aughs]

I prefer porn over sex any day

People judge me too

[Anonymous]

Because you ARE getting abused.
Stop denying it. Get help or go away.
You are depressing, and making other depressed.

[QueenTanya]

your opinion is invalid. speak your mind when you aren't anonymous

[ThatGuy133]

Just uneducated people making assumptions.

[Kezzz]

Well it's easier to assume than ask isn't it