AITAH for not wanting to give my coworker a ride home?

[Simslover92]

So my coworker has asked me for money for months now for lunch and I have been kindly giving it to her up until recently.

Now she wants rides home from work even though I get off 30 mins earlier than she does.

Here's the reason I don't want to give her a ride-

She has 2 cars. Yes you heard right 2 cars. One she gave to her son to drive which is understandable that's her son. The other she gave to a guy she's not even in a relationship with.

She feels that by giving him the car it will somehow make him want to be with her.

I'm not usually the one to judge people for their decisions even if it's terrible but I can't condone something this idiotic. Why would she give her car away to a guy that she's not in a relationship with and even if she was why give the only means of transportation to someone who can't pick you up from work?

It makes no sense.

So am I the asshole for saying no? I did give her money to get an uber but I'm not going to be her chauffeur. I refuse to do it knowing the situation.

I feel bad but at the same time I have to start putting my foot down or I will become a doormat.

[sage2021]

Set those boundaries girlfriend!!! You don't want to be an enabler. That is very codependent behavior to help her in the way she's asking you what she needs from you. I say that because she gave the answer to her problem to some guy, probably just to keep him.
I need to ask if either one or both of them drinks alcohol 🍸 or a lot of beer and or takes drug. I think that's what is the missing piece to this puzzle.
It doesn't make any sense why anyone would put themselves in such a bad position to begin with and for her to give her independence to some guy - who could very easily drive off with her car or even sell it if he gets his hands on the proper paperwork.
If it were me I would wash my hands of the entire situation and no Ubering either.
She's taking you being a nice person for granted. It's OK to be nice but only when you set boundaries along with the niceness.
Good luck with that hairy situation sis❣️

[Simslover92]

That's so very true. Thank you so much sis. I will definitely try not to be a doormat in this situation and let her take advantage of me. ❣️

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂

[Simslover92]

You're welcome 😊

[Beckybooboo]

I had that problem with a neighbor when I was going to school. Obviously, I wasn't made of money but she was a single mom with the most adorable one year old and I did have a scholarship and worked part-time, so I did have a little to give her for "diapers" and "milk" when she asked. The problem was, I would see her at the local convenience store buying cigarettes and booze, not for her or her child but for a guy. I continued giving her what I could, because I did genuinely like her and her daughter and knew my money was going to them (indirectly) but I felt so used! I guess I could appreciate what she was going through and felt bad because I didn't know how to be more helpful. I know I didn't help, once again, only shared my experience lol. I think you and I are sooo much alike!

[Simslover92]

Wow indeed we are! Thanks so much for sharing!

[lightbulb27]

you are in an 'interesting' environment. no, you are sane dealing with people with emotional problems. your choice if you want to drive her a time or two and try to talk sense into her. good luck... it's emotional problems. getting her to a therapist be step one.

but saying no is good and $. she is not a stable person emotionally, doing anything to get the love she needs to find in herself. probably divorced...

giving things like that never works. Know of a guy that does it... the other person is just using them, in this case... her. that is a bad message to receive because she wants to be loved and secure, so she won't like it.

good luck...

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[KostasKouvalis]

🤦‍♂️ You Southerners really are hospitable. She's totally using you. Once is fine. Everyone can forget their lunch money or need a ride once, but she's totally taking advantage of your Southern hospitality. Maybe tell her to give you gas money. DO NOT give her money for an Uber or anymore money. She works, so she should have her own money. She's totally taking advantage of you becauase she wants to make without spending.

And yeah, I've never met a female simp before, but don't go into dept on that. But I would tell her, "Yeah well, you should've thought of that before loaning your car out."

[Simslover92]

Yeah I'm definitely too hospitable at times. I don't even want to do it once because I know it will become a habit. But you're right, I won't give her money again for an Uber. This was a one and done. She will have to find another way.

[KostasKouvalis]

What's messed up is if they're used to you being nice, the second you're not, you're suddenly an asshole

[Simslover92]

Right. That's really messed up.

[OneViewpoint]

Newsflash... you are already a doormat. You failed to set boundaries and enforce them.

Next newsflash... why would you care that this coworker you don't like or respect may think you're an asshole if you stop allowing her to freeload off you?

Giving her lunch money. Paying for her Uber. Being her Uber. Why did you ever agree to start compensating for her stupid decisions. How is she ever going to learn to not be a fucking moron if there are never any consequences?

You said it yourself, her behavior makes no sense. Maybe start by telling her that. Set some boundaries. Enforce those boundaries. Why do you need everyone to like you? You are just enabling her bad behavior. Personally, I be brutal about it and hope she never comes near me again.

Is she the asshole for guilt tripping and freeloading off everyone around her?

[Nikki1989]

Asshole? Asking that shows how kind and understanding you are, but it also means you need to stand up for yourself because someone has pushed you to that point.

[Simslover92]

Thank you. I know I really do need to.

[Levin]

Huh? Why would you even give her money.

Tell her to bugger off.

Her life is her responsibility.

Sounds like you have boundary issues.

[Simslover92]

She gives the money back it's just not always right away. But I stopped doing it last month. And you're right her life is her responsibility.

[jazzy34]

Absolutely not. She's a grown adult and needs to figure it out. Don't allow her to mooch off of you. Time to put up boundaries with her.

[Simslover92]

Yep definitely and I definitely am.

[jazzy34]

Okay, and one more thing. If she becomes a problem for you (i. e. she asks you for money/rides and gets mad when you say no), let your manager know. You don't want a toxic work environment because of her.

[Simslover92]

That's so true. I will definitely do that if it gets out of hand. Thanks.

[Shiprex]

NO you're not TAH.

She is. If she's got 2 cars already and has taken advantage of your kindness she's a user and you should walk from her with kindness and compassion FOR YOURSELF

[Simslover92]

Thanks. I feel bad for her though even though I know I shouldn't.

[Shiprex]

That's understandable because you're a compassionate person BUT this makes you a target for manipulative people. Take a stand for yourself, you're the most important person in your life as long as you don't have an inflated ego about it and hurt others.

[Simslover92]

Thanks again. I definitely will start doing so.

[Finchie40]

No don’t feel guilty , she isn’t your responsibility, , Just say sorry , I can’t case closed

[Simslover92]

Right.

[nawtee_me]

You are in no way the asshole for saying no! You are in no way obligated to her for anything. If you choose to however charging her for gas wouldn’t be unreasonable either.

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[exitseven]

If I knew what a pushover that you are would have asked you to pay for Netflix for me.

[Simslover92]

I'm certainly not a pushover. I only helped with paying for her lunch because I knew she would pay me back but giving rides is where I draw the line.

[StephanieChick111]

No, totally understandable. It was time to set some boundaries. She is a coworker, not a lover.

[Simslover92]

Right. Thanks.

[StephanieChick111]

You're welcome.

[talka20]

You are not the ass hole in my opinion in this situation

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[NoDecision]

I think you are being her stooge and at her beckon call.

[Lynx122]

It's good that you said no. You're not there to make up for her decisions. Some people will keep pushing until you show them that there's nothing more to be gained from you.

[Makeushiver]

Some people- and presidents- seem to regard everyone around them as tools for their own convenience. It's always something until you have nothing they currently need & then they desert you

[dudeinohio]

No. You aren't her caretaker
Dont feel guilty, you've done enough.

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[dudeinohio]

You are welcome

[Staximus]

No, she's an idiot who needs to use one of her own cars and a bum for asking you for lunch money so many times. Tell her that she has her own car

[Staximus]

Don't give her any money for anything, you're enabling her stupid decisions

[AviatorTom]

Stop higing her money... thst encourages her to rely on others rather than herself.

[Anonymous]

It's not your fault, she should be more understanding...

[Simslover92]

Right she should. Thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome

[RedInnocent69]

Um, no. It’s one thing if it’s convenient, or close friends, but…?

[Gwendoline]

What that's called is being a mouch.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you!!!

[seeyounexttuesday]

No you're not an asshole.

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[OlderAndWiser]

You need to stop being such an easy mark!

[DrPepper12]

No is a complete sentence. She's a vampire

[Jennz6]

You have been too kind to her

[AngryCarl2]

Dude stop giving this freeloader money.

[MannMitAntworten]

Nope. Not at all.

[Simslover92]

Thanks!

[sinestro23]

cash, grass, or ass

[Anonymous]

No..