Do you know what it’s like to spend years building walls and burying your feelings, only for a woman to tear it all down with a glance?

[Anonymous]

10 years of toxic sexual situationships and a life of easy pleasures
I thought I was past the teen crush that keeps me awake at night

And then I met her.
A new hire at my new job, she’s everything I thought no longer existed

Whenever those devil’s blue eyes smile at me I wanna melt away

God I hate it

She’s in a relationship which is the main problem

I don’t know what to do

[Anonymous]

I was with ya right up till the second to the last line.

Sorry man, but it's understandable why your relationship past has been rocky. And since apparently you've learned nothing from them, you're doomed to repeat it.🤦‍♂️😆

Good luck! You're going to need it.

[Asker]

In my defense I only found out much later she was on a relationship

We had way too much chemistry I didn’t bother asking

I figured any girl who lights up so much when she sees me has to be single

I was wrong

[Opinion Owner]

That should tell you all you need to know about her dude. Run, far and fast!😆

[Asker]

I know
Toxic as fuck if you think about it

If her boyfriend saw the way she looks at me and laughs at my jokes and so on he would lose his marbles

[msc545]

She's not what you think she is. What you're hearing are the echoes of your own longing and imagination. These are hallucinations, and they're not real. Stop listening to them before you get yourself in real trouble.

[HollyK21]

I’m just curious how you can affirm that she’s everything you thought no longer existed? Have you invested time getting to know her on a deeper level besides the cordial formalities?

[Asker]

Yeah almost every day for 2 months
2 coffee breaks and one lunch a day
That’s about 80 coffee breaks and 40 lunches

And I’m good enough to get people to open up within a couple of hours so imagine all the stuff I know now

She’s even shocked at how much she’s told me by now

[HollyK21]

Okay. I ask this because it sounds like you’re more enamored by the idea of her than who she actually is, and putting her on a pedestal that she hasn’t gotten the chance to earn. I’m sure you’ve gotten to know her to a certain extent but not enough to affirm she’s everything you no longer thought existed. Keeping things in perspective could help a lot with moving on from her, and as long as you keep telling yourself that she’s everything you ever wanted, you’ll never move on. You say you’ve spent years burying your feelings, dealing with toxic women and situationships, which to me says you either don’t have the best judgement of character when it comes to women or you just aren’t good at picking the right ones. You could be doing that all over again for all you know. Maybe this is a good opportunity to reevaluate what you want and who knows, by the time you’re done unpacking she may no longer fit the bill. Kind of like having that person you’ve had a crush on forever, but then once you go on a date with them you find that they’re (romantically) not what you wanted and there’s no real compatibility, the person was just enamored with the idea of what they thought they’d get.

[HollyK21]

To be clear, this isn’t me saying you don’t know her at all, I’m sure at this point you could be considered friends. I’m just trying to give you another way of looking at this that could hopefully give you a different perspective, because if you stick to the lane you’re in, you’ll never get over her. As of now you’re reserving space in your head and heart for the “what if” one day, when in reality, what if they never split up? Would you even wanna be the sort of selfish person to hope it doesn’t work out so you can have a shot? I doubt it, that’s why being open to changing your perspective helps a lot.

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right with everything you said

Especially the “what if” part

She told me she was unhappy and has wanted to break up with her boyfriend since June but can’t find the way to do it.
Maybe that’s why I allowed myself to keep thinking I have a shot

I stupidly wish to walk into work tomorrow and she tells me that she’s single
I wouldn’t want to be the rebound but I could build up a true relationship that starts after the holidays
“New year new we” basically

But it’s stupid and you’re right

The best course of action is to snap out of it and move on

Maybe part of me is tired of being my own date to the dance

Even if I always end up leaving with someone

It’s not the same

[Nikki1989]

That can happen to the emotionally weak. You need to work on that.

[Asker]

I’m not sure how that even works

It’s one thing to train a body

Even a mind

But emotions are fickle, you think you have them in check and they slap you in the face

[jamesgoldman]

Building walls yes, nothing/no-one has torn them down yet

[Asker]

It sucks let me tell you.

We’re almost the same age, I only turned 28 last week

And believe me I thought my boyhood crushes were long gone in the past

I wanna snap myself out of it especially since the girl in question is not single
But I can’t
She’s in my dreams at night now as well

[Deereeeee]

I understand, been in the situation with a guy

[Asker]

What ended up happening?

Did you date this guy?

I could use a happy ending for someone else (but don’t lie)

[Deereeeee]

No I dated someone else

[Asker]

It goes that way sometimes huh

[Anonymous]

Why is she special

[Opinion Owner]

What does she have that doesn’t exist?

[Asker]

Everything exists in many people

But you don’t meet the right package every day

And she is that to me

[Opinion Owner]

What makes her the right package?

[Opinion Owner]

? There