What is she trying to tell me?

[Celctfan33]

I have a co worker who the last 6 months was texting me crazy stuff and flirting with me. Touching me calling me cute names. I told her the texting was just fun and playfuland not serious because she is married (which is wild she would take is serious). She is now pissed and ignores me. There is another male at work who she now flirts with, touches and makes jokes about me to, but only around me. What is she trying to do with all this behavior? Throwing me for a loop. She told me her interest was strong towards me before, but I let her know because she is married I am not interested but told her she is cute.

[HollyK21]

Being married doesn’t always equate to being happy with that person. Some people get married too young or too fast, some outgrow their partners over time but don’t want to divorce for their own reasons (finances, stability, kids, etc). That’s the vibe I get from women/men who seek validation outside of their relationships. Your coworker sounds like a woman who stopped feeling beautiful and desirable long ago. She most likely used to get a lot of attention, compliments, etc and all that from her husband but over time it stopped and now she seeks it elsewhere.


Men like yourself make her feel good, like “she’s still got it”. She’d never take ownership of engaging all that though, since she’s married. So by you saying what you said, it was essentially like calling her out on what she’s doing, and she didn’t like that because she doesn’t want to be seen as that sort of woman. Like if you’re basically saying “I won’t flirt with you or make you feel good anymore because you’re married”, and she wants to be offended, like “nuh-uh! I’d never do that”. Yet she still wants attention and sought it elsewhere (aka your coworker), since she’s just not getting it at home. It’s a slippery slope and if I were you I’d cut my losses. Let someone else feed her ego and self esteem, because it’s all she really wants.

[Celctfan33]

Thank you for the feedback! I agree with you. Sad thing is I do like her and enjoy her company, but I did not want to keep feeding into this because she is married. She does say she got married and had kids too quick because all her friends were, so makes sense!

[HollyK21]

No problem! You’re making the right choice by not feeding into it anymore. It’s clear that she’s trying to make you jealous, which in this case less about liking you and more about not wanting to feel rejected. It’s a blow to her self esteem which is already suffering on account of her husband. She wants to feel desired, attractive, and it doesn’t matter who she gets that from, which is why she’s easily moved on to doing the exact same things with your coworker that she was with you. I used to have a friend like her, just very male-centered and unhappy in her marriage so she sought attention all the time, whether it was at her job or on a night out. She cheated a few times before they (unofficially) divorced, and she was just so ruthless when it came to men. Women like this are just so toxic, it’s really a shame.

[Celctfan33]

Your awesome! Thank you Holly! Wish I could message and give you more insight on this situation, because it's juicy some of the things that were said and exchanged lol

[Zionne]

She’s trying to protect her ego and make you jealous after you rejected anything serious. Her sudden coldness plus flirting with another guy only when you’re around is classic “I want you to notice what you lost.” The behavior isn’t about him, it’s about getting a reaction from you.

[Celctfan33]

Thank you for the feedback! I was thinking about this and blind to see what is really going on.

[Mariogirl09]

She's trying to get you jealous

[Celctfan33]

That is what I figured! Just some very strange behavior