Girl's Behavior

Wrote this poem…Thoughts?

Be a Good Woman
I filled a book with lovesick poems
and called them truth

and maybe they were
just not the whole truth

because I was happy
sometimes

in the quiet moments
when nothing was being asked of me
when loving you
didn’t feel like something
I had to perform correctly

but there were rules

rules I never quite understood

I learned to listen
more than I spoke
until even my own thoughts
started to feel too loud

I learned to measure my words
like they could cost me something
like disagreeing
was a kind of disobedience

you called it masculine

as if having a voice
made me less of a woman

so I tried to be softer
quieter
easier to agree with

I tried to be
what you said a “good woman” was

but the instructions kept changing

don’t speak
unless spoken to

but don’t be rude

don’t join conversations

but don’t seem distant

don’t talk to anyone
when we’re out

but don’t follow me around so I can socialize

so I learned how to disappear
in very specific ways

visible enough
to not be a problem

small enough
to not take up space

even simple things
became something to get right

let you drive

but also drive more

let you lead

but somehow still prove
I could carry it

we took my car
but you held the wheel

and I think that says
everything

about how I was loving you

giving
and adjusting
and bending

until I didn’t recognize
what was left of me

and still

I wrote poems
about how beautiful we were

because it was easier
to believe in the story

than admit
I was slowly becoming
someone smaller

just to keep it
Wrote this poem…Thoughts?
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