What do I do about my girlfriend insisting that she wants to spend the weekend with her ex at a cabin in a different state?

[Anonymous]

She basically told me that if i trust her that i should be fine with her spending the weekend with her ex boyfriend. That I'm insecure, and expressing toxic masculinity if i dont let her go. That I'm controlling and sexist. and bla bla bla.

Updates

2 mo

Let me add this detail. she's going to be gone for 4 days. I asked her if i could come along, she told me that there wasn't enough room. When i asked her where she was going to sleep she said "What do you think". I asked if the place had a couch, she said no, just one bed. So the implication is that she's going to share the bed with him. Hard no to all of that.

Updates

1 mo

Minor update, She went to her ex's cabin. I changed the locks and moved her stuff out, And i blocked her. When she got back, she found her self homeless, and furious. Thanks everyone for the responses.

[Anonymous]

Its simple, Let her go. While she is gone, Change the locks, Move her stuff to the front porch, and block her on everything.

Here is the rub. Her, Like most women, Are going to do what ever they want to do, Your interaction is irrelevant. she's already decided she's going to go. she's already decided she's going to cheat on you. she's already chosen betrayal. Again, Most women are like this. They will use feminist talking points to justify this as well. And to all of her friends, she's guaranteed to make you look like the monster, and they will believe her. you're better off without a piece of human shit like her.

[Asker]

good idea

[genericname85]

So i think she has a point here. you should trust your girlfriend and not be insecure and controlling. but why the HECK would you spend a weeked with your ex alone. that's fucked and you're absolutely right in not being ok with it.

i see it like this: you are not controlling. she can do whatever she wants. she can have a weekend with her ex. but you can do whatever you want too. you don't have to be with a girl that spends her weekend with an ex. you're both free individuals who can choose who they wanna be with. i think you being not ok with this is totally fair even if you trust her.

[genericname85]

like seriously if i was you, i'd just say: i'm not controlling you. this is my boundary. you don't have to respect it. you're free to leave me. i won't let you stay with me if you don't respect that boundary. that puts the ball in her court and makes her gasslighting bullshit pointless.

[MrChinaski]

@genericname85 What's the point of setting a boundary? So, what, the ultimatum is: I need for you to be less in this specific way or I'm leaving. She tosses a coin: heads your relationship sucks forever, tails you leave.

[genericname85]

@MrChinaski that's pretty much what i said no?

[MrChinaski]

@genericname85 Similar. My point is to take her as she is and either enjoy that or leave.

[genericname85]

@MrChinaski yeah that's what i meant when i said everyone is free to do what they like. he's not controlling when i says that he expects his girlfriend not to sleep in her ex boyfriends bed. he's just using his right to move on from her if she chooses to do so.

[Asker]

MrC up there is a simp. he is actually okay with a cuckold relationship and doesn't believe women should be accountable to their actions. Additionally believes that setting boundaries is somehow toxic masculinity. Dude may as well be an MTF trans person. He gives off Low T vibes.

[MrChinaski]

🤷‍♀️

[MissSunshine2]

I disagree, with the male user’s statement that most women are users. There are some very good women in the world, just like there are some great men. Finding them is hard work though and takes patience these days. Unfortunately. But they’re worth waiting for. Dump this girl. She wants to cheat on you. I am sorry to hear that. You’re better off knowing sooner rather than when she’d tricked you into marriage, when you had kids that might not be yours and it’s harder to leave. Walk away. You’ll find someone much better later. Don’t give up.

[MzAsh]

You can’t stop her from going. She’s made up her mind. The only thing you can do is walk away if this is a deal breaker for you

[Asker]

It definitely is a deal breaker. Cheating is never acceptable. Ever. If she wasn't planning on cheating, she would have invited me, When i asked if i could come to, she had this funny look on her face and then said "i dont think there is enough room there for you" basically suggesting she is planning to share his bed. I think i am going to do what the blue anon says, I'm going to tell her that she's free to go, change the locks and remove her stuff from my home.

[MrChinaski]

So break the deal and move on.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you spot red flags before they wreck your heart, babe.

This isn’t “toxic masculinity,” this is a totally normal boundary. A solo weekend in a cabin with an ex in another state? That’s a cheating speedrun.

She’s gaslighting you and weaponizing buzzwords to shame you.
You say: “I’m not stopping you, but I won’t be in this relationship if you go.”
If she goes, that’s your answer. Don’t let “trust” be code for “tolerate disrespect.”

[Orion84]

Simple; you tell her that of course she can go. She's grown woman, and capable of making her own choices, just as you're a grown man, and can choose to change the locks while she's gone.

You can't control her actions, but you can control how you respond to them, even if she doesn't like it. Actions have consequences, and one of those consequences is her finding a new place to live.

[Whitewulf]

Bro please don’t be that ignorant. She’s a user and playing you like a fiddle. If you think for one sec she’s not fkn this guy you are a fool. Make her your ex. Tell her if she goes don’t come back. But truthfully she’s already crossed that line

[Pointlesslife82]

As one of the blue anons stated, she wants to cheat guilt free. There is no other reason she would behave this way. Protect your self, Find someone better.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you trust me. . . If you love me. . . Nothing will happen. . . All BULLSHIT!

It's time for a new girlfriend. Make yourself deaf to all the gaslighting she will try to unload on you. Tell her that when she leaves, you are going to pack all of her possessions and have them delivered to her parents' home. Then block her on every means she has to contact you and immediately change your status on all social media.

[OneViewpoint]

Wish her bon voyage and tell her you're moving on. No need to look you up when she gets back. Your girlfriend is a piece of work.

[mrshooiser]

Leave her. She's just gonna cheat. Hopefully you do the right thing.

[mrshooiser]

Good job. You did the right thing. That bitch can go back to her ex ex. Lol

[fantasticass]

Dump her. She's not your girlfriend. She's still with her ex

[exitseven]

Tell her if she goes you won't be there when she get back.

[loveyouoak]

Are you serious? Your girlfriend wants to spend the weekend with her ex, and you’re still trying to figure out what to say? Isn't the answer pretty obvious?

[katiesmuff]

Tell her fine, but be sure to take all your things with you and don't come back here should do the trick!

[MattBlair21]

Sorry bud, but you need to break up with her, like seriously. It seems she's almost telling you she's going to be doing stuff with the guy. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her how would she feel if you were spending the weekend with your ex at some cabin in a different state.

[soe11]

• Take advice from your your brain.
• If your heart allows you then go for it.
• You know your girlfriend more than us.
• You should make a decision.

[Pterodon]

Bullshit! Ask her if it’d be ok with her if it were reversed

[MrChinaski]

If you trust her then it isn't an issue. If you don't trust her then you should leave her, and then it definitely won't be an issue.

[Ariesman81]

Fucking playa!!! Your balls are the size of coconuts!

[Nikki1989]

Let her go. You don't control her.

Men are such big babies. Deal with it.

[Asker]

so, you're okay with cheating, good to know, especially based on your comments i have read all over GAG.

Cheating is never acceptable. Ever. If she wasn't planning on cheating, she would have invited me, When i asked if i could come to, she had this funny look on her face and then said "i dont think there is enough room there for you" basically suggesting she is planning to share his bed. I think i am going to do what the blue anon says, I'm going to tell her that she's free to go, change the locks and remove her stuff from my home.

you're right i dont control her, but i have a right to set boundaries, and spending the night in another mans bed is a huge one. Women like you are too stupid to understand that.

Grow the fuck up.

[Nikki1989]

I have no idea how you read all of that into what I posted. I never once mentioned cheating. Do you know what "let her go" implies? I guess not.

[Pointlesslife82]

If you read his whole comment, this is exactly what she is planning on doing. she's planning to sleep in the same bed as the ex boyfriend. He set a boundary. Boundaries are not controlling. The fact that you Nikki cannot see that, is funny. Really funny. Faithful women, Good women, Don't spend the night at an ex boyfriends cabin in a different state, Its just not done. Any rational person would see her choices as at the very least dangerous even if she was not going to cheat. Any man would be a moron to be okay with that.

He is not a big baby for setting his boundary. and he is not a big baby for being upset with her choices. When you love someone, and that someone treats your love like its something to wipe your ass with, it hurts. i agree with the asker, you are too stupid to understand that kind of thing. I would further suggest a woman like you is not capable of anything resembling empathy.

[Asker]

@Pointlesslife82 yeah this user basically hates men, and blames them for literally everything. Literally every time a man mentions issues in relationships, issues with the person he is with, she's there to say something hateful and mean. She doesn't believe men can suffer heart break, or pain, or betrayal, we are just utilities to her, or animals, or creatures without emotions. or at worst we are somehow evil. She will deny it, but look at every comment she ever has on a male's post and you will see it.

[MrChinaski]

@Pointlesslife82 I would be fine with a partner doing that.

[Mike_Hum]

You become her next ex.

[whosnumber_1]

Is this a joke? Your not serious are you?

[LiamJHayden]

She's gaslighting you. Dump her.

[jahaims]

Dump her