What does it mean when a married woman keeps asking me if I would save her or protect her?

[OneViewpoint]

OK, this is a weird one (to me). And I really can't figure it out. There's this married woman who is openly obsessed with me and has been for about 2 years. She's been curious about me longer than that most likely because I'm an introvert who doesn't generally engage with other people. And when I do, I don't really share much about myself. That seems to drive some people nuts. The lack of information stimulates their curiosity more and more. But this all started when a friend of mine told her who and what I am about 2 years ago. She went nuts. In front of her husband. It was ummmm... awkward.

So she's been overly attentive with me for a while. She will always find a way to occupy the seat next to me. If I'm standing, she will be standing next to me.

But here's the new wrinkle that I can't figure out. Lately, every time I see her she's been asking me something like this.

"If I were in trouble, would you come save me?"

"If I were in trouble would you protect me?"

Questions along those lines. She knows bits and pieces about my background and what I used to do for a living. A couple of months ago she and her husband were talking to 2 other guys they know. She was again sitting next me. But I wasn't part of the group, just adjacent to them. All of a sudden she turns and looks at me then tells her husband and the other 2 guys... "If I were on one those survival shows with (my name) we'd win. I wouldn't even have to show up, (my name) could do it alone.

There seems to be a recurring theme where she's fantasizing about me saving her or protecting her. Her husband is a marshmallow by the way. So is she fantasizing about me right out loud in public?

And the thing is, I would. I have a bad habit of running towards danger and putting my career or my life on the line for friends or complete strangers. So something makes me want to ask her. Are you OK? Do you need saving or protection?

[Finchie40]

It sounds like she is not happy in her marriage and it sounds like she is planning to leave him , she is asking you those questions hoping You will have her back , if or when she decides to tell her husband it’s over between them. Most females’ ’ that are unhappy in their relationship will plot their exit and plan their exit ahead of time , while making their husband or boyfriend clueless of her Exit because she doesn’t want to be guilty of ruining the relationship , so it doesn’t eleventh her reputation so she plans it ahead of time before she makes her final move. so it sounds like she is hoping you will have her back , just in case her husband gets out of control when she tells him it’s over. My ex wife did this to me , she acted like our marriage was fine while she was making her plans. Most females’ do not want to be blamed for ruining a marriage or a relationship especially if her current partner is considered a good guy , , so she does everything she can to play a victim when really she is the selfish POS person. My ex planned her exit without me realizing she was doing so , and tried playing a victim the whole time and did her best to make me look like the bad guy. so her reputation doesn’t get shattered that she was the reason the marriage ended , Females’ are sneaky that way. If I was you, I wouldn’t be any part of it , and even if she tries to come on to you after she leaves her husband , tell her no fucking way , I don’t care how hot she is because eventually she will do the same thing to you that she did to her husband if things don’t go her way in the relationship with you , Females’ that do this to their partners’ are selfish people that only want what they feel is best for themselves , she will play this innocent victim when really she isn’t innocent at all. So my advice to you man , is do not fall for any of her shit. A girl with good morals will take time for herself after a break up or divorce , not try to latch onto another guy to save her

[goaded]

Sounds complicated, but maybe talk to her husband? Maybe tell him it's if he tells you to back off, you will? Because you're not interested, and it might make him look good to her.

She sounds high maintenance.

Women who think they have to test their man are insecure.

[OneViewpoint]

@goaded,

Dude, me doing her husbands job for him is not going to transform him into me in her eyes. It started long before me and has gone on way too long. She's fundamentally unhappy with the guy she married. And I can see why. He's a marshmallow, a pushover. He's a people pleaser with no backbone to enforce boundaries. He's never really done anything with his life. And to be honest he's not that fucking bright. So, looks, fitness, personality, intelligence, life experience, tolerance for risk, accomplishments... I'm a novelty for her that he's never gonna be. 2 minutes of acting like he has a spine will not fix that.

Your instinct was noble but it would never work. And LOL, I've been holding her and her friends at arms length politely for 2 years and refusing to engage with them. It's not me that needs to back off. Maybe you missed that part. I'm not chasing her, she's chasing me.

[Genie23]

It seems she doesn't respect her husband, and is bored with her marital life.. Then she met you, found out about your profession, and your introverted nature.. so different than her husband- which got her pretty excited excited. She liked the contrast. So, she was flirting and trying to get your attention for a while. But now she has started kinda idealizing you. She has built this image of you as this intense, tough guy who could not only survive worst situations, but also save people. So, she's playing this damsel in distress role, just to see whether you'll entertain her.

I don't think she's really in some trouble. If she was really stressed/terrified, she wouldn't have sat/stood so close to you even when her husband was around.

[OneViewpoint]

@Genie23

Thanks. I think you have a pretty good sense of the situation. Or at least you're reading it the same way I am. I'm 99% sure she's in absolutely zero physical danger. Is she in some sort of mental or emotional distress about her marriage / life / the clocking ticking down for her to find happiness? Probably. I'd also put that at a 99% probability.

I think her questions are intended more as a philosophical hypothetical mental exercise. She knows I've done things like that over and over again all over the world. I think she just wants to hear me say I'd do it for her specifically.

She's built a fantasy about me in her head. That's partly my fault because I generally do not discuss my background in detail. She took the little she knows about me and built a story around it. That happens a lot with me. In her case there's never been a time when I could have a serious conversation at length alone to get her to really understand who and what I am. Sorta difficult because she's married. And it would be embarrassing for her to have that conversation in a group setting.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I would disconnect from her as she seems to be crossing boundaries that you dont seem comfortable with.

If you continue to associate with her then you are condoning the behavior and are opening yourself to more and more inappropriate situations.

Shame about the husband not caring if his wife is hitting on other people. Its good that he isn't insecure about her having male friends, but that doesn't include straight up trying to hook up with a guy. It sounds a lot like she is testing the waters to make a switch or to add you to her romantic life and if he is OK with that then I guess you'd be part of an open relationship. Gotta ask yourself if that's something you'd be ok with.

[OneViewpoint]

Oh no, you have it all wrong. My fault for not elaborating on that detail. Her husband is nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof whenever she's in the same room with me. She's also very touchy huggy with me. That first night my friend introduced them to me she went off the hook. From that moment on she has kept it up. He's tried to pull her away, not physically, but a courteous, hey it's time to get going. She has replied, "not now I'm talking to (my name)". Basically she doesn't respect him.

I get that he's the quintessential "nice guy" with trouble establishing boundaries. He needs everyone to like him and never disagrees with anyone about anything. I'm the extreme opposite. I think that's the attraction.

Her friends, one in particular, have been sent over to get me to join their group when they are out without husbands for a girls night.

What I've been doing for 2 years is keeping the entire girl group at arms length while trying to not be mean about it. Polite. But short interactions. Limit eye contact which is hard because she is extremely persistent about making eye contact with me. I can't look through her at the wall all night, LOL. I've just been my usual introverted self and refused to get sucked into an extended conversation. People tend to accept that from me because it's the way I am with everyone.

So, he's definitely not OK with it. These aren't swingers, LOL.

[NathanDavis]

hopefully... she's not having ideations of danger... that she might be part of or cause, and then thinking you would side with her and protect her...

[Horsegirly2001]

she's seeking validation and excitement. If she was s decent person she'd have left her husband.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Genie23's answer. Good old fantasies, and funny ones lol

[LC75LC71]

Halodeck.. Freeze program. You may exit now.

[OneViewpoint]

Nope no holodeck. I'm not kidding. This actually goes on all the time.

[CarolineWhizz]

She's needy or desperate, or both. Time to head for the hills.