Why is she contacting me after she said she couldn't date me?

[Anonymous]

So I had a great fling with a girl this past summer. We knew each other a little and went out and hit it off. Reason that it remained a fling was that she was moving 1000 miles away. So she moved and we stayed in touch. It was a very platonic relationship. I never wanted to put myself out there and I'm not sure if she was the same. But we kept in touch, calling, texting and exchanging letters. Eventually I suggested visiting her and she agreed. I went down there not knowing what to expect. I got down there and after being timid for part of my first night I gave her a kiss and she said she had been waiting for it all night. We talked about how we liked each other but it was weird because she lived there and me back where she's from. The rest of my 4 days were great. We acted like a couple, went out to eat, went to a concert, and I met her 2 close friends, a couple. The only sour note was when I brought up what happens to us after I left. She got freaked out and talked about how she didn't want to do long distance and wouldn't put herself in that position. So I was bummed by that but the next day she acted fine. Then the morning of my departure she gave me several kisses and hugs. She told me she'd be home for Thanksgiving and would see me. Over the next several weeks I kept in contact. I sent a care package as she was studying for an exam and flowers when she didn't pass. When the week of Thanksgiving came she reached out to me but ended up blowing me off. She texted to apologize her last day, and so I wasn't going to see her. I sent her a text saying "I'm sorry you couldn't make the time" and she called upset with me. The conversation eventually lead to us and what we were doing. She said there was no "us", we were just friends and that she had told me that she wasn't going to do distance when I visited her. She did say that but she lead me on when she gave me hugs and kisses goodbye. Then when I sent flowers and such she acted fine. Maybe she was still OK with me then. Because while she was talking about how she didn't want to date anyone she could only see every 2 months she said that she had met a guy that she liked. I was not happy with that, but didn't flip out. I knew that it was a matter of time before guys started hitting her up...she's attractive, smart and fun. Anyway the conversation ended basically saying she like my friendship. Well its been 3 weeks and I have not reached out to her or her to me since. Until today when I got a card from her. I was surprised. It wished me a happy holidays but the thing that caught me off guard was this sentence "I know we have been quiet these last few weeks-but you have been on my mind." I was shocked to hear from her but that made me start asking all these questions. What does she mean? Obviously there could be more than one possibility and I'm open to hear what you think, but what I'm trying to figure out is how I respond to her? What do I say and in what method? Do I call, text, write a letter?

Updates

+1 y

Currently I'm not sure what to say but I'm leaning toward replying to her in my own letter/card. I figured if I decided to, I could tell her I am thinking of her as well but I can't just be friends with her because of how I feel towards her. I like the letter because it allows me to voice my thoughts and have them be heard and I think a text or call would be too instant of a response. I know a lot of people say just ignore her but I think that's a very immature method & wouldn't make me feel better

Updates

+1 y

I sent a card yesterday. It said "Thanks for the card. I've been thinking of you also. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. All the best-(Signature)." It will be interesting to see if and when she responds. I'm more concerned now if she calls or texts. How do I act with her on the phone? I don't want to sound like I'm OK with being just a friend but I don't want to be rude and unattractive. Any ideas?

Updates

+1 y

Well its almost 2 weeks since I sent the card, and at least a week since she should have received it. No response though. I don't understand why she'd go through the effort to reach out to me, which was bold considering the situation and when I reciprocate she doesn't respond back.

[yopyopyop]

"I know we have been quiet these last few weeks-but you have been on my mind."

-> the problem with such sentences is that you can understand them the way you prefer.

She told you about a guy she liked there, it could have been a test, a way to make you lose your hopes, or it could have been her talking to a friend about what was going on in her life.

She didn't see you for thanksgivings, when you both had planned to meet up.

She told you there would be no long distance thing between you, but she still kissed you.

In my opinion, there are several options.

She wanted you as a friend, so hooking you a bit could be a way. You would be an enjoyable memory of her former place, when she moved to a stranger place (some girls are like that).

Or she was not really responsible, and now she's trying to let you down without hurting you.

Or she doesn't know what she wants.

She sent a card (not a letter), and it also means she didn't want you on the phone, probably to avoid the relationship talk. If she had really wanted to see you, she would asked you somehow to see each other.

Maybe she's expecting you to say something like "do you want to meet during the holidays", but then, the same scenario could start again.

It's about time for you to chose your poison. Not answering at all, and moving on, or phoning her, and telling her what's on your heart, with the risk that you'll feel dumb for phoning afterwards.

Good luck, it's not a comfortable position you're in.

[Asker]

I am assuming she sent this to get a response in some form, otherwise she could have just left out the "on my mind" part. Now its about how I respond I guess. Also to clarify, cards=letters to us. All the cards we exchange are usually blank and we write long replies in them.

[yopyopyop]

@Update : Really sorry to read this.

Either she went to holidays and you'll see in a few days, or she just decided to move on.

But it's bothering you, so you should put yourself into the "moving on" position.

[NanaBaid]

You have just walk your way to her heart but I will advice you reply with a card with short note of your thought for her. Just be simple and brief, please don't give her too much words, it might turn her off. Don't worry she is interested but her problem is the distance, you have to arrange and fix a nice way of communication, if you will do it thrice a week on phone and some letters, cards and texting it wouldn't be bad, just make sure you give her the room to trust you and I hope you are OK with the distance? If you are, you need to help her get better with it as you have, and you will be surprise how things will naturally work it self.

Good Luck.

[Asker]

This is what I think I want to do. I don't want to sound too excited that she contacted me since she was the one that hurt me. I figure a card is a nice way since its a slower response. I also am hoping that my message is slightly vague like hers. I want her to wonder what I'm thinking.

Any suggestions on how to word my response? I want it to be brief and slightly confusing, hopefully making her ask some questions.

[CasaNorba]

she must still have feelings for you

[Asker]

I would agree she has feelings, just not sure what those feelings are. I am not sure if she even knows that. I do know as much as I like her I can't see myself just being her friend, or at least not for a long time because of how I feel about her.