Guys - why point out flaws in your girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

when we are together.. he will point out flaws.. its really hurtful.. then he'll have sex with me and be affectionate.. afterward nothing and on top of that he'll kinda get upset with me saying stuff like why don't you have any confidence?! or just bluntly No confidence!? But how does he expect me to be confident when he just points out flaws all the time. Why be so mean and hurtful to your gf?

[Ryosanada]

He is an ass from what I'm reading. Confidence has to be built up, and he isn't the right person for it from the sounds of it. I had to build my own up, and yes I'm fat, and I'm not a 10, but I can show anything to anyone if I so choose. He also sounds like he's putting you down, so you'll stay with him. But these are only guesses. I don't know him, nor you, and so I can't really say too much without just guessing.

But I do know, there are guys out there whom put their GF's down because they make them think so little about themselves, and they start thinking they can't ever find anyone else. So that makes them stay in that relationship.

[Camilus]

While this is not something I would do, this is a control method some guys use. It lowers your self-esteem because, let's face it you women get offended WAY to easily and you accept other people's criticisms of you. The guy mainly does this because you will now do 2 things: try to please/appease him, and you feel like you need him (and won't cheat).

This is the type of relationship that high school geeks try to save the hot girl from getting into when she puts him in the friend zone ...and then years later the geek types 100 questions on GAG asking why women only like jerks.

[Asker]

But I have already assured him I'd never do something like that.. I could never even imagine cheating anyone. I always try and make him feel good about himself.. encourage him in life.. he feels he's overweight ... yes, as the doctor has told him.. I encourage him to eat better.. but I still tell him I like how cuddly he is.. that his weight is not an issue for me. why make me feel bad?

[Camilus]

The male brain is different than the female brain. We don't just trust things we hear like women do ...a lot of us (definitely including myself) believe that when someone keeps reiterating something over and over again that they are actually bullsh*tting us.

[risted]

he's probably a little insensitive and his brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work too well. what kinda flaws is he pointing out though? if a guy were doing that I'd assume it would be towards things he feels like are 'fixable' like wanting you to lose some weight or whatever.

[Asker]

i'm too thin.. or there's a discoloration on a part of my skin.. stuff that can't be fixed

[risted]

well thinness I guess he feels like you could pack on a few pounds or something, but skin discoloration? that seems like a weird thing to be pointing out. either way, your boyfriend is delusional if he thinks you'd start to become more confident the more he points out your imperfections. sure you could shrug it off, but who wants a partner who's gonna be down on you like that all the time?

[MrOracle]

He's insecure and insensitive, and immature as well. That's simply not anything that a person with manners would do.

IMO, I would not stand for this. You need to tell him how this makes you feel and how hurtful it is, and then, if he continues to do it, you'll know that your feelings aren't really important to him, and you can cut him loose.

[coolbeans01]

No offense to you or anything but...why are you with him?

[Tacoman113]

He is trying to lower your confidence so that you will have sex with him sorry

[lonelyvirgin]

He's testing you. To see if you get upset or can take it with a sense of humor and dish it back out.