I think I am too fat to date? Is that wrong?

[Anonymous]

So I'm currently single and would love to go on some dates but I don't feel confident in my weight. I'm 5'7'' and weight 215 lbs and I'm afraid no one will want me because of my weight. I have a pretty face but the idea of getting naked with a guy kind of scares me a little since I've been out of shape for the past 2 years. I'm trying so hard to get in shape but until then, I'm not dating. Sadly, it's taken so long to get the weight off and I feel like I"m not getting any younger. Am I wrong to feel this way or should I just date and meet someone who will accept me the way I am? Or should I wait to date when I feel more confident? Does anyone feel the same way I feel or have any decent advise about my situation?

[cun7n1nja]

Work on YOU first, your confidence first and foremost. Even if you have to fake it at first, because you'll start to feel better about yourself AND guys will respond to that confidence, and that will continue to help boost your self esteem a bit. It might not seem like it, but your attitude abot yourself is something people pick up on. If your body language is tense and you seem closed off because you're self conscious, people notice. If you're open and friendly and ACT like you like who you are/how you look, people pick up on that too and will want to be around you more. And the more involved you are in other things in your life, your work and hobbies/interests and friendships, the less time you spend focused on your appearance because you're otherwise occupied. Dive into your LIFE and work on your feelings [working on physical improvement is always good too], and you'll feel a lot better about yourself and your good qualities.

I should also say though, that I too am 5'7" and weigh about 200 pounds. I'm chubby but have a lot of muscle which makes up a decent amount of my weight. I used to feel like you do and didn't get a whole lot of male attention, but I made a conscious decision to just NOT care what people think of me, and worked more on myself mentally. I focused more on work and spending time with my friends, put my love life and my feelings about my appearance on the back burner, and slowly started noticing more guys noticing me, lol. My boyfriend loves my body how it is, and would love it if I gained or lost a few pounds as well.

Take what you have and OWN it. Work on yourself, but don't let the physical be your entire focus. Someone will come along and be attracted to YOU and be drawn in by your confidence [real or faked] and who you are. They'll like you for you and appreciate your body for how it is, appreciate it more the closer they get to you and the more they get to know you, and will support you when you feel down about yourself and in the positive changes you want to make for yourself. Don't hold yourself back. =]

[Anonymous]

im 5'1 and I weigh 215.

now I've never dated because I feel the same way you do but my friends tell me guys check me out all the time. and actually, now that I think about it, there has been guys on the street who have tried to talk to me.

now that I'm older, guys do pay attention to me.

the truth is, I'm really scared to date as well. I would go to the gym but I don't have time. I used to go but lately I don't have time so I can't go.

idk. I just try to look my best. I try to make the best of the situation and try to look nice and be confident. I also have a pretty face but my body isn't the best.

i guess you should try to love yourself for who you are. even if you're not at the perfect weight, you shouldn't hate yourself for it. some guys do like bigger girls. I know some girls who weigh more than us and they have all these guys after them. I don't know how they do it. I guess they just go out there and act confident. I try but I'm too shy.

but idk. but don't feel bad. just try to accept yourself for who you are, and some guys will accept your as well. :D

[crookthings]

Girl, I'm shorter and heavier than you and I've never had a problem finding someone. There are guys out there who are genuinely MORE attracted to fat girls, and there are guys who just don't care about body type at all. And I'm talking about completely normal, mature, well-adjusted men (not with "baggage" like TheDigitalSaint suggested...).

It's not "wrong" for you to think this way, I don't blame anyone for having low self-esteem with all of the negative sh*t you take in every day from the media. According to TV, magazines, etc. you're not SUPPOSED to be confident if you're fat, you're supposed to be miserable so you can buy their products and "fix" yourself :P

I've loved my body for a long time, but the thing that took the longest was being able to be 100% comfortable and free in the bedroom. But seriously, when it did finally happen, it feels so good. It's something everyone should feel, no matter how many people tell you that you don't deserve it unless you lose weight.

[Beautifulgrrl]

"And I'm talking about completely normal, mature, well-adjusted men (not with "baggage" like TheDigitalSaint suggested...)." EXACTLY!!! And, true when will we ever be good enough? When will we be every man's dreamlover Desiree? Never!!

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don't know of any guy that is into heavy women and we men are very visual creatures. Am sorry to say, but unless you loose the weight you have very little chance of meeting a great guy, since there will always be more options on the table for him. You sound very self-defeating which is what's going to hold you back in all aspects of life not just in getting fitter. You have to believe in yourself and that you can accomplish things you set out to do. Having the right mindset is the hard part, loosing the weight is the easy part. I know you might think that you want a guy to love you the way you are, but shouldn't you give him the best version of yourself to him just as he should with you. It's also very very unhealthy to be that weight. People just don't realize how unhealthy it is. Am not joking with you, calcified arteries are just as hard as bone (bone is largely composed of calcium obviously). People also get their legs amputated (more common than you think) because of gangrene which is usually caused by a calcified blocked artery. Being overweight will shorten your life significantly, I know you hear that all the time, but seeing it and hearing it are 2 completely different things. At least get fit for your health.

[Asker]

Actually, I was 245 lbs. earlier this year and I have lost some weight. I'm sorry if I give off the self defeating vibe, but I'm actually doing what I have to do lose it. I understand what you are trying to say but my mindset is fine. I'm just a bit frustrated because I'm lonely but I don't have the confidence to go out there and meet men when I know they are visual creatures. So it's just hard.

[Opinion Owner]

It's tough, but everything worth having is hard, if it wasn't then it really wouldn't be worth anything. Also good for you on loosing that weight, starting is the hardest once you get in the flow of things it becomes much easier. Don't worry about other things, focus on one thing at a time and make sure you do it right. You never tackle a big problem by going head to head with it, you take your time and break it down and fix those smaller problems.

[Beautifulgrrl]

Are you actually going to listen to that creep and seem him "most helpful". You sound healthy and worthy of love regardless of your weight. Please don't listen to that guy!!! He sounds immature. Date now! Find someone that appreciates you for you and does not define you by weight!!! Ridiculous!!

[Opinion Owner]

@Beautifulgrrl Yea you're right, I'm a creep for telling her how it is. I'm a doctor and recommending people to live a healthy lifestyle that will prolong their life is part of my job and passion. Being overweight is not healthy, period. You can try and justify it all you want, but it isn't. I've seen enough 40 something and even on the rare occasion 30 something year olds that come in due to an MI (heart attack) caused by their unhealthy lifestyles and they cry their eyes out because they're terrified of death and how close they were of it. Then they ask themselves how they allowed themselves to get to that point and that they'll take better care of themselves so it doesn't happen again. The underlying theme is that they ALL regret their lifestyle choices, every single one of them because it's simply not worth it. I have no desire to be politically correct on this topic because being politically correct on this topic gets people killed. Sorry, if you're butthurt but not really sorry.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I recommend losing more weight before dating. At your current weight, that's sure to cause insecurities for you, and insecurities (especially to the degree which being significantly overweight causes) allow yourself to be taken advantage of. A secure, stable and otherwise desirable man is going to want a woman that is a healthy weight.

Your current weight will attract men with a lot of baggage. Right now the most important person in your life is you, not a potential man. Getting professional help (talking to your doctor, a personal trainer, nutritionist, etc.) is a much better investment of your time and energy. Once you've transformed your body, you'll be in better shape to be strong enough emotionally to handle being in a relationship.

[COMMODOREII]

Well it depends on what kind of guy you are looking for. Are you looking for the guy that will date because you are in shape look hot to him to only leave after you put on a pound or two after you have kids? Or do you want a guy who will date you because you are everything to him and when you do get into shape it will make all the other girls jealous that his girlfriend is you in shape and hot? lol I say start dating now, and look for someone who wants to be around you for you. Yes continue to workout and try to get into shape but make getting in shape for you and for a guy. It should never be thought of as the only way to get laid or get a guy. Working out is about you and yourself, to make yourself feel better and get more energy. The guy that loves you for no matter what you look like or what happens to it in the future is the guy you should look for.

[Beautifulgrrl]

Yes! I can't believe she picked that a-holes answer as "most helpful", he sounds like a complete tool, more like "most bigoted"!!!

[Hal2002]

If a guy is only interested in your for your physical appearance, why waist time with him.

I date big girls, it is about the personality inside the body.

By all means date when you feel more confident, but how do you know you will feel more confident if you lose what you think you should lose?

If someone asks you out now, go out with them. Not all men are looking for a size 2.

[Beautifulgrrl]

Thank you. Some one with some sense!!

[Anonymous]

215 at 5'7" is pretty heavy. Though to be honest, if you're already to the point with a guy that you're about to have sex, he's not going to be surprised by what he sees when your clothes are off. He knows what he's getting into and liked it. You don't have to wait till a point where you're supremely confident, just a point that you're comfortable enough in yourself to where you aren't putting yourself down every day and able to take a compliment without feeling like the person is lying to make you feel better.

[Prof_Don]

Don't think that way, QA.

There are plenty of guys that will be attracted to and will enjoy your body (pardon if that sounded a bit too crude, but you get my point), as well as the person you are inside.

:)

P.S. I'm 5'10, 295lbs...you're smaller than me so you fit my size requirements. :)

[may04]

Kudos on losing the weight that you already have, and definitely don't stop now :) I don't think you need to wait until you're at you're ideal weight to start dating, because you never know who you're going to meet and what they value in a relationship. As long as you don't get too hard on yourself if things don't work out because of your weight you should be fine.

[Anonymous]

Hey i have the same problem now i was wodering how things are going know im guessing this is an old post?

[Moloch]

I'm sure you'll find someone.

[Anonymous]

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