My boyfriend doesn't understand my insecurities

[Paisy]

I have been going through a self harm addiction and battling a sever eating disorder. I have a lot of scars on my body and I find myself disgusting. I never show any skin or anything like that. But he just does not see why I'm insecure. To him they are just like a little thing, but to me it's a terrible reminder of how awful and weak I am. And he gets angry with me for being so insecure. I need help. I am trying to get better...But that will take a lot of time, but with the way things have been going. I don;t think he will be in my life when I am better. Please...how do I explain to him why I am this way?

[MrOracle]

You might be right: he may not understand your insecurities. But IMO it's just as likely that he DOES understand them, but he's just ACCEPTING your scars as part of YOU, and as part of your past that has made you the person you are today, that he loves and cares for. When he says "it's a little thing", he's probably not meaning it's a little thing to YOU, he means it's a little thing to HIM, because compared to his feelings for you, it's nothing. He accepts you, flaws and all (and we ALL have flaws!). That's what he's trying to tell you; it's just the two of you aren't understanding each other.

Instead of worrying about how HE feels about your body, try to explain to him how YOU feel about it, and why, and tell him that you're telling him this so that he can understand YOUR feelings. Let him know that you appreciate his acceptance and support (that's what he's trying to give you), but that YOU still have issues with your body and you need some help to get past them, and that HIS acceptance of your body, while nice and appreciated, doesn't solve your main problem. Ask him to be understanding of your feelings, and at the same time, start taking steps to get the help that you need to get past this. If he sees you actively working on the problem, he'll be more patient with you about the process.

And for YOU, you need to understand and accept that he loves you, and that he knows that scars come with that package, and they don't bother him (except for the fact that they bother you, and he doesn't want you to be unhappy or upset). Appreciate that your boyfriend accepts you as you are (not all guys would), and let him know you appreciate it, and ask for his patience and then show your appreciation when he IS patient.

This is all just learning to communicate better.

[Anonymous]

So are you saying you harm yourself because you find your body disgusting? I'm just trying to understand what it is you'd explain to him.

[Paisy]

I find my body disgusting because of what I've done to it. I don't self harm anymore because it just made me hate myself more.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah I see. This idea you may not like, but I was thinking you could show them all to him at once, however you decide or are comfortable with. Let him get the impact of what you know you have. I think he's too caught up in "oh you're so perfect" to see that we all still have our flaws and that he should be more sensitive/understanding of what you feel is a big issue.

[Anonymous]

What exactly did you do to yourself?