I'm unable to initiate physical affection with my boyfriend

[onlyacrush]

What is wrong with me? I can hug babies, children, my mum and my brother...but - as much as I want to, I cannot initiate physical affection with my boyfriend. He has brought the issue up and I'm afraid he might go looking elsewhere for someone who can fulfil this need. We hold hands and kiss - when he initiates.

I love doing this stuff with him - it makes me feel wonderful. But why am I so afraid of initiating it? I had a great childhood but have low self-esteem because I've grown up seeing guys flock to pretty girls, etc. I'm not good enough and don't want to impose myself on a guy - even if he is my boyfriend.

Often, when I'm with him, I really want to just wrap my arms around him just because. But something is stopping me from doing this. What am I afraid of and how can I slowly change?

There is a girl we both know and she initiates hugs/touches him the way he wants me to. He off-handedly admitted that that sort of attention makes him feel good and wonders why I'm not able to do the same.

I know he didn't mean to, but this has shot my self-esteem even further down. He says he understands that it's just "who I am" but that doesn't solve the problem of him being unsatisfied - as much as he says it doesn't matter.

[kambo_trick3y]

"But something is stopping me from doing this. What am I afraid of and how can I slowly change?"

I'm being an a**hole, but this part of the question both bothers and completely baffles me. Like, do you REALLY not understand yourself enough to have to rely on other people to pretend to be you, go into your brain, and tell you why it is you do your own actions? Bear in mind, these people aren't even YOU, their assessments could be COMPLETELY inaccurate.

It's your own brain, which controls YOUR OWN hands. It's your own job to figure out why you do the things you do, cause if you give that job to someone else, you are in for some deep sh*t in life.

Just...urgh.

[Anonymous]

one word comes to mind. ASEXUAL. people that don't need physical contact with the ones they love.

you say you kiss and hold hands when HE INITIATES. so you must be doing it just because he wants it and you know that but you can't initiate. so go and look for that word I wrote there and you might have an answer...

[ItalianGirl22]

I think you need to grab life by the balls and just go for it. He's your boyfriend. Not anyone elses. You shouldn't be afraid to initiate anything because that's what he wants. Don't let other girls make him feel good. YOU need to make him feel good. He obviously thinks you're worth it if he chose you to be his girlfriend so don't be down. :)

[thefriendlycanadian]

I think you answered your own question. It seems you feel inadequate. Don't. : )

If he is dating you and initiates intimate relations with you, then he clearly likes you just the way you are.

[PhilaPenn]

You need therapy, and you can't really blame him if he leaves you. I mean, physical affection is kind of a big part of a relationship.