Shy/timid or stuck-up/pretentious? How do you distinguish?

[cheesesteak7]

So, being shy/timid and being stuck-up/pretentious are on 2 polar opposite ends of the sociable spectrum, right? However, ironically, both sentiments or feelings CAN (not always) be displayed by the same action - ignoring someone.

I see a lot of Q&A like that here. Such as:

"Person X ignored me, does that mean they like me or dislike me?"

A1: "Maybe they're just shy."

A2: "They probably don't like you."

Rough example, but I'm sure you get the jist.

Anyway, so how do YOU distinguish when someone is being shy or being stuck-up? If you walk by someone and give them a friendly look and they just look away, what do you think? Do consider both mindsets and try to guess which they are? Or assume they're one or the other? Can you tell by their body language or facial expression? Would it matter if it's a one-time thing with stranger or if it's someone in class/work you see regularly? Is there no way to tell until you meet/know the person? etc etc

[ColdFeet]

I'm shy so I'm probably better at telling the difference seen as I've been called stuck up many times before. I know exactly what it's like to tell your voice to work but nothing happen. Usually shy people smile instead of talking, their eyes might shift like crazy wanting to make eye contact but fighting the internal panic that stops them from doing what they intend to do or just settle on looking down. They might startle when you speak to them which is the start of the fight or flight mode. Their hands might tremble too and of course they blush, maybe stutter or speak too quietly. If a stranger asks them out the answer will always be no because they're so uncomfortable. I've spent far too long single because I've rejected so many guys because I was too shy. The only ones I ever agreed to kept asking for weeks until I finally gave in and then I'd quickly freak out because I'd realize I have to go on a date.

You can't always tell by looking at a person whether they're likely to be shy. I'm very confident looking in how I carry myself especially when I'm busy. I like to look good and have an interest in fashion. I smile and make eye contact with everyone but if you ask me to go beyond that I'm immediately into the panic zone. I've been called everything from stuck up to weird because people don't get that I'm shy. People think "what have you got to be shy about". It doesn't work that way.

[confugirl]

I observe how they act with other people. Especially strangers. If they act clumsily around them or get a bit shaky during public speaking, then I know they're shy. Stuck-up people will often have too much pride, so they will be unshakable and won't be open to others, not just you. So always observe how they act around other people.

[Bethany94]

I don't think people can. Most people think I'm super stuck up because I don't talk but I'm just super shy and socially awkward. Like they want me to talk but then when I do whatever I say just falls flat, which makes me want to talk even less. I've made friends who confessed thinking I was super snobbish when we first met.

[Jonny_]

If someone is shy they're generally still approachable and friendly, like they'll still give positive reactions, they'll smile or reply if you talk to them. People who're stuck up just tend to look down their nose at you and make their judgement of you obvious.

[Sleeper07]

If a girl is ignoring you, it's effectively dehumanizing you and shows that she has poor communication skills or has a mental illness like social anxiety. Things you really do not need in life.

[Sleeper07]

They can be shy because they like you, even then it's better to just stay away. You really don't need that in life trust me.

[Distant]

I take it as both. When someone looks away, it could be for any number of reasons. It doesn't matter which one since you two didn't meet or interact. Why waste time or energy wondering about it?

[cheesesteak7]

...wouldn't it matter since it could be considered part of the reason you didn't meet or interact? Clearly that type of stuff matters to a lot of people - just lurk this website lol.

[Distant]

Some people are just not interested in getting to know you so I guess I don't mind missing out on meeting them. There are plenty more people to interact with who are much more receptive.

I can see some people being disappointed, you're right.

[cheesesteak7]

yeah. well, the way I see it, is if you can distinguish between the 2 - shyness and pretentiousness - then that'd help you break the ice if you're interested in someone, if that person is too shy to. Especially if you see them regularly. But not being able to distinguish between the 2 is where the confusion, or even apathy, comes.

Personally, I like to think I can distinguish between the 2 most of the time. But, I may be wrong...