Hi...I wanted to write something mainly because of all the questions that come in that are usually about the same things. Since I am a guy and I know more about guy stuff than girl stuff, this will be mostly for girls who are having difficulties understanding how guys think and also why they sometimes act the way that they do. I will try to cover a few things and give some advice in no particular order. Also I would like to add that this is based on my personal views, my friends in my community and how I generally perceive most guys to be.
1. What do guys care about when they are searching for a girlfriend (not hook-up)?
Looks...
That's basically all we care about. Especially if we don’t know you that well. We make sure that we like what we see on the surface and what we like can vary a lot from guy to guy. My friends and I have had so many discussions where we link photos of girls from facebook or instagram and rate them amongst ourselves. It is insane how much our opinions differ and we often end up yelling at each other "Are you blind!?" "Are you stupid!?" “She’s not a 7, she’s a 10” etc. There is also of course times when we are in complete agreement. What always seems to drive the “score” up, is if it looks like they are working out.
2. What does kind of qualities does a guy like once he is interested?
When it comes to personality it is really difficult to say because opinions are so scattered. Not only about what qualities we would like a girl to have, but also how much we care about a girl having those qualities in the first place. It varies from guys who don’t care too much about it and say “I just don’t want to be alone, so I want someone who isn’t too bad and lets me have sex with her” to guys who are really picky about it and go “The girl has to be funny, smart, classy, considerate, mature, responsible, educated, disciplined and she has to be really into sports and video games”..
3. What do guys hate/dislike?
Passive-Aggression
Saying “I’m not mad” when you actually are mad is one of the most annoying things a girl can do. Then if we ask you “Are you sure you’re not mad?” they say “Yes, stop asking or I will get mad”. We lose no matter what we do. We know you’re mad, you know you’re mad, we both know a fight is brewing. Waiting for it is just uncomfortable and exhausting. Being direct is usually much more appreciated.
Testing us
Example:
“I’m going to my friend’s house, do you want to come?”
“I was thinking of meeting up with some friends at the bar, but I’ll ditch them if you want me to”
“Do whatever you want”
Saying “Do whatever you want” if you don't mean it and you plan on making us feel guilty about it later can be really frustrating. If you want us there or want us to do something, just tell us. We want to be wanted/needed and we want to make you happy. It makes us feel good to make you happy. When you say “do whatever you want” we’re usually not sure if you really mean it or not, so it becomes hard enjoy whatever we decide to do. Either we go with you, not knowing if you really care too much about our presence there and wondering what’s going on at the bar. Or we go to the bar, not knowing if you really wanted us to come with you and thinking about if you are mad about it. Either way it stops us from fully enjoying the moment.
Starting a fight just to start a fight
Some girls do it just to see if they can win, others just to trigger a response. When you do that it makes us doubt your intentions during other arguments and that can make us mad when we really should listen.
“Where are you going/what are you doing?”
This is something most girls seem to be unaware of, but asking those questions can be very annoying. Most of the time it’s fine of course. Here is an example of when it’s not:
I remember visiting my sister and her boyfriend some years ago. One day we were sitting on the couch, just watching TV. At some point her boyfriend gets up and my sister asks “Where are you going?”, he says he is going to get a drink. Five minutes later he takes out his phone and my sister asks “What are you doing?”, he tells her that he is replying to a text, she then asks who it is and he tells her it’s his friend. Ten minutes later he gets up and my sister asks once again “Where are you going?”, he says he is going to the bathroom with a weary expression on his face, which she doesn’t pick up on. While he is in the bathroom I ask her if she has any f*cking idea how annoying she is being, she looks at me with a puzzled face and goes “Whaaat?”.
She obviously didn’t mean anything by it, she is just a very curious person. Her boyfriend knew that as well and he probably didn’t want to risk starting an argument over something that was unintentional. To some guys this is incredibly annoying, to others not so much. When you ask about what we are doing and we respond with a sentence including “something”, “someone”, “nothing”, basically anything that doesn’t give you a direct answer, then we probably just want to do something by ourselves. Chances are that whatever we are doing is not something important or secretive in nature. It is not always a huge deal if you inquire about what that is, just don’t let it get to the point where we feels like we are your 5 year old son and our every action has to be filtered and approved by you. If a guy ever freaks out on you when you ask what he is doing, this is why.
Trying to change us
We can’t change, the sooner you realise that, the better it will be for everyone. This is probably the number one thing that drives us away. We can be considerate and tolerant, we can sometimes go out of our comfort zone to make you happy, but we can’t change. For example: Telling a guy that you want him to be more romantic is not going to work. He might try doing it in the beginning, but it’s going to tear at him if it’s not in his nature, then it’s going to get worse real quick. The only way we can change is if we want to. The less you try to change us, the more we will want to change for you.
4. What do guys like/love
Laughing at our jokes
When you laugh at our jokes, or at least smile. Even when we’re not funny.
Talk about our interests
When you talk and ask about things that we are interested in. It really is awesome if you are interested in the same. If not you can of course pretend. It's not the same, but it will get us to like you more.
Have strong opinions
Having strong opinions (even about stupid stuff). I once spent 3 hours talking to a girl about which Bond was the most handsome. It was awesome. She just would not concede and I loved that so much. (Btw it’s Sean Connery).
Accidental touching
Like putting your hand on his knee when he said something funny or when leaning in to whisper something. That does not go unnoticed.
Smiling
A girl that smiles a lot is like a magnet. Not only is it very nice to look at, but it also makes you look well balanced and easy going.
Vulnerability
Girls that aren’t afraid to be vulnerable is incredibly attractive. Some girls think that it’s a weakness, when it actually takes a lot of strength. It can be very hard for guys to open with vulnerability (because it makes us feel less manly), but it’s very easy to respond to. When there is two people in a relationship that refuses to be vulnerable, it’s basically just like two cannons shooting at each other.
5. Why is he ignoring me?
This question gets asked a lot. There is a couple of reasons and it depends on the situation.
For the most part guys don’t view ignoration the same way girls do. When it comes to texting etc. in our minds we just took a sudden break without explaining what we are doing and assume that we will pick up wherever we left off later. That’s the most common reason if everything seems to be going ok.
If you have had a fight and he ignores you, then it’s usually:
a) He is waiting for you to say that you’re sorry or contact him first. If you do and he responds fairly quickly (most likely 5-10 minutes because he has to pretend that he wasn’t waiting by the phone or computer..), then he probably likes you very much and is extremely happy that you said something. Guys can be very proud and sometimes we think that we are less manly if we give in first, but we are usually sweating just as much as you are.
b) He is waiting for you to apologise profoundly because he want to make an impression on you about how bad he thought the fight was.
c) He is considering if continuing any kind of relationship with you is worth it.
If everything seems to be going ok and he hasn’t responded in over two days, then something has happened to him or (the more likely scenario) he has found someone else. And it gets worse the longer it goes on.
6. Why does he need porn when he has me?
Most girls don’t have a problem with this, but some do. I will assume that those that do don’t have a problem with masturbation, only that we look at other women. This has less to do with you and more to do with men’s chemistry. Guys are very visual, we get excited by watching and hearing more than anything. Sometimes we just want to get off by ourselves, or maybe you're not there, or maybe you’re not in the mood. I am sure that if you would be willing to make a ‘sexy video’ of yourself, then most guys would be more than happy to use that instead of anything else. If not then you should let it go, seeing as most guys can’t get off by just fantasising (or it takes a really long time).
To conclude
This is not meant to be a list over things that you should or shouldn’t do. It’s more something that is going to be helpful to be aware of. Just like girls, guys have their things that might seem irrational, but matters to us. In some of the pictures above I illustrated my own interests when looking for a girlfriend, but it’s important to note that I and a lot of other guys, while having a list of preferences, it doesn’t mean that we won’t go for qualities that isn’t on there. Sometimes people can have qualities we didn’t even know we cared about, or they can have so much of a quality we cared little about that it completely overshadows the things that we wanted the most.
And for the sake of f*ck stop worrying about your boob size and labia whatever. Our answers are exactly the same as yours when we ask you about if dick size matters. Sometimes you prefer bigger, sometimes you prefer smaller, sometimes you prefer it tilting to the right. Seldom is it a deal breaker or deal maker.
My final advice to anyone in doubt is to be yourself. That is the only way you are going to be completely comfortable. Try to think about what you like and dislike about yourself and be less of the bad and more of the good. Basically be the best version of yourself. And work out.
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