I just read another MyTake on here by another supposed "expert" about dating, it was geared towards women and how to help them with men. I read it this morning but once I got to a certain point, I stopped because something I read upset me. So, I just read the whole thing now and I can say there's many things in there I don't agree with and I find annoying. However, I want to focus on the thing that upset me because it's not the first time I've seen something like that and I'd like to make some things clear.
So, there was a part in that take that said "How can women spot out players?" and one of the things on the list was " Using "escape route" language is a giant red flag – one foot in the door the other foot out. Most guys say something along the lines of "I can’t give you what you need".." You’re really awesome, I don’t know if I am good enough for you". " And, that ladies and gentlemen is what upset me. I have seen things like that online before about certain things a guy says being an indicator that he's lying to you and it's just really stupid and causes more problems then it solves.
I will honestly admit I am a paranoid nerotic basket case with extreme trust issues and stuff like that just makes it worse. I have been hurt by many people, made to believe things that weren't true and had a lot of negativity and emotional pain in my life. So, it's unfortunately shaped me into who I am now. Which is someone who always has their guard up and doesn't really trust anyone (at least not without a whole lot of apprehension behind it) because in times I've allowed myself to be happy and let my guard down, I got hurt. So, now I'm overly cautious about it.
I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, that has been hurt and now can't trust in the way they'd like to. And, that's why I'm writing this for them, myself and everybody else. Statements like the above on spoting a player, for me and people like me do nothing but make things worse for us and maybe make us question people in our lives we shouldn't question but we do because our brains are already messed up and a so called expert said "all players say these words or phrases".
I'm no expert and the truth is, nobody really will ever be when comes to dating. Because people are so different and each relationship is different, that you can't possibly pinpoint what signs to look for when it comes to being played.
Two Very Important Things to Understand:
1. You take things from a situation to situation bases
Meaning, just because a guy tells you "you're awesome but I don't feel good enough for you" doesn't mean his lying about that. Just because someone tells you "they can't give you what you need", doesn't mean they are lying about that. Every man is different, so just because potentially one guy out of all the guys in the world who have said that to a girl and turned out to be a player, doesn't mean all guys who say those things or things along those lines are. So, I think you should look for more obvious signs then a sentence that (for many guys) is the truth.
2. Just because he's unsure doesn't mean he's a player
I know many women who have had relationships with guys that were all in and totally committed and either turned out to be a liar, a cheater, an abuser or all of the above. So, just because someone isn't wishwashy with dating you, doesn't mean he can't be a player. And, just because someone is wishawashy about dating you, dosen't mean they are a player. Like I said above, every person and situation is different. So, it's better to just go with your gut (if you trust it) and go from there.
To conclude, I just wanted to help clairfy things for people. The way I wish "experts", would. If you want to advise people, that's fine but people need to understand that not all people have had good life or dating experiences. So, reading something like that without a claifcation that not all guys who say those things are deceiving you. Can (for people like me) be the difference between now being aware or now questioning everybody in your life and just deciding to never trust anybody again because what's the point. So, I want people to be more aware of the things the say and people like me to understand not all people who say those things are bad people or people who are playing you.
I'm not sure if of this made sense lol, I'm kind of full of many feelings right now but hopefully my point got across. Thank you, for your time.