Guys, Please Stop the Mind Games and the Mixed Signals!

[Anonymous]

It's tiring.

Heck it's emotionally draining.

Girls do it too yes but why does it seem to be more prevalent in Men? I find that every time I think I've found myself a decent guy it always has to be mixed signals. One day he would shower me with compliments, text me, talk to me all night. The next he would show disinterest, heck treat me like one of his "buddies".

It's not sexy guys...It's bullshit and the worst part is emotions are involved. Girls are really REALLY fragile. You have no idea how you going about doing things actually affects us in such a way that we even lose track of time thinking about your ways and what they meant.

So here's a piece of advice that might actually get you somewhere. If you like her then SHOW her. If you don't then SHOW her. Tell Her!!! Throw a brick if you have to with a message of how you actually feel...(Okay well not literally...Man slaughter ain't sexy too...well that's debatable actually cause there are really good looking killers out there...okay sorry off topic)

Anyways! Pay attention! Stop the Mind Games please. Just stop! Now! or else we would just assume that you're (a) a fuck boy (b) You hate the shit out of us (c) we're wasting our time.

[lilac_flowers]

Because they're insecure fags. They are too afraid to express themselves openly so they are bland and uninteresting. There is no directness, strength, demand or imposition in their personality. They're passive and thus completely unattractive to women with such a self presentation. Women need a display of confidence, honesty and affection to create a connection. This is all established trough "aggressive" honest expression from men. We need them to seize power in the relationship dynamic. Those guys just can't.

So, since they fuck this up, every woman they ever talk to and act "themselves" around (neurotic, self censoring fag) inevitably grows bored with them and leaves. They know this all too well and are vaguely aware women want them to have a dominant personality in the relationship. But they don't know where their problem lies. So... What is left? What is the most primitive, tantruming, 3-year-old level approach to seizing power?

Manipulation.

Manipulate the woman by acting like a shallow, insecure sorority girl and hope it will work. And sometimes it can work, because women have low self esteem and these guys will attack it like a weak point they must abuse. This will create some unhealthy need for approval (e. i. desired power dynamic), but hitting a woman's self confidence will turn insecurity to resentment very quickly, and they will get dumped.

They just don't have the social skill to exhibit dominance WHILE unapologetically showing affection to the woman. (2 basic things a woman needs from them)
They think their options are to either shit on your self confidence and be in control (appear dominant), or act like a passive, deferring, insecure fag to be able to show affection to you and show they care.

This is just a lack of social skill, nothing more, or less than that.

[lilac_flowers]

Also they don't do this more than women. As emasculated as men are today, this is in it's roots, a female tactic due to female insecurity, so women using this, will always outnumber the fags using this.

[myTake Owner]

it's sad. Now I see why people stray from the dating world because no only Ia there famine, poverty or war but there's a new sport called heartbreak.

[7inches]

Yeah som true. None of the girls i've met have been like that only my friends do this to the girls in the class. Og wait. EVERY FUCKING GIRL THAT LIKED ME HAS BEEN LIKE THIS. Like geez girls do this ALL the time none støp som just shut up. This just pisses ME off som bad.

[myTake Owner]

@7inches you're such a kid... oh wait you're 15. that explains so much. move out of my way Justin Bieber.

[silverfeline]

This girl knows what she's talking about give her a medal! I wish I could give this a million up votes!😄

[7inches]

Do you even take this seriously? You have commented insulting replies to everyone that commented an real answer. This makes you very hard to take serious. But let med tell ya. Every girl that ever liked me has been like this and made me get å feeling for her and then just left. I was not confident enough in myself to og for it. Noe i am and i for myself å girlfriend but you just have to get More confident and actually go for it and dont talk shit about these guys. They can't just flirt with ya for 2 months without getting replies and you expect them to continue.

Also insulting people og their age when you dont know what argument to come with is not a very smart way og winning an argument.

[myTake Owner]

@7inches no sweetheart I've onlly insulted people like you. If you want respect you give respect it's that simple. You don't go running around telling people to shut up cause trust me you get what you give hence im giving you back the insult on a silver plate. Secondly if you had a pair of eyes you would see that I didn't insult everyone which makes me doubt if you are able to comprehend statistics in that so called head of yours. Thirdly I aimed for your age because you're just as naive as your age. no wait I change that statement because I can pin point people who are 12 yet think beyond your capacity so if you took that as an insult well then I will not go any deeper. trust me you don't want to dig that hole. Lastly I don't care what your girlfriends and you where doing frankly that's not my problem no seriously I couldon't read half of what you were saying and I honestly don't give a damn. The fact remains that Guys just as much as girls play mind games. Face it and grow up.

[bdbee]

I am not saying guys don't give mixed signals, but I have to say this: if you think guys giving mixed signals is bad, then you have no idea what girls are like.

Girls will do manner of bizarre things for attention, and mixed signals is top of the list for them. I've had everything ranging from girls asking me out on a date, acknowledging it's a date, making out with me, then going they have a boyfriend. I've had a girl tell me she wants me to f*ck her for a day straight, bend her over and spank her while we're having drinks and then gets a phone call from her boyfriend.

Also ones that will show interest, and as soon as you show any they pull away. If you pull away then twice as hard, they come running and begging for you to give them a second/third/fourth/fifth chance (admittedly back then I gave them said chances, now if she does it twice it's over. Once is a mistake, twice is a choice... to be someone else's doormat).

Seriously, you have no idea the levels of weird/strange/crazy guys deal with. This whole crap of texting you days later, disappearing and reappearing like nothing happened, trying to make you jealous, and every other thing girl's dating sites and magazines tell them - because if a guy isn't patient and chasing you then he's not interested... when in reality he's just not being a doormat.

[myTake Owner]

Best answer I've seem so far.

[bdbee]

Hahahaha, was it the crazy things I've dealt with? ;)

[myTake Owner]

it's everything. you've used something that all people failed to use. acknowledgement, respect and Logic. Well done and Thank yoi

[bdbee]

Ah fantastic, thank you for the kind words! :D

[myTake Owner]

lol how do I choose you as best answer?

[bdbee]

Hit the MHO icon with a star next to it, right underneath my first reply ;)

[Anongirl25]

Coukd u message me? I need advice.

[Humping_Tornadoes]

Hit the nail right on the head this one.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's not intentionally hurtful, they aren't trying to give you the runaround, in fact it seems like by saying they don't want something serious, that is a genuine attempt to communicate and let you know what you can expect from him. To me, it seems more selfish to expect a person to devote their life to you just because they're dating or sleeping with you. Some people need their space, they're just lone wolves by nature, some are polyamorous and maybe need more than one sexual partner, but maybe prefers a single "spiritual partner" that he holds above the rest. Maybe he's poly because he can't choose between men and women... there's so many reasons he might not want to get your hopes up. I think what you need to understand is that a guy can have a meaningful and intimate encounter but not consider you "the one" if that concept even exists for him, if he's even looking for her. To him, he feels less able to express his feelings if he has to wait until the perfect woman comes along that he can reserve all his attention for. No, guys do want emotional connections of varying intensities, as do women, but it seems many people of both genders expect some sort of whirlwind romance, when really the other person is simply enjoying the moment, and not trying to find someone to fit a pre-defined and possibly unrealistic romantic role. I don't know I hope that was a little helpful in at least understanding that these behaviors are not malicious, and not thoughtless either. It's really about trying not to let you down, trying to keep your expectations low, he's letting you know he isn't ready, and if he wanted your help, he would ask you to make him ready.

[myTake Owner]

well written. But can I argue that there's so much ways let a person know that you're not interested. This is not one of them. This is literally playing basketball with someone's heart and then dropping the ball over and over again. it hurts and it's very very annoying. I'm currently in that situation where I find myself being given mixed signals every day of my life funny part is Im thinking his just my friend but he had to complicate MY life by making moves on me. Excuse me for thinking that friendship is none other than friends sharing a bond that does not involve anything romantic so then why would you literally change the whole view of it? To me that's intentional especially knowing how I felt about you. Luckly I told myself that I'm distancing myself from him in fact he never existed in fact if he starts to wonder I won't even be there to tell him cause once a woman's fed up. she's done. So to go back to what you've written I do understand what you're saying but

[myTake Owner]

but I also know for a fact that emotions are played around. You can't just play them off the way you want to because you're going through some personal revaluation and then you expect the other party to be happy. that's not right. . it's messed up and should seriously not be justified.

[dartmaul15]

or, you know, make a fucking move!

Sorry girl, but we're past the time where the men were courting. Walt disney has been lying all your life, we won't come riding like a knight in shining armor, and carry you away.

Here's an advice that will actually get you somewhere.
If you like him then SHOW him. If you don't then SHOW him. Tell Him!!! Throw a brick if you have to with a message of how you actually feel...(Okay well not literally... Woman slaughter ain't sexy too... well that's debatable actually cause there are really good looking killers out there... okay sorry off topic)

Get the point now? good. Now get out there, and for the love of god, practice what you preach!

[myTake Owner]

Woman have been proven to be the most dominant in todays relationships. don't be shifting the blame on us when you don't even know how to man up in the first place and actually prove your love to her then running around like fools expecting her to take you back when you mess up.

[dartmaul15]

perfect, you're the dominant sex. THEN MAKE THE FUCKING MOVE!

You want us to "prove love"? Tell me, how do you do that? And what about this tiny ass detail about him asking you out and taking the first initative?

You're not the most dominant, you're simply the most demanding one. That is the truth. Demanding "proof" of love, demanding us to stop the mind games when women are the ones known for using them... Let me guess, he's supposed to pay for the dates too?

[Clairehandy13]

Ohmky gosh thats a freakimg no no. I have my own money... unless you just dragged me somewhere suddenly without me being ready. I believe when paying things the couple should share... unless they really want to give the other the money or something

[dartmaul15]

@Clairehandy13 exactly! Okay, you don't have to split the bills every time, you can solve it other ways too. Like alternating between paying. in my opinion in a good relationship you should have the chemistry to fluently alternate between who pays without making a huge fuzz.

If i always have to pay and she downright refuse to, i'd seriously start to question her intentions. If she always pay, i'd feel bad about it. So i want it to be more or less equal in the long turn. Same way with showing attraction. Make moves on eachother, flirt, kiss, and just enjoy it! Stop worrying about seeming easy or whatever, because i can tell when someone's holding back or stalling.

But i'm rambling, so imma stop for now

[Rawrzz]

Why don't you take your own advice? You're just sitting there going, "You know. It would be a lot easier for me to find a partner if they were a lot more forward. I think I'll just stand here, then make a post on GAG, then really hope that standing here attracts this guy I like."

And girls really aren't fragile. To claim so is simply ridiculous. If *honestly* want to claim inferiority.

images.duckduckgo.com/.../

[myTake Owner]

I don't have a guy I like because y'all are fucked up. And girls are fragile but you wouldn't know that because your brain is probably clogged up with fuck boy tendencies. swerve.

[Rawrzz]

Women are physically fragile only. If you believe women are inferior, then you've really got some screws loose. Don't project your own weakness onto female kind as a whole.

[myTake Owner]

how in the world does a woman's heart and how she gets hurt have to do with inferiority? Women are fragile and it actually scares me to think that you don't have any sense of comprehending what is meant by that. It has nothing whatsoever to do with inferiority and if you actually think that, your logic is so flawed. A womans heart is fragile. she thinks with emotions and let's the rest take its course but you are right about one thing. we are hella strong. probably stronger then you men will ever be. We are able to pick ourselvesand actually make the best out of any situation. something you men lack in.

[Rawrzz]

It really does. It goes along with the idea that women were oppressed for hundreds of thousands of years, as the only group who never fought back against their oppressors. To make that claim is to claim female inferiority. Likewise, to make your claim that women are "fragile", I pretty much have to equate that with the idea that women were weak and oppressed and "fragile". I don't know about you, but my mother is not "fragile". Even still, you shouldn't make claims that relate to yourself and pin them on your entire race or gender or whatever else.

Simply ridiculous. I'm sure. You can't have it both ways, something many women don't seem to understand. You can't be super oppressed and "fragile" 'n also be stronger than men. You're going to have to pick one 'n stick to it.

'N by the way. If you didn't get my OP, women do what you're complaing about a LOT more than men. Know the difference? If a man actually liked you, he'd ask you out. U have no such obligations. But do have the option.

[Rawrzz]

Mic check one two three

[myTake Owner]

sorry I stopped at "it really does" there's only so much one can say to a babbling fool that chokes on ignorance.

[Anonymous]

If this really occurs, which I'm not entirely convinced of, it's likely not even intentional. Guys typically are less emotionally expressive than women and in many cases (myself included) need to put intentional thought and effort into demonstrating affection. For myself this proves to be draining and I need time to recharge, resulting in a "cold" period of time where in I am less affectionate. So I would say that in many cases this hot cold behavior pattern is just a natural cycle of effort and rest being put forth, rather than an intentional mind game of some kind.

[Azara]

im the same.

[myTake Owner]

why the hot cold behaviour when it literally doesn't have to be that way? if I was your friend I wouldn't expect you to make any moves on me. I wouldn't expect anything but friendship so then why would you make my life complicated by adding these extras and then you expect me to think ohhhh this is not intentional. that honestly does not make sense to me. You're forgetting that people's emotions are involved and you wanna play them off hot and cold whenever suits you because you're going through some mental revaluation? no dude.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that there was a misunderstanding between us, I had assumed that your mytake was referring specifically to dating guys, I hadn't realized you were also talking about friendships, within a friendship I'm always cold, because I am naturally withdraw. The only reason I'd ever show any type of cyclic affection is if I were dating the woman, because an increased smount of affection is expected and required to maintain that form of relationship.

[myTake Owner]

no don't apologize it was my mistake... the mytake was about dating guys. im just being all personal lol...

[Azara]

your take is general;ly making a good point to anyone who consciously engages in this behavior but its not always conscious. and sometimes people really need space. and sometimes there's other reasons.

aLASO WOMEN ARE NOT FRAGILE. you're HUMAN BEING BOTHERED BY UNCLEAR INTENTIONS IS HUMAN. IT DOES NOT MEAN FRAGILE. just means you dont like wasting your time.

you could of course just ask him where he stands. instead of trying to read any message. of you're communicating instead of reading messages you can't get mixed messages,. if he refuses to be clear when asked then move on bc you've got better things to do.

sorry about the caps. was not intentional;)

#if you dont want 'mixed messages' dont look for messages. TALK.

[VerNauPap]

your perception of time and space is at fault, guys are pretty direct.

if by his perception is smothering you with attention - he knows you will back off.
by your perceptions maybe its not enough attention - or too much for that day- or etc.

(unless he is an immature kid) You talk one-on-one no emotions discuss directly your perceptions and concerns - that "mind games" theory of yours goes out the door. Guys are not mind readers.

now you want mind games? - try having a ex that is stalking you, but simultaneously telling you to leave her alone she doesn't want anything to do with you. thats mind games.

[DocT1977]

Kinda funny how you mention the thing with the ex professing her hate, yet follow you around. I have had that happen once. One girl got super pissed at me because I did not acknowledge her advances as the ring on my finger dictates. Then on facebook, Here comes this giant hate storm directed at my wife and I. But somehow when I am at work, Patrolling the campus at night, I would see her driving through the area three or four times. Mind you, This is usually anywhere from 2AM to 6AM. And yeah,, That's a real mindf**k right there.

[VerNauPap]

@DocT1977 yeah thats more than mind games man - thats a psychological issues!

[Lyhra4]

My ex did the same after we broke up I blocked him, but a month later (after asking me to not talk to him anymore) he texted me very angry saying that he was sad with me and I was going to die alone... Thank God I'm not the only one with a crazy ex...

[Lyhra4]

Sometimes both guys and girls play games not only boys indeed...

[iamthefourthdoor]

Lol this mytake was funny but what you described sounds like a guy who lost interest in you. I agree that both men and women do this, trust me I have experienced this with men, but according to this:
"One day he would shower me with compliments, text me, talk to me all night. The next he would show disinterest, heck treat me like one of his "buddies"."

I really think he lost interest in you. I can't believe I'm defending men in this because I usually don't but I feel that some young women send guys mixed signals by saying they are not ready for sex, yet having the guy spend the night or sleeping in the same bed.

[Kirah]

"Girls do it too yes but why does it seem to be more prevalent in Men?"

Trust me, women pull this stuff more often.

Maybe you're just misreading hints that aren't there. If you really like a guy, why not ask him out and get a straight answer?

[myTake Owner]

been there done that. there is no such thing as misreading hints. that's what I hate about society. people make it seem as if a woman is crazy or something is wrong with her when she just saying it like it it's. how can you read hints or something that's not there. you're not stupid. it is how it is.

[Kirah]

"there is no such thing as misreading hints."

The very nature of hints allows them to be misread, because hints are a non-straightforward way of saying something. When society is so used to people giving hints, problems may arise when someone displays similar behavior but doesn't actually mean anything by it.

[UncagedAgent]

"One day he would shower me with compliments, text me, talk to me all night. The next he would show disinterest, heck treat me like one of his "buddies"."

Sounds like something a friend would do.

I can't imagine that you would talk to your non-bestfriend 24/7 or sometimes treat a guy friend like you would a female friend. You're reading too much into something that doesn't exist, and if it bothers you this fucking much, ask him whats up.

[myTake Owner]

okay. so do you kiss your friends too😧😧

[UncagedAgent]

That's not at all related to your question so I don't know why you'd ask that, but still, no. I don't kiss guys because I'm straight and I only kiss my girlfriend. You literally asked about compliments so I don't know how you made the jump to kissing.

[myTake Owner]

yeah no thought so. you don't get it. deuces.

[Clairehandy13]

I just wanted to point this out. We live an a society that has built its rules since thousand years ago. Although there are statistics that woman dominates men, is this the same domination as men do to women? I dont find women courting men. Women may have made the first move but they like to think the men has to do the rest. We are still not that far to what the society has built before. We still somehow think a man should start things between a relationship.

I believe you could have asked him. What's wrong with people most if the time is communication. We talk to ourselves of what we want and not say it to the person. Its not like they can know what you are thinking, you jeed to tell them somtimes. We all misunderstand each other beca7se we lack communication.

[ImNotCreativeEither]

The only reason I ever play games with girls I'm actually into is that I have to. You say it's not sexy, and then admit in the same breath that you get all wrapped up thinking about it. So it still keeps you interested.

Being consistent about my interest has never kept a girl interested in me.

[Scrambledagain]

Men have to play mind games. It's the only way we can penetrate the "bitch shield". For example, women are attracted to power right? If he keeps giving into you, he loses power through supplication to you. So it's good now and then to consciously throw you off. This take is living proof of this. The fact that you are here talking and ranting about it illustrates you thinking of him whereas the shy or nice guy wouldn't make you do this.

[myTake Owner]

buts it's annoying though... hence we leave

[Scrambledagain]

You leave if we don't play mind games, so it's dammed if we do, damned if we don't.

[OpenWine]

I am shy so it even takes me a lot of courage to talk to a girl and probably show interest. I ask a girl out to hang out/date and if that is not a sufficient message that I want to get things rolling then it's not my problem if girl X keeps argueing.
I had bad experience with going all in aswell so it adds to it but I do my best to show interest when I can and the time feels right

[myTake Owner]

I would say yes to you anytime 😍

[OpenWine]

Thank you you got me blushing shoegirl

[myTake Owner]

called me shoegirl😄

[Anonymous]

"Girls do it too yes but why does it seem to be more prevalent in Men?"

Sorry but I didn't read past that first sentence because you lost all credibility with it.

[myTake Owner]

if I only I cared lol

[Opinion Owner]

Very weak. No one believes for a second that you don't care.

[myTake Owner]

pity.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I like a guy who will treat me as "one of the guys" for a day. Not because that's all I am to him, but because I know that friends are extremely important and it's a compliment that I'm more than just a romantic aspect of his life. When I was little, my grandmother had a little plaque that said "happiness is being married to your best friend" and I plan to live by that. Plus, most of the guys I'm romantically involved with were originally my friends anyway, and I woul hate to lose that foundation of our relationship. Why would I trade in a friendship for a relationship, when I could easily have both?

[Bea123]

thanks for this mytake, guys definitely NEED this piece of info!

[Sbsbdicjf]

No, we actually don't.

[Anonymous]

*reads mytake* LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
seriously? try being a guy trying to talk to girls LOL if u think guys do this more than girls you must be out of your mind

[bluenose1872]

You know why guys give out mix signals. Confusion. A bit of encouragement now and again keeps the wind in his sails.

[Vasiliy]

"Guys please stop the mixed signals"
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
It's the opposite lmao

[Tdieseler]

Im sorry... did you just say that us guys play games? when girls play ALL the games?

[myTake Owner]

the only game a girl would play actually hinting to the guy that she likes him. what do guys do? ? play hot and cold when they please and then expect girls to take their fuckery

[Tdieseler]

you know why they hot and cold... because you girls just HINT only... why not just open up and just say what you want... make our lives easier.. this isn't Jeopardy... and you aren't some pet that can only bark or mew... you can form words... form them and express yourself. whats with the hinting? the guessing game is cute for a short while... then its frickin irritating for the long run...

[myTake Owner]

well she tells you and y'all still play. then what? ditch your asses?

[Tdieseler]

well there are some things people don't want to hear.. so there are things that should remain thoughts only. but if it bugs you, you should say it out loud. in the end... guys are guys and girls are girls... you just compromise...