What I've learned from my pursuit of girls

Throughout my quest for a girlfriend I have noticed many attractive girls but so far very few I would say were compatible with me. In the beginning of my search I assumed that all I needed was an attractive girl otherwise there would be no physical attraction.

What I've learned from my pursuit of girls

I would go out of my way to try and get the attention of girls that weren't interested in me. I've always thought that if I could get an attractive girl, that not only would my biological needs be met, but that I somehow magically would be able to have a relationship with her.

I came across the idea on the internet that "nice guys finish last" and for a while I believed it. It seemed very convenient to have a simple explanation that attractive girls only go for big muscular guys with crappy attitudes since they are just as superficial as guys are.


There was a girl that I was infatuated with when I was in elementary school. For all of her personality flaws I only saw her external beauty, but eventually after I left for high school I started to realize what type of person she really was. She wore a push up bra every day to school, and even though another girl mentioned it, at the time I didn't know what one was. She was also a heavy drinker, partier, very religious and kind of sadistic. I personally abstain from drinking, rarely go to parties and am an atheist.

Another girl from the same elementary school I was interested in I met again in high school. She had become a massive druggie due to her excessive use of marijuana and didn't seem to care about school in the slightest.

Later I learned the term JAP (Jewish American Princess) which was a perfect description of the above two girls.

It finally hit me 2 months ago when I approached an attractive Arab girl that I was going for the wrong girls. During our conversation red flags would keep popping up but I would ignore them in hopes of getting laid.

What I've learned from my pursuit of girls

First it was her taste in music, I like rock and classical but hate rap while she loves rap. Second was her comment of being like the "typical White girl" and third was her lack of engagement in the conversation. Now I made mistakes while talking to her as well by showing how nervous I was, especially asking if she noticed it, but what really proved she wasn't into me was when I got her number and she didn't respond to my texts.

I thought long and hard about how it is that I failed with this girl and what I could have done differently, especially why these random guys who acted very ghetto were very close friends with her. Finally I realized that we just weren't compatible and that her rejecting me, was doing me a favour.

I've noticed that the best way to determine the compatibility between myself and a girl is to first look at her friends. If these are the people that I wouldn't mind having as friends than she is the girl for me, otherwise I'm just wasting my time.

Jenna Marbles actually explains the compatibility concept pretty well. I wish I saw her video earlier instead of coming to the conclusion on my own.


For now I've decided to take a break from girls since they cause me a lot of headache. I've decided to work on myself to become the best person I can be both physically and mentally since women are a huge distraction. I'm sure eventually I'll find the right girl if I just open my eyes and go for those girls with great personalities. This song below is actually a good way of putting it.


I hope you enjoyed myTake.

Have a nice day :)

What I've learned from my pursuit of girls
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Most Helpful Guy

  • milightman

    Wow, I don't exactly fit in the "nice guy" stereotype, but that was probably the most eye opening video about dating from Jenna that even changes my perspective. Like why try so hard on someone if they have a lifestyle you wouldn't see yourself belonging too?

    Guys that are having a hard time getting a girl to go on a date with them, are really just picking the wrong types of girls all together. The "look at the kind of friends she has" bit put things in ever broader perspective. If you can't see yourself with her close friends or circle, then why would you date someone like that? She's clearly attracted to those kind of people in general, and people tend to share the same habits. So would you even think that a relationship would last with a person if you guys are attracted to different things in life? We're attracted to those things for a reason, and if you don't fit in that paradigm, why go for it? Matter a fact, if she doesn't fit in your paradigm, why would you want that someone to date you? Or be someone that you're interested in? It sounds like you're having a conflict between distinguishing love and lust.

    I can get that being single for prolonged period of time, can give the side effect of everyone seemingly being a love interest. I'm guilty of it. But really the best way to find someone who would be attracted to you and would want to date you, is to actually find someone that are attracted to the things you're attracted to. I hope that perspective actually helps. Because it says there is nothing wrong with you... But it made it realize I actually have a ridiculously high standard and have been "settling"...

    • This is something I only realized recently since I had trouble distinguishing love and lust. Now I know the difference. It doesn't make it easier though when I find girls that fit the paradigm but lack the physical attributes to make me attracted to them.

    • milightman

      Well, at least you know what you like. Think of it this way, if you meet someone that shares the same attraction of what you truly want, and if you have particular interests that don't stem to generally everyone. You just found that one in a million. Honestly I don't feel so bad about my dating circumstances now knowing that. I feel more secure than I have been, knowing that a more particular person, will be the only kind of person, who will see something in me that others won't. Makes me feel special in a way if it makes any sense.

    • Thanks :)

Most Helpful Girl

What Girls & Guys Said

920
  • ZionOrtov

    I feel like most of them are copy and paste caricatures with an IQ fitting for only retarded behavior.

    It's a pretty dumb and sad world.

    When I look around all I see are monkey's masquerading as people.

    • Couldn't have said it better myself

    • ZionOrtov

      :)

      Loath not my dear friend, NASA has begun its deportation program's trials to rid this god-forsaken world of all it's undeserving members and have them all shipped to mars where they can continue to fester and pollute the gene pool until they devolve back into nothing but primordial sludge.

    • This is very true. Many people are Spineless sheep who always try to follow the herd. All my life I have been praised as a leader and a brave person just because I'm not weak. Hell, I'm a sterotypical nice guy, but people see me as an alpha male just because I don't blindly follow the crowd.

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  • Tanuron

    While I kinda hate to leave negative messages, but few things to me anyway that was hard to not notice. Like how are you a nice guy exactly?, in your pursuit of girls it seemed like you based your needs on very shallow and superficial reasons like how attractive they are. To me thats not a trait of anyone I would call "nice", that they choose physical apperance over personality. An yes I know is a mistake of yours from the past and you may not be like that at all today. But more so my point that seemed to try and do your best again to try and get laid (which frankly, I kinda see that as pretty douchy to be perfectly honest), but more so again that obviously if these are the things you look for, you will find it and be met in kind. Girls for example that would think your hair is wrong, height is wrong or anything thats shallow or just minor details and you would fail to meet these expecations like girls would fail to meet yours.

    In my opinion though, I dont agree with Jenna either on this one, cause its not what I would define as a nice guy that she describe, nor what this mytake define as a nice guy. she's right about some things and people who act certain ways, but as far I see it, all of this pretty much reinforce the idea for me personally why nice guys finish last, cause nobody seem able to even tell what that is anymore.

  • abundantlyrich

    You aren't exactly an nice guy in general but u are only nice enough to hot girls with self destructive behaviour. They have issues. So you can't get what you want or fail to sway them with your personality therefore you hold them responsible for how you feel.

    • I never said I was. I merely referred to the "nice guy" phenomenon that was on the internet. It was very convincing at first until I realized that I was being pathetic and that these girls are a waste of my time.

    • You go for their looks first thing but not enough to admit you don't have any in common with them when you found how diff they are from you. I don't see how is that suppose to hurt you and give you headaches.

      Why did you use the Tagline 'nice guys finish last' if you weren't trying to depict as one? There are no such thing as nice guys here as they are also expecting something to be returned. They had a motive for being nice. they are the biggest fakes masquerading behind the use of words 'nice guys' and then starting a bitch fest about how girls are cunts and bitches

    • So in actual fact, if they are painfully honest themselves, their Tagline should be:

      'Idiots always come last'

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  • butimsharon

    I really enjoyed your myTake. However, I have to ask, why do the girls are called "Jewish American Princess"? I mean why did they pick this specific name?

    • babu_001

      seconded.

    • They used to be mostly spoiled Jewish girls but now it encompasses all White girls that have the same type of behaviour.

    • Monsters

      I am jewish and i am not self centered

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  • ThatGuy98

    Good take, but why does everyone seem tho think that muscular guys are egotistical jerks? I've found that the guys who spend so much time working on themselves and their bodies actually have really great personalities, and I can't think of any muscular guy including myself that would be "full of himself" so to speak...

    • I've met muscular guys that were both narcissistic and those that were descent people but those with a large ego seem to be more prevalent since they think they are better than other people because they work out.

    • ThatGuy98

      Never come across guys like that, but I guess they are out there..

  • DarkHumorRUs

    ">In elementary school
    www.wordans.co.uk/.../134594_340.jpg
    >She wore a push up bra every day"
    https://i.imgur.com/CHJqATB.jpg

  • Joc4Position

    Cute story I guess. I'm glad you came to the conclusion that nice guys don't finish last. I learned that definitely after HS. Guys who say that usually are like you somewhat... unsuccessful with women so they need something to blame. Something to help cope with their problem. To give them closure even though it's not the truth.

    Compatibility is a funny thing. People say opposites attract and then other people say you should find people who are like you. I mean after all why wouldn't a atheist want another person who believes God doesn't exist? Everybody knows most people date within their race the most. Makes sense huh? And yet I've seen couples who were the "opposites" of each other.

    Another thing to note is what is opposite? We place each other... people that is into these categories. I'm sure you have some things in-common with those "JAP" lol. Funny term. However, maybe the bad outweighs the good? And maybe that's too much for you.

    I think some people can handle those that are a lot different than them and some people can't. You seem like the kinda guy who can't. You probably need a girl that's exactly like you.

    Will you find a rocker like chick who's atheist, doesn't drink or do drugs, and hates rap and who also isn't a "typical white girl" or a JAP? Maybe. I guess time will tell.

    As for me I'm one of those people who I mentioned earlier. One of those ones who get along with multiple types of girls. Then again I like multiple types of things. I'm a Christian, but I welcome other religious beliefs or views. I don't believe anything outside my own Christian beliefs, but it's not something I flip out about. I don't drink, party, or smoke but I got friends who do. I get along fine with them. I guess my tolerance for these things are greater than yours. Music wise I love rap/hip hop way more than rock or classical but I like those too. In fact I like most music so there's a half way meeting so to speak with people who like other genres.

    That said I've never been a whitesnake fan. I don't know what the appeal is. I had a friend who liked them... but yeah I won't click on that. I have already seen the Jenna Marbles thing. She's getting old. She's starting to look old. Makes me wonder how much longer she can do videos. That vid you posted she was doing somewhat good.

    • My problem isn't with someone having religious beliefs but if that person is too religious. That is why I would only date someone that is secular, agnostic (agnostic theist or agnostic atheist) but preferably an atheist. I don't want to date my reflection but being with someone that is similar to me but has something else different about her that I find interesting would be nice.

      I don't expect a girl to hate most rap as much as I do, but I would love a girl that's a Tchaikovsky fan or a Beetles fan or both.

      This is actually the only song I know by Whitesnake I heard it in a video game and liked it, never really looked for more songs by them.
      As for Jenna, I find the squeaking noise at the beginning of her videos to be irritating so I rarely watch them. Beauty fades over time but that isn't the reason I check out her videos, I care about the content not the provider.

    • So you want a girl who has some differences but mostly are like you? Okay. That's still someone who's not very tolerant of people who are vastly different than them. It's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just it is what it is. Some people are more open than others.

      I never understood that either. The "too religious" thing. I believe you either believe something or you don't. That's it. That's just how I view it.

      You don't expect but what you would like? Yeah. You'd like it if she hated rap. You'd like it if she didn't like it. Again it's your preferences. You're obligated to that. I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't be attracted to. All I can say is my view on the matter, but it's your choice. You're your own person. I still just think some people have more open preferences than other. There are negatives and positives to both open preference people and ones more closed.

    • Well she's never been overly attractive. Even with makeup, but it's clear she's aging badly. Not everybody does. Sex does sell in some cases, but it's understandable if that's not why you watch her videos. I like some of the content too, but a lot of the stuff I see her now post is just ridiculous to me. She has some truth in videos like what you posted on here.

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  • Abe90

    Some people have it easy finding someone compatible with themselves but I have a hard time finding just one person that is very compatible with me. This whole nice guy thing, I used to believe but I realized that it's dumb to think like that. The video of that girl explaining it nailed it in the head.

  • the_rake

    my theory on this is simple:

    confident, attractive men win women. they can be nice or not so nice, it doesn't really matter as long as they are actively pursuing.

  • Bvroon

    I used to worry about this, until not unlike you I made some realizations. 1. Yes I often find the typical "hot" girl attractive as well, however I also realized that we were not compatible because they were not interested in me. 2. In trying to hang out with them I simply didn't feel comfortable, the things they like doing, were not the things I had any interest in. 3. All the red flags I kept seeing were warnings that I should pay attention to, and as I noted them it was for the best that I stayed away from these women. Lastly with all of the other things I noted I decided that while I do consider myself a nice guy, it is far easier to find somebody who is interested in me for me, rather than trying to find somebody I find super attractive and then trying to make that or myself fit into that world. Anyway I hope this makes some sort of sense and helps shed some light on finding somebody you are compatible with.

  • PT1911

    I've come to realize this a long time ago, though I have my fair share of missed opportunities in the sense that I headed they were interested, but I did nothing about it.

    Physical attraction is important, but it shouldn't be the basis, the foundation if you will.

  • SarahsSummer

    I really enjoyed your take and think you've got a great outlook. So many guys on here just get so hateful of women when maybe all they need to do is look for a different type. Or do what you are doing and just focusing on being the best person you can be. My guess is with your renued outlook, you'll find the girl of your dreams when you east suspect and aren't even looking. Heck, I have a boyfriend who I love and I don't even know what you look like but I'm attracted. Good luck to you❤️

    • Oh wow thanks :)
      I'm still looking perhaps in the wrong places but that's life. It's not about how hard you get hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.

    • Exactly! Just keep moving forward. Love your attitude💋

    • Life has dealt me some pretty hard blows and the way I saw it, is I could either stay depressed or I could try and make my life better from that point forward since I can't change the past.

  • GalaxyFlame90

    I think you should just be yourself; do not let society judge you, nor should you pay heed to them. Be yourself, and eventually someday there will be a soul who will like you for who you are. It sounds cheesy but if you think about it, what happens to beauty as time flows by--beauty fades, and what remains? --The heart, and that is what the eye alone cannot see.

  • sherbearee

    Nice take. Although I don't really like how you raise red flags about preferencial topics such as music, I'm really glad that you no longer look for just a pretty face. Taking a break's good too, just don't be so closed off that you miss out :)
    I hope things are looking better for you now.

  • ShayanMortazavi1

    This MyTake, I like this MyTake. This MyTake is a good MyTake.

  • mishiii

    All of the above is too long and I stopped following long ago. From what I can tell you are the self-centered egomaniac have a good day

  • redeyemindtricks

    What got you into classical music? Any particular favs?

    • I guess I've always liked it.
      Chopin is my favourite composer but I have many others I like as well.
      Do you like classical music?

    • Absolutely adore it, at least as far as a certain type -- namely, all the fiery, emotional stuff from the Romantic and late Classical periods.
      Not really feeling baroque, for the most part, excepting a few particularly inspired performances. (It normally sounds like it's being played by a machine.) And def not feeling the whole Debussy/Satie/etc. bit.

      Coincidentally enough, Chopin was my gateway drug, too. Had a friend in high school who played the ballades and scherzos, and that was enough to get me hooked.

      Do you play? Or just appreciate?

    • Not really into baroque either :)
      I actually like DeBussy and Satie. I listen to Satie when I need to calm down and when I want to make myself fall asleep.

      Beethoven and Tchaikovsky were my gateway to classical music.
      I used to play a bit on the piano and flute but now I just listen. There's a certain pleasure that comes from hearing others perform that you just don't feel when you play it.

      Here's one of my favourite pieces by Chopin
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOe670xcKhk

  • Albinoninja66

    This is what I have learned from all of my failures and successes with women:
    1: Nice guys don't finish last; they finish first. Spineless pushovers finish last.
    2: Once you stop caring so much or being so needy you become a lot more attractive to women.
    3: Instead of wasting your time chasing women spend it working on yourself physically and mentally and when the time comes you will practically be able to choose who to date because you are a cut above the other guys due to you getting in shape, studying, and working on your mental health.
    4: Try seeing things from the woman's perspective and it will make everything easier.

  • LiveFreeorDieHard

    I think lots of guys over think it. I imagine girls are like guys except more mature and different body parts. Makes life more simple.

  • bloodmountain1990

    I've noticed this with a handful of girls on tinder, pof and other dating sites that I've met. It's like the physical attraction was there but aside from that, they weren't my type. I mean I don't need a girl to be exactly like me but if we don't have anything in common and I mean absolutely nothing and they don't have anything to add to the conversation and expect you to do all the work, then you're not a match.

    The girl has to be somewhat physically attractive in order for it to work out though. No doubt about that.

  • ConsultantIsBack

    Jenna marbles has exceptional insight and social awareness in my opinion. Her video you posted about nice guys finish last is gold

  • babu_001

    Okay. So how much money did you actually spend on those girls trying to date?

    I mean you could have a blowjob or handjob with that money in the local sluthouse.

  • Ferrett321

    What was the song? I think the editor or someone else took it out.

  • pooper89

    Haha Jenna hits it on the nail head.

  • ThatTomGuuy

    I like this take. Nice song as well

  • Anonymous

    I don't know about this whole "compatibility" thing. It really annoys me. I've met girls that like some of the same stuff as I do, think some of the same things I do, who I've been able to talk to and who get the things I talk about. They've wanted to share ideas with me, they acted interested in my life and wanted to see me do well. They've told me all kinds of sweet things that made me feel like they really valued me. I truly felt that these girls were the kind of girls I'd always wanted in my life. I could really see myself having a good time with them, and I could really see them inspiring me. And yet, here I am, still without a girlfriend. It's really frustrating because if these girls "aren't right for me", who is?

    I look at the girls in my area on the online dating sites, and there's just nothing to go on. We don't have much in common, we don't seem to have anything to discuss. I wouldn't feel that sense of inspiration from them. In fact, I think they would just demotivate me to giving up on everything, because if I were with them, I'd have resigned myself to being with someone I'm not crazy about. It would just drain me. And yet, these are the ones I'm supposed to pick a mate from. I just don't get it.

    • There's 2 types of attraction physical and mental.
      If a girl is only attracted to you mentally than you're just a friend. If she's only attracted to you physically than you're just a friends with benefits. You need someone that likes you for both.

    • Anonymous

      Well I guess I've got the mental part down, now I just need to work on the physical. It should be possible to make that jump though, since men are more visually oriented than women. You hear about attractive women with less than attractive guys all the time. And I'm not that unattractive - I've actually been complimented several times, including by women that I like. There must be something I can do.

    • Go to the gym.

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  • Anonymous

    This is close to my situation atm but i need your advice
    - if a girl never asks me about myself and we talk about her all the time
    - if a girl suddenly leaves chat without telling you anything and then comes back later.

    Is that a red flag,?

    by the way i don't wanna force someone to love me but i don't wanna wasting my time either. NB: i am interested in her but i never told her

    • If she doesn't show interest in you and only talks about herself that is a huge red flag. Usually even girls that don't want to date you will ask courteously about you. It makes her look self absorbed and that she's only using you for a self esteem boost.

      It's customary to say brb. It's only 3 letters, if she doesn't bother to do that than it shows that she is disrespectful.

      Do you two have any common interests?

    • Anonymous

      I don't know, but i am sure i am interested in her however i am the one who hit on her, starts every convo, she may sometimes compliment in short words like -u r cute- but she does not the same way i compliment her (u know i compliment people too much, to make them feel special),... common interests? like what did you mean?

    • What are things you both have in common?
      Sounds like you have a crush on her and she doesn't feel the same way.

  • Anonymous

    I think its sometimes hard to find someone your compatible maybe taking a break is good and let it just happen if you meet a girl.

  • Anonymous

    You're not a nice guy.

    • I never said I was. I merely referred to the "nice guy" phenomenon that was on the internet.

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