Why Being A Genuine Nice Guy Sucks Sometimes

[Library]

1. Girls (and guys) alike usually think you're flirting

2. People usually think you have bad intentions

3. You feel fake when you're nice to someone who you don't like but the truth is:

4. People think they can walk all over you

5. You avoid telling the harsh truth because you don't want to hurt people's feelings

6. You hate arguments because you don't want to hurt people's feelings

7. The thought of you hurting someone's feelings makes you feel guilty so you can't do it

8. Your insults aren't actually insults

9. You feel annoyed when guys who aren't actually nice claim to be "nice guys"

10. You can't stand to watch people get hurt

Well 99% of the time I'm a big friendly giant, especially in real life, unless I get driven not to be. No I don't expect anything in return for it. I don't mind being called sweetheart and cute names like that but I know most guys hate it. If it wasn't for my shitty life, I would be like an angel or a saint.

[redeyemindtricks]

If you REALLY can't stand to see people get hurt, you will learn to tell them the harsh truth... early and often.

#5 -- and #6, to the extent that arguments can be productive -- may seem "nice" or "considerate" to you, but those things are actually just guaranteeing that the person will be hurt MUCH worse, later.

"Avoiding the harsh truth" and "avoiding all arguments" are like taking out high-interest loans. You *think* you're buying time, but the hurt is gna come sooner or later -- and when it comes, it'll come with interest and penalties.

[redeyemindtricks]

Couple other things:

--

#1:
So what?
What's wrong with flirting?
Flirting is only creepy if it's actually creepy flirting. Which this won't be, if its coming from a place of genuine friendliness.

--

#2:
Reputations are built quickly and easily enough. If you are actually just a guy who's nice to everyone, then that will become known VERY quickly... and then, if some new person has misunderstandings, those misunderstandings will be swiftly corrected by people who know you.

--

#3:
If you EVER "feel fake", then... you are probably being fake.
Dealing with jerks and assholes courteously can be *frustrating*, yeah -- but it should NEVER EVER "feel fake".
Genuine courtesy is ALWAYS real.

There *is* one kind of "feeling fake" that's normal -- which is, basically, humility.
Most genuinely smart, nice, and/or talented people tend to underestimate themselves (the "Dunning-Krueger effect") -- and they can often feel distinctly uncomfortable when honored for those qualities. THAT kind of

[redeyemindtricks]

"feeling fake" -- where you don't feel as smart/nice/talented as EVERYONE ELSE thinks -- is a GOOD sign.

On the other hand, if you see yourself as "nice" but everyone else around you is constantly interpreting yr behavior as less than nice... you should definitely reconsider whether you are actually nice.

--

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what #8 is supposed to mean.

[Library]

1: it's sucks when it looks like i'm leading someone on (they think i secretly like them) and then it's awkward for me to admit that i don't like them like that. it kills me a tiny bit inside when someone tells me they don't like me like that but i wouldn't give them a bitter response for it. i would just move on. however, it's even more awkward when a guy thinks i'm flirting with him. i gave this one guy a compliment (not sexual at all), i told him he got a nice haircut and he thought i was flirting with him. he still teases me about it. niceness/politeness is so rare these days people mistake it for flirting.
2. when they get to know me, it's all good. they know i'm not up to something. it's just when I meet with someone I don't know, they may get the wrong impression. again niceness so rare these days, people can mistake it for deception. maybe i care too much about what people think.

[Library]

3. most people tend to not be nice to those who they don't like. it seems two faced, like deep down inside i don't like them but I'm nice to the person which looks like i don't have a problem with them. i don't talk about the person to other people. it feels like a natural thing for me to be nice to them and it's hard for me, personally, to be mean to them because it would make me feel uncomfortable. it's just whenever i feel challenged by assholes (barely happens lately in my life), it's frustrating and it makes me lose control. i'm not trying to say i'm a saint or an angel because i'm clearly not. i like to stand by ground but i know for a fact i feel less nice than people perceive me to be. i have my limits.

[Library]

8. you know when someone tries to throw an insult and it ends up being a lame one. it usually happens when someone wants to give a comeback and this is the type of response they get for their comeback s2.quickmeme.com/.../...be1bdfe8679cf6b6acd451.jpg all throughout high school, i sucked at giving comebacks.

[Library]

or this response i get: personalitygrowth.com/.../ToiletStore.jpg?2aa4f6
comebacks/insults = not my thing. You know how the truth is hurtful sometimes, i would rather let the person find out by themselves. it feels so awkward for me to tell people the hurtful truth. arguments usually end in insults and i don't like those. discussion are more productive because it's about finding the right answer.

[Library]

it sucks to watch people get hurt and knowing there is nothing i can do about it :(

[redeyemindtricks]

Okay, that explanation of #3 sounds better than what I originally had in mind -- it sounds more like the *positive* quality that I mentioned up-thread.

__

"niceness/politeness is so rare these days people mistake it for flirting"

^^ I mean, yeah, ok... lol
I'm a naturally flirty person anyway, so, I just don't really care about this. I'm the sort of person who drops random "flirty" comments, and occasional sexual innuendoes, into totally random conversations, just to keep things lively.
I'm a good judge of when people are sketchy, and an equally good judge of when they would take things the wrong way -- so, in other words, I know when NOT to do this (and that's *very* important). But... even when flirting *does* happen, it's a mistake to think it all has to be goal-oriented. Sometimes it's just fun.
If yr interactions constantly get mistaken for flirtation, you should probably just learn to stop giving a shit, and to roll with that whole vibe (except when it comes to obviously

[redeyemindtricks]

sketchy people). If it's natural, then it's natural. Dude, a lot of guys would KILL for the ability to be perceived as natural flirts! That's definitely not the sort of thing you want to squelch if it's part of yr natural personality.
In terms of boys making fun of you... Boys will call each other gay/fag/homo for anything and everything anyway. I have 4 brothers, I know this very very well. This is not meaningful. It doesn't mean that the haircut guy ACTUALLY thought you were flirting with him -- it just means he's giving you a hard time, like a normal male friend.

__

With comebacks, I have the opposite problem... I'm *too* good at them. I'm *devastatingly* good at finding people's buttons and pushing them. There were a few times back in the day when I seriously just meant to give a smart-ass comeback to someone, and I hurt them so badly that they were almost driven to self-ruin. I remember this one time when one of my girlfriends was seeing this guy who was an obvious player but

[redeyemindtricks]

she just wouldn't see the light... anyway, one day he was with her in this bar, and I embarrassed him so bad that he got arrested for trying to physically attack me (!) lol.

__

"You know how the truth is hurtful sometimes, i would rather let the person find out by themselves"

^^ This is a dilemma that I'm facing a LOT as a parent... If you have kids, you'll face it a lot, too.

It's true that you have to let some people learn some lessons by themselves. In the same way that kids have to scrape up knees and break bones -- you can't insulate them from *everything* -- people have to learn some of their own life lessons, too.
BUT... at the same time, you shouldn't let people just walk into *everything*, either. I mean... there's a reason why friends (and parents) EXIST in the first place dude! That reason is to make *SOME* of other people's mistakes FOR them, so that they don't have to make those mistakes themselves!

The trick is figuring out when to pipe up, and when not to. But you

[redeyemindtricks]

can't ALWAYS just stand on the sidelines and watch yr friends walk into the fire... that's not being a true friend. And it's not being a responsible parent, either, when that time comes.
Sometimes it's hard to know when to draw that line -- but, there *is* a line. And the line is not drawn on the same side of all the things. (:

[FatherJack]

Agreed , better blunt & honest. Many people don't like my no nonsense persona , but IDGAF !! Some thank me later on !!

[redeyemindtricks]

@FatherJack Whenever I see "IDGAF" I just think "I don't give away food"
😂😂

[FatherJack]

" would you like fries with that? "... hahaha !!

[Saoirse_Nua]

Cool take - My point of view is that being nice is not weak but very strong - It takes a lot to work to that level where you try to stay away or out of things while still being involved in positive side of things - My advice is keep being yourself, you will probably despise the fake you.

[Righttobeararms83]

Unfortunately nice guy is now code for guys that pretend to be nice because they think girls will sleep with them. Sounds like your a gentleman like myself who has manners and decency but knows there is a time not to be nice.

[Library]

I kinda think its ridiculous when guys pretend to be nice and think girls will sleep them and then get surprised when girls choose the guy who isn't pretending to be nice. Girls can easily can easily find out if someone pretends to be nice. I have never heard of a girl who said "nice girls finish last." I think it's important for people to understand this: www.rantlifestyle.com/.../...ce-guy-meme-rhpz.jpeg

[Righttobeararms83]

One thing I can say from my dating days is that women like a man who challenges them not jus agree with them and women gravitate to strength.

[BubbleBoy69]

Library explain then how they can't figure out a guy who is sweet talking them just to get into bed with them?

[Righttobeararms83]

@BubbleBoy69 they friend zone and label them "nice guys".

[BubbleBoy69]

No. You misunderstand. Library says here women can spot someone not being themselves and being fake. Yet, if that were the case how is it they often get tricked and fooled by men know how to put on an act and smooth talk them in order to get them into bed.

These men are also not being themselves and masking their intentions. Yet, if women were good at picking up fake behavior then they would know these men were not genuine and friendzone them as well. Yet, they often get tricked and then cry "ALL men are ASSHOLES".

[Righttobeararms83]

@BubbleBoy69 Actually o found years ago that if I pretended to be an asshole bad boy women would fall into bed with me easily even though I was a decent guy.

[BubbleBoy69]

Library explanation is BS. Women cannot spot fakeness.

[Righttobeararms83]

@BubbleBoy69 true but can spot weakness a mile away.

[Library]

@BubbleBoy69 they can spot fakeness but they would sleep with them anyways

[Righttobeararms83]

yeah but not weaknesd

[sedrftvgyhujik]

I much prefer to be around nice ethical people and i think a lot of people do.
Just be careful not to let people use you as there are people who might take advantage if you let them.
You can help people out but don't do it at your own expense if you don't think they would do something similar for you.

[YellowCactus]

5. You avoid telling the harsh truth because you don't want to hurt people's feelings

6. You hate arguments because you don't want to hurt people's feelings

7. The thought of you hurting someone's feelings makes you feel guilty so you can't do it

10. You can't stand to watch people get hurt

Those a shy guy was born.

[MrOwens]

Self imposed expectations gets you burned. Its no ones fault but yours! Look up Nice Guy Syndrome its a form of manipulating, beta male, approval seeking, entitlement mentality. Nice guys are assholes like the rest of us they just use the whole nicey nice crap. Which sometimes works. Or they flip their shit on you. Which makes you call them a losser and other colorful word. Just saying.

[Library]

I'm sorry but this myTake isn't about that kind of "nice guy"

[FallOutBoy2001]

My friend is a big friendly giant. You do not piss off a big friendly giant, y'all are scary when you're angry.

[Anonymous]

10. You get cucked every time because women are attracted to sociopath.

Example Ted Bundy

vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

[zagor]

Yeah, a lot of girls were so impressed with him that he was the last guy they ever saw.

[Dim_121]

For number 8 usually a girl will try and it seem like i Insulted her. When she does I just simply sit back and tell her that if I wanted to try to insult you. It would not be subtle at all.

[Unit1]

11. You finish last 99,8% of all times :P
12. You are perceived creepy or strange a lot and uninteresting
13. You will not get laid as much as thugs do but if you do, you get the quality over quantity of sex, which is good.
14. Your niceness is often mistaken (copy-pasta from number 1)

:P

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Post-2005, with as easy as it is to learn things on the internet BEFORE walking through a meat grinder, any man that describes himself as 'nice' DESERVES every bad thing that happens to him.

As does any man that gets married or has kids.

[Library]

yeah but this is only in your opinion

[Shorty1991]

Most of the reasons why I got fed up of always being nice to people that didn't deserve my kindness.

[Rahdle]

I agree 100%. Props for still being a genuin nice person. They're getting rarer and rarer

[kakarotto]

A real nice person would never call himself a nice person.
A real nice person sees no reasons to complain about the negative results that come along with niceness.

[Library]

That's just subjective

[helloitsmethere]

People always think I'm flirting with them for some reason as well...

[BigJake]

Very true. I'm a big nice guy, and people sometimes take that for me being some kind of dopey fool. That's very sad to me, that goodness is taken for weakness.

[Anonymous]

Great take, I've been told I'm a nice guy many times and some people would take advantage of me for it. Once I realized that I quit doing things for people except ones I care about because respect is earned not given.

[samhradh_leannan]

Kindness is not what gets you hurt. Getting hurt sometimes is just part of being human.

[awesometjgreen]

This is me all the way. You should write something about guys like this who can't get girls in highschool :-)

[pewdiepie_]

This mytake expresses my personality of being nice guy. Being nice, I am virgin today. And girls are actually picking bad guys for sex.

[Alex88F]

being too nice, just as being too emotive doesn't help in the long run
keep your feelings for yourself and open up with people less - that will do.

[Anonymous]

This is me!!!

Great take bro.

I don't want to be nice anymore😔.