Nice Guys Are Not Actually Nice!

[Bre_0611]

(DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT REFERRING TO ALL MEN, MEN ARE AWESOME, I'M ONLY REFERRING TO THE ONES SIMILAR TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DESCRIBE!)

I try to use this site as a form of therapy until I get actual therapy, but I need to let this out...

I have this guy that was my friend until now. We went to high school together and I use to really like him and we tried to "be together" but at the time we were both 14 and it just didn't work. We recently rekindled our friendship this year and caught back up and things were going great for some time.

He asked me to be in a relationship not once, not twice, but three times and I've clearly said no. Even after I've said no, he would request if we would at least still be friends and I agreed because I try to give people chances and the benefit of the doubt. I made it clear that at any point, he could separate himself from me if it gets to awkward for him because the last thing i want to do is be accused of leading anyone on or being dishonest and he would still come back and insist on being friends.

As of recent, I just became a victim of domestic violence (not going into detail about that) and he knows about it because of course I tell him everything. He seemed to be a good support system until a certain point up until last week where he was flooding me with phone calls, texts messages and heart emojis while I would be asleep, while I would be running errands, early in the morning before I would even be awake, while I'm feeding my child, like just constant contacting all the time several times throughout a day. I'm talking 10 missed calls a day, 30 text messages back to back (you wish I was exaggerating). After a while, I just explained to him that coming out of a situation like that, I'm still very traumatized and I just needed a bit of time to gather myself and that it I enjoyed talking to him just not to the extent he was doing it in.

So after disappearing for some days he comes back and speaks to me again saying that he's sorry for not contacting me and that he just wanted to give me a break and things like that and I explained to him that it was fine and everything was OK. Fast forward to today, he decided to come confessing his feelings hinting at a relationship yet again and after I said no he's just been going back and forth with me like a literal child who's upset that they aren't getting their way.

So this is my thing... in a way it's kind of like damn if women do and damn if we don't... when we're honest, it's not good enough even though we're constantly yelled at by men to be honest. Yet when we cut you guys off, then we're mean and we're accused of yet again "kicking the nice guy to the curb" and we're gaslighted and guilt tripped... help me understand that.

And don't sit here and tell me that "oh you should've cut him off" because once again, I tried to and he came back pretending to be my friend and yet again I wanted to give the "NICE GUY" a chance. But these are the things that make us as women confused because it's easy to pull the good guy card but it's like many of you come with hidden motives.

So now the only thing that this resulted in is the friendship being ruined and any future chance of us ever being in a relationship all because he wanted to rush and make things about himself.. complete waste of time.

[aaron210419]

I'm very sorry about your situation, and I'm sorry to say that guy was not your friend. He had his own agenda and couldn't respect what you wanted even though you were very clear. The fact that he could not be clear about his intentions is not how a man is meant to act, and then to continue to push the thought of a relationship after what you'd just been through shows the lack of character of this boy. I hope everything works out for you and that you're able to get the therapy you feel you need, but as for him, let him know you don't have room in your life for that kind of disrespect and then keep going.

[Bre_0611]

Thank you, you're awesome🙌🏾❤️

[aaron210419]

No problem, keep your head up

[kespethdude]

Agreed. If he can't accept the friendzone, he's not even worthy of being a friend, let alone a relationship.

[Rei13]

You put it better than I ever could for her, very well said

[Guy13]

The same exact Thing, less your specific domestic violence, happens to men too. This is why we all eventually accept, especially if man initiated, that Male-Female BFF or Bestie etc never work.

Think about it: We are friends with someone because something about the other was/is attractive to us. Do the Math…

[Bre_0611]

In that case he can easily just go be with someone else if relationships is his intentions. No one's forcing him to do anything. I was honest and he didn't handle it well. Tf was I supposed to do

[Guy13]

No answers except move on with life 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Bre_0611]

He should be doing that considering he's the one who's doing all of the harassing. Go tell him that, not me

[Guy13]

That’s your job, not mine. I am not being harassed 😎

[Bre_0611]

Pray you never do cause it can happen to anyone

[Ames101]

Crazy how many males just lack empathy and feelings and have no knowledge about anything, you really feel intimidated about a woman speaking up about issues males often cause women and tried to make it about yourself AND it’s never happened to you. Pathetic. This is why I can’t take y’all seriously. N stop being fake and manipulating for sex ffs, 90% of y’all be doing this shit

[DarkLegacy]

@Bre_0611 he is not harassing you, you kept leading him on. Probably so you could use him

[Bre_0611]

@Ames101 yess. They make me lose hope more and more I swear, smh🤦🏾‍♀️I give em chances and give them the benefit of the doubt and yet this is the shi we as women just keep running into. This is why I just stop wanting a relationship

[mandyfire98]

It's as if some men see us as not equal human beings but only playthings meant specially for them. They only want what they want and won't respect your decisions because yet again, you're not an equal to them in their mind. You're meant for their entertainment and sexual pleasure in their mind. Hell I've literally seen questions on here where guys don't talk about women like theyre humans but things.

[Bre_0611]

Yea that's a shame. We can't win with them.

[mandyfire98]

Yeah, it's not every guy obviously but there are too many that are out there that do only view women as their playthings

[mandyfire98]

Your my take is definitely a good way to see which people to preemptively block on here. So I thank you for that on top of it being so thoughtful.

Some of the guys in here straight up are misogynists and thank God they are showing their comments defending this "nice guy" and his behavior. Lets me go ahead and block them ahead of time.

[Bre_0611]

Yessss girl they're horrible. They just don't quit🤦🏾‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Nice guys are not actually nice? WTF!

Why do people keep saying this shit? Is it any wonder why guys are convinced girls don't like nice guys? Please just stop.

[Bre_0611]

If it doesn't apply to you or your boyfriend, let it fly. I clearly left a disclaimer at the top explaining that this clearly didn't apply to all nice guys but just the ones similar to which I'm talking about. It's not my fault you chose not to read or comprehend. Goodbye

[YourFavoriteFriend]

I don't think most women and most men have the same definition in their head when they say "nice guys". Guys mean actually nice guys and girls mean people like OP's case. Same thing with the term "bad boy".

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you're the idiot. You're just not bright enough to realize it.

[kespethdude]

You must be one of those "nice guys", SIR. You ain't foolin' me either, INCEL.

[kespethdude]

That was to the pink anon, who obviously is lying about HIS gender. Another trick the incel trolls do all the time.

[DarkLegacy]

Well said, she is being nasty and spiteful.

[DarkLegacy]

@kespethdude Another white knight cuckold

[Bre_0611]

Yet you're the one who failed to comprehend the damn take. I'm not arguing with your pick me ass either. You and all these misogynist can fuck off, you act like you're getting a train ran on you anyway by them
Bye

[Opinion Owner]

I understood your take 100%. It's you who is too dumb to realize the significance of what you wrot.

And unlike you, I've never had sex with someone outside of a commited relationship, you dumb skank.

[Ames101]

Ik what you mean; this happens to most women, guys will fake friendships for sex and it’s such a terrible feeling. All the good memories were fake and he was scheming and acting the whole time for access to your body. Ik you feel so betrayed and used. Misogyny is still heavily normalized, and since it is, males still feel comfortable with these malicious motives for sex, servitude, money, whatever it is they want from you (usually sex. And servitude if you’re a girlfriend/wife). Also no need for the disclaimer queen, males pretend to be stupid to manipulate but they know what you’re talking about. They’ve seen it many times, helped other males be fake for sex many times. “Wingmen” yk. Any male that gets offended by this isn’t a good person either, they’re hit dogs. I’ll take it even farther, I disagree with the “males are awesome” part bc I’m so sick of sugarcoating the outrageous pattern of disrespect and abuse towards us, I’m sick of seeing women being used and manipulated so much for sex, males are too often so sexually desperate and disgusting and always using women’s bodies. It makes us feel so dirty. They really think we’re still their property. I’m sorry this happened to you to. Males need to be held accountable for their inhumane behavior, and they’re not. That’s why they feel comfortable posting these kind of things online bragging about it, using and cheating on women, and other males laugh about it or do nothing then say “not all men”. 🥴 Their actions say otherwise.

For example, I literally just saw a vid that went viral the other day of a male laying down right next to a woman, then calling his wife, asking if she wanted to sleep on the phone with him. He then muted the call and asked the side chick for round 2, all while his wife was still on the phone, thinking he cared about her and wanted to feel connected to her. It had hundreds of thousands of likes and males found that hella funny in the comments, barely anyone called him out. Then women are guilted and yelled at for thinking all males cheat, when they could guilt and yell at terrible males like him instead of women’s reactions to their horrid misogyny. They emotionally abuse so much and gaslight. It’s so scary how males are still so impossibly privileged to be able to publicly promote betraying, abusing, and emotionally scarring women, and just lacking feelings in general. Imagine if a woman had dared done the same to a male then posted it online? Just imagine what would happen to her. The r-pe, death, and abuse threats she would get and endless slut-shaming. So many of males just aren’t humane and they really live life on easy mode, and I’ll die on this hill.

[Jamie05rhs]

Brava! Well said!! I completely agree with all of this.

[Bre_0611]

Omg yes thank you for this! You hit the nail right on the head
Couldn't have said this better myself. People take things like this as an attack when in reality no accountability is taken and that isn't good

[Inbox]

@Ames101 Your comment is so one sided that it’s hilarious. True that men do fake friendships (I never understood why any guy would waste his time on a girl that wasn’t interested), but apparently makes him misogynistic/woman hater? I don’t know what it is with you Gen Z”s always warping everything to fit your own narrative - there’s a huge difference between being a manipulative asshole trying to have sex vs hating women.

I’ve manipulated and bullied women because they were trying to bully and manipulate me - attention whores, mind games, false reporting, using me to get their bfs jealous, playing the victim, harassment phone calls, extreme cat like behavior, road rage tactics (some of these were from douchy sororities) - I can keep going. It does NOT mean I hate women, despite going through tremendous abuse from women (more than most men I’d say).

You say that men see us as their property and it’s true that men have a lot in the past, but yet, the average laid count for a man here in the USA is 5 - 7, whereas for a woman it’s 6 - 8. Lastly, how can you expect men NOT to see you as property when you (not you personally) women go around saying things like “I don’t need a man” or encourage to be a boss babe or a lot of women are catfishing or posting sexual photos online. How you behave determines your worth - if someone bullies or sees you in a certain light, it’s usually because you let them!

[Inbox]

@Ames101 My current girlfriend is a solid 10 and I hope to marry her one day because she is wife material because she behaves like a good girl and I do everything I can to support her dreams and treat her well - again, the way you behave determines who you want to be and how people treat you.

Regarding the cheating story, I’m going to argue that it’s irrelevant because both sexes cheat and most of the power in the dating and sexual realm are dominated by women. And our so called “privilege” or “double standards” nonsense: 1) Crime sentences are higher for males even if it’s the same exact crime (especially sex with minors), 2) You can do all the work (approaching fhe guy, dealing with countless rejections before getting a yes (the old saying is for every EIGHTEEN #s a guy gets, only one girl will sleep with him and that’s assuming he plays his cards right —- whereas even the AVERAGE looking girl has options whereas most men do not), 3) Conscription is almost 99% for men only (the Ukraine war is forcing boys to go the war front, not women).

I can keep going on about this and on the account of your youth (it’s ALWAYS the young 20 year old girls that complain about the privilege or double standard fallacy argument) I can understand you’re still young, but what you have to understand is that only women complain about all this - men accept that the rules are unfair and it’s our job to overcome them or be a desperate loser and do nothing and become a simp, incel, etc.

[MrOracle]

Here's the lesson: if a guy has feelings for you, and you FriendZone him, HE STILL HAS FEELINGS, and those feelings are NEVER going away. You CANNOT be "just friends" with a guy who has feelings for you, because HE is simply incapable. Thus, you should not even try. Instead, you need to simply say this: "we will NEVER be in a romantic relationship together. Never ever. So, given that you have feelings, it's best that we go our separate ways."

Let me say it again: you CANNOT be "just friends" with a guy who has feelings for you. It can't be done. It has nothing to do with being a "nice guy" - and everything to do with the fact that he has feelings and you don't. Trying to be "just friends" with a guy who has feelings for you is like a slap in the face every time he sees you, and ESPECIALLY every time you talk about your problems with some other guy. That's literally twisting the knife in his chest. The ONLY reason ANY guy (who once had feelings for you) would EVER put up with that is because they were still harboring feelings for you, and hoping for a chance in the future.

I'm not saying that he has no responsibility here - he absolutely does. He's no a "nice guy" - he's a bitch boy. But you are also to blame for continuing the "friendship" and for using him for attention and moral support knowing he had feelings for you. That's CRUEL, but you didn't care about that - you just wanted to have your needs met, and you did. He assumed (like an idiot, and against all the evidence) that he would eventually be "repaid" for all of this by getting to date you, and you chose to take advantage of him for a long time because of this. You took and took and took, and he got nothing in return.

As a general rule, single men cannot be "just friends" with women. They can be CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES with women - being "friendly" when hanging out in groups or whatever - but you don't go to a casual acquaintance for support from your relationship problems, or other such big things. That's something you do with a FRIEND - a person you spend time together alone on a regular basis by choice - and you cannot be "just friends" with a single man, nor should you try. It's a lie, and you're taking advantage of their obvious desire to be with you in order to get attention, support, and favors from them. That's wrong - for both of you.

Yes, that's harsh, but it's also the truth, whether you like it or not. No one said life was fair, or easy.

[Bre_0611]

Maybe you should've read part 2 before commenting, especially if you were going to comment this late because you would've seen that despite me telling him to leave me alone and telling him that I don't want to be with him, he still persisted on harassing me on 4 different email accounts and made 2 separate Facebook accounts to stalk me despite my constant rejection. He even went as far as threatening to kill himself due to me saying no.
Stop blaming women for abusive male behavior. If I were to report this to authorities, he'd be slapped with stalking and phone harassment charge. Men like you are the reason why so many women are being killed by men. Despite how many times we SAY NO, you all still look for an excuse to make us the target and we're held responsible for your lack of self control.
I didn't even bother to read most of this, nor do I need to because you already made your assumptions and the last thing I'm going to do is argue with a man who defends abusive and psychotic behavior.
Bye

[Inbox]

I'm late to this, but I want to give my POV. The "Nice guy" prototype are generally weak men and weak men are dangerous not necessarily because they're of bad character, but just stupid/lack of options. For example, I'm almost done watching a great old show called "Lost." Two characters exemplify the "Nice guy," both Michael and Charlie. Charlie was a wounded boy, but would often do dumb things just to get back with Claire and Michael let his former girlfriend (who cheated on him) walk all over him despite all the shit she did to him.

In short, they were letting their emotions enslave them wherever they went, whether it was with women or survival on the island up to the point they were strategic imbeciles - they did not have the strength to put limits on not only their women, but on themselves. For men who are not experienced or have options, it's difficult because it's a simple supply vs demand and inexperience problem.

HOW someone handles a situation is often how you can tell what kind of person they are - it's not definitive proof of that person because people are always changing and fighting their own demons, but what your guy did was WAY out of bounds. I understand that he is a love sick puppy, but he should have just told you he has feelings for you and just said "I understand you're going through a lot and domestic violence is no joke, but let me know if you change your mind" and left it there with no further contact from his end.

Me personally, if there is a female friend I like, but doesn't like me back (90% of them have always liked me back or wanted sex), I just cut things off because it's usually not a sustainable type of relationship because one always gets jealous or angry, etc.

[Bre_0611]

Omg thank you. Finally someone using logic instead of emotion. The thing is I did like him which was why I gave him a chance the first time. But unfortunately it was just one of those things where you see a person's true colors are being in a relationship with them, and his true colors indeed exposed themselves. What made it worse was the constant harassment and rudeness and just overall psychotic behavior.

[Inbox]

Yeah, always look at the: 1) Pre courting phase (when you exchange #s and interactions prior to your first date), 2) Courting phase (all the dates you go on until you officially are dating, 3) Relationship phase, and 4) Marriage phase (most people won't get to this point because most men and women people date will never reach that point understandably).

Despite dating an amazing woman who is a solid 10 and I trust her 100%, I'm still on my guard not because of her, but things could always change. A more wait and watch approach is what I do.

[Bre_0611]

I should have did that before pursuing him

[nitsuj86]

Eh, I have been the nice guy, and I have been the asshole. I see both sides honestly.

Here's the thing. You shouldn't be trying to be his friend, and he shouldn't be either. You act like you are not in the wrong in this at all, but you keep repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result.

To me it sounds like this guy tried, you weren't interested but enjoyed his company enough. So YOU disregarded what he really wanted, which he asked for multiple times, so that you could vent to him when YOU needed someone to talk to, or when YOU wanted something. Basically, he is a convenient friend, that you can get some validation from when you are feeling needy.

What other reason would you have to keep him around as a "friend". How is he being a friend to you? You know what he wants, you know his motives, yet you keep "giving him a chance" for what exactly?

Then you throw in that you could possibly be together in the future if he just listened to you complain about your abusive boyfriend without freaking out. You are both stupid in my opinion. You can't even keep your story straight, and you expect him to.

You both sound selfish. But I'm sure you won't see it that way.

[Bre_0611]

You're nothing but loud and wrong, babe. The only one who was disregarded, used, lied to and taken advantage of was me. I told him that I didn't want a relationship and he acted as though he wanted to "at least just be friends". Nobody lead that jackass on, he's just too desperate and won't take no for an answer and persisted on being forceful and he hurt his own feelings which is his own fault. Maybe if he acted more normal, I would've been his girlfriend. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a grown ass man child.

The thing with you men is you all lack accountability and y'all are too afraid to hold each other accountable. You will go as far as lying for one another just to avoid from feeling as though you're "pandering to women" just by simply telling another man they're wrong when they are ACTUALLY WRONG. I can tell you didn't read a damn thing, you saw the title and it made you angry so you used this as an opportunity to take your frustration out on a woman because someone broke your damn heart. You just admitted to being an asshole yourself, which let's me know enough about you and clearly indicates that you're the problem therefore I'm not trying to hear a damn thing you're saying.

Peace out✌🏾

[Bre_0611]

I went as far as changing my phone number and blocking him on all social media and yet he still made his way to my goddamn email begging and crying.
Maybe you can reach out to him and tell him to stop being a goddamn simp

[Bre_0611]

The problem with you men is you all expect that a woman should just hop on your dick for giving nice gestures and the moment you all get rejected, y'all make women out to be the worst things alive.
You ever heard of a little thing called EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU? You guys set unrealistic expectations, this is why y'all are so easily wounded. Fuck outta here

[pervertedjester]

Hi. My name is Pj and I AM an Asshole.

In fact most of the guys I know are assholes. They are the nicest guys you'll ever meet but they'd all be insulted I called them nice. Because these guys actually think of themselves as utter dicks, jerks, bastards and assholes. In most cases they've thought and felt that way for years. I'd be pleasantly surprised if they could recall a moment in their recent lives where they didn't feel that way. I'd most likely have ask them when was the last time they remember seeing themselves in a good manner was, before I could get them to see how nice they really are underneath. Granted most of us are jaded Vets but more then a handful are everyday guys that have just been through some shit.

As to the type of guy you're going on about, we treat those guys like cops. Conversationally speaking that is, only giving them short yes and no answers followed by a quick exit. Indulging in their rants or smiling at their observations only increases their attention and/or interest in hanging out with us more. It's best to cut and run in that case. Otherwise if I were you I'd simply state "Look Buddy My priorities are my family, my job and my health. I don't have the time for your childish crap. So either grow up and accept the FRIENDSHIP for what it is or go look for someone else in the damn yearbook to bother because I have shit to do!"

[Bre_0611]

Well said. I completely understand the guys who went through stuff, no one deserves to be invalidated. With this guy, it's just really weird though. One minute he's love bombing me and he's sweet and nice and romantic and it seems like the conversations are going good and then out of no where there's a switch. Like a couple weeks ago, he was tagging me in multiple love quote posts a day and I feel as though that just because I didn't answer fast enough or wasn't interacting with him on the 24/7 basis that he wanted me to, out of no where he hit me with the "I think I should just completely leave you alone" even though we were getting along and nothing at all happened. But after he said that, I didn't argue or anything I just said ok I understand and literally the other day, here he comes in my email saying "hi, I'm just saying happy st. Patrick's day"
Like WTF? And he's constantly being doing that this entire time yet I have these men here literally bashing me without even trying to understand what I'm saying

[Bre_0611]

Like it's not like I lead him on or strung him along, I was open with him I told him everything I was up front, I gave the friendship a try, I gave the relationship a try, he would have me on the phone every single day all while he's at work up until the time he gets out of work and he even wants me to sleep on the phone with him!
Like this man was getting my full attention or at least the most I could give. When we talk, one minute he acts like he's listening then the next minute he's talking over me or speaking to me in a condescending tone and when I tell him how I feel about it, he gaslights me and makes it seem as though I overreact even though it's clear and blatant disrespect.

Then the moment I shut down and I say we need to just leave each other be for good and move on and I try to separate myself from him, he's flooding my phone and emails with apologies and guilt trips and love bombing and all this other stuff. This is the shit I go through yet no one is understanding.
So far I haven't spoken to him in days and even when he said hi, I didn't respond because the last thing I want is to be accused of playing games. I was real about my feelings yet he's been constantly disrespectful and flip flopping yet this is the shit people don't see

[pervertedjester]

Just keep on not replying. Save all the messages though, as they could help with a restraining order should one be needed later.

[MrNewton]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. But that is not niceness but rather emotional manipulation to get what they desired. Well definitely it is not easy (if not impossible) to tell apart good people and people imposing as good. So, I cannot refute your idea of "Nice guys are not actually nice". And I also cannot give you hope 'that some nice guy will appear so don't judge all men', you might end up falling for the same trap.

But you have my best wishes that things get better for in the days to come

[Bre_0611]

Finally someone with sense. Thank you so much❤️you're amazing

[TheNameIsRob]

From what you told us it sounds like you were honest with him and he tried to take advantage of your kindness. I personally wouldn’t burn a bridge or make an enemy of a girl that rejected my advances, but I would move on for her sake and mine.

Almost every time a guy has a romantic interest in a girl it doesn’t go away because they decide to just be friends. If he’s honest with himself and the girl he would tell her that he still has feelings for her and being friends would be difficult for him.

[Bre_0611]

Thank you! You just explained exactly what I was trying to. I never lead him on I gave him my time and everything else he wanted on a 24/7 basis to the point I began to lose myself after a while. His main issue is that he can't make his mind up as to what it is he really wants which is why he's so flip floppy and he's overly attached to the point he expects me to be on the phone with him from sun up til sun down, from the time he's at work to the time he gets off and to the time we go to bed. I've done that.
I've talked to him, he knows everything, I've been open, I've been vulnerable with him and one minute where it seems as though it's all going good there's a switch out of no where and then I find myself asking him over a thousand times if he's OK and if there's something on his mind and he just tells me he's fine.

Then when I pull back and go quiet, my phone is flooded with rants and paragraphs everywhere. That's confusing to me as it would be to anyone and I'm tired of it.

I finally cut him off and he tried reaching out to me a few days ago and I didn't respond. I'm not gonna be accused of playing games or leading anyone on so therefore I'd rather be known as the girl who just stopped responding than anything else because I'm tired of the drama he brings.

[mrpaythebills]

Nice guys always get taken advantage of, so naturally a nice guy is conflicted. I, being a nice guy always have ambitions of being an asshole because we are so taken advantage of. Many times I will be an asshole just to stop people from taking advantage of me. There could be a bad guy disguising himself as a nice guy just to get what he wants out of you. It really depends if he is nice to everyone or if he is just nice to you. Watching a way someone carries themselves with other people can help you judge.

[Bre_0611]

I never thought of it that way thank you for explaining that to me. I definitely feel bad for the ones that are being taken advantage of. In fact no one should be taken advantage of

[christinerose28]

U were keeping him around waiting so u were kinda taking advantage u should've told him your feelings and cut it off

[Bre_0611]

@christinerose28 oh really so I wonder why he just made 4 different emails harassing me after I've told him to leave me alone like over 20 times now? yea last time I checked that's not taking advantage that's just another example of a guy who can't accept no for an answer which many of you have a horrible habit of

[kespethdude]

@christinerose28 fuck off, you don't know what you're talking about.

[Sleeper07]

People don't believe me when I tell them men and women can't be friends. They insist and insist. This is an example of nice guy syndrome and it needs to stop.

I will say this, in every nice guy and simp there is a good man, but he needs the proper influence bloom out of his pod of delusion. There's many good books, even accepting some red pill content.

As for you, op, you are a problem, you are probably really attractive to him, which is probably why he's falling head over heels for you. But you're really messed up in the head staying with your partner who abused you.

Your best move right now is to move out, and block the simp on your phone. Before you block him, send him a link to the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book.

[Bre_0611]

... I invite you to read the second part of this take which I posted as well on my page, which is an update, and you tell me how much of a nice guy you think he is now cause I can guarantee you that you'd change all of that up real quick.

Secondly, my ex abuser is on a TPO and can't be around me nor contact me for 2 years. He was released from jail and is now on 2 year probation and even my property manager banned him from even coming near this area. So I don't know where and how tf you assumed I'm still with him because he couldn't be around me nor could I be around him if I wanted to (and trust me I do not want to)
But assume what you will cause in the end, I promise I do not give af

[Sleeper07]

He was exhibiting very clear symptoms of nice guy syndrome. As for hidden motives, he just wanted a romantic relationship with you. Even though the behavior seems predatory it wasn't in ill spirit; if it were, he would've broken into your apartment and raped you. But instead he's very adamant about protecting you and taking care of you.

I'm not trying to downplay the danger of this because if you crush his spirit anything can happen, but it's important to approach people with some degree of pity and empathy.

[Sleeper07]

Additionally depending on how you handle this situation you might end up being the reason he becomes an incel.

[Sleeper07]

If you want you can dm me his contact details and I'll talk to him.

[Bre_0611]

Well since you think he's so innocent and such a nice guy than you go date him
Gargle his balls while you're at it. Fuck out of my reply box with that delusional bullshit.
You people on this app are slow as fuck

[Bre_0611]

Good go find him and hook up because like I said I don't want any man that's verbally harassing and insulting me through 4 different fucking email accounts and blowing up my social media notifications all because he can't control himself, there's no excuse for that and if I wanted to I could easily report him for phone harassment then we'll see what they have to say about it because they definitely will not be calling him a nice guy.

You can gaslight and downplay the situation all you want because in the end I'm the one who has to deal with that crazy shit, not you so fuck off.
You men defend each other on everything even when it's clearly wrong. Bye

[Jamie05rhs]

I hate to be harsh, but I need to call you out here (in all due respect):
You're complaining to us about this nice guy, but he's not the one who abused you. You chose a man who was violent and who physically hurt you. Just think about that. That's all I ask. Reflect on your choices.
(I'm not trying to be mean.)

Also: "... and any future chance of us ever being in a relationship". You just implied that there was a Chance. Therefore he was right not to give up on you! You just dismantled your entire argument.

(Yes, the dude was "extra" and he was too pushy and he made a lot of dumb mistakes. And yes, you have a right to be annoyed. Absolutely. But that doesn't make him a monster. Just saying.)

[Bre_0611]

Sweetie... nobody CHOOSES abusive men/ women, nobody CHOOSES men/ women who cheat, nobody CHOOSES a crazy person, you find things out after being with that person after a certain amount of time. If you seriously think that people are just out here CHOOSING bad partners, then you might want to have your mental checked. That was a 4 year relationship, who tf has the time to be sitting here taking ass whoopings from someone? Are you smoking crack?

Whether it would have been him or my ex, the reason why HE (the "nice guy")

[Bre_0611]

...(continuation of last reply) the reason why the supposed to be "nice guy" didn't get picked was because 1) you don't immediately ask anyone who just got out of a domestic violence situation to be in a relationship 2) if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he should've been up front with me about it years ago instead of faking like he wanted to be "just friends" just to all of a sudden switch up. So technically, he led me on... not cool and 3) I'm not going to give someone a chance who can't handle the weird word no then proceeds to throw tantrums like a little ass child. He's emotionally unstable and entitled and that's no way for a goddamn 25 year old "man" to act.

Now since that is the kind of behavior that you like to defend, you my dear can go to hell

[Bre_0611]

Yes I said he fucked up any future chance of us being together and what I IMPLIED was IF THAT CHANCE WAS THERE, he just fucked up. Never once confirmed that there was a chance so don't put words in my goddamn mouth. If that was the case, I WOULD'VE BEEN WITH HIM!! DUH!!
Use your damn brain

[Jamie05rhs]

"Sweetie... nobody CHOOSES abusive men/ women, nobody CHOOSES men/ women who cheat, nobody CHOOSES a crazy person" Yes; but you choose people who have those characteristics.

[Jamie05rhs]

"1) you don't immediately ask anyone who just got out of a domestic violence situation to be in a relationship" I agree with this 100%.

[Jamie05rhs]

"2) if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he should've been up front with me about it years ago instead of faking like he wanted to be "just friends" just to all of a sudden switch up."
No, he didn't lead you on. Guys stay that "let's be friends first" shit because they are TAUGHT that BY WOMEN. They're only doing what they think is socially appropriate. Not his fault.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Yes I said he fucked up any future chance of us being together and what I IMPLIED was IF THAT CHANCE WAS THERE, he just fucked up." You left open the possibility.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're mad because I'm right. You know I'm telling the truth. I'm not going to tell you not to be mad. You've been through a lot. My goal is not to attack you or make you feel bad in any way.

[Bre_0611]

No you do not and if you think that, you legitimately are an idiot.

[Bre_0611]

You already did attack me you're defending both a stalker and an abuser and yet everything you're saying is still wrong. Goodbye

[kespethdude]

Good take. And I know that you mean "Nice Guys", i. e. the ones that are nice by name only. The ones that are really incels in disguise. The true nice guys don't need to brag about it.

[Bre_0611]

Bingo! You're one of the only few men that actually comprehended what I was saying and you used your logic instead of emotion. I really wish they would all take notes from you. Despite my disclaimer in the beginning of the take where I made it clear that this was not aimed towards all men but only the ones similar to the guy I wrote about, they still got angry and disrespectful. You're amazing

[stepyo99]

I agree. The "nice guy" is one of the few true instances of toxic masculinity. It's weak men who want to prey on emotionally vulnerable women.

[Bre_0611]

Another intelligent guy. Thank you so much. You summed it up perfectly. Despite me literally saying that I wasn't bashing all men and that I only wrote this take similar to the guy I encountered, these guys are running up here commenting the most disrespectful shit and I can bet that they didn't even read the whole thing.

[TroyDT2]

A genuine nice guy will be nice to everyone. A "nice guy" will be nice to the girl he is trying to get with, and the niceness disappears as soon as she says "no."

[Bre_0611]

I'm just finding that out now, sadly😔

[kespethdude]

Exactly.

[inhua]

why be nice when being the opposite gets you more success?

[kespethdude]

Thing is, the "nice guys" are actually very NOT nice... so yeah, it's a contradiction indeed.

[inhua]

@kespethdude if you're referring to simps and male feminists, I agree with you however they are gentlemen who get screwed over very badly in life. men who get falsely accused of crimes against women, fathers losing everything in a divorce including paying child support for a kid that's not his, healthy masculinity being demonized and misinterpreted as "toxic" etc.

meanwhile assholes like Trump and Biden can become leaders of the nation, handsome criminals have women petitioning for their release and sending love letters, bullies also statistically have more romantic success than the victims they bully. some of the most beloved celebrities may it be pro-athletes, musicians, movie stars can be assholes too

[CateM]

You are spot on. I have to refer to guys that are actually nice as something else because of this

[strateguy632]

reminder "!" is not a question, no question was asked, just venting. your title is nasty what if i would say "nice ladies are not nice" i never said all?

[Bre_0611]

Ok? and if you did say that, there would be no issue in that because there are horrible women too that do the same thing
So now what's your point?
And DUH it's a "My Take" it's not supposed to be a question.. this is why y'all old people need to stay off the internet

[kespethdude]

Nice try, incel. Don't be pulling that "reverse the roles" bullshit here.

[Bre_0611]

@kespethdude lol tf are you talking about

[FunkyMonkee]

Can't pin that on me! Besides, women LOVE guys that treat them like shit! Maybe I'd get laid once in a while if I tried being abusive!

[Bre_0611]

Please don't think that way❤️ I'm sure you're awesome just be yourself trust me

[FunkyMonkee]

No worries, I am. It just seems like that's what it takes!

[Bre_0611]

No it isn't.. when me and my ex got together it was beautiful because it felt like I really met my other half. He made me happy and we had so much in common. I honestly didn't see this coming. As far as the "nice guy", he got no better. Ever since I said no, he consistently texts me paragraphs ranting at me like a little kid so to prevent from sending any weird messages and he obviously can't make up his mind, I just let that go.

He even want to talk like adults he just wants to argue so I'll leave it be.

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah! Same here! I was madly in love with her even after she stopped fucking me! After 10 years of being together, the mini--bitch cheated on me!!
Again, same here! A few years after we broke up, I found her niece online and she grew into a GORGEOUS woman since the last time I saw her when she was a gawky little skinny 11 year old!! All I did was compliment her on how pretty she got and her aunt heard about it and got REALLY pissed at me for it like I was trying to get into her panties!! I CONSIDER HER TO BE MY NIECE, TOO!!! So, I don't really care if I EVER see the ex, ever again!! Not that I ever wanted to after she fucked me over!! As far as I know, she's still in Denmark and, even if she DID come back over here, the ONLY way she'd find me is if we just happened to bump into each other on the street, the way we first met!! She CAN'T come to MY house because, I don't live there anymore, thanks to my ex-sisters!!

[Bre_0611]

Wow. You didn't deserve that at all. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Just know that karma is a bitch and someone's gonna hurt her the very same way she hurt you. This is what I try to tell people; no one picks bad people. We fall in love with the idea of them they give us at first. There are indeed some disgusting women out here that make even me feel ashamed at times. I see girls now with this "hot girl summer" crap and talking about playing guys for their money and they make it hard for us genuine women who literally just want real love from good men. But they play all of the good men, and sadly a lot of us good women tend to run into the wrong men.

It's brutal out here

[FunkyMonkee]

No, I didn't!! so far, at least in MY life, it seems that I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING everyone else does or I'll get punished for it while they walk Scott free!! Even here! Someone insults me, nothing happens to them! I insult them in return, MY comment gets removed and theirs gets to stay!! In school, I'm just sitting alone, minding my own business and, someone comes up and starts a bullshit fight with me over some made-up reason and, when we go to the Principal's office, I'M the one that gets into trouble!!
Thank you! I even told my ex that everyone else was saying the same stuff, even being more sexual about it!! All I did was tell her how incredibly pretty she was!
And, being Indian, she should know that pretty well!! But, so far, I've hardly ever seen karma kick anyone's ass!!
I get the same shit because of men that are assholes!! Thanks to them, that only think with their dick, nice guys, like me, can't get ANY action! I love sex as much as the next guy but, I'm NOT about to fuck someone over just to get it!! I know I wouldn't like that if someone did it to me!! So, why would I do it to someone else? Some guys (and, as you say, girls) just don't give a fuck!! To them, it's ALL about the pussy or the wallet!! And, that fucks it all up for everyone else that's honest and is actually looking for LOVE, NOT just a quick fuck or a sugar daddy!! I'd MUCH rather have a VERY long lasting relationship based on love and trust than just try to hustle someone to fuck me and then never see her again! For me, the reward isn't, "Oh, boy!! I got to fuck her!! NEXT!!", it's, "Oh, boy!! I actually have someone that honestly loves and cares about me!!". I wouldn't even know HOW to talk a girl into just fucking me!!

[FunkyMonkee]

Addendum to the question: Then, they're not actually nice guys!

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Nice is fake kindness (the ANIMAL BEHAVIORS)

[Anonymous]

You do realize that the message you are sending to guys here is that women don't want nice guys, right? Women who do that are only hurting themselves.

[Bre_0611]

At the top, I have a disclaimer explaining that I'm not referring to all men nor all nice guys just the ones that are similar to what I'm explaining

[Opinion Owner]

Ah, ok, so what you saying is that nice guys are not nice, except the ones who are nice. Fucking brilliant.

This is not rocket science. Women like you perpetuate the stereotype that women don't like nice guys. You are shooting yourself in the foot over and over again.

[Bre_0611]

No what I'm saying is people like you need to stop passing psychotic behavior off as "nice guy" gestures, however y'all still do it anyway and that's why I wrote this because YOU ALL'S definition of what it means to be a nice guy is very fucked..

[Bre_0611]

Ok well since you have such a problem with what I wrote, then get your stupid ass off of my page because to be honest no one asked you anything. You definitely are passing psychotic behavior off as "nice guy" gestures in which would make you the fucking idiot because that's literally what you just did. I only answered your reply, you're the one up here with the bitter ass attitude like a little bitch
Fuck off

[DarkLegacy]

And then there is you, using him and taking advantage

[DarkLegacy]

@kespethdude And there is you, poking your oar in and being so late in the process

[Bre_0611]

And then there's YOU, so passionate to respond and right with people over some shit you have no knowledge of
Fuck out of here

[DarkLegacy]

@Bre_0611 you were obviously going to have a go at anyone calling you out, you are using him because you think nice guys being nice guys means you can treat them like shit and they should just take it. You are taking advantage of him because he likes you, and God knows why

[Bre_0611]

Byeeee

[Bre_0611]

At this point you're harassing me just like him
Bye abuser