What Different Men Think When Women Try to Speak in Code, a Response to FashionBeans' Article

What different men think when women try to speak in code, a response to FashionBeans' article

So according to this article by Scott Bender on FashionBeans, women seem to think speaking in code is an acceptable substitute for being able to reject a man in an intelligent manner.

So I figured I'd analyze each situation, and break it down for you gals from the perspective of several different male archetypes, and what they're thinking when you pull this nonsense.

The archetypes are as follows:

- The Battered Man: No he's not necessarily physically battered. But he's been emotionally / verbally abused by women, taken advantage of, lied to / about, conned, framed for rape, what-have-you, enough times that he's on edge. He doesn't want to embrace all that MGTOW insanity, but he's looking for a silver lining in the sky of cunt-clouds. Trained by experience to be paranoid, he will see evil in your disingenuous evasions even where you didn't intend any. May come off as a borderline personality to the untrained.

- The Actual Predator: Usually charismatic, he's the ultimate fraud. "No," in his eyes, means "try harder!" He can appear as almost anyone else. But here's a hint: if he wants sex on the first date, don't give it to him!

In extreme cases, he may be a psychopath. But most of them avoid being seen as they stalk you, waiting for the exact right moment to pounce. Their words may not even be intelligible, just mumbles.

Do NOT confuse the Battered Man with this sick psycho! Continued bullying of the Battered Man, if it doesn't lead to suicide, might lead to him turning savage to take out his revenge. Not for being rejected, but for you daring to compare him to this freakazoid.

Never push a man past his limits. Telling a man no is usually okay. Telling him afterward that he should die a virgin, and to eat shit and die in his mother's basement...well, that doesn't justify murder; but it does tempt third parties to have no sympathy for the victim.

- The Manchild Jock: Pretty self-explanatory.

So, let's get into what NOT to say to these men!

"I have a boyfriend"

If it's true, mention him offhandedly. Or: "X and I were gonna go on a date to [insert generic description of place here]. Sorry to let you down."

Don't make an easily falsifiable statement. Some men will find out - through stalking or the grapevine of your less-than-reliable friends - that this is a patent lie. Once you're branded a pathological liar, say goodbye to any man respecting you regarding anything!

What the battered man thinks:

"Crazy bitch! She's gonna hire a thug! Abort mission! Abort abort! Say something, anything to sound like you're bowing out gracefully at the news. Even if you don't believe it. And watch your back, in case she hires a thug anyway!"

What the predator thinks:

"If I prove to her U can get past this bodyguard that may or may not exist, she might be impressed."

Or:

"I know that's a lie, sister! How cute!"

What the manchild jock thinks:

"Oh well, she's probably lying, and she's probably a slut anyway."

"Sure, I'll give you my number"

Shame on you if you find a man naive enough to believe this, when you are in fact lying, and take advantage of him! May much bad karma befall you!

Battered Man: "It's a setup! If the first three digits are 800, I'm calling her out before she has the chance to run away, and I'm making sure everyone knows what a slimeball she is! I sure hope if she wants to pull that on me, she isn't stupid enough to use an 800 number! I can't let fake women like her pull this on another man ever again!"

Predator: "Hmm...maybe I'll have to try a more...aggressive means of getting her to come with me."

Manchild Jock: "Yeah, I've heard that before, ho! Who else you bangin', huh?"

It'd be better to say:

"I think I've had my fill for tonight. Thanks for your interest, but I'm going now. A little late to the party, sorry."

The battered man will back away, as he doesn't want any trouble. The manchild jock will think you're trying to sound like Mary Poppins, which is just plain weird, and will want to avoid you. Only the predator will be undeterred by this.

"You're such a good friend"

Better to say: "I don't believe we'd work out that way, sorry. I don't see how your agenda and mine would ever mesh well."

Now, he has a reason to defend his own life goals, and see how you may not fit in with them. Only the predator will be undeterred by this to the bitter end. The others will protest at first, but will eventually accept it.

Or:

"Eh...I don't see it."

The jock and predator will not be deterred by this, but the battered man will at least not feel threatened by this method of rejection. Maybe insulted, but at least not threatened.

As for the "you're such a good friend" line:

What Battered Man hears: "You're such a useful little idiot! But you're about to outlive that usefulness. I suggest you be gone when you do outlive it, so I don't have to...ahem...involve others...in helping me...ahem...clean house!"

[optionally cue crackling thunder and lightning, followed by maniacal evil laughter]

He may not show it, but he's already putting up his defenses. It may not be your fault. But it was someone's. And he's hellbent on ensuring you can't hurt him like she did!

Make no mistake: every step he makes after this point is about self-preservation. Trying to maintain the charade of friendship with you, trying to keep his cool around others, it's all about making sure you don't drop the entire world on his head. Because you just said the magic words to make it Groundhog Day.

And if he does back away, and you send some guys to pester him anyway...then expect him to vilify you for life afterward! To claim to feel "threatened," when you're clearly not, as an excuse to convince others to pose an actual threat to the man who just walked away...that's low!

What the predator thinks: "Ha! She's playing hard to get and flattering me at the same time! Maybe with a few drugs, I can convince her that I'm so much more!"

What the manchild hears: "You've proven to me that you can be cool. But I know someone with a bigger dick!"

At that point, it shouldn't surprise you if he starts calling you every nasty name in the book.

"Let's Try Again Soon"

Newcomer hears: "I want to reschedule. I'm screwed. What works for both of us?"

This is what those words should mean! If you know he's inexperienced, and you pull this line, and you don't mean it this way...bad karma for you!

Battered Man hears: "Come forward, fool! Into this trap I've set for you!"

He'll give you his Facebook info, but that's only to see if you'll follow through. He has to give you one last chance to prove yourself, before he writes you off forever as posing imminent danger!

And if anyone pesters him on your behalf, after he's already long-since backed away, don't go asking anything of him in the future! All he'll see is a trap.

Predator hears: "Next time, make it worth my while!"

To which he thinks: "Oh, I will! Bruhahahahaha!!!! [insert chainsaw noises here]"

Manchild hears: "I'm gonna run around on you until you don't want me anymore, for fear your dick would rot off if you tried me!"

If your intention is to ghost someone, it'd be best to say: "I'm going somewhere, and I don't want to be contacted."

You may sound cryptic, and a caring man will worry about you. The battered man will still hear a threat, but will have more respect for you for at least being (somewhat) honest.

"I'm fine"

What the battered man hears: "I'm falling apart. But I don't want your damn sympathy! Inquire any further, and I'll have you Force-choked to death!"

What the predator hears: "I'm on to you."

What the manchild hears: "Screw you, dickwad!"

"Maybe we should take a break"

Battered man hears: "Jump in a volcano, and Leidenfrost in the magma, you worthless wretch! I have no more use for you here, or anywhere!"

[cue him visualizing himself being torn apart like a CGI Transformer]

What the predator hears: "I'm replacing you, unless you can prove to me that no man can do better with me! You have only a few hours to prove yourself!"

What the manchild jock hears: "I'm a sniveling coward, and you're too awesome for me to ride!"

Yeah. Just....be careful with this one, ladies.

"I'm not in the mood"

What the battered man hears: "Would you just die already? All you are to me is a nuisance! This world would be better off with you not in it!"

What the predator thinks: "Oh, but I AM in the mood! Hee he ho ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"

What the manchild jock thinks: "Stupid prude! Open up!"

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Just remember, ladies: it's best to mean what you say and say what you mean. Some men have been through an awful lot; and a poorly-placed-and-told lie may just be enough to push one over the edge.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Haha the title could have drilled down a bit to pick up or dating because women do speak in codes to each other or unintentionally to their man all the time.

    The whole- "I have a boyfriend" think I totallly agree with. True/ not true she needs to be an adult and calm down in most cases. She's i a bar for a friend and the convo is probably flirtish but harmless and she needs to excuse her way out like I have to get back HH for friend who had a shit day.

    A lot of girls or guys do put out the whole my girlfriend/ boyfriend thing really early in convo which is fine. They are setting a boundary for themselves. I personally don't do it or feel it's important. It's okay to have a fun convo with a single person at a bar with friends as long as it is a conversation you would have in other settings.

    I'm usually quick to know if they are having a conversation on the actual topic or hitting on me.

    I get your point but I don't agree necessarily with your be honest approach. Why? Because fuck 'me that's why. Words or no words get good at reading body language and waste little time with words for judging intention in a dating scene. Their body language tells you this date should have ended 15 minutes before it began or let's have another.

    As far a actual relationships (thisnis what I thought the post was about) you have to be cruel but with kitten gloves to be kind.

    This isn't working, don't make a list of grievances or personal fUlts or wrongdoing. This isn't working I've been feeling this way since X and there isn't a path forward.

    You usually have many talks about issues before this. It's okay to mention difference in need for time, different long term goals, priorities but you never drill down into each reason why as it isn't necessary and causes pain.

    You described clinically abnormal subset of personality disorders.

    If you have one of these it's probably why you are getting a quick brush off. That's not to say these people aren't loveable by they aren't a fit with their target.

    Lots of codependent women will happily suit each one of these men.

    It sounds like you're describing how to escape a predator.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • AKA - baggage. Too many whiners. Just be on your mission, your life goals, your aspirations. Be awesome. Hit the gym, hard, and make LOTS of money. The ladies will be throwing themselves at you.

    They are looking for a strong man, handsome, a leader, that has a mission. Someone that is awesome. That's what they're looking for.

    A guy needs three things to be successful with the ladies:
    1. Looks
    2. Money
    3. Confidence - irrational confidence.

    You can get by with any of the two, but having all three is best.

    Good luck and remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 7

  • I don't even know what to make of this. Men have through an awful lot? You poor little things 🙄 There's tons of people who've been through worse trauma than getting rejected. Don't see them bitching. Push them over the edge? So if I tell them a lie because they don't know them the meaning of "no" and they kill me, it's my fault for not being honest? What. The. Fuck. Go see a therapist.

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    • My, how you have it all twisted!

      1. Dishonesty like this is not okay, ever. That doesn't excuse the actions of the psychos either. No one is off the hook.

      2. "Push over the edge" may not just refer to murder, but can also refer to hysterical screaming in public. Or, in the case of some depressed individuals, it may lead to suicide.

      3. The use of the word "battered" here refers to men whose patterns have been influenced by being repeatedly abused, not just rejected. You should learn to read more carefully.

      4. The other two men are clearly not portrayed sympathetically from the start, per the exact labels I gave them. An attentive reader would have noticed that.

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    • 'Or, in the case of some depressed individuals, it may lead to suicide'
      @obscuredbeyond the fact is that as someone who has been suicidal before and on occasion has those thoughts still as recently as a few days ago, @1truekhaleesi is correct that if that gets threatened if you reject them or break up with them, theey do need serious help and someone should be alerted, because that person will need to be committed

    • @AlphaGhost lions and sheep?
      That doesn't make a lot of sense, mountain lions or cougars would work, so would Jaguars, but wolves would be best, there isn't a lot of sheep herding in the range of lions

  • Wait... I'm confused. I know that people have gone through a lot, but if a girl (or guy) feels the need to lie to someone about already being in the relationship because someone won't give up they have every right to. How would they know what the person has been through?

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    • No. You still don't lie.

      Women in the 19th century knew how to handle an unwanted suitor just fine, and didn't have to resort to either lying or bullying. This "I have the right" myth is a cop-out, invented by those of today who don't wish to learn real tactics. Because they don't want to have to learn how to think.

    • Well it's not like you can stop people from lying these days. I personally wouldn't but I know friends that have. And just out of curiousity what are these "real tactics" that people "don't want to have to learn how to think"?

  • Men are so complicated. Bye

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  • Um okay good luck

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  • too much prejudice, surrealism and living in your head.

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  • Very interesting to read!

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  • Interesting Take

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What Guys Said 16

  • Huh?

    You are just making shit up that might apply to 0.01% of the population and generalizing about it. At first I thought it was supposed to be humorous, then I realized you are serious.

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  • I think your response to the the person should continuously evolve with d/f personalities of person and the conditions under which you are saying "No" to anyone.

    I was purposed by my classmate (College) but I am not looking for relationship right now. I would have easily pretend to be her B. F use her for 4 months (free sex) then dump her and move on but Come out as man and said "NO",
    She called me
    1) Racist
    2) Shed crocs tear
    3) and introduced me to the term white meat
    4) She called by entire race so called "Players"

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    • Fuck you, by the way. I hope society screws you over in the worst way possible.

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    • In other words, she thinks that you're turning her down because she's not Asian like you? Accusing you of thinking she's too easy a catch, and that your standards are too high?

      She sounds like a case of sour grapes.

    • Yep but you can't just fight with them cuz some idiots from my race actually believe in this stuff but that doesn't mean every person in my area believe in this stuff. The subcontinent home to about nearly 2 billion+ people but you know about current new wave of racism and people commenting for a human race but at the same time, I won't marry black cuz He is black.

  • Have you ever asked yourself why women do these things? It's because a lot of men can't handle straight rejection and lash out. Hell, a lot of men can't even handle "code" rejection without lashing out. Learn how to be a man and accept that not every woman will reciprocate your feelings.
    The less douchebags throwing tantrums and lashing out=more truthful rejections.

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  • You're a complete emasculated male who's spreading indoctrination to those scorned by societal cancer. And then blaming women because of it. Wake up , little boy... you're hanging your own rope right now...

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  • All people who aren't socially allowed to speak freely about what they think and feel will end up using code. The Victorian age isn't over yet.

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  • Impressive. Not sure where I stand. Maybe half betrayed and half manchild.

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  • What are fashion beans and why do women speak in code? Is this because all women are in on a conspiracy to torture men?
    I'm going to inform the Illuminati to text BigFoot about this.

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  • I agree

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  • Interesting

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  • well i know code but there codes usually undocumented so?

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  • So what?

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  • Insightful. One I'll probably come back to.

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  • Hmmm? I see...

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  • Nice.

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  • Interesting Take

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  • I don't know about this one... kind of weird. Categories seem forced

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