So according to this article by Scott Bender on FashionBeans, women seem to think speaking in code is an acceptable substitute for being able to reject a man in an intelligent manner.
So I figured I'd analyze each situation, and break it down for you gals from the perspective of several different male archetypes, and what they're thinking when you pull this nonsense.
The archetypes are as follows:
- The Battered Man: No he's not necessarily physically battered. But he's been emotionally / verbally abused by women, taken advantage of, lied to / about, conned, framed for rape, what-have-you, enough times that he's on edge. He doesn't want to embrace all that MGTOW insanity, but he's looking for a silver lining in the sky of cunt-clouds. Trained by experience to be paranoid, he will see evil in your disingenuous evasions even where you didn't intend any. May come off as a borderline personality to the untrained.
- The Actual Predator: Usually charismatic, he's the ultimate fraud. "No," in his eyes, means "try harder!" He can appear as almost anyone else. But here's a hint: if he wants sex on the first date, don't give it to him!
In extreme cases, he may be a psychopath. But most of them avoid being seen as they stalk you, waiting for the exact right moment to pounce. Their words may not even be intelligible, just mumbles.
Do NOT confuse the Battered Man with this sick psycho! Continued bullying of the Battered Man, if it doesn't lead to suicide, might lead to him turning savage to take out his revenge. Not for being rejected, but for you daring to compare him to this freakazoid.
Never push a man past his limits. Telling a man no is usually okay. Telling him afterward that he should die a virgin, and to eat shit and die in his mother's basement...well, that doesn't justify murder; but it does tempt third parties to have no sympathy for the victim.
- The Manchild Jock: Pretty self-explanatory.
So, let's get into what NOT to say to these men!
"I have a boyfriend"
If it's true, mention him offhandedly. Or: "X and I were gonna go on a date to [insert generic description of place here]. Sorry to let you down."
Don't make an easily falsifiable statement. Some men will find out - through stalking or the grapevine of your less-than-reliable friends - that this is a patent lie. Once you're branded a pathological liar, say goodbye to any man respecting you regarding anything!
What the battered man thinks:
"Crazy bitch! She's gonna hire a thug! Abort mission! Abort abort! Say something, anything to sound like you're bowing out gracefully at the news. Even if you don't believe it. And watch your back, in case she hires a thug anyway!"
What the predator thinks:
"If I prove to her U can get past this bodyguard that may or may not exist, she might be impressed."
"I know that's a lie, sister! How cute!"
What the manchild jock thinks:
"Oh well, she's probably lying, and she's probably a slut anyway."
"Sure, I'll give you my number"
Shame on you if you find a man naive enough to believe this, when you are in fact lying, and take advantage of him! May much bad karma befall you!
Battered Man: "It's a setup! If the first three digits are 800, I'm calling her out before she has the chance to run away, and I'm making sure everyone knows what a slimeball she is! I sure hope if she wants to pull that on me, she isn't stupid enough to use an 800 number! I can't let fake women like her pull this on another man ever again!"
Predator: "Hmm...maybe I'll have to try a more...aggressive means of getting her to come with me."
Manchild Jock: "Yeah, I've heard that before, ho! Who else you bangin', huh?"
It'd be better to say:
"I think I've had my fill for tonight. Thanks for your interest, but I'm going now. A little late to the party, sorry."
The battered man will back away, as he doesn't want any trouble. The manchild jock will think you're trying to sound like Mary Poppins, which is just plain weird, and will want to avoid you. Only the predator will be undeterred by this.
"You're such a good friend"
Better to say: "I don't believe we'd work out that way, sorry. I don't see how your agenda and mine would ever mesh well."
Now, he has a reason to defend his own life goals, and see how you may not fit in with them. Only the predator will be undeterred by this to the bitter end. The others will protest at first, but will eventually accept it.
"Eh...I don't see it."
The jock and predator will not be deterred by this, but the battered man will at least not feel threatened by this method of rejection. Maybe insulted, but at least not threatened.
As for the "you're such a good friend" line:
What Battered Man hears: "You're such a useful little idiot! But you're about to outlive that usefulness. I suggest you be gone when you do outlive it, so I don't have to...ahem...involve others...in helping me...ahem...clean house!"
[optionally cue crackling thunder and lightning, followed by maniacal evil laughter]
He may not show it, but he's already putting up his defenses. It may not be your fault. But it was someone's. And he's hellbent on ensuring you can't hurt him like she did!
Make no mistake: every step he makes after this point is about self-preservation. Trying to maintain the charade of friendship with you, trying to keep his cool around others, it's all about making sure you don't drop the entire world on his head. Because you just said the magic words to make it Groundhog Day.
And if he does back away, and you send some guys to pester him anyway...then expect him to vilify you for life afterward! To claim to feel "threatened," when you're clearly not, as an excuse to convince others to pose an actual threat to the man who just walked away...that's low!
What the predator thinks: "Ha! She's playing hard to get and flattering me at the same time! Maybe with a few drugs, I can convince her that I'm so much more!"
What the manchild hears: "You've proven to me that you can be cool. But I know someone with a bigger dick!"
At that point, it shouldn't surprise you if he starts calling you every nasty name in the book.
"Let's Try Again Soon"
Newcomer hears: "I want to reschedule. I'm screwed. What works for both of us?"
This is what those words should mean! If you know he's inexperienced, and you pull this line, and you don't mean it this way...bad karma for you!
Battered Man hears: "Come forward, fool! Into this trap I've set for you!"
He'll give you his Facebook info, but that's only to see if you'll follow through. He has to give you one last chance to prove yourself, before he writes you off forever as posing imminent danger!
And if anyone pesters him on your behalf, after he's already long-since backed away, don't go asking anything of him in the future! All he'll see is a trap.
Predator hears: "Next time, make it worth my while!"
To which he thinks: "Oh, I will! Bruhahahahaha!!!! [insert chainsaw noises here]"
Manchild hears: "I'm gonna run around on you until you don't want me anymore, for fear your dick would rot off if you tried me!"
If your intention is to ghost someone, it'd be best to say: "I'm going somewhere, and I don't want to be contacted."
You may sound cryptic, and a caring man will worry about you. The battered man will still hear a threat, but will have more respect for you for at least being (somewhat) honest.
What the battered man hears: "I'm falling apart. But I don't want your damn sympathy! Inquire any further, and I'll have you Force-choked to death!"
What the predator hears: "I'm on to you."
What the manchild hears: "Screw you, dickwad!"
"Maybe we should take a break"
Battered man hears: "Jump in a volcano, and Leidenfrost in the magma, you worthless wretch! I have no more use for you here, or anywhere!"
[cue him visualizing himself being torn apart like a CGI Transformer]
What the predator hears: "I'm replacing you, unless you can prove to me that no man can do better with me! You have only a few hours to prove yourself!"
What the manchild jock hears: "I'm a sniveling coward, and you're too awesome for me to ride!"
Yeah. Just....be careful with this one, ladies.
"I'm not in the mood"
What the battered man hears: "Would you just die already? All you are to me is a nuisance! This world would be better off with you not in it!"
What the predator thinks: "Oh, but I AM in the mood! Hee he ho ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
What the manchild jock thinks: "Stupid prude! Open up!"
Just remember, ladies: it's best to mean what you say and say what you mean. Some men have been through an awful lot; and a poorly-placed-and-told lie may just be enough to push one over the edge.