Breaking the Good Guy Stereotypes

[Guy1997]

Good guys are often viewed as nerds, weak and so on and I want to show you that it's not true

1. Good guys aren't able to protect people around them.

If you think only bad guys with a six pack who fight all the time can protect you and good guys can't than you are very wrong. It all depends how much guy cares about you. If he does care he will defend you even if he's not strong and experienced fighter despite he knows he might get his ass kicked.

2. Good guys are actually bad because they want sex but they don't say they want.

Every guy wants sex, but good guys really care about girl they like (not all of them some are actually just look like they are good but they are just to shy to be bad)

3. Good guys don't know how to have fun.

If I don't want to smoke weed it's because I don't like it. If you think good guys are weak because they don't smoke or drink or do drugs think about all the bad guys doing that because they want to be popular and get everyone's approval. And it's not true that good guys never drink alcohol. I never touched drugs or cigarette but I do enjoy good beer and whiskey.

4. Good guys spend their time at home playing video games.

I'd call myself a good guy and that's not what I do. I'm a musician, a jock and I enjoy watching sport games, partying etc. And pretty much every guy likes to play video games sometimes.

I don't say things I said apply to every good guy but I'm telling you this from my experience as a good guy.

[zinnca]

A good/ nice guy in my book has always meant anyone who was genuine and honest, with a decent moral code. Hobbies or physical strength most certainly have no factor.
I also think people started using "nice guys" ironically and damaged the idea of the guys who are actually decent. After all if you hear some repeatedly your bound to start thinking there's some truth. That's unfortantely the nature of the human brain

[EpicDweeb]

This is why I make a distincton between "nice" guys, and good guys. Nice guys are those who are focused purely on behavior for their own benefit. They put on a showto make others like them. Their heart is not in it and they possess no true affection for the girl.

Good guys have many of the traits of nice guys but their heart is in it.

[haniee]

We don't have the "good guy" stereotype. Good men are the ONLY men who are acceptable. Nothing short of it. It's the nice guys we don't like.

Dr. Peterson did a very job clearing this up too: "If you are not capable of cruelty, then you are absolutely a victim of anyone who is. For those who are exceedingly agreeable, there is a part of them crying out for the incorporation of the monster within them, which is what gives them strength of character and self-respect, because it is impossible to respect yourself until you grow teeth. And if you grow teeth, you realize that you're somewhat dangerous, or seriously dangerous. Then you might be more willing to demand that you treat yourself with respect and that other people do the same thing. That doesn't mean that being cruel is better than not being cruel. What it means is that being able to be cruel, and then not being cruel, is better than not being able to be cruel, because in the first case you're nothing but weak and naive, and in the second case you're dangerous but you have it under control. If you're competent at fighting, it actually decreases the probability that you're going to have to fight, because when someone pushes you you'll be able to respond with confidence, and with any luck a reasonable show of confidence, which is a show of dominance, will be enough to make the bully back off."

He later talks about "integrating one's own shadow" and Jung's theories. Knowing you have a dark side and being fully able to tap into it and capable of doing the most horrible things in retaliation, but choosing not to. This kind of self awareness actually makes the "dangerous good guy" FAR MORE SAFE as a partner, than any nice guy would ever be.
When you know you have a dark side, you treat it with respect, by not letting yourself be abused. If you deny you have a dark side, you fail to do this and then it bursts out of you in unhealthy ways.

But when women seek out mates, we seek out protectors and the reason we come to believe guys who seem "too good" are spineless, is because deep down we know that if there isn't an element of underlying danger in crossing/messing with the guy who wants us, we won't want him... When we are immature little girls, we don't know who to gauge more than surface, when we grow up, our ability to test and perceive this changes as well.
But we will ALWAYS test for it, don't kid yourself. And if you fail with women constantly, consider it's you.

[AqibFarid]

good one :)

[Adam_INTJ]

Nice guy= manipulative weasel that does nice things to try to buy affection and then complains when he doesn't get what he wants

Good guy=nice guy that's convinced himself that being a manipulative weasel is a good thing

Alpha male= guy that lays out his intentions and doesn't try to hide then or manipulate people into his intentions. "I think you're cute and I'd really like to date you" is something that would only ever come from an alpha male.

Good and nice guys are too timid; they convince themselves that timidity is virtuous somehow, all while they try to blackmail or guilt a girl into giving them affection that they feel they're entitied to (youre an arrogant asshole to even think that you deserve affection)

Alphas are preferable because they're so confident that girls can be sure that they're lltelling you their honest desires and not playing innocent while they try to sweet talk/manipulate the girl into sex.

FIGHTING? Are you stupid? Fighting has nothing to do with anything. People carry guns now. Bullets cut through fat and muscle all the same.

What it comes down to is PROTECTION. Are you willing to slave away at an awful job in late hours when financial crisis strikes and you need to provide for your family? Will you give a girl the emotional stability that she needs when she's having a hard time? Will you deal with the kids when she's too distraught to?

More Importantly, you need to be loyal. Nice guys suck because they feel that they DESERVE affection, so when they even FEEL that they're not getting it from their woman, they go to another woman to get what they think they deserve.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, an alpha male is willing to SUFFER emotionally, psychologically, and physically in order to protect those he loves. Physical suffering is easy by itself.

A nice guy runs at the sight of harm; he only cares about gettingwhat he thinks he deserves. He's only a dispicable opportunist.

Nice guys suck. STaylor single nice guys; there will be a lot fewer broken hearts that way.

[Guy1997]

Talking about sacrificeing for people you love... I wrote it all depends on how much you care. If you read it maybe you'd write less of nonsenses. Calling good guys assholes? You're one of those people who good guys have to stand up to to protect others because you have no manners and you think you're something but you're patettic. And also speaking of fighting it happens with people like you because like I said, you think you can insult whoever you want because you think you're alpha male and you don't apologize for that when guy confronts you but you're threatning to guy and you get into his face and all that I'm alpha, I'm dangerous nonesense. I meat guys like that and you're not either brave or strong as you think you look. You're violent cowards!

[Adam_INTJ]

First off, I'm not violent. I'm not rude either. I stand for truth and decency. People are offended at the truth (like, name any conservative talking point on social policy) but it would be immoral if I just lied to everyone telling them to believe what they want when I know that they'll get hurt as a result.

[Adam_INTJ]

You nice guys are emotional manipulators; that's why your so pervasive.

I don't even think I'm much of an alpha male, I just try to be as independent and honest in my conduct as possible – if I want something, I ask for it – I don't try to manipulate the person into giving it to me. If they don't want to give it to me, that's fine. I'm a grounded person, I can take rejection easy.

You self admitted "nice guys" do this song and dance where you put on a mask of free benevolence and niceness, when in reality it's just the disgusting deception where you try to make a girl feel that she owes you sex or affection or anything. It's like accepting birthday gifts only to find that you have to pay for them. It's a scam – your whole niceness face is a scam – girls can see through it, and that's why you fail.

The girls that don't see through it wind up in emotionally abusive relationships where you you constantly threaten something like a breakup if you don't get what you want.

[Adam_INTJ]

You nice guys CAN NOT take rejection – are simply too insecure for that – that's why you try to earn your reward so that you can feel sure that you won't be rejected.

My personal advice to you is get rejected – A LOT – it's not that bad; it will help you to realize that other people's perception of you don't matter that much You won't feel as bound to please everyone; it's a freeing feeling. That's the feeling that alpha enjoy – they know that they have worth no matter what, so whether or not people actually perceive them as valuable is irrelevant. All you have to care about is doing the right thing, not making people happy. Making people happy is a losing game because there will always be an unhappy one.

If a girl rejects you, whatever; she is only one of millions. What one, or two, or 100 girls think about you doesn't really matter because you could just as easily find another one who has a favorable opinion of you. It just takes persistence.

[Guy1997]

I don't feel bound to please anyone, if I'd fell like that I wouldn't be person I am today.

[Harsh_5299]

@Guy1997

"If he does care he will defend you even if he's not strong and experienced fighter despite he knows he might get his ass kicked."

It won't make any difference even if he runs away, ultimately the girl is just in a dangerous situation of being dependant on a wimp

"Good guys are actually bad because they want sex but they don't say they want."

Asking about something one wants is not bad and being afraid of judged for that question is seen as a weakness

"If you think good guys are weak because they don't smoke or drink or do drugs think about all the bad guys doing that because they want to be popular and get everyone's approval. And it's not true that good guys never drink alcohol. I never touched drugs or cigarette but I do enjoy good beer and whiskey."

Weed, drugs, cigarettes and alcohol are not a measurement of being good or bad, they're a measurement of an increased rate of crimes...
If criminals = bad boys then ok but that isn't the majority of cases

"I'm a musician, a jock and I enjoy watching sport games"

I don't feel that has anything to do with being good or bad as both can do it without being called the opposite

[Guy1997]

Like I said in the title we're talking about stereotypes here and I didn't make them out, these are some that I came across at different articles and conversations and some people believe it's true, not me but people who wrote that articles and said things like that. So I didn't say smoking, drinking make you good or bad but that's how some people see it. They make exact definitions of good and bad guys and that has no sense, but it's true that bad guys will do drugs, drink and smoke or whatever it takes to be liked by others and become popular, at least most of them will. You're right that being a jock or musician or liking sport or else has nothing to do with being good or bad, but like I also mentioned in the beginning some people see good guys as "nerds" and by that they mean they stay at home playing video games and similar. And also not being a muscular and experienced in fighting doesn't make guy a wimp. Not everyone goes to gym and fist fight with people all the time.

[Harsh_5299]

@Guy1997
"And also not being a muscular and experienced in fighting doesn't make guy a wimp. Not everyone goes to gym and fist fight with people all the time."

Yes but you mentioned a scenario in which one has to fight better or at least be intimidating enough to protect the woman depending on him to escape that scenario... therefore one who cannot IS a wimp
(these situations are rare, so you can say strength is not really necessary but since you mentioned that scenario, I came to this conclusion)

"but like I also mentioned in the beginning some people see good guys as "nerds" and by that they mean they stay at home playing video games and similar."

Perhaps some other activities but not video games... they've come a long way from being "nerdy"
Almost every guy plays them
(but being in your mom's basement is clearly wrong and video games are not its excuse to continue to do so)

[Harsh_5299]

"but it's true that bad guys will do drugs, drink and smoke or whatever it takes to be liked by others and become popular, at least most of them will"

Ok, I might have been partially wrong on that one but most "bad" guys don't do it for popularity, those who do it for popularity are called "attention-seekers"... bad guys are just coincidentally liked for their habits
(but they do not do it just for being liked by others)

[sally421]

For me a "good guy" is neither a "nerd" nor he "stays home and plays video games". A good guy is a guy who know what he wants, he know how to get it. He has set goals in life and wants to grow and learn constantly. A guy who knows how to treat a woman and more importantly how to keep her. I would use the word smart, not a nerd. Playing video games or going out partying doesn't define whether or not you're "good" or "bad". A good guy is kind to the others and helps when needed.

[Guy1997]

Well said and that's why I wrote this mytake because there are still people believe in stuff like that and there's surpriseingly many of them. In the matter of fact I came across this stereotypes in article about why girls choose "bad guys" over "good guys". It was very shallow and offensive.

[sally421]

True.. it's the same for girls, unfortunately. In my opinion we chose "good guys" or "good girls"only when we want to settle. The truth is everyone of us has fallen at least once for the "bad". I'm just happy to say that my guy now matches the description above. If you're also like that , congrats! Never change!

[doflamingo457]

why is that, we lose out on a girl when she is youful and ripe i dont wanna settle and wait not fair

[sally421]

@doflamingo457 I have the feeling that nowadays not so many people want to settle.. and it's sad

[RolandCuthbert]

The good guy stereotype will persist. I think in part because we don't want to accept that many women are simply not "good" people. So to mask their bad choices, there is the stereotype that "good guys" are not "good" at all.

I think this is just where men who wish to be people of principle, need to know that it will not be an easy road. You need to find people who will support you, understand you, and be a member of your "tribe". This world can be mean, unforgiving, and unkind. So do what you have to do to be happy.

Trying to explain yourself to people who don't care to listen is a waste of time.

s2.quickmeme.com/.../...c3269a6c47cb447b5727b4.jpg

[borntobegreat]

I think we, unfortunately, live in a shallow and stereotyped society. There is nothing wrong with being a good guy. You know how to have fun just as any other guy out there. At the end of the day you are you, and that's what matters. Not the labels. Any girl would appreciate a guy who is fearless and unapologetic about who is.

[Anonymous]

This happens in all age brackets. Its called womens double standard. they say they want this but go after that. Im a confident guy until it comes time to approaching a woman. i get nervous as hell because i dont wanna mess things up or say something stupid. and its true not all guys are out for just sex. we seek the companionship, we want to share our experiences with someone. im far from picky. I've been with big women, thin women, black, white, hispanic. drop dead georgeous and not so pretty. i go after personality and compatibility. if they happen to be hot as fuck thats a bonus lol. Id defend my chick to the death if i have to. It makes me sad that i haven't found someone to grow old with yet. I also kind of think it depends on your area. Here in my town most of the women here are after guys that have good drugs or pills and are literally that shallow and materialistic.

[englisc]

If he's not strong and will probably get his ass kicked, then he's no good at protecting her. Once he's down whoever he's failed to protect her against will get to her. Then he's literally incapable. This is a contradiction and it isn't a good way of breaking the good guy stereotype - you can be a good guy and be strong.

[Guy1997]

Yeah but I heard a lot of times good guys are described as weak and it's not necessery physical fight but also standing up for her when someone offend her, but yeah people who act like that tend to get in a physical fight when you confront them.

[Anonymous]

I like good guys, even if their classed as nerdy. Least there more to talk about or get to know their likes. Bad guys don't appeal to me, if you mean them getting in the trouble situation. Unless they treat you with upmost respect. Show a girl your a good guy, don't say it. As when people say they are nice or good guy, then the girl would think he's not. Just what people tell me and what I experienced.

[Browneye57]

Sounds like you're making 'nice' the same as 'good', and all confused with 'kind'.
An alpha male isn't necessarily 'nice', but he can be 'kind'.

What is WAY more important is that you hit the gym, hard, and make LOTS of money. With this effort will come confidence, and BAM! You now have what it takes to get the ladies. :)

[curiousnorway]

What's the difference between good, nice and kind? Isn't that all the same thing - the opposite of bad?

[BaileyisDarcy]

@curiousnorway a good guy, is a good guy.

A nice guy is a shithead who thinks just cause he said a nice thing that he deserves pussy.

[Browneye57]

@BaileyisDarcy - ^^This. [thumbs-up] :)

[dancing_in_nebulas]

I like bad boys, but they are actually good men - just into bad boy look / scene.

Its just being comfortable with yourself. Baddies seek validation due to insecurities, goodies act all afraid due to lack of esteem.

[Guy1997]

Insecurities come from lack of self esteem. If they have self esteem why do they need approval of other people? It's true that good guys are sometimes afraid for example to approach the girl and I know that well, but at least I don't ask for approval of any girl. I am afraid to make a move on girl, but when I manage to do it, I am myself, not someone she want me to be and it's ok if she doesn't like me. Rejection is never easy, but I'll take that fall as many times as needed because when I get a girl I'll know she likes me for who I really am. Going the other way because it's easy sound like a giving up to me. Don't you think so?

[dancing_in_nebulas]

No relationship is easy, its strange to me that we lump humans into these categories.

Good guys I have known in school, got in trouble for beating their wives, some have bad mouths, are rude and have a bad habit of talking in a condescending manner to others.

A good man is just a man comfortable in himself.

I just find the "bad" look attractive, like the biker, punk, tatted up, that kind of look. That scene encourages men to be tougher I guess, so approaching girls and what not is no issue.

I don't get along with "good guys." They have a superiority complex

[Amy247]

Where are you getting these silly ideas from? I don't think most people think "good guys" have these qualities

[Charleslvajr]

From the comments on this site it's entirely believable that these views on good guys are almost universal.

[Chaoseverywhere]

1. yeah if u even get a chance to ask them out, u know nothing making them feel safe. hint: not always physically
2. sounds, we can sex too! but i care for u girl more. begging 4 sex?
3. u say good guys dont know fun, then talk smack about "badboys" trying to do some networking? and just say hey im badass i drink whiskey
4. i list my hobbies like a dating site and im a jock

u made them nice guys look even worst lol

[Guy1997]

Begging for sex? You're just adding more stereotypes. I'm trying to break stereotypes here, it has nothing to do with me having fun, I'm trying my best to do something good and useful. All you need to make someone fell safe is to be there for them when you're needed the most, it has nothing to do with knowledge. And physically speaking both "good" or "bad" boys can be cowards. some people are fools and just acting brave and when it comes to showing courage they run away (speaking both physically and being supportive when needed). And speaking of my hobies and whiskey, I'm just giving example to support what I said.

[Alemon]

I often wonder, whether I'm putting her off by sending her heartfelt messages. Whether I need to act more aloof and uncaring - to seem more confident. That is the good / bad guy dichotomy to me.

[jacquesvol]

Cliches spread by guys who want to come over as "virile real men".

[Maik567]

The thing is that good people don't need to call themselves good. So the people who self identify as "good guys" don't tend to be so great after all.

[CubsterShura]

To me, a good guy means a good person. Lol.

[Guy1997]

That's how it should be but a lot of people mean things I mentioned when they say good guy

[CubsterShura]

I personally never believed in this stereotype.

[Guy1997]

That's good. Stereotypes are usually bad thing and they are reasons why people get wrong ideas.

[CubsterShura]

Yeah true. I dated a so-called good guy once. He was an ass.

[mattai787]

I was kinda made fun of for being a good guy when I was in college.. There was a CCD (basically a tea and smoke shop -Chadda Chai ki Dukan) just behind our college, where all students used to go in between journal submissions or viva exams to have tea and smoke a cigarette and talk and curse college teachers who for no reason would irritate us either by very coming late or various other reasons.. So, 4 or 5 of us guys were going to CCD, and this girl (who was known as CR - Common Randi among guys in college.. Guys can be mean in keeping nicks for girls.. but this nick was a known secret in the entire Mech. Engg branch). Anyways this girl comes up to the other guys (while I was at their side) and talks to them in the local lang. (marathi, I could understand a bit of marathi then but couldnt speak) and she was like.. oh even Pranay (my name) is going there (as in CCD)!!!
And I was like - what's her problem? why does she have to make a comment.. I can go anywhere I like..1/2

[CubsterShura]

@mattai787 I was once telling my classmates about a movie date I went to with my friend, and a girl was like, 'you have friends?' 😂

[mattai787]

Just because I was perceived to be a good guy, she thought I would never go and hang around with my friends at a place where people smoke? What weird logic was that? She also said I looked like Darsheel Safari from Taare Zameen Par and that I was fit for the song 'Maa' from the same movie!!
I never was mean to this girl in college, in fact we had very little interactions.. But I guess she liked making fun of me..
(PS: That's why I was a bit angry when you had commented on my photo saying I looked like a nerd!) (2/2)

[CubsterShura]

@mattai787 I rarely ever talked to one dude in my class, one day he told the teacher that everyone will be happy if I die. This same dude is in the same exam hall as me now and he often asks me what would be the answer to this question or that question...

[mattai787]

.. Lol.. you should just look at him.. and smile.. and then get busy with your work.. (Don't help him out.. lol.. such an epic chance to get back at someone)

[CubsterShura]

@mattai787 nah I help that poor guy out. I don't hold grudges on foolish people like him.

[mattai787]

God! I can't believe that you exist...
So you are telling me.. a guy.. is mean to you.. and you go out of your way to help him...
You related to Mother Teresa?
By the way.. what would you think about the guy who doesn't talk that much in your class? Who's shy..

[CubsterShura]

@mattai787 I recently got to know that he once got terribly rejected by a girl that's why he avoids people. I feel bad thinking how much he must have been traumatized that literally when a girl gets close to him he's like LEAVE ME ALONE

[mattai787]

hmm.. But he should understand that just cause some girl treated him badly, it doesn't give him the right to treat other girls in a bad way!

[CubsterShura]

@mattai787 I do nothing. He has to outgrow that stage by himself. I can't help him with it especially when he never talks to me. Everyone already ships me with him because I care about him, care as in when he was new I would often talk to him to help him to deal with the boys bullying him.

[opurba]

What does it mean even.. it's a type of personality.

[John_Doesnt]

I'm a good guy because I don't send dick pics.

Right away.

[Anonymous]

Women tend to go for the "loudest guy in the room". They see the rest of us as losers which is why so many guys don't bother.