Guys, I'm Starting to See Your Pattern...👀

[Sheriblossom]

And no, it's not meant to be some creepy comment, it's suppose to mean that I just figured something out about guys. And yes, I am stupid so I just figured this out. But hey, I'm only 16 so if you ask me, I'm ahead of the game compared to many people.

See, I've talked to guys before. OBVIOUSLY! And most of which are from GaG. I don't talk to guys at school a whole like because I'm practically invisible. And no, not because I'm the weirdo that enjoys hanging out in the janitors closet.

I'm perfectly comfortable with being a skateboarder-badminton-player-cooking-art-chick. And I do well in school. That's not the point though. The point is that after having the opportunity to talk a specific type of guys, I figured out how stupidly gullible I am.

I am attention seeker, and I'm not proud of it. I admit to having responsibility and that it's something I need to work on. I guess it comes from the fact that I don't get attention much from guys, and somehow I am deprived? And feel like I am less valuable/ desirable? Yeah, I know it's stupid. I am somewhat intoxicated by receiving texts from the guy who says he wants me.

I talk about being deprived, yet, I am serious about talking to one guy at a time. Yes. Also very stupid. I allow myself to get attached to a singular guy. Even if we aren't dating. It's just a me thing. Knowing that one guy really appreciates me and admire me, the same way that I like him, is more than enough for me.

So now you know how completely messed up I am. I like attention from guys, but I like to refine attention to one guy, and it makes it seem like I'm in a relationship with him when I'm not even close!

This has made me extremely vulnerable to people who are looking to get something out of me, and know that I will give them what they want. About 3 months ago, I thought I was attached to a guy. And at the time, I thought we were serious about each other even though we weren't dating. I have no idea where that conclusion came from based on the fact our interactions online were just mere flirting, talking about sexual stuff, and briefly about our day. I guess I got attached to the interaction and the way he made me feel, rather than actually liking him.

For some reason it really hurt me to know he was actively flirting with other girls and trying to get what he wanted from them. I think it's pretty self explanatory. I am not one to send anything bad or wrong. No, I don't send nudes. I'm only 16 and really, I never plan to send them. But yes, a picture of me in a bikini, I think that's okay. You see people on the beach wearing those things all the time.

After posting a question about how I looked, many guys started to follow me, but not as many as the time where I posted a full body selfie (clothed) and asked for opinions from everyone. I'm not saying it's bad they wanted to follow me because they like how I look. I meant it as to ask for opinions thoguh. And I don't want people to have expectations of it going beyond that. I thought the photo was funny, I don't mind guys telling me they missed me, but please, save that for when you actually do. That's when you start getting the guys who roll in wanting to pretend to be all genuine, yet they are still hitting up multiple girls. Dude, I'm not as stupid as I was anymore. I can tell when you're bullshitting me. "Oh you're so beautiful, I dreamed about you, I really wanna get to know you, I'm very interested" : Well, All that's implying is that looking at a picture of me and talking to me for a few minutes is enough for you to want to meet me, other than for sexual purposes? C'mon give me a fricken break.

It's not that often you are THAT attached to a girl unless you just want to bed her. You're not fooling anyone, and no, not even me anym

ore. A guy that needs to reassure the girl he's not a player, nor a fuckboy is REALLY REALLY saying: I'm fucking with you and I'm just crossing all my fingers and toes you fall for it. Hell nah, genuine guys ain't gotta be saying that ish. If you gotta lie, my aswell say nothing because I ain't falling for it. Especially when the first convo involves your genitals and my body parts in anyway. Bye Beyatch.

I'm puling this concept out of thin air while I'm typing but I developed a way to decipher which guys are non genuine. I think this would really help if there are any girls who are wondering the same things as me. There's no need to try and change the guy into what you what. It hardly ever works. These are the criteria I developed and which are: "ITS GENUINE" if you answer yes to the questions.

I- Intentions : Do you know what their reason is behind interacting with you?

T- Trust: Do you feel like you can tell them anything or know that they understand and respect you and your boundaries?

S- Support: Do they take time to compliment you and actually get to know you?

A- Acceptance: Do they accept you for who you are, and avoid changing you or manipulating you?

G- Grateful: Do they thank you for talking to them or mention that you are very important to them?

E- Effort: Are they investing time and energy into you regularly (Less when they are busy, but still keeping contact) and no giving lame excuses ?

N- Natural: Does your interaction have it's sparks and is not at all forced ( conversations flow) ?

U- YOU: Do they make things about you, and not all about what they want, and what they need?

I- Intimate: Are things more than just sexual? Are you there for each other like friends?

N- Nourish: Do their actions reflect that they want to keep a healthy and happy interaction with you (long term) ?

E- Extent: Are things escalating quickly or slowly/ what is the extent of the relationship?

Bonus: If you wanna know if he somewhat likes you, is he protective/ possessive/ jealous (in the good way) when other guys talk to you ?

Stay safe my lovelies :) -Sherry

[Anonymous]

The need for attention is all about the ego but very few women realize that within this need lies a very powerful teacher. With the realization of this need, and understanding it's link to the ego, one could use it as a way to ''dissolve'' the ego to the point where the attention was no longer needed.

Just imagine how freeing this would be... but instead, most women miss this and simply succumb to the desires of the ego feeding it through Instagram and social media.

For guys it's a bit different but is still there some what. Most of the aspects of the personality that rely on external stimulus can be lessened by getting more in touch with the internal aspects of ourselves.

Every desire is a potential teacher, and every need is a potential student.

Nice take showing quite some introspection for someone your age.

[Sheriblossom]

Thank you for your insight! Haha I enjoy learning to have deep understandings and I am trying to accept my own mistakes :)

[BiLostGirl]

This is really helpful, thanks! <3

[Sheriblossom]

No Problem! Glad this could help and that you took time out of your day to read this! :)

[Anonymous]

You've got other guys trying to talk to you, but a guy isn't allowed to talk to other girls? I think you're just not being consideration of the dynamics for each other parties involved.

I : They don't need to have a reason and in cases in which they don't have a singular specific motivation (which is often) it's undermining to look for one. Examining other people like that isn't good. Better to look to the things you actually control: "Are you comfortable with what you're getting out of this?"

T : Going by feel isn't great. You need to trust to be trusted. If they defy that trust *only then* you actually have reasons to make decisions on.

S : Not saying anything doesn't mean they don't support you or want to get to know you.

A : Guy's actions are often misconstrude as being the result of specfic unsavory intentions and not acceptance. Remember that this other person likes you and wants more, so they're *always* going to be some kind of pressure from them to spend time with then or whatever. It's important not to mix this up with manipulation.

G : Again, not saying anything doesn't mean it's not there. Thanking someone for talking to you is pretty weird by the way.

E : You deciding it's lame doesn't mean it's not actually a real reason. You'll have "lame" reasons too except they'll be more accepting of them.

N : You have no idea how much effort guys put into their charisma and how much *conscious unatural effort* is put into making a conversation flow "naturally" for the girl's sake.

U : Mind the selfishness. This whole tool is about what *you* think *you* deserve. Be mindful not to be full of it on this point. This is meant to go both ways after all.

I : No real criticism here. Though maybe remember that other people, esspecially along gender lines, have different ways they treat and support their friends.

N : But you can't just jump into commitments. This goes back to considering other parties situation.

E : Context, history and individual differences matter here. Again, I go back to asking if I'm good with what I'm getting instead.

Bonus : That's really fkn shifty for girls to want and look for by the way. Guys have been bombarded by info about how to act so you'll get a world of mixed responses and thinking you know the true meaning behind even half of their actions is highly ambitious.

Why shouldn't they talk to other girls?

[Sheriblossom]

This is very detailed, much appreciated! But the thing is, I don't feel like there is trust. I tell the guys that I talk to that I;m not comfrotable sending certian things. However, they reassure me with "You're all mine, and that's what matters, or I;m only talking to you, and not another girl" these statements I beleive are the ones that ruin the trust that is built/ spoils it because it could all be false. Esepcially when you know they flirt with other girls. If their basis to gain my trust to send stuff and be comfortable with them, is that they are not just playing me and using my emotions, then they have greatly violated my trust. I know that guys can talk to other girls. I just ask that they will respect my boundaries for not sending pictures to them becasue they talk to other girls. I don't appreicate comparisions with other girls. And if they are talking to other girls, I expect them not to keep asking for my pictures and trying to get sexual with me + make me uncomfortable.

[Opinion Owner]

I feel like you're just plain picking dudes that don't represent the population mean.

Trying to get exclusivity would help, but nothing is going to remove the possibility that they're lying and no special formula is going to fix that, it's only going to close you off. Which is why you should try to be comfortable with the outcome in the event that they are lying.

[Opinion Owner]

For example, I assume that any girl I'm talking to tells her friends everything, shows them everything and passes judgement over me as a group.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Being self aware is important, you know you want the attention, now ask yourself why? My guess would be not enough attention from your father (as that is the usual culprit, not enough male attention growing up leads to an over compensation by desiring it in other males in teenager years (taking on sexual tones due to hormones and such). I would also point out that if they are not willing to disagree with you or argue then chances are they are just interested in sex or are using you as people who wish to manipulate you will always try to keep things light and fun and they will not delve deep, they will not go to dark places or controversial places because they don't want to risk you getting angry. But other wise my only real issue is the assumption that this is guys instead of a very specific group of guys namely those who are only interested in sex. Plenty of guys just want a relationship but they tend to be more cautious and because they focus on one girl at a time usually they are also not as good at talking, particularly at your age, as the guys who try to jump from girl to girl because they don't get the same practice as the "player" types do.

[HereIbe]

Looks like you've been doing some research beyond your own life, too. Here are your problems in a nutshell:

You're 16. The only "guys" who can legally try for you are also still emotionally children. Once you're legal, that opens up the possibility of meeting real mean. Alas, though, at barely legal, the real men won't try for you because we'd be too squicked at the idea of "taking advantage" of someone so young. Sorry, it's just one of those bizarre male nurturing things. We see women that young as "like my daughter"--SQUICK!

[Anonymous]

YOU ARE WAY OFF HUN
I can tell you are doing the same shit the other bitches do
you are looking at the 20% of guys and rejecting the 80%

and you are basing that 20% off the rest of us
when in reality the 20%
are psychopaths and sociopaths

now that 80% of men are giving up on women
basically you women are just becoming fucks now to the 80%
because of what you women have showed us

so basically you have no say
sorry hun but you don't
your words are invalid there was a 15 year study done on you women
and it showed women for what they really are NOTHING BUT LIARS

and you expect me to believe you're different NO!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRbScCIPU&t=35s

[BeNiceToGirls]

Real talk. Let the women have their scumbags. Us 80% will never give or do anything for women ever again. Let us focus on developing our own companions with technology.

[Opinion Owner]

@BeNiceToGirls

its how it goes bro
I wish I knew this stuff when I was
the issue is why didn't girls just be honest from the start

IT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS SO DIFFERENT FOR THEM

[Sheriblossom]

@BeNiceToGirls I'm not asking for a guy to be super attractive, super smart, or super anything. I'm just asking for a guy that I like, to treat me genuinely and like me back, No need for graphs but I appreciate your opinion and the effort you took to write this :)

[BeNiceToGirls]

The only one you're fooling is yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

hun I do not hate you
but don't lie to us

I know that smile
don't try to play games
if all you girls are doing the same shit

from the girl who is ugly and is a 4
to the girl who is a 9

then all your words mean nothing
not a single thing you say has value

did you know that if you girls were honest from the start saying that you wanted a very attractive man
with muscles
and dresses nice

ALL THE GUYS WOULD BE DOING THEIR BEST TO LOOK GOOD FOR YOU WOMEN
but no you lied and said personality matters more lol

lol you bitches fucked yourself cause trust me
many guys in high school would probably be built with muscles and abs
for you girls to look at

but whatever enjoy the personality hun lol

[musical_kittycat]

Hey, look, a wild sexist! How very interesting.

[Opinion Owner]

@musical_kittycat

prove me wrong then
and im not a sexist

im just accepting reality for what it is

[struggleisrealasf]

Damn... the struggle is real af. Shit.

[Opinion Owner]

@struggleisrealasf

lol

[TheUglyMan]

Damn brother you woke as fuck

[TheUglyMan]

@musical_kittycat how's he sexist?

[BeJustToAll]

@Opinion Owner What would keep you in a committed and healthy relationship? Personality ( which in this case encompasses friendship, security, chemistry etc) or physical attraction? For most, physical attraction gets people in the door but does not guarantee a match. In the video it references physical appearance and wealth as the 2 factors of attractiveness, and correct me if I am wrong, did not reference personality. I believe this applies across the board, but physical appearance and wealth can only carry a relationship so far, it attracts it doesn't keep. So, when women say personality matters it does! It makes the relationship worthwhile when appearance and wealth are fleeting. The problem is it is hard to expect meaningful relationships and interactions from dating apps that focus on physical appearance and really support hook up culture rather than committed relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

@BeJustToAll

sorry hun I do not believe you

cause I have been the ass hole that girls have liked and stalked around like desperate sluts
and I have been the nice guy that girls reject because women hate kindness

the issue is not men the issue is women
hands down
and all studies show you women have huge problems in your head that need to be fixed
this was a video of a women admitting stuff on her death bed
she left these words for everyone to hear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz-frhnxoec&t=76s

[BeJustToAll]

@Opinion Owner
I suggest that you are really upset because something that you feel like you are entitled to (women) is not as easy to attainable any longer. I argue you believe this because of the fervor you conveniently blame this issue on all women who are "messed up" in the head. "It's a women issue", even though society standards, expectations, and thought processes has been and continues to made by and to benefit men. I find that most of what that woman thought was reinforced by men because earning a man's attention was the end all be all. And yet, it is a women's issue and women have to figure it out?
I don't agree. There are studies too about how men are "messed up" in the head and are the leading cause of how society functions and yet, I do not feel like it is only man's issue to deal fix.

Please look at this for background history: https:// goo. gl/RpzjSy

Please watch this video on how a man states that these beliefs that we all perpetuate is everyone's problem: goo. gl/9KgU

[Opinion Owner]

@BeJustToAll

im 6+ in height
im muscular
im decent looking
I have a big dick

last time I went out to meet people
I had 4 to 5 girls trying to get in my pants
I said no to them

I can get women that's not the issue,
the issue is as much as I like you women
YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT

it's like a nice package was delivered to my door
then once I open it, there is nothing but shit inside, and I do not know about you but I want love from a women

not infatuation
not a women after my money
I want love
and everything shows that you women can not do that

and please do not talk about women expectations, men expectations are WAY HARDER
all a women needs to do is look good and be an object of desire and with makeup you can make a 6 look like an 8
that's 2 hour of work

men need
money
muscles
status
game
which takes years to do and learn

and you expect me to give that up for some pussy fuck no
women have issues that need to fixed end of story

[Opinion Owner]

@BeJustToAll

send the video again

cause it does not show anything

[musical_kittycat]

Yep, haha, just reread your last few messages and you'll realize how sexist of an d***wad you really are! :)

[Opinion Owner]

@musical_kittycat

I do not hate you women
but it has come out that you women are stupid on purpose
so what should I think of you women hmmmm!!!

that you are fucking stupid and not worth dating that simple
If you do not like that ok to bad

[musical_kittycat]

Alright. Let me clarify something. I stay away from immature guys, and I befriend guys whom I think funny, kind, honest, etc. Looks are not everything to me. I stay away, mostly, from d*ckwads like you. Those are the guys I dislike the most.

[musical_kittycat]

Most of the girls I know and see as potential partners are and will be better partners than most of the guys I know. (Granted, my crush is in Belgium, so I can't talk to her right now, but you get my point.)

[musical_kittycat]

And if you're going to start hating on me for being bisexual... then I'll get even angrier than I am now (which is saying something, considering the fact that you've succeeded in your misogynist quest to rile me up past relief).

[Opinion Owner]

@musical_kittycat

I do not hate you for being bisexual
cause you are not bisexual
GOD is above the dome
no one is born gay they are programmed that way
you can see the dome for yourself when you look up at the sky
there is water on top of it
that's why the sky is blue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAcp3BFBYw4

(I befriend guys whom I think funny, kind, honest, etc. Looks are not everything to me)

your actions give you away
you don't have to lie to me

do me a favor next time you see an ugly guy
in class

be friend him and treat him nice no matter what
im not asking you to date him

but go spend time with him
learn about his likes and dislikes
and what is going on in his life

good luck with that

[Anonymous]

''Im starting to see guys pattern''.

Nah, You're just a standard basic thot, who likes the hot guys who treat you like shit, ''oh but they understand me'' she says before getting pumped and dumped by the same dude 10 times in a row. Eugh.. so fucking sick of this shit..

''All men are assholes'', ''all men are fuckers'', ''all men are cheaters with no respect'', Nah, Girls like you are just dumb fucks who date guys like that, And are too stupid / too negligent to accept you do it.

Fuckin thots and the stupid shit they come out with... gets on my tits..

[Benedek38]

Getting attached to a guy is not stupid, not in the least. Loyalty in today's world is a rare ans admirable trait.
Just know what to look for. Nowadays everything is fake and plastic, guys and girls alike - finding invariable qualities should be your priority.

I'll day this though, you are making it overly complicated with that list and everything.
You want to make sure not to be disappointed in a guy - you need to do two things:
1) try to be the devil's advocate, and thinl about anything that could go wrong between you two.
2) Ask him if he will do any of that stuff.

[ScaryCool]

I believe these are good rules of thumbs but even with it I'd always stay wary (for both genders really) as people as they get older are better at faking it. Some people also don't follow the same cues as they may exhibit all of this but at the end of the day not want anything serious but you not know this until after the fact. That's why I think people should be more forwards with when they're wondering about something. Simply ask.

[Sheriblossom]

Haha Well when I ask the guy I talk to he tells me he's serious about me, but I question how trustworthy that statement is.

[ScaryCool]

This is true lol We'll never 100% know but maybe that's what makes it special or something so sought after.

[Sheriblossom]

Very true, and time will tell how genuine he is :)

[ScaryCool]

Exactly. A guy won't be with you forever solely to just get sexual things out of you, it'd be silly lol

[Sheriblossom]

Well yeah, things are sexual, not that I mind, but I want him to be genuine too. Haha, I;m very complicated, hence why I;m still single and probably will be for quite some time

[ScaryCool]

Just focus on you and your goals while keeping an eye out along the way, since you never know haha.

[Sheriblossom]

Haha I like how you put it! :) Never put too much focus on one guy!

[BeNiceToGirls]

Typical girl. You avoid good men who treat you with love, respect, and affection while you pine for the abusive scumbag who couldn't care less about you.

Men saw your patterns a long time ago.

[Sheriblossom]

Lol I understand , but the thing is, everyone wants to be with someone they love, and loves them. Even if someone loves you, and you don't love them, I think it would be best not to be with them. It's better for everyone

[BeNiceToGirls]

It's not better for everyone.

What it does is leave good guys isolated and frustrated that don't treat women bad enough to attract them. It goes on for years then they lash out at society with mass murder. That is NOT better for everyone.

[Menelin]

What a way to be nice to girls...

[Elaine_17]

@Menelin Well would you prefer to be with someone who you are unhappy or not in love with, or would you prefer to be in love with someone wholeheartedly who loves you back too?

[Elaine_17]

@Menelin Sorry that wasn't for you lol. It was for @BeNiceToGirls

[BeJustToAll]

The issue here is that you are attributing women as the cause of mental instability and illness. That thought itself is one of the roots to these issues (and a HUGE error). It is as if men think women were made to cater to men... The problem with the "nice guy" mentality is that when a man is "nice" (in actuality they are just being decent people) they expect women to interpret that as I am attracted to you and now expect you to reciprocate the same interactions except in a romantic sense. When a man discovers the acts of decency from a woman were not reciprocating the same attraction, they are shocked and retaliate by calling them stupid or clueless, etc. It is as if the "nice guys" only are nice to attract women and not because they genuinely are nice people. Another problem with this mentality is that men don't feel as though women have the autonomy to turn down men, especially if they are perceived as "nice" guys. So, are you really a nice guy or are you just nice to attract women?

[mel1695]

What if he is not jealous or possessive when I talk to other guys? What if he trust me enough that he lets me make a choice of wanting to talk to other guys rather than forcing me to stop talking?

I loved your take, to some solid notes. Haha

[Sheriblossom]

Yeah, trust it good! But I feel like lots of guys will be somewhat jealous, or bring it up as a joke haha, but it depends on the guy, and isn't really a solid sign

[John_Doesnt]

Men are always thinking about boobs and porn, nothing else. Here's a documentary on "What men want"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vDbOcUzHSc

[ryancg]

Sounds like a pretty solid system. However, word of advice if I may, while it's good that you can recognize your own vulnerabilities and all, I wouldn't be so forthcoming with them, it just makes it easier for creeps to prey on your insecurities.

[Sheriblossom]

:) I understand! Haha I guess I just made a bad assumption that creeps would know that I got them figured out and wouldn't come near me!

[ryancg]

Creeps know no bounds, that's why they're creeps.

[cherryphi82]

Really liked the first part. Then in the second to last paragraph you kind of veer into points that I don't see the relevance of.

[Sheriblossom]

Haha okay :) I'll keep that in mind for next time :) My writing is still a little choppy!

[YourFutureEx]

[Off-topic]

From a witty title to the great selection of the images and with a very cute content... you really write very well :)

[Sheriblossom]

Haha thank you!!! I :)

[Landshrk0068]

Okay, nice to know that you are as immature as the guys you fall for.

[Menelin]

Wise conclusion, especially for a 16-year-old. There are very few girls that realize this early that guys' attention doesn't always mean a good thing.

[Daniel3035]

I agree girls tend to make very bad judgements when it comes to love when young.

[ThatPersonOverThere]

It's good that you realize those things. Women in general are absolutely horrendous at knowing when a guy actually likes them.

[lazermazer]

All your opinions are from online experience.
You had it coming.

[vald9inches]

I like to give you a lot of attention Cherry Blossom ;P

[Sheriblossom]

Haha, thanks! Always appreciated :)

[Anonymous]

Some of the guys here are telling it to you like it is. The rest are flattering you because they wanna get in your pants.. Which is disturbing because you're 16and they're like 27

[IconAura]

All girls are like this and have been for who knows how long but even before my grandmother at the very least and she's 90