Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

If you're lucky, you might come across those LARRRRGE 200000000 word paragraphs that I posted on an asker's question. Actually, I'm feeling nice today. Here is the link:
How can I learn to attract girls?

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

It's impossible to miss because nobody in the history of GaG opinions has written as much as I have for that question. Nuf said. For starters, I suggest that if you get offended easily, you really might wanna reconsider reading this unless you are strapped down to a chair and taken many of the so called "chill pills". And yes, this is targeted on the people who thinks science can explain everything in life. Which, it obviously can't. As of now, science can't even explain the physical world; evolution, how life came to be, etc. let alone the emotional and mental side of things and relationships between people. And no, I'm not religious, I like science but still I realize it has limitations.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

Anyways, These were his arguments:
"Blah blah blah, science and psychology explain attraction and the reason I can't attract girls is because of my genetics."
-Body language means more than words
-Girls like hot douche bags rather than smart guys that treat them well
-I don't have a great body, I'm not going to work out though to fix it
-I don't talk to people (introverted/ anti-social) yet I am still good at talking to people
-I'd rather talk to girls about evolution than talking about our lives
-If I don't like a girl physically I won't be with her

Then...He underestimated me as a 16 year old, for not being able to help a 19 YEAR OLD! (Me: Virtually spitting/coughing up the coffee I was not drinking). Wtf, I'm 17 in a month, and according to time, we were in diapers around the same times bro!!!!

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

I might've presented that a little too sarcastically, but believe me, those statements are the craziest thing I've heard since like....(Insert random statement b/c I'm too confused to think of one). Just because an opinion isn't yours, doesn't mean it's wrong or that it isn't true. But still, I hope you see that this is a little outrageous. I mean, yeah I think that people have psychological responses to people they are attracted to, and it goes back to evolution or whatever, but really, when your talking about attraction, you aren't talking about just sexual attraction. Unless of course you're looking for a fuckbuddy. You're talking about how that person makes you feel, and you know? LOVE!

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!I can obviously tell if a guy looks like a potato. But over time, if that potato treats me better than the hot asshole, then we're gonna have potatohumans. It becomes attraction based on a connection mentally instead of physically. If you're speaking to a girl and all you can focus on is her body language instead of what she's actually saying, then you are missing out on a lot. If you only use science to communicate with people, not everyone will make a connection with you.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

Many people say they want an attractive partner. Well, what’s wrong with the girl/ guy you like to have standards of what they want in a partner? Should other people be mad they can’t meet your standard? No. So why are you upset you can’t meet other people’s standards when you have standards too?

In the early stages of attraction, flirting is like one of the major things. It shouldn’t be a little nugget or a little sprinkle here and there.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

People say they have no self confidence, see this is another issue that needs to be resolved. Why are you letting your physical traits determine your confidence? You are making the assertion that all people care about is looks. This is the kind of things that f-boy douches say. Don't close doors to "ugly" people. You might fall for them. I don’t understand how someone can be super anti social and still be good at talking to people. It’s a paradox. You may have the perception that you are good at talking to people when you may not be as good as you really think.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

Many girls are aware that looks matter but will choose to ignore them and actually get to know someone. And that has to do with the fact that you only give good looking girls a chance as well! But a general pattern is that people who are truly socializers and good at talking to people will have plenty of people to talk to unless they are resisting communication. If you’re asking for a highly attractive girl to like you regardless of what you are like, and that’s a little unrealistic especially those are the kinds of girls that usually has many options.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

I know lots of unattractive guys (in my opinion) who have many attractive girls to talk to. They can literally talk to anyone. So are they blaming genetics? I don’t think so. They are taking the responsibility of putting themselves out there even if the odds are against them. Sure, blame genetics, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for how you talk to others. Nobody in this world is entitled. Your problems are not unique in this world, and we all know this is a reality. Stop sitting there trying to convince people to feel bad for you.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

If you spend your whole life blaming genetics and other people for your problems, your problems are self induced. Science is made up of generalizations and not formatted for every human in the world. Many people claim that we are aware of things that regular animals are not. If this is true, it means we are more complex, thus meaning that not all of their behaviour can be compared to ours. If you wanna be physically unattractive and sit here like a potato asking people why you're single when clearly there's something wrong with your understanding of attraction, then go right ahead.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

You can change your physical attractiveness unless you start going to the gym and actually working for the body that you think girls want, or if you decide to surgically change yourself. But if you are going to sit here complaining about no girls liking you physically, and not doing anything about yourself to make things better, there's really nothing else to say.

Using Pure SCIENCE to Explain Attraction is NUTS!

If you want change you have to start doing something differently.someone will never change and become better in life if they can't accept that fact that other people have good ideas and possible better ones than their own. And if you did fully understand attraction, you wouldn't have had to write this question. nor would you ask why you can't attract girls. If you wanna wait till people can change your genetics then wait all you want. You can take back all the time you used waiting for that day.

-Sherry :)


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Sheriblossom is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You have no clue what scientific means, do you? Scientific explanations are NOT just genetics. If you care to do the research, you'll see that easily enough. Indeed, the science shows that genetics is NOT the main determinant for attraction. It's a multi-factorial process, but science has a good handle on it. The problem is that little bitches like you encounter IGNORE all the real science and repeat all the pseudo-scientific bullshit to each other.

    So, what does the science ACTUALLY SAY? Guess what? You're spot-on in AGREEMENT with today's science on a lot of points. Golly, you'd better start agreeing with the bitch-boys if science is always wrong...

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    • Sure :) however if you take the time to realize it, ther are many things in our world that are beyond explination. You just have a feeling with some things, and without a reason, you know? I feel like attraction is a form of art rather than a science. Science is difinitive while art is a creative process

    • Well, that's a nice bit of bullshit you're waving around. How much REAL science have you ACTUALLY DONE? For that matter, what is your professional history in art? Let me guess, you don't actually have real hands-on experience in either.

  • Well, this was a complete waste of time.

    You shot yourself in the foot the moment you discredited science, though.
    Science can explain everything, including things such as love.

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    • Haha, okay, but I agree with @monkeynutts it's due to the reason that I see love and attraction beyond it's chemical properties and the way evolution works. For example "If she looks at you for longer than 3 seconds, she's into you. If she touches he neck, she's into you. If she does this or does that, she's into you." but purley looking at that, in my opionion is a waste of time because you miss the bigger picture by looking a small details in movement. Science is important, however, in attraction, I think that it's better to focus on the social interaction

Most Helpful Girl

  • I see what you're trying to say and for the most part I agree... BUT... as someone who has studied this a lot... science DOES actually play a role... just not in the way many think. In fact, it's a favoring point rather than the latter.

    The long and short of it here, and this is where we meet in the middle... science matters BUT we have the option to CREATE our own variables. Science matters.

    For example, when someone falls for someone 'ugly' who makes them feel good... that's... because they're stimulating oxytocin and creating positive patterns in the right places.

    I could go into some pretty long winded detail here but the point of your article does still stand... but attraction really is the core component here. We just have to decide that we're going to own up to that and take science into our own hands.

    If you believe that say... looking good is important... you CAN change that factor and create those circumstances for yourself. If you believe that someone wants someone more confident... it doesn't matter that you're inherently not quite flirty... you can become that way by applying scientific theories and habit development. Science or not... we have control over who we are and can wield the science of attraction rather than treat it like a crutch.

    So... both answers are right... attraction is explained by science BUT we as people have the power to adjust our variables if we so choose to.

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    • Correction- on "I could go into some pretty long winded detail here but the point of your article does still stand... but attraction really is the core component here." - I meant "I could go into some pretty long winded detail here but the point of your article does still stand... however when it comes to attraction, science really is the core component here.

    • I;m not trying to discredit science :) however, the guy that wrote his opinions (the guy I was refferring to in the article) asserts that no matter what he does to try and win a girl over, he will never beat his own unfavoured genetics. I don't feel like that's a valid point lol

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What Guys Said 20

  • You said that your opinion was very long, so I hope you'll forgive me for my response being very long as well, but bare with me if you can.

    I will be speaking "scientifically", meaning when I say "there is no evidence", it means just that. An individual's personal experiences, opinions and feelings are biased and therefore irrelevant. Onto some definitional points:
    1) Science isn't a tool, but a method invented by humans. The limitations of the human mind make it imperfect.
    2) There is no evidence for anything beyond the physical world.
    3) Human beings are animals, and like every other animal we are driven by our own biology (our physical being) and nothing else. Even your psychology has a biological base, which is based on chemistry, which is based on physics. There is no evidence to the contrary.
    4) Human beings lack the intellectual processing power to comprehend just how complicated we are. So, yes, explaining our own emotions or attraction is a futile and frustrating endeavor that will result in a lot of hasty conclusions.

    However, it is true that human beings cannot choose to be attracted to people and are not rational when choosing a partner. The cues we receive from our reptile brains regarding attraction have been in place since we were reptiles. They are not affected by pretty words or concepts like "virtue", "intelligence" or "kindness", despite anyone's claims to the contrary.

    Most women will be able to find a mate, as they are a limiting factor when producing offspring (the only criterion evolution cares about). DNA evidence suggests 80% of homo sapiens females reproduced, the rest mostly being born with extreme maimings/disabilities or died before puberty.

    Homo sapiens males on the other hand, even if they make it to adulthood, have no guarantee that they will find a mate. Roughly 40% of them reproduced historically. Most men in history did not produce offspring. We have the idea that there is "someone for everyone" and "confidence is key", because for the past few hundred years in our society men essentially owned their wives and were only allowed one.

    However, with the sexual liberation of women we will revert to our natural state, which is polygynous. Even female-dominated societies, such as the Na people of Southwest China, show that a few men account for most of the women's sexual experiences. In fact, societies where women hold more power are MORE polygynous (usually no marriage).

    Now, where am I going with this? (cont'd)

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    • As a woman, you will not have an overwhelming problem finding a partner, especially if you choose to be in what our culture refers to as an open relationship. So it may seem to you that there is “someone for everyone”. However, this has only been the case in our society due to the ownership of women by men and the subsequent cultural expectations that stem from that arrangement, which we are thankfully, but slowly moving past.

      Men on the other hand are extremely dependent on their biology when trying to find a “mate”. In fact, the one factor more than any other that determines a man’s reproductive success is frame size. Literally, just that. Not even musculature or weight, which, as you pointed out, is semi-controllable, but instead just the height and breadth of the skeleton. Once we get past the concept of marriage, which is an institution that is dying very quickly, most men will go back to never finding anyone due to exclusively superficial traits.

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    • @SaintJonesy You just became one of my favorite people on GaG! Great opinion and explanation!
      I'm interested in what you think about Briffault's Law?
      Briffault's Law - Understanding How Relationships Work ↗

      As a more spiritually inclined person (depth/connection), I agree with @Sheriblossom that science still cannot explain everything (just like you also said). I give room for that, in my experiences. I don't need evidence for everything, I do need analyzes and I filter a lot of things but there are situations in which none can be proven.. And I'm fine with that. I love science, and believe that the things I "believe in", are just things that science have yet to prove. I believe it will, however, with time.

    • @SkyeMind Lol aww shucks, thanks! And thanks for showing me that, it's really interesting! Did you ever read the book that take mentions? Now I definitely want to pick up his book, I love anthropology. And it seems to be a more clear analysis of things I've thought about in vague terms before.

      And yeah, even though theoretically science could explain everything eventually, in practice we totally have to just go with our gut more times than not. Someone who requires proof of everything before acting would be insane. I tend to always want proof and it causes a lot of problems for me, even just on the daily. And spirituality is another great way to stay sane and almost kind of categorize the things our sad little monkey brains will never comprehend. I don't believe in the metaphysical or the divine really, but I do have some form of spirituality as well.

  • nice take, there are a lot i can agree on especially the genetics part. as for the "no one has ever written so much" part, it's because the limit is 2500 lols XD

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    • Haha yes! I had to write my opinion on a google document and paste it and submit it section by section!

  • Nice take you have experience in your hand , as for the attraction thing well I've always talked to hot girls when I was fat and even after I lost weight, I think it's about confirming your presences and your personality and making everyone interested in what you're saying eventually be unique be yourself ( just don't say stupid shit lol )

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    • :) I appreciate it! To be honest, I've never dated anyone yet. I'm talking to this one guy tho :)

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    • Awesome , I hope it work outs well you seem cool and mature

    • Thank you! You have a great day!

  • Science can explain what the general population finds attractive, science can explain the chemical and bodily mechanisms involved when you feel attracted to someone, and science can expain the evolutionary reasons for why certain traits are generally considered attractive (wide hips on women, broad shoulders on men), but it can't explain why you as an individual find a specific trait attractive.

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  • "As of now, science can't even explain the physical world; evolution, how life came to be, etc. let alone the emotional and mental side of things and relationships between people. And no, I'm not religious, I like science but still I realize it has limitations."
    Darwin theory of evolution, abiogenesis, the entire field of psychology and neuroscience. These things explain the world around us.

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    • And while it isn't as simple as a little trick to attract people, it's studying people's subconscious behavior. It never made the claim that when you're talking to someone to just pay attention to their body language. Science just provide us with the information.

  • Good mytake keep writing, it's true science cheapens love and attraction by trying to explain it in purely chemical terms, it has always baffled me why I'm attracted to certain girls and not others. It has something to do with primeval instincts, desire, a woman's personality, even her perfume gets my brain jittery.

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  • Or a shorter answer, hormones and pheromones, the latter of which can be used in a variety of ways such as scent.

    Attraction for us really isn't that much different from animals, birds, etc.

    Males or Females use bright colours, to attract mates, sounds, scents, pheromones, hormones etc.

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  • Hmm, I like what this post is about. There is a lot of toxicity on the internet and guys can let it get to them. I've met some toxic girls as well, so it's not just a one-way street.

    I am an attractive dude, but girls will still turn me down to my face simply because "it just wasn't right". There are so many factors that go into girls decisions that I just stopped caring about it.

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  • so true but never hit the subject of obssesing over one person who you started off having no confidence with but no have plenty of confidence with

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  • Congrats for your strong believes.
    This wasn’t that much about science tho was it?

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    • My thesis is that science is a part of the equation, however it doesn't and sholdn't be what attraction is all about, but everyone thinks different :)

    • Aren’t those pick up guys trying to approach dating in a scientific way

    • Haha, yes, and that's the guy I was reffering to. I had a link to the question he posted, you can check it out for yoursef! :)

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  • Basically, Dating is a mugs game that ends in failure and dissapointment for everyone who isn't in the top bracket of wealth or attractiveness. Shock.. who knew...

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  • Science can't explain everything but it can explain attraction

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  • Honestly i read only few paragraphs. Sure you’re good. I agree with you.

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  • I can see how can work in theory but in practise it could difficult...

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  • This is a new issue males didn’t have this problem 30 years ago females were a lot easier to get because we didn’t have any of this dating apps to makes us communicate less

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  • “Science cannot explain everything...” if I disagree I’ll just reject reality and insert my own...

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  • Well, this was a complete waste of time.

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  • Interesting read. Great mytake.

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  • Not bad.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I liked this a lot! :) As I said in a comment, I'm a more spiritually inclined person (depth/connection), and I agree with you that science still cannot explain everything. I think some people miss out because they tend to analyze everything scientifically but that is more an inability to allow the being to experience what they have yet to know consciously.

    I give room for that, in my experiences. I don't need evidence for everything, I do need analyzes and I filter a lot of things but there are situations in which none can be proven. And I'm fine with that. I love science, and believe that the things I "believe in", are just things that science have yet to prove. I believe it will, however, with time.

    Attraction can be scientifically explained, but it is the experience that we have that is multi-leveled/layered and multifaceted. I think we experience it is such a way that it can't be worded, it needs to sometimes only be felt. The subjective and personal experience of this will always be hard to explain, thus also hard to be "proven right".
    It doesn't have to be proven, to me. I just wish people allowed themselves to experience it. :)

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  • "As of now, science can't even explain the physical world; evolution, how life came to be, etc. let alone the emotional and mental side of things and relationships between people."
    Yes it can. I couldn't finish reading your MyTake after reading this false thesis statement.

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    • Haha yes, I know what you mean, but it's really all just theoretical there's not a whole lot of proof to support that evolution is a fact and not a theory. What' I was trying to say was that if not everything can be calculated with an equation and steps, then maybe people should be more open about attraction and not letting science dictate everything :)

    • That’s why psychology is labeled a soft science. Look it up

  • Great MyTake. I’ve alwaus thought guys thinking they’re entitled to a woman’s attention, when they do NOTHING, is hysterical.

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  • Omg! Thank you. I'm so tired of guys being so negative they can't find a woman then blame it on us for being too picky. Why shouldn't we be picky. We are only planning on spending the rest of our life and parenting our future children with them. You're damn right I'm gonna be picky. But then they contradict themselves by saying we are too picky yet only pick douchebags. Which is it? Because I can assure any man out there we do not purposely pick douchebags that will cheat on us and break our hearts.

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  • Great take!

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  • I agree

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  • I disagree.

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