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Created an account just to reply to this article.... Wow, excellent insight. I wasn't fully on board with what you were saying at the beginning, but the end is spot on. Ya, I was one of those nice guys. I had a girlfriend that pushed me away, so she could be with an asshole. This taught me to be an asshole. Now I'm an asshole, married with two kids. My wife is miserable and still wants me. My ex-girlfriend is miserable, and wants me back.
Women do not teach men to be anything but assholes.
I agree with the main point but saying women should lower their standards simply because a guy is into you does not sit right with me. If you do not like a friend you shouldn't force yourself to like him simply because he likes you and is too insecure to realize he can do better. So can she. Because best for you may not be best for him or vise versa
So much wrong with what you're arguing there, bro. Let me ask you this: In all your "nice-guy-dom" have you ever been crushing on a fat, hairy, ugly chick who was ignoring you? Or was it always a hot or reasonably attractive girl? Because here's the thing: For you the fat, hairy, ugly chick with a great personality is useless as a partner. And the reality is that the pathetic puppy-dog socially awkward guy is USELESS to most girls as a partner. And you have to be more than useless before any of your "good boyfriend" qualities matter for shit. Just the same as the fat, ugly girl's "good girlfriend" qualities are irrelevant to you because she's useless as a sexual partner.
So I'd suggest you try to make yourself less useless.
LMFAO @ the downvoting dudes. How many of you are super in to physically unattractive chicks? Maybe you're not such "nice" guys after all then, are you?
A lot of women complaining about this should check their Friend Zone.
Why when they are full of men they aren't attracted to or don't mesh with?
@Anoniemus So basically you're telling me that you're not attracted to most men physically whereas most guys are attracted to most women?
@Tyler131 I’m telling you that people are in the friend zone because they aren’t attractive or because their personalities do not mesh
Guys seem to be way less picky about what they find physically attractive. That’s most likely the big issue here.
@Anoniemus To expand on your answer.. they are in your friend zone because YOU don't find them attractive or because YOU don't believe their personality meshes with yours... right now.
Humans are weird chemical beings who flip attitude, belief, and opinion on the drop of a hat. You may have it right by saying that at this moment, right now, all the people in your own friend zone are people you don't find attractive or are people you don't feel mesh with you in 'that way', but believe me I've seen things flip after one evening. I've seen it. I've seen best friends of years suddenly develop a spark after denying there was anything there.
The truth is that men and women (when talking about straight genders of course) will never be truly 'only' friends. If you are keeping that person around for any reason in your life that means you see some value in them. It may be platonic now... but value has potential of turning into more. It just needs the right situation or circumstances - that may never happen, but the chance is there.
So call that guy 'too ugly to date' or 'not dating material' but I guarantee at least once in your life you will have an epiphany about someone you didn't consider in that way before.. you might wonder why you are suddenly having sexual dreams about this person even though you don't consciously 'feel that way'. You probably won't see it coming at all. That's the little values we see in other people... they are there, it just took a certain situation to see it.
PREACH!!!! PREACH!!!! Lord knows how many times I've seen guys turned down because they were "too nice." But the dude that was cheating and being a complete jerk was what they were looking for. After they have been used and abused, they want to look for the nice guy. And this is the PERFECT answer!!!! Well said!!!!
lol so true so true buddy I don't get it either they need to stop being so stupid and stop droping their pants for jerks and save it till marriage and she expect us to be there for her and show empathy and it's either she picks me aka nice guy like myself first or I'm gone and I will be long gong what you think of that I'm not giving her a chance after when and if she rejected me
Oh my gosh. This almost made me cry! I totally feel for that just a friend guy. And I totally think that women do this! (At least the ones with guy friends.) I think the problem is that most women are attracted to the romantics of heartache. They want to feel hurt and wallow in self pity. I say that those women should get over themselves. Those are the girls who've never had issues dating and can easily overlook the nice guy that they 'want'.
Well, what about the women who only fall guys who are much older and/or married? 90% of the time, I find out after I start liking the guy that he is married. It's like a curse! I guess it's because they're already highly attuned to what a woman needs and wants... and he's got the "provide for my woman" bit down. It's all a matter of attraction.
Don't even get me started on the "nice guy" conversation. That would be a long-winded battle of keyboards.
Most of the women I fall for I usually find out are in long term relationships. I don't let it impede us being friends, but the boundaries are clear. At no point is the woman leading me on, because I'm not meeting these women to date, just in everyday life.
Hey Bro, man your story is so right on, Forget all these haters saying this isn't true. I'm a very nice guy who treated his past girlfriend/fiance with so much love and respect. we dated for 5 years, I never hit her, o verbally abused her. I never cheated on her. I treated this girl like a queen. She told me after 5 years of dating she doesn't love me enough to get married. She has bone and joint problems. I am always there for her, but It seems to nicer I am, the more I try she hates it.
For those of you complaining about this article, I believe it 100% depicts what happens to people not just men but woman also and the ones who read this article and have gone through what it describes will not automatically seek revenge on the opposite sex for the stupidity of the ones who treated us like this article says but hope that it helps the ones who treated us that way to grow and learn from their mistakes
And I should also point out that you say men shouldn't expect things handed to them for good personality or whatever, but women expect that everyday. Not even for personality, but just based on the fact that they're WOMEN. And to top it off, good looking women expect things handed to them just for their good looks.
You've got to take a step back and realize that I've pointed out some pretty accurate things, and apparently you have a problem with how society is right now because that's it.
I agree to this, not whole-heartedly but mostly yes. I kind of found my way out of the relationship with the jerk boyfriend and into one with the nice guy who helped me whenever my ex had hurt more or everything else you said. I thank you for opening the eyes of many other girls.
The part that gets me the most is typically they'll even turn to that nice guy they're with after their boyfriend treated them like crap and likely dumped them and say "where are all the nice guys in the world" as they are comforted by a nice guy. I feel as though you hit the nail on the head and you did so in a very eloquent manner, thank you.
"I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you."
Heh, I guess this is why I am Mr. Cynical toward women... LOL
This is a great article. Couldn't agree more. I am working on being more aggressive and domineering with women. I try to be less considerate and less of a gentleman.
The fact is, that most girls really don't want a nice guy they just say this to be polite.
I couldn't have said better myself. Well done. This exactly me. The women I've met killed the nice guy in me. Now I'm done being that sucker who treats women like equal human beings deserving of consideration. I've become the guy who views them as objects that can be replaced at any time. The sad part is I've had so much more success doing it.
Rdda, if he's as you described him, he probably just has no gut feeling for when/how to suddenly take the offensive. You said you've asked him out -- did he turn you down flat or something? When I was inexperienced and inept, it took my first girlfriend breaching my space by resting her head on my shoulder "out of the blue" before I got a clue. And even then she had to escalate it to first kiss without a whole lot of help from me... Inexperience carries a lot of inertia, but once we got going...
I like this. It tells the story from a male perspective, yet I believe this story is Unisex in it's content. It tells of how far the superficiality in our culture really goes. I'm glad I was turned down by the first woman to reject me. Every person plays their part and all the world is a stage. It's how we decide to digest rejection. Some are made into men who find greatness, others become monsters that leave the world asking, "How did it come to this".
You speak the truth. Unfortunately I don't have it in me to change and become one of them. I can move on, but instead I've mostly moved on to nothing...because I know changing into that isn't morally right and there is nowhere else to go. So I wait...and may possibly forward this on to a few girls I happen to know. If anyone has an alternative to waiting, the Articles section of this website is waiting for you. ;)
Always did like this one here, no matter where I read it. most of this is true. But, ladies, you DO have a part to play in it, just as the so-called nice guys do. Ladies, grow the hell up, take responsibility for ur actions, take control of ur life.. and by God, stop settling for these morons who call themselves 'bad boys'... I say the same for the fellas- they need to quit bitchin bout these females who dnt want 'em. Who in their right mind wants sumbody who dnt want them?